Until She's Home Again
by Mrs. HopeEstheim
Summary: Lucy has left Magnolia and Fairy Tail behind and she had absolutely no intention of going back. - Eventual NaLu. Main story now complete; the five chapter epilogue is now complete.
1. Leaving

After that crazy surge of magical power that had struck me in the midst of our last job and left me gasping for breath, I kind of guessed that there was something wrong with me. I was probably lucky that none of the others had been nearby when it had happened, so I didn't have to struggle through some bogus excuse. I wouldn't have known where to begin! And this wasn't one of those helpful surges of power, like when you seem to be down for the count but suddenly you get a boost and can go on. No, it was nothing like the energy I'd felt when I'd helped to save Loke. It was different. This was as though I had lost control of my magical power and it was the excess. It kind of built inside me, so I knew that _something_ was starting, and then it all just released at once, like some kind of explosion. And it _hurt_. Worse than destroying the lachrima of the Thunder Palace when they had body link magic on them. Even worse than being brutally beaten by the master of Oración Seis. And if I didn't know why or how it was happening, what could I tell the others?

So I kept quiet once we got back, trying to research it on my own.

The second attack came as I prepared to get out of a nice, relaxing bath. I started to stand and was suddenly engulfed in my magical power, the feeling almost suffocating me. This was how the tension built, and just as had happened the first time, the explosive force of the release caused me to fall back into my warm water, shrieking in agony. I had no doubt that I'd woken my neighbors, and I thought that even Natsu might have heard me.

Even as the pain subsided, I noticed a dozen or so scratches across my legs and arms and stomach, oozing just enough blood that it colored the water a very, very light pink. With my legs shaking, I stood and managed to climb out, rushing to dry myself off and get rid of my minor injuries with a magic salve. I got dressed in my pajamas and drained the water, rinsing out the tub. I was rushing just in case a neighbor came to check up on me or my frantic teammates from Fairy Tail burst through the doors.

Natsu was there just seconds after I had managed to climb into my bed, and he was asking what was wrong just as frantically as I had pictured.

"It's nothing," I told him, and I cursed my shaking voice as I did so, "I just had a nightmare, is all."

"Are you sure?" Natsu asked concernedly. "You sounded like you were hurt, Luce!"

"I-it was just a part of my nightmare," I dismissed his concern. He reluctantly relented, but remained sitting on the edge of my bed, even after I had turned my back on him.

It broke my heart to lie to him like that, straight to his face, but I didn't want to worry him until I knew what was wrong with me. I cared about Natsu, so much. As more than just a nakama. I just couldn't worry him without knowing what was really going on inside of me. He meant too much to me for that.

And then, a week later when I found the information that I had been looking for, I knew I couldn't tell anyone. None of my nakama could know, none of the friends I had made in Fairy Tail for the year and a half that I had been there. It was just something I couldn't say. And it's not as if I wanted to hide things from them, but I couldn't burden them with the knowledge. It would be too cruel. And for the same reasons, I also knew I couldn't stay there.

I had been researching avidly for the last month, searching and searching for the answer to what was happening to me. I'd looked through medical texts, but none of them had what I'd been looking for. And then I started pouring through magic histories, and I found some books on magical illnesses and ailments. I'd gone through perhaps fifty or more, my special glasses speeding up the process considerably, but it still took ages. And I finally found it, when I'd all but given up all hope of discovering the reason. I still kind of wish I'd remained blissfully ignorant, so I wouldn't have the urge to leave.

The passage I had found went something like this:

"_Magical Overflow: this is a deadly affliction for any mage to have. Magical Overflow stems from the mage delving deep within themselves and unlocking their hidden reserves of magical power, and thus releasing it. After the mage uses this power, he or she will lose control of it and for the next several months have recurring bursts of their power. The first time will have been the weakest, and from then on the strength behind the magical explosions that rack the mage's body will increase, capable of causing dizziness and minor scratches. As time wears on, these injuries will become more serious. With each day, week, and month that passes, the powerful influx of magic will become more and more capable of harming not only the affected, but those around them. Towards the end, the mage's Magical Overflow will become fatal, not only to the mage but to anyone around him or her. This end is around one year from the appearance of the ailment, or in one single, rare case, two years. Rune and Celestial mages tend to succumb earlier, their bodies weaker than that of another type of mage. Whatever the time span, nearly every single mage to contract this condition will deteriorate under the pressure. There is no known cure for Magical Overflow, and no escaping its end. The inevitable result is death._"

At first, I sat and stared blankly at the book in front of me. I was going to _die_? When I was still only eighteen years old, my life was already flashing before my eyes. What of my future - or the future I had dreamed of? Would everything I had done come to nothing in the end? For some strange reason, I could not draw my gaze away from the word _death_. What did everything in life mean, then, if even I could be dead in less than a year? It said celestial mages were more susceptible to it, after all. Would my life have any meaning at all, other than to cause grief and pain to those I'd become so close to here in Magnolia?

Never, in all my eighteen, almost nineteen years, had I expected to have death shoved in my face so early. And to think, that after I'd worked so hard to be a strong mage that everyone could count on, it would be that same magical power that would be the end of me! These wild fluctuations of magic that swirled around me, causing such pain as had never been felt by me before now! Dying would probably be the only way to end all the pain that they caused, and the attacks were only going to get worse from here on out. Would I desperately desire to die before the end came? To just end my life and make it all go away? Could I really be so weak as to want to snuff my young life out even a little earlier, just so that I could be free from pain and suffering?

Death. It had always seemed so far away, a fact of life, yet still so distant. But now the word just left a bitter taste in my mouth, a rancid pestilence that would poison me from the inside out. And I couldn't even open my mouth to say it out loud. _Death_. How hard a word was it to say, for someone as literate and scholarly as I myself was? Apparently it was so much harder, now that it was fast approaching me; an inevitable fate from which I could find no solace. He was coming for me - Death himself would be at my doorstep sometime in this next year. The thought numbed me inside.

And then I thought about my friends, and the warmth tried to come back, but then faltered. What would they do when I told them? They would, undoubtedly, try to find a cure. They'd run themselves ragged, nearly pushing themselves to death, just so I wouldn't have to be the one to die. I couldn't do that to them. I couldn't let them know, so in effect, I had to let them go.

I couldn't let them watch me waste away and die in front of them, knowing they could do nothing.

So, even though it pained me to do so, I packed a single suitcase with clothes, hooking my keys and my whip on my belt like usual. I packed nothing else. I picked up my finally completed novel and took it with me to the post office, asking them to wait three days and then deliver it to Levy-chan at the Fairy Tail dorms. I paid them all that they asked for and then made my way to where the owner of my apartment lived. I told her that I wouldn't be needing the rooms anymore and also asked for him to wait those three days and then donate everything in it to the girl's dorm belonging to Fairy Tail. I paid the kindly woman my last month of rent plus some and left before she could protest.

I found my way onto the first train out of Magnolia, aiming to get as far away from there as I possibly could.

"I'm sorry," I said softly into the air, closing my eyes and resisting the urge to look back.

Tears fell silently down my cheeks.

…

It had been three days since anyone had seen Lucy Heartfilia, and her teammates sat dejectedly at a table. She hadn't been in her apartment at all in the last three days—at least when they had checked—and no one they had asked had seen her. Mirajane even confirmed that Lucy had _not_, in fact, accepted a job on her own to be able to pay her rent (which would be due, Erza had recalled, any day now).

A shout from right outside got their attention and the doors burst open to reveal a panting, sweaty, and exhausted Levy McGarden. She continued sprinting, tripping at the table of Team Natsu but catching herself just in time on the edge of it.

"I have terrible news!" the blue haired girl wailed, looking at the team whose table she'd run into. Everyone present in the guild was shocked at her actions, but most especially at the tears that were absolutely pouring down her cheeks. Then the girl slumped to the ground, sobbing into her hands as the rest of the guild sank deeper into their shock. She didn't even look like she was making an attempt to stop crying, and they would soon figure out why.

"What is it, Levy?" Mirajane had come out from behind the bar with just one glance at the distraught girl's face and had gone to kneel beside her where she had dropped.

"I g-got something in the mail today, right?" she said, her eyes wide and wet as she looked first at Mira, then to the team to which Lucy belonged. "And then a whole bunch of clothes and furniture got donated to the dorm! It's _horrible_!"

"What's wrong with that…?" Gray asked, very confused as to why Levy was crying over something like that.

"The thing in the mail was the finished story, and the donated stuff was all hers, too! They said she moved out of her apartment and told them to give everything in it to Fairy Tail's dorms! The nice old lady who owned the place said she seemed troubled when she came to tell her that…I think she left!" The girl fell against Mira, sobbing, as the guild tried to puzzle through what she had just said. Something about someone leaving? Who?

"Who left?" Mira asked calmly, stroking Levy's hair to try to calm the girl down. "Whose stuff was it?"

"Lu-chan!" Levy wailed, giving the guild its biggest shock of the day. "It was all of Lu-chan's things, and it was her story, and I think she left! She didn't…she didn't even say goodbye…"

Team Natsu all sat frozen in their seats, as did the rest of the guild. And then the heat started rising and everyone turned their attention to Natsu. It looked like he was going to sit there, silently seething, but everyone knew that wasn't going to happen. They expected him to go into a rage and start lighting things on fire or destroying everything in his path. That was typical Natsu behavior, after all.

In a split second, he was on his feet. The table was splintered beneath his fist as he looked from Happy, to Gray, to Erza.

"What are we waiting for?" he asked them. "Let's go bring her back!"

The team seemed to come back to life.

…

**This is the start to my new NaLu. It should be shorter than those that will follow.**

**Most of this is written out in advance, but it's not quite complete yet. Unless I decide to leave it off where I've stopped writing for a while, but I don't think I will. Look for it to be five to ten chapters, I'd think. Maybe a bit longer, though I doubt it.**

**If you'd like to, R&R, but I don't require that. Haha.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**~Amanda**

**a/n: The title might not be very important until over halfway through…haha.**


	2. Layla Heart

**Warning! The first chapter has had some major edits, so please go back and read it! Thanks to aphrodite931 (I think the numbers are right) for opening my eyes to how much better the first chapter could be!**

**Also, I told a few of you after you reviewed that I was planning on almost doubling the size of the chapter from the first one to this one, but with my edits on the first chapter they've ended up about the same length. I'll try to make the third chapter a little longer!**

**Thanks to those of you who added this story to your alerts or favorites and reviewed! Your support is amazing!**

**Again, Lucy Heartfilia and all Fairy Tail characters are © of Hiro Mashima. May he continue to write and draw this epitome of epic-ness for chapters and chapters to come, am I right? ****J**

**Anyway, without further ado, here is the second installment of "Until She's Home Again".**

…

After leaving Magnolia, I had no idea what I was going to do, what I _wanted_ to do, or even where I was going to run to. I didn't have any clue what may lay ahead of me, what lay beyond my decision to flee. Nothing came to me until after the train stopped, and I thought for a moment before taking another to someplace farther from the guild. My objectives changed every time I got to a new stop on the railroad, and I also started to slowly change my look in the towns I came across. Protection against being recognized. If I changed some each time, even if my friends were to try to follow me, coming around and asking for a person of my description, even they would never find me. And even _if_ they could follow me, when they found me I wouldn't be recognizable to their eyes.

And soon, I was a person completely transformed from the innocent, vain, and blonde celestial mage that my nakama at Fairy Tail would have recognized.

At first, I had bought a wig, dark brown curly hair that fell to my shoulder blades in gorgeous, shimmering waves. The next town I had stopped at, I added green contacts to the ensemble, which was an entirely new experience to me. Touching my eyes was hard at first, but I got used to it before the train stopped at the next town, and I decided to change the shoes. They became tall, black, leather boots, coming up to just beneath my knees, with a three inch heel. I tossed the modest and white one inch tall heels I'd been wearing in the bin before I boarded my next train, continuing my zigzag across the kingdom of Fiore. At the next town, I stayed overnight. I bought new pants, sometimes black leather skirts or skinny jeans, but also a few pairs of faded and holey jeans. I threw out all my old, brightly colored skirts and shorts in favor of these, except for a few red ones. All that was left, the next time the train stopped, was to adjust the wardrobe for my torso as well. Red shirts, dark blue shirts, and black shirts would make the rest of my new look complete.

I had to work on a new attitude, too, so the farther away from Magnolia I got, the darker my personality seemed to become. I was the outcast, the girl that no one would have talked to in school or at all, because I was scary and unapproachable. There remained times when my normal, polite attitude would shine through, but I would lock it away and thus scare off the people who tried to approach me in my weaker moments. Anyone who saw me would think I was a delinquent, which was the look I was going for. No one would come up to me this way, asking nosy questions about who I was, where I came from, or anything about my past at all.

Lucy Heartfilia had a darker look that none would associate with the bright, happy blonde that she had once been. And I liked it that way.

…

Over the many, many months that I had been gone from Fairy Tail, my look had changed. Not only did I have a different wig, the first having been destroyed my third week on the run by a major influx of magical power that consumed me, but I had recently cropped my hair as short as Edoras Lucy had cut her own. It was extra insurance, just in case my current black, punk styled wig was lost somehow. I wore a long, black leather coat that fell to the bend of my knees most of the time, always accompanied by elbow length, studded, fingerless leather gloves. Normally, I wore a dark blue strapless shirt, that just covered my chest but still left my midriff bare. A blue belt held up whatever pants that I chose to wear, which on the day in question was a black pleated skirt. Accompanying the outfit were the tall boots that I had bought as I fled Magnolia. The green contacts had been replaced with contacts of an icy blue.

I had become Layla Heart, a freelance mage to the town in which I had found a temporary home. In short, I looked like a bad egg, but a few people here knew me just a little bit and knew that I was almost a polar opposite of my appearance, even with the punk façade I kept up. I wasn't letting anyone get any closer to me, though, because I was more prone to the magical explosions now than ever. It was past the point where it had started to cause damage not only to me, but to those around me, and I wouldn't let anyone deal with it. The heavy damage it now caused on my body at nearly every burst was my burden, and mine alone. And it had been, since the day I ran away.

The one thing, other than the pink insignia on my right hand, that I kept from my past was the use of my mother's name as my own.

And the thing was, I should have already died by now. It was painful, still being alive, thinking that if only I'd stayed a little longer I could have had more memories with my precious people. I was a celestial mage, so I should have died after the first eight or nine months, yet here I was, alive and breathing and just _missing_ everyone I'd left behind. What would they think of me, if they somehow managed to find me? I would almost like it if they'd hate me for what I did to them, but somewhere deep in my heart I just couldn't believe any of them could feel that strongly against me because we were all nakama, all dear to each other. We were a big family.

_It was almost a year since I had left the guild behind, and I missed all of my friends so badly I wanted to turn around and go back. I didn't let myself break and return to them, though, because my time should be closing in. Instead, I wandered around in the areas on the continent that were as far away from Magnolia as I could possibly get without crossing the sea. Some of the things I ran across reminded me of the S-class exams, the creatures on Tenrou Island, and thus I remembered my old nakama again. After the fourth time I ran into something else out in the woods, I hurriedly made camp and huddled down in my sleeping bag, trying to hide my sobs from the air around me. _

_Pain. Why did it hurt so much to be this far away? And last month, when I'd glimpsed Erza strutting through a town, the stuffed head of the beast that was her latest conquest carried easily on one shoulder, my heart felt like it was torn in two. I had run so I would not have to face her. It hurt so much that I was actually thankful she was alone, because I was afraid Natsu might still recognize my scent. And now would _not_ be a good time for them to find me again, because I was supposed to die, and soon._

_My heart felt like it was breaking, and I sobbed into the folds of the sleeping bag throughout the night until I cried myself to sleep around dawn._

"I should be dead right now," I turned my head to look up at the sky, finally able to say it out loud. A tear threatened to fall when I recalled watching the clouds with my teammates, my closest nakama from Fairy Tail. But it threatened more when I remembered just sitting next to Natsu under the rainbow sakura tree, staring up as the petals fell and I couldn't help but think then that it was such a romantic scene. If only…but I forced the thoughts, memories, and tears away and allowed myself a small smile, whispering to the sky, "I wonder what you're all doing right now? Erza? And Gray? And how are Wendy and Charle? Has Charle finally given you her heart, Happy? And how is Levy-chan? And Mirajane, Elfman, and Lisanna? Master, are you still alive and well? And how about you…? Even though I lied and then left you, I still wonder how you're doing. Natsu…"

I shook my head, returning my attention to the request paper I clutched in my hand, from the mayor. I myself thought this was more than I could handle, but I knew also that I was on my last legs anyway. Even having given up summoning my spirits very often, I had found a release for my magical power that was pretty unorthodox for me. Mostly because I was physically weak, and because I was a celestial mage. I could now concentrate my power into my hands, feet, knees, or even elbows and then let it loose as soon as I made contact with a target. It wasn't always a very precise way to fight, and I posed a risk to myself with some of the explosions, but it was better than nothing. And I hadn't really been trying to teach myself how to do it the first time I did it.

_Somehow, two years had passed since I had discovered from my books that I had come down with the condition of Magical Overflow. Two years, one of which I should not have been alive. And I had just entered a new town, hefting my black duffel bag higher up on my shoulder as I looked around. It seemed like a nice enough place, but over in the harbor town a few miles away I'd heard otherwise, and I thought I'd check it out._

My first glimpse of Reason, the town I'd called 'home' for a year now.

_Sighing a small sigh, I looked around for a place to get something to eat, and found a quaint little café and entered it. On the way in, a large man with shaggy, shoulder length, dark brown hair brushed into me roughly, and growled, "Watch it, pipsqueak!" at me. It irked me, but I kept my cool and went in and sat down._

"_Sorry about him," the kindly middle-aged woman who came to take my order said as she rushed to me. "He's like that. You look new around here. I'm Harrah, what do they call you?"_

"_Layla," I said, eyes following the ill-tempered man as he shoved aside another man on the street. "Why do you put up with him?" I asked, jerking my thumb at him._

"_He's a mage," Harrah said softly, sitting a menu in front of me. "He's a mage who captured all of our other mages, and the only one left is a kid, no more than thirteen, and we've been keeping him from Nara because all Nara's looking for here is a fight. Our…our mage is my nephew, and he's all I've got left since Nara took his mother, you understand. I don't want anything….Oh! I'm so sorry, you're just a traveler, I shouldn't be involving you in all of this. Just don't worry about it, dear. Layla, you said? I'll be back in a few moments to take your order, all right?"_

"_Take your time, ma'am," I said, watching the one she called Nara shove another man away and plop imperiously on the bench that he had been sitting upon. I wanted to go give the man a piece of my mind, but held myself in my seat. It wouldn't do just yet to reveal I was a freelance mage._

_When Harrah came back to take my order, I spoke before she said anything, saying, "How long has be been here? And do you have any clue how long he plans to stay? Has he harmed the other mages he's captured, or not?"_

"_I said don't worry yourself about it, dear," Harrah said sheepishly._

"_Ma'am," I said, kind of stiffly, "I'm already in on it. I don't want him to hurt your nephew when he finds him. He knows there's another mage here, am I right? And he's sticking around, trying to find him. I'm right, aren't I?"_

"_Yes," the woman hung her head, graying blonde hair falling across her blue eyes, loose from her bun, "but what can you do about it? You seem like a girl with a really sweet disposition despite the way you dress."_

_I looked down at my attire and mentally berated myself for the slip up in my attitude._

"_Look," I said, putting my elbow on the table and putting my chin idly in my hand. "I'm a mage too, lady, and I don't like it when people like him pick on the ones who can't defend themselves. I don't like that he thinks he's so hot that he can take all of the other mages and imprison them - or worse, since you didn't answer my question. Don't think I'll just stand by and let him hurt your nephew, or any of the other mages he's taken, or any of the townspeople. I have friends back where I come from, you know? I know how it feels to be unable to help, to be virtually useless, but I'm not like that anymore. I can fight, and I will if I need to. Do you understand?"_

_She nodded, but opened her mouth._

_I cut her off when I said, "I'd like your cheeseburger and fries, please. With a glass of water, thanks."_

_Harrah blinked a few times in rapid succession, but wrote it down and said, "I-I'll have it out in a few minutes, Layla," and after she turned to go, she paused and whispered, "and thank you."_

_I didn't say anything else, and when my food came I ate, paid, and left._

_I stayed in Reason for the next week, just waiting for the confrontation between the mage known as Nara (who was a really disgusting man, hitting on young women and even shoving them around some) and the young boy I'd run into when I went out in the woods because I felt the prelude to one of my attacks. I'd continued on, letting the attack come a good distance away, and then went back to spy him through the trees, making the log in front of him contort and form various shapes by magic. He noticed me there and panicked, taking me by the arm, rambling something about how I needed to promise not to tell, and took me straight to Harrah, who he introduced as his aunt before I said we'd already met. I went by that café every day, talked some to Harrah, and sometimes her nephew, and kept an eye out for any signs of trouble._

_And at the end of a week, I got what I'd suspected would come when I was heading towards the café._

"_Layla!" I heard a desperate shout and Harrah came running around the corner. Her eyes were bright and fearful, and I knew this was what I had been expecting to happen but also dreading. "Layla! He found out that it's Rex!" the distraught woman said as she stumbled to a halt and I put hands on her shoulders to hold her there. _

"_Nara?" I asked for confirmation, and she nodded. "What else has happened? Where are they?"_

"_T-the square! Just around the corner! Rex fought against him, unlike all the other mages, and now I think Nara might kill him!" Harrah wailed, clutching the lapel of my jacket. "I never told you, but he tortures all the other mages! Sometimes, from the other side of town, you can hear them screaming, and I'm afraid he's close to choosing to kill them and please, _please_, just stop him!"_

"_I'll do what I can," I breezed past the woman, fists tightly at my side as I walked quickly towards my destination._

"_What is this? You call yourself a mage, runt?" came the voice I now instantly recognized, and as I turned the corner into the small town's main square, I saw the young boy laying on the ground, struggling to sit up, and then to stand. Ten feet away from him, feet planted apart and hands on his hips as he laughed in the imperious manner I'd already seen in him, stood Nara. As I walked closer, he said, "What type of magic do you even have? Do you make plants grow? Ha!"_

_The boy, whose name was Rex, stood defiantly, glaring at the man in front of him._

"_You call your lame magic fire? Ha! Have you ever heard of Salamander? I bet you couldn't even match up to him!"_

_At the word Salamander, my heart sped up. The anger on the face of the brutish man was clearly visible, and I quickened the pace at which I walked. I didn't know what the fire mage Nara planned to do to Rex, but I knew it couldn't be good and that I couldn't let him lay a finger on the thirteen year old. And even if the fair haired boy stood and spoke defiantly, it was plain to see that his fists were shaking, and his eyes showed the traces of fear he tried desperately to hide behind his defiant façade. He reminded me of myself._

"_A kid who talks back is worthless," Nara growled, and the air around him began to heat up, "so I'm going to squash out your meaningless little life!"_

_Rage built inside me at the words, and I burst into a sprint as a knife he held in his hand, heated by the air swirling around him, was thrown straight at the unmoving young boy. Before it could strike Rex, I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and leapt free, the white hot blade grazing my cheek as it clattered almost harmlessly onto the cobblestones behind the boy and I. I pushed the boy back, facing the poor excuse for a fire mage. And I shouted before I realized what I was saying._

"_No life is meaningless, no matter how small!" were the words that escaped my lips and caused me to freeze where I stood. My numb hand fell to my side as I thought about what I had just said. I raised my two shaking hands into my sight, watching them listlessly as I repeated, "No life is meaningless…"_

_And I found that I believed it. I, the girl who thought that my entire life had become completely and utterly meaningless since I was practically marked for death at nineteen, could now believe otherwise. I wasn't sure where I was when it all changed, or even when it had changed. The self loathing I felt in my heart, the regret at being so cowardly as to leave my friends in Magnolia without a warning and without an explanation…when had it gone? I didn't know, but the fact was that it had. I clenched my fingers tightly, staring transfixed at how the nerveless appendages moved to my will even thought it felt as though they were completely disconnected from my body. And I could fully appreciate that my life, no matter how short it was meant to be, was not meaningless, that it never had been and never would be. _

_How could my life be meaningless, after having gone to Fairy Tail? Going to the guild, meeting all of my dearest friends, my nakama, had been the best day of my life. And all the best moments afterwards had been experienced there, shared with all of those who meant everything to me. And even if I was gone from them, my days among them would live forever in their hearts and in their memories. I could finally see that my life could never be truly meaningless, since I had made such unbreakable bonds during it. Bonds that would never be broken, even after the last breath left my body._

_Warmth spread throughout my body, bringing feeling back to the numbed fingers I stared at, but then I was jerked out of my thoughts by a powerful punch to my stomach, and I slid backwards. I doubled over and fell to one knee, clutching my abdomen with one hand._

"_Is that so?" the mage questioned me, smirking. "I'd say that yours is even more meaningless than that little runt's life is!"_

"_No life is meaningless!" I repeated for the third time, this time in a bellow. I didn't have a clue as to what I was doing, charging the man in such a haphazard way. All I knew is that a telltale buildup of power coursed through me, and before it could wrack my body with pain I subconsciously focused on sending it to the fist I had clenched. I dodged a blast of the man's horrible fire magic - really, Rex was right about him not being able to match up to Natsu - and reeled my fist back. As I descended on the sorry excuse for a fire mage, I cried, "Every life, no matter whose it is or how short it may be, has never or will never be meaningless!"_

_On the last word, my fist flew forward, surrounded by the golden light that was my celestial magic, and as I struck his jaw I released the energy in a huge explosion. I was blasted back just as much as my target, crying out as my arm showed the telltale scratches of my usual fluctuations of power. The glove of my right arm was in tatters from the attack, and as the leather fell I tucked my hand into the pocket of my long jacket quickly to hide the pink emblem that I was once proud to show. My objective had been achieved, though, somehow. _

_The other mage lay unconscious in a crater fifteen feet from where he'd been standing when I hit him._

Needless to say, I had gotten stronger by learning to control this technique. And even if I was resigned to dying, I couldn't help but to take on the jobs that people asked me to, as a freelance mage. I liked to help them, and I did it to the best of my ability. I knew that if I could show my face in Fairy Tail once more, if I wasn't about to die, I could be truly proud of the strength that I had attained. But I couldn't show my face there, because I _was_ on the verge of death, and Death himself knocked on my door every time I had a burst of magical energy. Still, I fended him off, as I had for hundreds of attacks over the three years I'd been on my own, and somehow I still clung to life. Desperately, but hopelessly as well, I clung to the meager life I'd built for myself outside of Fairy Tail.

"_You can stay here, Layla," Harrah told me as I prepared to head on my way. "Reason needs a stronger mage around to handle some things for a while. At least until some of our mages get their strength back, and maybe learn some more. You're a freelance mage, right? And I know you're not planning to go back to wherever you came from, so why don't you stay in the flat above the café? For as long as you want to. It's soundproofed and everything with magic, because we had a skilled mage here when it was built, so you don't have to worry about privacy when there are people downstairs."_

"_That's very generous, but-"_

"_Nonsense," the woman cut me off. Her eyes softened. "You saved Rex, you know? You saved my nephew and his mother and all of the other mages there. And the mayor even agreed that having a good mage around would be a good idea. Maybe you could even give Rex and some of the others a few pointers, so they can be our local freelance mages one day? You've got a good heart, I can just feel it. Please?"_

_I looked around the square, the lights that lit it up going out one by one until the only one left was right above Harrah and I. The town was really quite a homey little place, a picturesque setting that I knew Reedus would enjoy drawing if he ever got a chance to. And it was peaceful here._

"…_Alright."_

And I had stayed in this small town for the last year, clinging onto the bit of normality I'd managed to establish, but I still couldn't shake the truth off my back. Never could I shake the facts.

Fairy Tail was the one place I would always call home.

Home is where the heart is, right? That's what they always say. And Fairy Tail was definitely the place that held my heart, and all of its fondest memories.

I clenched my fist and scolded, "Focus on the job, Lucy," as I turned to look at the request.

_Location: small, isolated town of Reason, on Lucky Island._

_Job: A dark guild has been formed from the few remnants of other dark guilds. It is rumored to be fairy strong and is still gaining members and strength. There are dozens of underlings, but the most dangerous is the guild master. His name is unknown. The guild is known by the name Dark Alliance, because its members come from many other destroyed dark guilds. Please come and take them out! _

_Reward: 750,000 Jewels._

Yes, it seemed too much for me, but I would try.

To my surprise, then, I heard a huge crash, like an explosion. I looked up to find smoke billowing from the section of warehouses that I was on my way toward. The smoke instantly reminded me of Natsu, but a sad smile graced my face because I knew it couldn't be him. My old team wouldn't be here. The trip across the main continent of Fiore would take three days, and then there was a trip across the ocean to this small island. I was an ocean away from Natsu and everyone else, and it would stay that way. News got here slowly, even with transmission lacrima, because I had just learned recently that last year, the S-ranked Fairy Tail team of Cana and Gildartz had completed a five year mission in only one. I was so proud of Cana! She deserved to team up with her father after all that she had been through to give herself the courage to tell him who she was. And it sounded as though they made a hell of a team.

And all of the things I'd heard Team Natsu had done! My old team, probably so much better off without me, had done so many amazing things I wanted to scream and cry and just cheer for them! I could die happily if I had some sort of reassurance that I could be watching over them on every one of the dangerous missions they went on, making sure for myself that they were just fine and that they were alive and well.

"_The job_, Lucy!" I grumbled to myself as a reminder, even as another loud boom came from the warehouses. More specifically, from the one that served as the main base for the Dark Alliance dark guild and the one that I had been making a beeline for since the mayor had specifically asked me to go check it out and do what I could. Musing aloud to myself, I said, "Looks like some other mage got to it before I could. I might as well go lend a hand, anyway!"

I rested my left hand gently on the back of my right, where the pink Fairy Tail symbol that I kept hidden would be, and then clenched my fingers into fists. When I looked up again, the confident, badass smirk of my new persona shined through, and I broke into a run as I headed straight for the building in question. As I approached, there were a few more loud crashes and explosions, and I decided that the other mage, or mages, had things well under control if he, she, or they hadn't been killed yet. It didn't stop me from continuing toward the warehouse, though. If I could do anything at all to help, I would.

Memories flooded my mind, situations like this one, where I was running haphazardly into battle. There was the time when Laxus tried to take over Fairy Tail by force, and I had fought against Bixlow. I knew next to nothing about him, and so I was really lucky that Loke knew so much from his time as a member of the guild, rather than as a spirit. There were other times, too. Like the time with Angel, of Oración Seis, who could use Gemini to summon my own celestial spirits against me, or who had possessed Scorpio, the spirit Aquarius dated, and Aries, the one that it would hurt Loke most to fight against. And I had thought I was going to die when Hibiki came up behind me! And then there was the S-class exam, when I was probably seconds away from certain death because I refused to run. Natsu had been there to save me that time, using the enemy's doll of me to defeat him.

Then I was reminded of all of the times I had to be saved. Especially after I'd first met Natsu, and I had been successfully conned and tricked aboard a slave trader's ship. He'd claimed to be Salamander of Fairy Tail, and I had believed him. Until Natsu had come and blasted a hole in his ship and then, once on land and over his motion sickness, destroyed the vessel entirely in his fiery fury at the imposter's use of Fairy Tail's name. And there was the time when the perverted monkey thing who had used takeover magic on Macao. There were too many times like that too count!

I had been completely and utterly useless back then, but no more.

"_Get away from her!" I screamed, blasting back the man who had come to Reason recently. He was a mage, and reminded me of Bora, the false Salamander. It was a good thing I was so alert, because he and a few buddies who had stayed outside of town had just come in at midnight to try and take the young women for a slave trade. They were probably lucky that I was one of them and that they thought I was a weakling._

_The fist I'd used to punch the man, my left, had no damage at all. I'd gotten better at controlling how much it hurt me in the three months since I'd learned the ability to focus my energy and release it. _

_Cole, the man I'd punched, stood up and rubbed his jaw, growling._

"_Where the hell did that come from?"_

"_Get away," I told the six women behind me, shoving the fourteen year old Elsa (who reminded me a lot of Erza) toward the town. "I'll take care of this trash."_

_At the insult, Cole and the ten men under his command charged at me furiously, all of them able to use some sort of magic. One of them was a rather adept wind mage, and after all of the men, including Cole, were down, he was the one who remained. My breathing came in ragged bursts, and I felt the prelude to an attack from my Magical Overflow, so I took the next blow he directed at me, which sliced open my left side in a pretty deep gash, without flinching and latched onto him as I let the attack strike us._

_He fell unconscious, and I lost feeling to my legs for a few moments, breathing heavily and trying to staunch my wound. I stood shakily after about ten minutes and made my way back to town in order to ask Harrah if she would _please_ consider patching me up…again._

"I'm not afraid of death anymore," I said under my breath, remembering that time with the slavers, as I reached the warehouse doors. The doors were already blown open and kind of swaying in the wind with a light creaking sound. I stepped inside, nearly slipping on the ice that I hadn't seen in the dim lighting.

Laying all around this room were unconscious, bleeding dark guild mages. Some with slashes through them, as if made by swords. Others were singed and burned in so many places it was hard to tell they were men, and there were scorch marks all over the walls and the stone floor to emphasize this. Patches of ice all over the floor also probably caused the downfall of those who seemed to have no injuries other than nasty bumps on their head, where they had likely slipped and fell and knocked themselves out. There were random chunks of ice scattered around the room, as remnants of the battle. So there were mages who were against the dark guild here, and several of them. Proof of this came with a sharp outcry of pain from above as the whole building shook.

I cracked my knuckles, grinning in a feral, bestial manner that this new persona seemed to love.

Layla Heart was in control, but I didn't realize how temporary it would be.


	3. For Lucy

**Thanks go out to everyone who reviewed and read and added this story to their favorites over the first two chapters and the first week ****J**** I hope you continue to stick with me and enjoy the story as much as I enjoy writing it!**

**Again, there were edits to the previous chapter. Once more, I ask you to re-read it (unless you already have) because I added a few scenes that tell about the years between Lucy leaving Fairy Tail and ending up in the town she's in now. If you already read it the second time, there were minor edits after the major ones, but they're not as important as the flashbacks. Sorry for all the editing and the asking for you to go re-read it…but you'll forgive me, right? XD**

**All familiar characters and towns and names and whatever else I mention are the property of the amazing Hiro Mashima. I love him for writing this epic manga.**

**Now, on with the next chapter of "Until She's Home Again". **

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><p>I was sure that the ice all around me, coating the walls and the floors and even a few very unfortunate and unconscious mages of this dark guild, had come from an ice mage. And it was kind of obvious that the slashes across the torsos of other dark mages and even through the solid stone floor and a couple of wooden support beams came from a mage who used sharp weapons, and was likely to be an ex-qupping mage based on the variations of the blade markings. The scorch marks that were throughout the room, on the walls and floors and pillars, I gave little attention to. They were caused during the battle, maybe with some explosives. Hopefully with some explosives. Just because there was an ice mage and an ex-quip one at that, didn't necessarily mean they couldn't have some back up if their magic power was exhausted a little. Or they'd just busted open some pipes and it had started a fire, or something. The presence of all three markings did not mean what I feared and wished for in equal measure was true. Which <em>could<em> happen, I suppose, but when in the last three years had I ever been "Lucky" Lucy Heartfilia?

I knew of my error when I reached the open room atop the stairs where the explosions had been coming from. I recognized the woman laying facedown on the floor and bleeding from several spots in an instant. The injured angel's scarlet hair lay a mess around her head, like a halo of fire. Her well-kept, polished, and seemingly impenetrable armor had been pierced, or dented severely in several places, sticky red liquid pouring from each hole in the metal. I ducked back behind the door and took a deep breath. Several deep breaths, in fact, as I peered around to see more. Six feet from the woman lay a poor, beaten creature that looked reminiscent of a cat, only it was blue. In the middle of the room there was a rosy haired man, about ready to collapse but staying up on one knee by sheer force of will. He was standing protectively in front of an unconscious, dark haired, and half-naked man, who lay on his back. The fallen raven haired man's chest bore the same mark as the woman's left arm and the other man's right shoulder.

_Why does this have to be _now_?_ I thought, pulling back behind the door once again and tried desperately to calm my erratic breathing pattern and my racing thoughts.

"This is all that the world-famous Fairy Tail has?" a familiar voice laughed imperiously. I peered out to spot the cruel, mage-napping Nara from a year ago bearing down upon the two men. "This is all that Team Natsu has? How pathetic! Ha ha! Cana and Gildartz would have been more of a challenge, but this _garbage_ was all I got. Oh, well. Are you ready to die, you worthless brats?"

I knew there was something wrong. Nara wasn't nearly strong enough to take out Happy and Gray, let alone Erza! And to have Natsu beaten so badly that he could barely hold himself up in front of Gray to protect him from any further harm?

I could feel my eyes widen considerably when Nara's fire magic swirled around him, and its color moved me into action. After all, his fire magic couldn't be black. He was too terrible a mage to accomplish something like that by legal means. And magic didn't just change its colors for any reason - I should know, I read all about it when I was searching for the answer to my condition.

I had read that once a mage's magic turned black, it meant that some sort of outside influence had forced the mage to be overtaken by negative energy, or was still in the process of overtaking them. It was black magic, the blackest of magics and an incredibly cruel way to control someone. It changed the true nature of the mage's magic, until it was far stronger than it should have been and exhibited strange qualities. The book's passage had warned caution to those who may encounter such a mage, but there wasn't really time for me to use discretion like that for a case like this.

My fist clenched tighter at my side, and I scrabbled for my Layla Heart persona as I turned and darted into the room.

"Not…so…fast!" I shouted, letting my power build up around my hand as I charged toward the bulkier man who stood just five feet away from the most powerful fire mage I had ever known. I didn't care that the book had warned against confronting a person whose magic had become like this, not when he was threatening my former nakama and the people I still cared most about in the entire world.

Erza struggled to turn to the source of my voice, and Happy blinked hazily at me, regaining consciousness, as I flitted by almost as a blur. Gray stirred at the shout I let out and Natsu glanced over his shoulder even as I ran up to them. I reached them and leapt into the air, as if the two were a hurdle and I was doing my best to jump over them. My black trench coat fluttered behind me as I solidified the energy around my right hand, the hand where my Fairy Tail mark was hidden, and swung forward at the man. I released the energy when I should have hit him, but he had dodged backwards. I darted forward again, the golden light of my magic already glowing around my left hand as I swung it at Nara again. He let out a rather sinister sounding chuckle as he dodged my repeatedly thrown punches, and even the occasional kicks.

"What's this, now?" he asked as I paused and wiped some sweat from my forehead. "You're that freelance mage that showed up around here last year, aren't you? The impudent little bitch who ruined my plans for all of the mages in this place! And now you think you can take out my dark guild, too, do you?"

"I don't think," I said, squeezing a leather-clad fist tighter, feeling the material bunch up in my palm. "I know!"

I charged at Nara once more, increasingly annoyed at how he kept dodging my attacks and laughing all the while in that condescending way he had.

"What's wrong? Can't touch me?" he taunted. "Seems as if your single hit on me all that time ago was just a lucky shot, doesn't it? And such a strange fighting style, too…wherever did you learn this? You're not even a fighting type of mage, are you?"

I directed my next punch to the ground, using the new explosion of my magical power to propel myself, feet first, at the man who was infuriatingly avoiding me. My feet were alight with power, but were soon wrapped in dark fire which seemed to have a grip of its own. The magic around my feet was snuffed out and the fire somehow threw me roughly against the ground. I let out a cry of pain, but struggled up just as soon as I had the strength to. A trickle of blood ran down my left arm from the newly acquired scrape I had gained from the rubble left over from Team Natsu's previous fight with the changed Nara.

"It doesn't matter," I said, standing defiantly, noticing that Natsu had managed to pull the semiconscious Gray over by Erza, out of the middle of the room. He had Happy sitting beside Erza, taking care of her as well as he was able in this situation. They weren't in the way anymore, so they wouldn't be hurt by the battle in the middle of it. Surely that had been Natsu's train of thought, too. I must have let my eyes linger too long on my former teammates as I noticed that Nara's eyes flicked toward them as well. He smirked at me and as he sent his black flames their way and I cried, "Don't you dare!"

The shout didn't stop him, but I used another of my explosions to propel myself to intercept the black fire just as it was about to hit Natsu, who stood protectively in front of the others, arms spread wide.

A grunt of pain left me as the fire impacted. It felt less like fire and more like hot sludge, ramming against me with the force of a rampaging bull. I slid back a few inches but held my ground, gritting my teeth and glaring through my wig's black bangs as the enemy raised an eyebrow at me questioningly, smirking.

"Who the hell are you?" came Natsu's voice from right behind me. There was a painful twinge in the region of my heart, almost as though I hoped he would recognize me. But I knew it was better that he didn't because soon, I would be lost to them. For good.

"I'm a…friend," I gasped, standing up to my full height and glaring at the smirking Nara. "You should just leave, and get your friends out of here. I'll handle it."

"I can't leave!" Natsu growled, and I could here the offense in his tone.

_I'm not saying you can't handle it_, I wanted to tell him, _just that I don't want you to get hurt anymore. Don't you see, Natsu? I care about you. It's me, Lucy! One of your best friends, a former teammate! I still care, I do! _

But of course I couldn't say that. I was too much of a coward. Or maybe it made me strong, to be able to hide from my friends when they stood - or lay - around me.

"We can't…go back until we've finished this job!" Gray groaned from his position, sitting against the wall. I jerked my attention to him for a brief moment, before focusing on the enemy mage.

"It's nearly the third anniversary," Erza's voice came out as a grunt, "the third year since our precious nakama disappeared."

She struggled to her feet.

"We have to finish this," Natsu said, his eyes fierce, "for Lucy!"

"Aye!"

My heart clenched painfully in my chest, and I completely abandoned Nara for a moment to scan their expressions. The determination, the sincerity, the look of sadness and grief that seemed to have a place in each and every face they showed to me. They missed me, just as much as I'd missed them. Only they could never know that the person who stood in front of them now was the very same person that they were so desperate to find. I honestly didn't know which fate was worse; to constantly wonder about your friends and loved ones, to pray that they were okay, that they were alive and happy? Or was it the one where you miss your friends just as much as they missed you? Where you are forced to suffer being so close to them but can't run into their embrace, to laugh with them like you once did? To sit by and watch them grieve and agonize over your disappearance but be unable to say anything to comfort them, or to tell them that you're right there?

"Stay, for all I care," I said, turning back to the mage with black fire who was examining the exchange with a strangely unattached air. I was on guard as I told them, "Stay, but stay back. I'm sure your Lucy wouldn't want you to get hurt any more."

"It doesn't matter what happens to us!" Erza's voice choked out, and I glanced her way for a millisecond to see salty tears beginning to make the trek down her cheeks. "It doesn't!"

"We've gotta do this," Gray said, and I could tell by his voice behind me that his teeth were gritted from the pain. I heard him fighting to stand.

"For Lucy," Happy said, his tone firm and proud.

"We're gonna do a hard job every chance we get," Natsu said, "and if we get knocked around a little, who cares? Until Luce comes home again, to Fairy Tail, we'll keep doing it, and if we get hurt a little each time, it just proves to her that we still need her. See?"

I closed my eyes and turned my head down, steeling myself by clenching my teeth tightly and telling myself that I couldn't cry. Because wouldn't I just give myself away if I did…? And I couldn't do that, not here and not now. It would only cause more pain to my dearest friends in the long run than my absence ever could. If I showed myself now, they could hope and rejoice but it would only be temporary, for when I truly did succumb to my fate, there could be no hoping anymore. All that would remain was the hurt, and it would hurt that much more. They would have just found me after so long and would have to lose me all over again. That's why I wanted to keep it from them.

"Don't let yourself get hurt," I said, leaping from them and right at Nara with a fist glowing. I had to distance myself from my old teammates before I started crying and revealed myself. I was scrambling for my Layla Heart persona, but she just wouldn't come. "Ack!"

I cried out in pain as the fire grabbed my arm and tossed me aside. This time I was able to twist in the air and land on my feet, but it still hurt. The fire had grabbed my already bleeding arm in what was like a vice grip for the few short seconds it had taken to completely pull me off course and throw me. I let out a low growl as I propelled myself forward again, even as I saw Erza ex-quipping to her flame resistant armor and Gray trying to take deep breaths as he clutched the wall to keep his balance. I was focused enough this time, though, that I was able to leap above the fire and land an explosive punch before the fire blasted me back.

I wiped the trickle from the nick on my temple with my fingers, looking at the red that came away. My lips turned down in a scowl at the damage my own attack had caused me by tossing rubble violently into the air. The rock that had struck me lay in a small ring of blood a foot to my right, and with some distaste I kicked it aside.

"This is our fight!" Natsu's voice cried, and I jerked my head his way just in time to see him stumble backwards, clutching his abdomen.

"Weaklings," Nara said contemptuously, "all of you."

_Natsu's not a weakling. He's a much better fire mage than you ever were or ever will be!_

"Speak for yourself!" I shouted, letting both of my fists light up. I saw the bruise forming on his cheek from my last punch, and wished that it had had the same effect as it had the first time I'd ever fought him. "You're the weakest one here!"

He turned and decided to start advancing on me, stopping ten feet away and peering at something near my right hip with interest. The cries of my celestial spirits, calling out my name, faintly reached me, and I glanced down to the pouch at my belt that hid the keys. It kept lighting up with golden light as they, most likely Loke, tried to come through to our world without my call. I knew that my expression had softened, but I tried to harden it again as I turned my attention back to Nara. A smirk spread across his face and his laugh came back.

"I see now, girl," he snorted, "I can see now that you're a celestial mage!" he was laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world, which it really wasn't. "Or you are, originally. But why does a stellar spirit mage keep her spirits from appearing to help her, even of their own will? _How_ have you managed to keep them from coming? Since, I assume, the item or items in the pouch at your side are your keys, and you're somehow maintaining a barrier around them. Your type are so _weak_! So, then, why aren't you summoning them to help you out? Anyone here could tell that you need all the help you can get!"

"I don't summon them," I said lowly, dropping my head and turning my eyes away from the mage, "because I hurt one of them. My spirits are some of my dearest friends, and I can't forgive myself for it."

The memory of that day came back, flashing through my mind.

* * *

><p>"<em>Great job!" I said happily to Capricorn, Aries, Cancer, and Loke, whom I had summoned to help me with a new request. I was able to summon more than one of my spirits at a time now, and I was feeling strong and on top of the world. "You guys can go back now."<em>

"_Lucy, don't," Loke said slowly, "I have a bad feeling about this…"_

_The others had already gone back, and it was just Loke and I standing there, in the midst of our defeated opponents. The spirit was looking around us, eyes narrowed in an expression of the utmost concentration. I knew he was searching for the cause of his unease, and I smiled gently at the closest friend I had among my spirits. Just as I decided to try to console him, to tell him things were all right, he spoke again._

"_Lucy, I really don't feel right about this," he persisted, pleading with his eyes and refusing to return to the spirit world._

"_Loke, I-"_

"_I've got you!" a voice yelled from behind, cutting me off effectively as Loke and I spun to see the new threat. The mage ex-quipped from a sword to a long, tri-bladed spear as he fell toward me, the point directed at my chest. My eyes widened and I was frozen in place. My insistent zodiac spirit was not, however, and managed to leap in to save me just as he always does. In the process of deflecting the spear and picking me up, he managed to earn a gash across the shoulder he had placed between the offensive weapon and his master. He winced, but quickly dodged out of the way, taking me with him to a place far out of range._

_We were a good twenty feet away, and my panic changed from that of fearing the mage to the panic over a prickle that started up my spine and caused my hair to stand on end._

"_Let me go!" I shrieked, trying to wriggle out of Loke's strong grasp. "Loke, it's-"_

_The two of us both burst into screams of agony simultaneously, though after the initial, sharp outcry, Loke grit his teeth and tried not to cry out. I realized then that my Magical Overflows could even harm a stellar spirit when his expression contorted in pain and his mouth clenched tightly against the scream. Cuts began to appear all over his body, worse than even those that appeared on my own._

"_Loke!" I managed somehow. "Loke, let go! Go back!"_

_It was such a huge challenge to even say that much before I erupted once more into a high pitched scream._

"_I won't!" he grunted, arms tightening around me as I weakly struggled. "You're not going through this hell alone, Lucy!"_

_It was a particularly vicious attack, blowing away the enemy mage and rendering him unconscious. Before the end of the painful fluctuation of celestial magic, Loke collapsed to his knees, with me still clutched tightly against his chest. Afterwards, he trembled violently._

"_Loke, look at me!" I cried and shook as I forced myself off of his legs and onto the ground. "Loke!"_

_He groaned weakly and lifted his head slightly. Horrified, I watched the blood run down his face in several streaks. Some of his orange hair was matted together with the sticky red substance, and the shattered pieces of his sunglasses lay fanned in a three foot radius around us. The frames crumbled from his face even as I watched him, my heart wrenching. _

"_Are you…all right?" he asked me, wincing as a shudder passed through his form._

"_Loke," I disentangled myself from him completely, letting go of the shoulder I'd been holding as though I'd been burned. "I'm …I'm so sorry," I whispered this before taking his key in my hand and saying, "Gate of the Lion, Close!"_

"_No, Luc-" his words were cut off as he unwillingly returned to the spirit world._

_There he could rest and recover. He could relax for as long as he needed to, because from then on I vowed that I would never voluntarily call forth one of my celestial spirits to help me in a fight. I had my whip at my side, and that's all I would need._

_It was three months later that I entered the town of Reason for the first time._

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><p>My fists shook as the memory drew to a close, the bloody vision of Loke staying to torment me even when I squeezed my eyes shut. It replayed, seeming to use the inside of my eyelids as a screen on which it projected, and repeatedly showed me Leo the Lion lifting his bloody head at my call. I was only thankful that I was successfully able to hold them back for the last six months, since the attacks had all been of that magnitude, or greater, and I wasn't sure how their bodies could hold up against such powerful fluctuations of my magic. Loke was the hardest to hold back, even though he knew best the reason I wanted to keep them from materializing.<p>

I don't even know how I managed to hold them back, because they had even tried to use their own power to appear and failed.

"You? How could a weakling like _you_ hurt a stellar spirit? Unless they're all just as weak as you are," Nara snorted derisively, jerking me back to the present and incensing me. He dared to call Leo the Lion, Fairy Tail's womanizing Loke, weak? He would pay.

"I'll show you," I grinned Layla Heart's feral grin, stepping forward with a few quick steps and grabbing the lapel of his jacket, pulling him closer. "Nara, have you ever heard of…Magical Overflow?"

His eyes widened, as did that of Erza and Gray over his shoulder (Natsu was just as adorably oblivious as I was used to), and Happy fell weakly onto Natsu's head with an expression of utter disbelief on his feline features.

"What…? You would be dead by now if you ha–aaargh!" the scream ripped from his mouth in the midst of his sentence as the power burst into being around us. I grit my teeth determinedly against the pain, unwilling to let him hear me scream just as he was. Cuts appeared on the skin of both of us, and I felt insanely pleased that I'd thought to use this condition of mine as a weapon against this bastard. A man who had attempted, a year ago, to brainwash all the mages of this innocent little town, in order to start his very own dark guild. And it seemed as if he'd achieved the objective without Reason's mages, but returned to the small town to set up a base. He disgusted me, but not enough that I would let him die.

I pushed him out of the flow of celestial energy that enveloped me when I knew he would be unable to move anymore, and he was unconscious. I let out a pained sound in the back of my throat, like a wounded animal, but I would not give the satisfaction of letting him hear it, even in his unconscious state. And finally, finally, after what had seemed an eternity but was, in reality, only about thirty seconds, I fell to my knees, gasping in huge lungful after huge lungful of air. My left glove was ripped nearly to shreds, my coat in tatters, and my skirt with a few rips, but my right glove was relatively intact, still hiding from Natsu and the others the only evidence they'd need to know who I was.

"Hey!" Gray shouted, trying to stumble over. Erza stumbled a few shaky steps before crumpling to the ground, crying out at the gash in her thigh. Gray lifted his bruised face to call, "Hey, are you all right, lady?"

"Hey," a warm hand touched my shoulder, "answer him! Are you all right?"

I looked up at the speaker to find that it was Natsu, and I swore a bit of recognition flashed across his face when I had turned to him, and a puzzled expression overcame his worry.

"I'm fine," I threw Natsu's hand off, breaking my heart a little more in the process. "Nara's out. Hurry and tie him. Use some rope or cuffs that don't allow him to use magic, if you've got that. The mayor's house is the largest in town, but it's on top of the hospital. You can go get your reward and then you can get yourselves checked out. Don't push yourselves too hard," I paused, looking briefly at them as I made my way to the door. I turned my back on them and said, as I stalked out, "Your Lucy wouldn't want you to kill yourselves for her sake."

"Hey, hey!" Natsu's voice shouted. "Wait–!"

"Aye!" Happy wailed after, but I didn't pay any attention, leaving the warehouse with all the haste I could manage with my several bleeding lacerations, mostly from my own magic.

* * *

><p>I stared at the ceiling of my apartment, hearing the sounds of the café down below me. I knew from the noises below that my old team from Fairy Tail was there, because I heard Natsu yelling at Gray and Gray yelling back.<p>

"It seems like you guys are feeling better," I said softly. I didn't have to speak so quietly, or worry about them hearing me, because of the enchantment around the room that gave me privacy, but I did anyway. Almost as if I was afraid Natsu's hearing was good enough to completely bypass a magic barrier. Maybe it was a foolish thought, but a girl who was on the run and hiding from the people one floor below was bound to be extremely cautious, right?

I let my eyes flutter closed, and Natsu's face entered my mind. The same rosy hair that I remembered, if just a bit longer and shaggier, but it still looked good on him. And of course, that white scarf that was given to him by Igneel, which looked just the same as it had the last hundred times I'd seen it. He still sported the vest without a normal t-shirt or something under it, showing off some pretty nice abs. But then again, Natsu had always had nice abs. A nice body in general, if I was to be completely and utterly honest with myself. I'd always noticed Natsu in that sense, but I never let myself act on it. The way his eyes shined when he grinned that childlike grin was just so endearing, and I let a kind of sad smile cross my lips. And it was easy to see that he'd matured some, even if his attitude was pretty much the same. His jaw line, as I pictured his face in my head, had become stronger and more defined, and I just wanted to go downstairs and walk right up to him to run my fingers across his features. But I couldn't.

Sighing, I opened my eyes to realize I had my hand lifted in the air, right where I'd been picturing it as I caressed the face of the Natsu in my mind.

A knock suddenly came at the door to the flat, and I sat up as Harrah's voice called, "Layla, I _really_ hate to bother you with this, but could you give me a hand down here? The mages who went to the warehouse and dealt with Nara and those thugs today are a bit demanding, and eat a lot, and, well…"

I laughed and said under my breath, "Just like old times." I stood and said louder, for her to hear, "I'll be down in a minute!"

"Thank you!"

I heard her trundling back downstairs, and I smiled softly to myself as I put on a different pair of gloves, as I had tossed my tattered ones and hadn't bothered with putting others on just yet. Then I changed from my pajama pants, in which I was just lounging around, into some tight, faded black jeans and my normal boots while I threw on a blue tank top. My cuts were virtually all healed, due to the magical salve I kept on hand, and so I could have looked worse. I then covered my blonde hair with the wig that I'd done some new styling to, since it had been mussed up by the power that had engulfed Nara and I.

"That should do it," I said, looking in the mirror and seeing blue, contact-covered eyes staring back at me. I tried a smile, but it looked forced, so I thought of seeing the others again, and it brightened just a little. I was still happy to see them, even if they didn't know who I was and couldn't recognize me. And this way, when my end came, I could pull into my mind pictures of them as they were now and not just their three years younger counterparts.

I opened the door and slunk down the stairs, coming out behind the small counter.

"There you are, Layla!" Harrah smiled at me, giving me a once over with her eyes, as if to assure that I was fine. She had seen me all cut up earlier. "Can you please take these plates to that group over there by the window? The mages?"

My stomach lurched oddly.

"Yeah," I nodded. On a whim, I slid on my apron kept in the café for when I helped her out, and, on a whim, slid a box of matches into the pocket.

As I carried the trays toward the table, I let myself reminisce just a little, like that one time we'd helped at one of the Master's friend's new restaurant and how Natsu couldn't keep himself from eating half the food he was supposed to take out. And how Erza had gotten so into it! Gray wasn't able to keep his clothes on, but that hadn't really been a surprise. Though I had been hoping he could do it for just a single day.

My reverie was cut short as I got to the table and sat the trays down, to be looked up at and recognition cross their eyes.

"It's you!" all of them said in unison.

"Hello again, Fairy Tail mages," I said stiffly, but I grinned my bestial Layla grin as I said, "My name is Layla, and I'm going to be helping to serve you."

"You! B-but, you're a mage!" said Natsu, looking confused. "Why are you acting like a waitress when you're such a strong mage…?"

I snorted as I absentmindedly took out a match and struck it, lighting an entire chicken on fire before dropping the still lit match on the same plate. Natsu snatched it up quickly and licked the flame off of the match, grinning like a kid at Christmas. After watching that, I said, "I help out here, since the town was nice enough to give me the flat above for no charge after I took out Nara last year. Obviously, I didn't take him down well enough, but that's this so-called 'strong mage' for you."

I laughed at my own expense, taking Erza's glass and knowing by just one glance that she had the strawberry soda. I grinned a little as I said I'd be right back, and I headed back to the counter. I refilled the soda and covertly sliced a piece of our strawberry cake, telling Harrah, who was watching, that I'd pay for this piece. She looked at me slightly confusedly, and I just flashed a genuine smile her way. I was truly happy that I could at least do something that might console an old friend, even just a little, like Natsu's fire food, or Erza's favorite type of cake, or even the bowl of ice cream that I dished out for Gray and the fish I dug out for Happy. Maybe it wasn't smart, and maybe the actions might hint at who I was, but I was hoping for them to be dense enough that they wouldn't realize it.

So I walked back out there, with the kind of swagger a waitress would have, and held the tray above my head so they didn't see it. I placed Erza's drink before her.

"Thank you," she said, taking a drink.

"These are on the house," I said, smiling at them, as I placed a fish down by Happy with, "A fish for the kitty," since I wasn't supposed to know that he was an exceed, and then I put Gray's bowl in front of him, "some ice cream for the ice mage," I smiled at his wide-eyed look, and then I gestured at the charred plate where the fiery chicken had been, "and there _was_ some fiery food for your fire mage, but I think he really enjoyed it already," to which they laughed, and then I smiled gently at Erza as I sat the slice of cake in front of her as I told her, "and I thought you'd like this, because you seemed to really enjoy our signature strawberry soda."

"You seem a lot nicer than you were earlier," Happy said, mouth full of fish.

"Well, I really owe you guys a lot," I laughed, searching for a little more of my indifferent persona, "because if you hadn't taken out all the small fry, I would have been overwhelmed. They think that I'm a good mage since that first time I was here, a year ago, I took out that black fire mage - his fire magic was _horrible, _did you notice? - on my own. So they think I can handle everything they throw at me. A little unfair, but I do my best and I don't complain. I owe them a lot, too."

"We should really thank you," said Erza, cutting a bite of her cake with poise. "If you hadn't shown up when you did, I'm afraid we would have utterly failed."

"You're doing it all for a friend," I said, turning my eyes down as I collected the dirty dishes that they were done with, "and I can sympathize with you. I don't know what she did to deserve friends like you guys, whoever she is, but she's one lucky girl."

_She used to be_, I thought to myself.

"You kind of remind me of her," Gray said suddenly, and I nearly froze.

"Oh…?" I questioned, timidly.

"Yeah. You've got _huge_ boobs."

As I walked away, Gray was clutching his head where I'd hit him (without the magic fist), and also clutching his nose where his face had hit the table. I heard him groan, Natsu burst into laughter. Happy was munching away happily on his fish, and Erza was completely oblivious to it as she savored her cake. But with my back turned, I smiled softly to myself. Really, why couldn't they change a little more than that? It made it so much harder to stay away.

* * *

><p><strong>Again, aphrodite931 was a great help on this chapter! One of her suggestions from the first or second chapter came into play here for a much greater effect! The entire Loke scene was inspired by just one or two sentences from her. So, thanks, Aphrodite! You make this just THAT much better! Check out her Ophiuchus and When You Don't Know Me! <strong>**J**


	4. Strengths vs Weaknesses

**A huge thanks goes out to everyone who reads and reviews! You guys keep me going! xD**

**I'm going to try to get at least one chapter out a week from now on, maybe two if I can manage it, because I want this to be pretty well into the story when I have to go back to school for my senior year of high school on August 22. So please bear with me when that time comes and updates may be slower! I still love you guys! **

**Thanks a lot to ShiningStellar, who's a constant reviewer of all of my stories and is a very reliable person. And who knows? Those of you who review, just keep doing it and your name might someday end up right here!**

**Anywho, let's got on with it. Here's chapter four of Until She's Home Again!**

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><p>It was easy to see that Natsu was feeling better by the very next day. When I woke up to get ready for helping out in the café, I glanced out my window to see him playing ball with a few of the children. Watching him hold back for once was adorable, as was seeing that grin back on his face as he encouraged the younger kids to try harder. He really was good with children, and by the time I ran an errand for Harrah three hours later, he and the kids were lying by the side of the street. All of them were fast asleep, all worn out from playing. Even Natsu himself was snoring gently. I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle my giggle before trying to hide my slip-up.<p>

On my way back from running errands, I almost froze in shock at what I saw. Natsu was awake this time, and he had unrolled the sleeping bag he still carried with him. As I forced myself to keep walking, I eyed him covertly as he picked up one of the children gently, so he wouldn't wake her, and lay her on the sleeping bag. He did that with the other three, then sat beside them, watching them with a tender expression I hadn't seen him use before.

"Hey," he said softly as I passed, putting a finger to his lips. Then he grinned, that childlike grin I was so fond of. I just nodded as an answer, slipping back into the café with the package I'd retrieved for Harrah.

Erza spent a lot of her time inside the café, ordering strawberry soda after strawberry soda. I found it kind of cute, but I'd never tell her that. After all, how many people would call Erza the Titania, strongest woman in Fairy Tail, _cute_? And actually live? Okay, I'm exaggerating, but I still wouldn't have told her, even if I was talking to them as Lucy Heartfilia and not Layla Heart.

The scarlet haired ex-quip mage also tried to make conversation with me, about my magic and perhaps what spirits I summoned. It was dangerous water for me to tread, especially with the intuitive Erza Scarlet, and I treated it as such.

"I don't summon spirits," I said, in a standoffish way. "Like I said to Nara, I don't call on them anymore. That's that."

Erza didn't ask anymore, looking sheepish. Since when could she make such an expression? She never seemed that yielding before. But she just ordered a slice of our strawberry cake, and knowing what would happen if I didn't go get it, and _soon_, I practically ran to get her the treat of her preference.

That night, they all came to eat at the café again. I found out that Gray had actually been fishing with Happy, which I thought was strange, but didn't question it too much. Happy proudly displayed the fish he'd caught, and Natsu congratulated him. Even though I shouldn't have, I brought out matches with the meal again. Afterwards, I did the same thing I had the night before, taking the mages their favorite treats. Happy got a smaller fish to follow his dinner, Erza an extra large slice of the cake she loved, Gray got a bowl of ice cream, and Natsu merely enjoyed eating the flames from the tips of the matches.

The next day, around noon, I looked up from wiping a table down to see a certain ice mage strolling casually down the street. He acted as if he didn't have a care in the world, which might have been a good thing. The only problem with the overall picture was the fact that he'd lost his clothes. _All_ of them. I dropped the rag quickly, took off my apron, and opened the door.

"Hey," I shouted to him, throwing the apron at him, "go put some clothes on, you dumbass!"

I felt like Natsu, talking to Gray like that. And Gray, just like he used to, looked at the apron in his hands in confusion before looking down. The look on his face was worth it, and I grinned a bit evilly. Now I knew why Natsu liked pointing it out. If that was the reaction Gray gave every time someone told him he'd stripped his clothes off, I wondered why I hadn't got this vindictive sort of pleasure from it before.

"Shit! When did that happen?"

"Does it matter?" I drawled, leaning against the doorframe. Layla was easy to keep up in this situation. "Go put some clothes on before the mayor sees you and kicks you outta town."

Wearing only an apron, Gray fled down the street. I averted my gaze with a sigh. This was the typical behavior I'd been expecting. I was somewhat surprised that he hadn't done it sooner.

Natsu played ball with all the kids again that day, this time calling it quits before they all fell over from exhaustion. Then he sat and talked with them, making them laugh at some of his antics. He told them stories about missions that the team had been on, and I realized that they were all from when _I_ was a part of their group. I recognized every story he told, and I quickly ducked back inside the café. I dug out a spare apron and got back to work.

The first thing I had to do was refill Erza's strawberry soda and bring her a slice of cake.

When it came time for Team Natsu to leave the small town of Reason two days after the confrontation with Nara, I couldn't help but feel the hard knot of depression welling in the pit of my stomach. It had been nice to be near them, even if I had to keep my true self hidden from them for the most part. The hardest thing about being close to them was the fact that we were destined to be separated once more. I cursed inwardly. Just when my heart had finally mended the old wounds, it would be torn open again at the sight of Erza Scarlet, Gray Fullbuster, Happy, and Natsu Dragneel walking away from me without even looking back. Because that's how they'd leave; never taking a look over their shoulder, eager to be off on another adventure, for me, but without me.

The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth.

So when I learned that the famous team of mages was packing up to leave town, I slipped out into the forest for the silence and solitude that it offered me. The leafy foliage sheltered me from the sun, and the large trees hid me from view. Brambles and low hanging branches snagged at my black jeans and grey tank, but I ignored it, and even welcomed the small sting and trickle of blood that came from a particularly vicious looking thorn. It could draw my attention, however temporarily it may have been, away from the few people it hurt me to have to lose. Again.

I found myself under a large oak tree, huddled among large, raised roots that were contorting and twisting all around their source. And there I let the tears burn the corners of my eyes, sliding down lower between the wood of my self-imposed prison, as I lamented the departure of my dearest friends. I would let myself cry now, I promised, and then return to Layla Heart. I had to return to Layla Heart! I had to steel myself against the pain, against the heartbreak, and somehow force myself to believe that it would all be okay again, if only I found Layla Heart inside of me and made her come out once more. She'd slipped so badly in the last two days that I'd felt sure I would be recognized, but it was with a painful, sour sort of relief that my former teammates seemed completely oblivious.

Brief it may have been, the hour that I took aside to cry, but for that short sixty minutes the carefully hidden Lucy Heartfilia boldly shined through my punk exterior, weak and still just as soft-hearted as ever.

* * *

><p>As their small group walked away from the little town, called affectionately by its citizens by the name Reason, the pink haired dragon-slayer couldn't help but turn his head to glance back. Standing on the main road leading away stood several of the townspeople, waving at the group, but he didn't spot the one person he was looking for. That one mage, with the black hair and all the clothes that screamed delinquent, wasn't there to see them off. And oddly enough, Natsu was a little disconcerted by that. It wasn't as if they really meant anything to her, or she to them, but why did he feel like he wanted to at least say goodbye to her?<p>

He promptly decided that he had wanted to see her one more time because she'd saved their lives. But he really didn't need to, because Erza had chosen to leave a letter when they learned that this Layla chick was nowhere to be found in the morning. They could delay no longer, Erza had said, because they needed to find another job to take on, an even bigger one than this had been. The more challenging the request, the more they got beat up in the process, and the more they traveled would definitely get to Lucy. She would hear, and she would come back.

Dryly, the fire mage thought that it seemed as though the Titania had already forgotten that they hadn't even been the ones who successfully completed the mission. It had been that Layla person.

And then there was Gray, that dumbass, who was walking while simultaneously stripping his shirt off. Natsu groaned to himself, because he knew he shouldn't have expected anything different. But at least the ice mage had waited long enough to be out of sight of the town before starting to unclothe himself. It was a foolish sort of thing to hope, but Natsu had been the fool. He'd thought that maybe, just _maybe_, doing all of this to bring Lucy back would convince the exhibitionist to train himself to keep his clothes on since she had always complained to him about his clothes if no one else had gotten to it first, y'know? Natsu knew he was being a bit unreasonable in his thoughts, but he was desperate to find Lucy. He missed her so much that he couldn't think of any words strong enough to really describe the feeling. So it had been a stupid thing to hope for, but couldn't Gray keep his damn clothes on for more than five minutes?

Seriously.

Then again, there were the jobs that Team Natsu kept taking. That was how the team had gone on for the last three years, and that's how they would continue until they found Lucy and brought her home. Or until she finally came around all on her own.

* * *

><p><em>It had been three long, painful months since Lucy Heartfilia had left, disappearing from Fairy Tail. Her old teammates had finally begun to pull themselves together again and Gray had come up with a job request that they could do together but which was also challenging, just like old times. Natsu was all for ignoring it, staying there and sulking around the bar all day just as he and most of the guild had done since his blonde nakama had vacated their lives. Happy had sat with Charle on more than one occasion, and the normally standoffish exceed had even tried to comfort her blue (both in skin color and mental state) companion, to no avail. The dispirited cat now sat on the tabe, staring almost listlessly at the paper the ice mage had chosen to take down.<em>

_It was only when Erza stood up, slamming the request Gray had picked down on the table so forcefully that the wood splintered, that Natsu looked up at her._

"_We will go," she said firmly, a trace of the old Erza back in her tone. "Team Natsu will accept this request. We'll go on every single request we can find, each one more challenging than the last. If we get injured, it won't matter, because we'll be doing it to prove that we _need_ her."_

"_Need…who…?" Happy asked, ears drooping from his distress._

"_Who else?" Erza cried loudly. All eyes in the guild were on the distraught ex-quip mage as she continued, "Who else do we need more than we need Lucy back? We will take the hardest jobs we can find, and we will succeed in the end, even if it kills us in the process. And every time we get a new scar, or break a bone, or are beaten down, the word will spread. She'll hear, wherever she is, and when she does she'll know that we can't keep doing it without her or we really will be killed. Won't Lucy see that we need her back? That our team is incomplete without her in it?"_

_The room had gone stalk-still, the silence permeating every inch of open space until there was no sound but breathing. The Titania's chest heaved from the force of her conviction, and her hand, still in the splintered depression of the wooden table, balled shakily into a fist. Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes until finally the strongest woman in Fairy Tail was reduced to tears. The racking cries that shook the scarlet haired woman's body wormed their way into the minds of all the fairies present, and touched souls. Erza fell back onto the bench she'd been sitting upon, putting her bloody, splinter speckled fist against her mouth in an attempt to stifle the sounds emitting from her own lips._

_She let out a shaky gasp crossed with a sob as a hand, warm and firm, descended on her shoulder, and she looked up._

"_Get ready if we're going," the Salamander said to her, eyes hidden in shadow but tears visible on his cheeks. "We're leaving tomorrow at seven. Let's meet up at the train station."_

"_T-train?" Gray's voice shook as he tried to hold back his own sorrows. "You? What are you talking about?"_

"_A-aye," Happy agreed with the molding mage, tears streaming down his cheeks and snot unattractively bubbling from his nose._

"_That's the fastest way to get where we're going, right?" the dragon-slayer looked up and flashed a smile at his nakama. Granted the smile was weak, and the salty liquid came in a never ending streak from his eyes, but it held a hint of his former childlike grin, and it seemed to be a sign that healing would come soon. "And the faster we do this job, the quicker we can take another, and the sooner Luce hears all about us and how bad we need her back. Isn't that so?"_

_And a smirk broke out across Gray's face as he finally let the tears he'd held back roll freely. Happy's little laugh and traditional 'aye' rang through the room, and a small smile spread slowly across the Titania's features as she nodded her head. The team of four was back together again, and oblivious to the tears their rather loud conversation and decision had caused among the rest of their family._

* * *

><p>They'd do whatever it took, because Lucy was their irreplaceable nakama. Each and every one of them, even the small and sometimes not very useful Happy, would give their very lives if it meant they could get the blonde to come back to them. It was on the second job they took with the intention of garnering Lucy's attention that they had realized this fact.<p>

* * *

><p>"<em>Let go of me!" Gray shouted to Natsu, whose fingers tightly clutching the ice mage's wrist was the only thing between said ice mage and certain death at the bottom of the rocky cliff. <em>

"_You dumbass!" Natsu grunted, just squeezing tighter even as his broken ribs, pressed flat on the hard rock of the cliff's top, made him want to scream in agony. "I can't do that! What would Lucy do to me then, huh? Not to mention Erza!"_

"_Let go!" Gray pleaded, spotting the pain that flitted across the face of his pink haired companion and rival. "If I die here, won't Lucy realize that if she'd have been here, she could have done something to help out and it wouldn't have ended this way? You guys will get to see her that much sooner, hothead! I'll die so that she'll come back!"_

"_If I wanted you to die I would have let you used Iced Shell on Galuna Island!" the dragonslayer screeched, and the dark haired ice mage blinked in surprise at the tears building in the other man's eyes. "And Luce would never forgive me if I let you fall here! Especially if it's for her!"_

"_Y-you'd say the same thing as me if this were the other way around!" Gray spat, actually trying to wriggle free of the strong grasp Natsu had on his wrist. "All of us would gladly fall if it meant the rest could see her again!"_

_The eyes of both men widened at the realization that Gray's words were exactly right, but Natsu's hardened quickly._

"_Yeah, we would," he winced but started to pull Gray up, "without hesitation, we'd all die for Luce. But don't you see that even if we got Lucy back, it wouldn't be the same unless we were all here together to greet her?"_

_With one more almighty heave that had the pink haired man screaming from the pain of his exertion, Natsu pulled Gray up and threw him onto solid ground before whimpering pathetically and rolling onto his back, clutching his ribs. The ice mage, also already injured, landed hard on the ground but scrambled up enough to crawl over to the fire mage who was groaning in pain now, hiding that whimper that wanted to escape his lips. Despite the Salamander's protests, Gray pulled aside the tattered vest to see the deep purple and black bruising across his ribs. He sucked a breath in through his teeth, then laughed aloud._

"_You damn idiot," Gray said, shaking his head. "You always have to get yourself in way over your head, don't you?"_

_The snort that came from the dragonslayer made him wince, but he replied, "You're one to talk, underwear man."_

_Two friends smiled softly at each other through their pain, looking past their rivalry for once to see true camaraderie they felt for each other, though it was hidden behind all the layers of hostility. _

_And to think that this had all come from their desperate, joint desire to see Lucy again. Even Erza, who had been flown ahead by Happy, knew the same feeling. She'd almost lost to the enemy, had it not been for the blue Exceed's timely intervention. Even as she carried the wounded creature back towards where they had last seen Gray and Natsu, the two talked in low voices about each other's willingness to perish in battle if it meant the other one could see Lucy again. But they came to the same conclusion as well; wouldn't it be better to meet her again…together?_

* * *

><p>Fairy Tail's Salamander looked up at the clouds scuttling across the sky and wondered if Lucy could see the same clouds from wherever she was. The same bright blue sky, which seemed to promise good things to come and a happy reunion ahead. Could she see the blue that she'd once told him was her favorite shade of the color, clear and unmarred by stormy clouds or pollution? Or was her sky shrouded in darkness, rain pelting down on her from above?<p>

A question that really plagued the mind of the dragon-slayer wasn't nearly so simple as those.

_Does Lucy still care about us?_

Always the first thought to go through his mind upon recalling this question was that of course she did, she was Lucy! The blonde celestial mage that they had all grown to love, who had become a part of their family so much easier than someone like Gajeel could. She'd been the first to truly accept Juvia, despite all that the water mage had done to her to begin with. Lucy was a sweet, sincere sort of girl and everyone missed her. And especially since she was so sweet, she _had_ to still care about him (he never realized that it had changed from whether she cared about everyone to whether she cared about _him_). Right? And then the doubts began to surface, once his thought process had gotten this far. He would always start over thinking and when he was in a particularly foul mood, he would think negatively. One of the thoughts was that she _couldn't possibly_ care anymore, because she'd be there with him if she did. She'd tricked them all, with an innocent act that nearly rivaled that of their dear Mirajane, only to leave them hanging and heartbroken when she ran off without a word to anyone.

When he thought like that, it always hurt. It was like a million needles had been plunged into his chest, or like dying a thousand deaths but never actually dying. It was hell on earth, and even through it all, he desperately wanted to see her.

Natsu couldn't even begin to describe the depths of his feelings. How badly he really missed that weirdo, or how much he wanted to find her, to run up to her, to hug her until she couldn't breathe and then never let her go. He missed her so much! Not only had she left the guild (unofficially) without warning, without even telling anyone, but she had left the team. More importantly, to the mage in question, she had left _him_. Not even a goodbye, or a letter. Even Levy had gotten more, when she got Lucy's completed novel in the mail. There was no such gift for Natsu, but he didn't need anything more than knowing she was okay. That she was alive somewhere and would come back. But unfortunately, the thing he desired to know the most was eluding his grasp.

He didn't want something of hers that she had left behind, because that was too much like closure. Too similar to a permanent goodbye.

It was too much like being abandoned again.

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><p>The forest sounds were soothing, listening to my sobbing without ridiculing me or poking fun at my vulnerability. The hour that passed had seemed so much longer, but finally the tears were dry and I headed towards the nearby sound of running water. The brambles seemed more insistent as they tried to snag me, but I evaded them and found myself at a small brook. I dropped to my knees beside the running water, my reflection peering back at me with puffy red eyes. I laughed at my pathetic reflection a little hoarsely. With cupped hands, I splashed some of the pleasantly cool water onto my face, trying to take down some of the swelling.<p>

After another half hour had passed, I stood and made my way back to Reason, struggling to rediscover my own reason.

I knew immediately upon my reentry that my old nakama were gone. A few kids played laggardly in the streets, as though it didn't hold as much joy for them without that crazy pink haired guy joining in. A few adults lounged around, looking about them as though bored of the town and the silence that now pervaded the streets. But the silence was a key factor in my knowledge that Fairy Tail's strongest team had vacated the town and would soon leave the island. I paused for the briefest of moments in the street, looking up at the clear blue sky above me, and let a small, sad smile grace my face.

"Layla! _There_ you are, dear!" Harrah's voice called, and I turned my gaze to her. "Won't you come in and talk to me for a while?"

I couldn't turn down the kindly woman in my current state of mind, so I tried to get a hint of Layla back into my lifestyle when I rolled my shoulders and said, as though bored, "Sure."

I received a smile from the woman, her graying blonde hair swaying from her low ponytail in the light breeze that played about us. Her blue eyes had something akin to a look that showed she knew more than I gave her credit for, but I had no idea why I felt that way. I shook the thought from my mind and followed as she beckoned me into the abnormally empty café above which I had lived for nearly a year now. She wound her way to a back table and motioned me to sit as she went and poured us both a cup of coffee.

"I couldn't help but notice," she said as she came back over to sit, "that you seemed to get along well with those three mages that were here."

"Four," I said before I could stop myself. I knew Harrah had caught it when I saw her look of confusion. I sighed and added, "The blue cat is a mage, too."

"Is…he?" Harrah said slowly, but then smiled. "So, do you perhaps know them from somewhere? They seem to be quite a famous team! Rex wouldn't stop talking about them or bugging them the entire time they were here. It didn't seem like the two young men minded much, and the woman was too drawn in by her cake to notice," the middle aged woman laughed a little at Erza's antics, "but I still told him not to bother them so much. They were injured and just trying to recover. A rather ragtag group, but they were so cheerful and seemed like a good group to be around….Just the type of friends I imagine you used to have, back where you came from."

"I ran into them at Nara's dark guild headquarters and helped them out a little," I shrugged, "so that's where I knew them from. What of it?"

"You don't have to try so hard, you know?" Harrah's voice turned soft, and she looked out the side window next to her. "I'm sure your friends miss you, wherever they are. And seeing how you treated those mages just made me wonder if you knew them, or if they reminded you of people you know."

"Maybe they reminded me of someone," I said dismissively, averting my gaze.

A silence fell, but it wasn't so oppressive that it was uncomfortable. It was broken shortly by Harrah.

"Hey…Lucy?"

"Hmm?" I said, turning back to her.

"So I was right," she said triumphantly, smiling gently at me.

"About what?" I asked, my confusion was undoubtedly written all across my face. Harrah's face softened and she remained silent for a while, only adding to my confusion. What had she said and how had I replied that made her say she was right about something? Was I losing my mind a little as some sort of side effect of my condition?

"Those mages were looking for someone, right?" Harrah asked, taking a leisurely sip of her coffee. "An old friend, a teammate, who had been missing for three years, isn't that so?"

Grudgingly, I nodded at the older blonde's question.

"They asked around town just a little, to see if a girl of her description had passed through," she continued cheerily, "When she left, she had blonde hair just past her shoulders, brown eyes, and a really sweet disposition. They also said she was really curvaceous," Harrah chuckled a little but kept going, "and that she had always had a soft spot for books and making sure that innocent people weren't harmed in any way. They said her name was Lucy Heartfilia, you know?"

"What of it?" I repeated as I shrugged, taking a nice, long drink of the warm coffee to soothe my throat; it was still dry from my heaving sobs earlier. The drink burned as it went down, leaving an unwanted taste in my mouth. I instinctively turned to the sugar bowl that Harrah had brought over on the tray with our drinks. "What does their searching got to do with me, and something that you were right about?"

"I was right because I called you Lucy and you answered."

I dropped the spoonful of sugar and the grainy sweet substance scattered on the table as the spoon bounced lightly on the wood before tumbling off and landing on the floor with a clatter. Silence fell once more, but this time it felt like it was constricting my lungs, making it hard for me to breathe. My hand remained suspended in the air, where my nerveless fingers had foolishly released the spoon and clearly given myself away. I knew my eyes were wide, like a deer caught off guard by bright lights shining at them. I stared at the smiling woman with the graying blonde hair and eyes that knew so much more than I had thought possible.

After all this time, I couldn't believe I'd slipped up so badly. How did I not realize that she hadn't called me Layla? In all the time I had been here, everyone knew me as Layla Heart, their indifferent punk queen and the mage they could rely upon for the jobs that their hometown magic users couldn't handle. The girl who'd shown up out of nowhere, seeming to have nowhere else to go, and who had chosen to stay. The only name they had ever called me by was Layla, so how did I not notice that my real name had so easily slipped from Harrah's lips?

My hand then started to tremble violently and I snatched it back, clenching both of them together under the table and looking down into the blackness of my coffee. Anything to avoid looking at the woman who had unveiled me in the simplest of ways. The worst part was that I had completely shattered at her recognition and found myself unable to keep my façade going any longer. My confidence wavered and crumbled, exposing the shy, trembling, weak Lucy Heartfilia I'd struggled to leave behind me. Perhaps it was so easy to deface me now because I'd just had to deal with letting my closest friends leave me, just as I had done to them. Maybe the guilt I felt deep inside made me easy to read. I knew it made me cave in to my weaker side, my selfish side. Although they know me as Layla now, I couldn't help but want to be near to them and help them to smile like they used to. I pampered my former nakama each night at the café, bringing them their favorite food in my moment of weakness. It was hard to steel myself and stay strong when they were so close to me, so hard that it was almost impossible. And I realized that I would always be the weakest one whenever I was around them. I probably made it easy to see that I wasn't as cold as I normally would have been when those four Fairy Tail mages were sitting there.

"I don't know why you left them," Harrah's voice broke into my thoughts, almost as if Laxus had struck me with his lightning, "but I can see that it's hurting you. Being so close to them, after leaving for who knows why and not seeing them for three years, is tearing you apart. Why don't you go after them, Lay- I mean, Lucy? Tell them that it's you and apologize. They've been searching for you, so I'm absolutely sure that they would understand and accept your apology. What's stopping you?"

"I have to keep my distance, Harrah," I managed to force out. Was I going to have to admit it out loud to someone for the first time that I was going to die soon?

The woman took my sentence in stride, staring at me with a calculating look in those blue eyes of hers. They reminded me of the piercing blue eyes behind half moon spectacles that I had read about in one of my favorite book series. It felt as if Harrah was picking me apart with her eyes and analyzing every single inch of me. That gaze bore down upon me for minutes on end, as if she was trying to think of how to continue this confrontational conversation. Her brow was furrowed in thought, and she had her fingers linked in front of her, resting her chin on top of them.

I could just imagine those blue eyes swimming in tears when I told her I was about to die. I didn't want to think about it, but it was so easy to see when I remembered her distraught expression from when Nara had discovered Rex and tried to take him. My jaw tightened at the thoughts, and I struggled to keep looking at the woman without showing the changing of my emotions. I didn't want her to see my inner turmoil anymore, to get further involved in my affairs. However, I didn't think I would be able to escape the eventuality of telling her. And that eventuality would probably be a reality in just the span of a few short minutes. Harrah's calculating gaze had intensified as I realized my inner state of confusion, and with a sinking feeling I guessed that she had recognized the crossing of different emotions across my face. And since I kept my eyes locked with hers, she probably read me like a book.

"You're hurting," Harrah finally said, leaning back with a sad sort of sigh. "I don't care about your reasons for hiding, I just know that whatever they are is causing you to suffer. Whatever it might be, your friends would definitely understand it. They could help you heal, and you could return to your old, happy life with them."

"I can't return to it," I said, averting my gaze. "There is no way I can go back, Harrah."

"Lucy! Why are you tormenting yourself like this?" Harrah burst out, not her kind and gentle self. My eyes were immediately drawn back to her because of her tone. "It's agonizing to watch you continue down this path that you seem so set on walking! It's self-destructive! You've become the daughter I've always wanted in just one short year, and I can't stand to see you turn your back on the people that clearly bring such joy into your life! Tell me, why you can't go after them right now? What's keeping you from reuniting with them at long last? Chase them down! Apologize for leaving them! They'll forgive you, if that's what you're so afraid of, Lucy. They have been searching for _you_ this entire time! They don't want to persecute you or accuse you of anything, they just want to be _with_ you! Why don't you get that? Why won't you let yourself live happily? Together with your friends?"

"That's just it!" I stood quickly from my spot, my voice raised in a shout. "That's just it! I _won't_ live happily with them anymore! I can't! There's no way for me to live happily with them, so this is the best way!"

"What's the best way? Letting them see you and not even know it's you?"

The tears came back to my eyes and I said vehemently, "Yes! That's the best way. The very best way to distance myself from them so they can still have hope."

"Have hope…?" Harrah questioned slowly. I grit my teeth. "What do you mean by that?"

"If I was still with them, they couldn't be able to hope I'd come back. D'you see? So when I'm finally gone, they won't know any different and can still believe I'll come back to them someday! This way, they can believe I'm alive out there somewhere even if I'm not."

"But you _are_," Harrah persisted, a light of worry shining in her blue eyes. "You are alive, and you will go back to them someday! Because you care about them, and you can't bear to be apart from them for so long. Right?"

I didn't answer her, my chest heaving as I looked away, out across the empty café.

"Right…?" Harrah whispered. "Lucy…what is it? Why…?"

"I can't let them be there when it happens," I choked out.

"When what-"

"I'm _dying_, Harrah," I breathed, looking up at her with tears once more shamelessly making their way down my cheeks. "I'm dying and according to everything I've ever read about my condition, there's no way to cure it. You remember when I suddenly run out into the woods and don't come back for sometimes hours at a time? And when I do come back, I'm covered in blood and scratches…? It's because I've got more magical power than I can control, and it comes out in explosive bursts that can hurt me and everyone around me. I've survived three times longer than most celestial mages ever have. I should have died two years ago, which is why I left them. I couldn't bear to tell them that I was going to die soon, because I know they would have worked themselves to their own early graves if I'd told them, trying to find some sort of means to keep me alive and cure me. They're that type, y'know? The ones who would do absolutely anything for the sake of one of their nakama, because at Fairy Tail, we were like a big family. For some of us, Fairy Tail was all we had, so when one of us is hurt we all were. I now I'm hurting them all, but I'm hurting too. See? But this way, unless you find them and tell them who I am before I'm gone, they'll never know and they can always believe that I've found happiness somewhere. They can learn to live and let live, to forget and move on. Maybe if they knew I was dying, they'd understand my reasoning, but I couldn't bear to put that kind of pressure on them. At least I had planned on leaving a letter behind, right? I have it written, and I have for years. It's addressed to the guild, Fairy Tail, and it explains everything; why I left, what's been happening to me, and it also says how I will have succumbed to my affliction by the time they read it. I tell them that I miss them all, and it's my parting wish that they continue to live happily for me. I leave it on my bed every time I go out, so that if something happens to me, someone will find it and send it to them! I just don't want them to know while I'm…well, _fading away_, I guess. I care more for their happiness than anything else in the world."

My voice was even more choked than before as I said my last sentence.

"Don't you think that they would be happier…" Harrah said weakly, the tears I'd dreaded filling her eyes, "…if you told them firsthand? After all, you're their family, right? I'm sure they'd want to know directly from your mouth."

"I don't know anymore!" I yelled, my hands fisted in my hair in my frustration. "I don't know what I should have done, or what I should do! I just know what I'm _going_ to do!"

I furiously wiped at my tears.

"What are you going to do, then? Lucy?"

"I'm going to go back to the main continent," I said, clearing my throat a little and taking a few steadying breaths to calm my frantic heartbeat and sorrowful thoughts. "I'm going to follow them around, and make sure they don't get themselves killed trying to find me. And if I happen to die helping them, they'll probably figure out who I am, or I'll tell them with my dying breath because I wouldn't be strong enough to hide it anymore. But I have to follow them or I'll go crazy."

"You know," Harrah stood up too, putting our cold coffee back on the tray as she picked it up, "telling them isn't the weak thing to do. I actually think it shows your true strength."

She walked away, tears still on her cheeks, as I stared after her. I thought over her words endlessly, trying to tell myself that she was lying, but deep down I knew she was right, in a way. But really, even if I was still with them, I'd rather not let them know what fate lay ahead of me. I'd want them to smile and laugh with me, like we all used to, not look at me with pity or sadness in their normally cheerful eyes. In which case I really was as weak as I had always thought myself to be, because I couldn't even tell my friends I was dying. I was right, though, that it was a kind of strength. It took a lot of pure willpower to keep myself from reaching out to them, confessing everything. Who I was, why I left, and how much I missed them. There was strength in my silence, but there was an entirely different strength in confession.

I watched blankly after Harrah until she disappeared into the café's kitchen, then I picked up the spoon I'd dropped and took it to the cart with dirty dishes on it from my nakama's breakfast this morning before heading upstairs to pack my bags.

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><p><strong>Here's the next chapter! Please review if you have a few minutes to spare! Your comments, questions, and suggestions are all taken into account! ;)<strong>


	5. Travel

**Have I told you guys how awesome you are? No? Well, you guys are awesome. Everyone who reads and reviews…I love you guys. You really keep me going, you know? It's really important for a sort-of aspiring writer (I'm aspiring to be more of an artist, really, haha) to get such great feedback, so thank you!**

**Now that I got the sentimental crap out of the way, I'll just go ahead and get on with it! Until She's Home Again, chapter 5. **

**Enjoy! XD**

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><p>My last articles of clothing were packed and I paused to stare at the single suitcase. The corners were ragged from those two years of hard travel before I found the town of reason, the black leather scuffed and faded. Briefly, the thought crossed my mind that I didn't have very many things, but then I reminded myself that I had made a point of not acquiring too many possessions. To garner too many belongings would tie me down, increase my attachment to whatever place I called home. And if I were to be honest with myself, staying in Reason for as long as I had was just as bad as buying and owning various items. I had told myself when I settled there that I would leave within a few months, but I never had. My first attempt to leave had been thwarted by Harrah. Her pleas for me to stay had just seemed far more convincing at the time than my own reasons to leave.<p>

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><p><em>Standing in front of the quaint little café, I allowed myself one last glance at the dark, quiet building. The night was calm around me, the only noises coming from nocturnal insects and an owl somewhere in the trees surrounding the town. Three months had passed since the kindly woman who owned the little eating place had let the apartment above out to me for free, and I felt that I had already overstayed what welcome my good deed had offered. <em>

_The stars in the night sky were reflected in the glass windows of the shop, and I was just a dark silhouette among them. I could see the moon on the other side of the structure, peeking out above the trees and casting its soft rays of light down upon Reason. It was such a picture perfect setting, I almost wished Reedus could see it and come to draw it._

_I could just imagine the painting it would be; I could see Gray snoring under the tree that was planted right next to Harrah's café, Natsu nearby. Happy would have fallen asleep on Natsu's chest. They would be worn out from their most recent fight, and Erza would be staring up at the sky, deep in thought. The moonlight and starlight would glint off the Titania's armor and scarlet hair, giving her an ethereal beauty that would be unrivaled. Elfman, I could somehow picture, would be weeping at how beautiful it was and saying something along the lines of, "It's manly to recognize true beauty when you see it!". Lisanna would probably be admiring the stars, joined by the adorable little Wendy. The beautiful Cana could be seen setting out her cards, trying to make a reading by the moonlight with a sort of serene little smile on her face. I couldn't see Gajeel caring, and Pantherlily would probably just be looking up, expression unreadable. Charle would be watching over Wendy, features softened by the moonlight. Juvia would be hiding somewhere near her Gray-sama, watching him as the moonlight shined on her hair. I preferred to picture her with the short, straight haircut she'd sported for a while, rather than her strange curly hair. Levy would probably have fallen asleep struggling to read, and her teammates would be watching over her like loyal guard dogs. Bisca and Alzack would be sitting together, even closer to realizing their feelings for each other than ever. I knew Mirajane would say something about how romantic it was, and suggest I spend the evening sitting around with whatever guild member she decided liked me at that point in time. Smiling to myself, I figured she would have picked Natsu again, because she had become more prone to trying to push us together with offhanded remarks like her initial, "Don't you think Natsu might like you?" _

_A soft chuckle escaped at my thoughts. Wherever they were, Fairy Tail would still be Fairy Tail, after all, and I couldn't picture them any other way. And if I did picture them differently, they would all be in a heap together, smiling in their sleep after the most recent guild-wide brawl._

_I then remembered my original intention, and it wasn't to admire the scenery, as gorgeous as it was. I took a deep breath to ready myself, and looked back up at the café, a long look to make up for how distracted I'd been a few moments earlier. I took in the ledge that would shelter an errand runner or child from the rain and the sign that boldly welcomed customers, painted in black and gold. I could just make out, "Café Reason" on the sign. It wasn't a very original name, I remembered thinking before, but it somehow just fit._

_I closed my eyes, holding the image of the diner in my mind, willing it to memory, as I turned and clutched my suitcase by the handle. I opened my eyes when my back was to the building, and started to take measured steps away from it._

"_Leaving so soon, Layla?"_

_The voice came from a bench beside the town's fountain, and I looked to see the motherly Harrah herself sitting there. Her hands were delicately clasped in her lap, and her head was down so that her graying blond hair hung over her eyes, hiding them from sight. Her hair shined in the light of the moon and stars, just like everything in this little town seemed to do, and finally she turned her head up. I still didn't answer her._

"_You don't have to leave."_

_I let out a sigh, and told her, "I'm not much help to you here. I'm just a freeloader, and as a traveler I really shouldn't have stayed this long in the first place. I can't let myself get attached."_

"_You're plenty of help," the older blonde stood up. "You've been giving Rex pointers about his magic, and you've done the same thing for all of our other mages. They're finally making progress, and you're just going to give up on them now?"_

"_I'm not giving up on them," I said softly, "I trust that they'll get better on their own from here."_

"_We still need someone like you, Layla, a strong mage who can handle the bigger jobs. The forest around here is riddled with beasts that sometimes attack, and until our own people can handle it, it would be a huge help to have you here. The citizens here aren't strong enough to protect ourselves just yet."_

_My gaze averted, I winced. How did this woman seem to already understand that my weakness was helping people? Or was she just saying what she truly felt? Whatever it was, it made me sigh. Probably realizing that my resolve was crumbling, Harrah continued to plead with me to stay._

"_If it's rent or something like that you're worrying about, don't!" she laughed a little, almost a nervous sound. "And if you're still going to worry about it, I could use a hand in the café every now and then. Rex always complains about it, and his mother's the only librarian here, so she can't exactly come in and help. Everyone else has some sort of job to do, and there's only so much I can deal with in days that my only other worker is off, without running myself ragged. And I've been giving her a lot of time off, because she's got three small kids and another on the way. I can't expect a young mother to do too much. Please stay, Layla."_

_I cursed my weaknesses._

"_I'm going to help every day," I said, just avoiding the urge to grit my teeth against the words. "Whether you want me to or not. It's the least I can do. And if I don't help, it's because there's some sort of job request that needs my attention. That's my deal."_

_I saw the beam spreading across the woman's face just a second before she threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around me in a hug._

"_Thank you, Layla!"_

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><p>"It's different this time," I said quietly, almost scolding myself. "Harrah knows I'm leaving this time, and she approves. She's not going to try to stop me if she thinks there's a chance of them recognizing me."<p>

I laughed a little at the fact that I voiced my thoughts, and toyed momentarily with the thought that I might just be losing my mind. I dismissed that thought though, almost as quickly as it came to mind. I may have been talking to myself like a crazy person would, but it was only so I could pump myself up. It was as if, somehow, saying that I would finally leave Reason out loud made it all sound more final. I thought that being resolute would make it much more bearable than it seemed, but I could just be kidding myself. Leaving Reason would be almost like leaving Fairy Tail again, minus the fact that I was attached to fewer people. Yet I was still attached, an occurrence I had struggled against to no avail in the end. No matter how I tried to distance myself from her, the kindly Harrah had become like a foster mother to me, filling part of the hole left in me by the loss of my own mother and my friends. Of course, losing my friends was all my fault because I'm the one who left them behind of my own volition.

A few minutes passed, and I trailed my fingers along the wooden headboard of the bed I'd slept in for a year. The wood was weathered but well-cared for, and didn't stab a person with splinters if they touched it. As trivial as just the bed seemed, I would miss it. I'd miss it just as I'd missed my own bed in the first few months of my self imposed exile. A bed you were familiar with gave you an odd sort of comfort that was hard to come by when you were all alone in a strange place. And the same could be said about the surroundings of the room in which you stayed. If you were acquainted with the room you would have a more restful sleep, and you would be more at ease.

Forcing my eyes away from the room, I picked up the suitcase and forced myself to walk to the door of the flat, looking back upon the small apartment with a kind of wistful feeling. Shaking my head, I let a small smile grace my lips as I turned and closed the door behind me, heading down the stairs. It was dark out by this time, and the café was closed. The lights were still on in the kitchen, but off in the dining area, and I found out why when I reached the bottom of the stairs. There stood Harrah, smiling at me, with a sack in her hands.

"I've packed some food for you," she said, walking over to me and handing me the knapsack. I took it wordlessly and slung it over my shoulders, nodding to her in acknowledgment. "You should eat the fruit before it spoils, but the bread and jerky will last a bit longer. I just finished baking the loaves. They're my special recipe, the one you like. With the honey flavor."

"Thank you," I finally spoke, smiling at her. And then I did what I told myself I wouldn't do, and leaned forward to embrace the woman in front of me. I had promised I wouldn't do it, because I knew it would just make the attachment I felt toward her, and she felt toward me, even stronger than it was before. That connection would just make it hurt so much worse for the older woman, since she knew that I was on my last legs of life. But I couldn't leave her like this, and I had to reach forward to embrace the tearful woman at least once. How could I not? It was the least that I, a girl who she admitted seemed like a daughter, could do to comfort her.

"There's also a jar of honey in there," the incorrigible woman managed, even though I heard the evidence of crying in her voice, "because I know you like sweet things like that, even if you don't like to admit it. Just do me a favor, won't you, Layla Heart? Or maybe it should be Lucy Heartfilia…"

"What favor…?" I asked, and Harrah squeezed me tightly.

"Take care of yourself."

I gently squeezed her back, and said, "I'll do my best."

We released each other, and I wasn't surprised to see glistening streaks down her cheeks. I also wasn't surprised to realize that I had a telltale dampness on my own. I reached up to brush them away as I let myself give the older blonde woman one more small smile. I leaned down and picked up the suitcase I'd discarded moments before and hiked the knapsack higher upon my shoulders before turning and heading to the door. Walking across the café felt like it took several minutes, but in reality I knew it only took about twenty seconds to traverse that distance. At the threshold, with my hand on the handle and preparing to push the glass door outward, I glanced back at her.

"Take care," I repeated her sentiment partially, before turning and walking into the darkened streets. I felt her eyes on me as I disappeared into the night, my eyes adjusting to the darkness around me as I followed the same path that my nakama had taken earlier in the day. And still, even after the dark had swallowed me, I knew the motherly woman kept her eyes facing the direction I had vanished.

I never liked long goodbyes, anyway.

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><p>I walked through the night until I reached the harbor town. It was almost nostalgic to end up here after a year on the island, and it reminded me so much of Hargeon, where I'd first met Natsu. This town was known as Yelnon, which I had found on my first visit here odd. The name rolled strangely off the tongue, and my first night in the town last year, I'd sat up for thirty minutes longer than I had planned to, trying to make the name sound as natural as the town's inhabitants did.<p>

The effort didn't work, but it didn't matter because it was only two days until I heard about Reason and wandered off in that direction.

Being back here was definitely a blast from the past, smelling the salty sea on the nighttime breeze as it swept gently through the streets. I closed my eyes and let it brush past me, making the hair of my wig lift slightly in its wake. Slowly opening my eyes, I made my way to the inn, which was still lit up, and managed to procure a room for the rest of the night. Getting a room was easier to do than I had expected, and I also made an arrangement to be woken an hour before the first boat to the main continent left–if I wasn't already awake by then. I laid down in the unfamiliar bed to catch four or five hours of sleep, not even bothering to change into pajamas.

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><p>"<em>Natsu!" I whined at the dragonslayer, breathing heavily as I surmounted the next obstacle in my way. Natsu was much farther up the rocky mountain slope than I was, and I couldn't call on Horologium because he'd already timed out. Happy wasn't here for me to beg him to carry me for a while, so I had to struggle with climbing over all the boulders and random outcroppings.<em>

"_What, Luce?" he called back, pausing in his scramble up the slope to look down at me. "You're really slow, you weirdo."_

"_You're too fast, idiot!" I wailed, then had to clutch the next handhold before I slipped and fell twenty feet down to the last ledge we'd stopped on. To myself, I grumbled, "Why can't we go on a normal job for once? No, the one he picks for the two of us to do requires climbing an entire damn _mountain_!"_

_Not to mention that the object of this job request was to retrieve a wedding ring that had been lost amid the slate grey rocks and the light dusting of snow. I guess we could be a little thankful that it wasn't a really tall mountain, so there wasn't, say, three feet of snow. That would make an already nearly impossible request entirely unfeasible. But there was no helping it. We had already accepted the task and we never stopped until we met our goals, no matter how much I whined. And even when I whined, it wasn't to get Natsu to give up, but to entice him to speak to me. Almost a plea for his attention, like asking him to see me for more than his nakama, kind of like how I saw him as so much more than one of my friends even though I tried to hide it. But when he was entirely focused on what we were doing, he sometimes seemed to forget I was there, even though I knew that wasn't the case. I tried to ignore the pain it caused in my chest when I thought that way, but when you cared so much for someone it did hurt to think that they didn't realize you were there. If we weren't on a job, I wouldn't feel the need to gripe so much. Usually, it's so easy to get him to talk to me, but he's so focused when we're working and it's harder for me to get him to pay me any heed. I wanted him to notice me. _

_But who was I kidding? It was _Natsu_. The chances of him feeling the same were like one in a million. _

_So I just continued to climb, following after my pink haired nakama. Sure, I complained, but Natsu knew it was halfhearted, and sometimes he just laughed at the more ridiculous of my critical comments. This was how our friendship worked. And when I finally reached the summit of the small mountain, there was his large, calloused hand reaching down to help me up as the boy himself wore that same toothy grin he'd worn when he first brought me back to the guild. A grin I'd grown really fond of over all of the things we'd been through._

"_Thanks," I smiled at him, dusting myself off as I stood and glanced around. I wonder if Natsu realized the near futility of the quest._

"_No problem, Luce," he replied, already off and looking around._

_I sighed and asked him, "Natsu, you do realize we're looking for something really small, don't you?"_

"_A ring," he replied, lifting a rock and looking under it._

"_Yes," I walked forward, examining the ground where I walked carefully for any signs of the small circular object we were looking for. "A woman's wedding ring. And do you recall that the lady said it was _silver_? So it's more likely to blend in. Seriously! If you're going to have a wedding ring, at least do the whole thing right! They're usually gold! If it was gold I bet she could have found it on her own, but _no_, since she had a silver ring, we're up here in freezing weather to search for it! Do you know how long that might take?"_

_Okay, so I complained again. But really, didn't people nowadays know how to do things right? At least there wasn't any snow up here yet. That might make it easier to find._

"_What, you'd want a gold ring for the wedding, Luce?"_

"_Of course I would!" I said, kneeling down to look under a small, scraggly bush that was actually growing way up here. I rubbed my arms to create a bit of warmth, since I was still cold even though I was wearing a winter coat._

_I wouldn't realize the possible implication of his question until we found the ring, gave it to the woman, got the reward, and were home again. I was relaxing in a nice hot bath when the sentence replayed in my head and I felt my face begin to burn. In my mind, I was screaming at myself for not realizing it, and then I was berating myself. _

"_He said 'what, you'd want a gold ring for _your_ wedding?' and not 'for _the _wedding'," I told myself, pinching my cheeks. "And even if he did say _the _wedding, he didn't necessarily mean the wedding would be _ours_. Yeah, you're just over thinking it all, Lucy. Forget about it."_

_But I didn't, I couldn't. Forget about it, that is._

* * *

><p>I woke up then, opening my eyes. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, thinking about the dream I'd had that was actually a memory of mine from three months before I left Fairy Tail. It was one of those rare missions Natsu chose that actually wasn't life-threatening, and it had just been the two of us. Despite my constant halfhearted complaints, we had both enjoyed the time together and came back to the guild unscathed. I hadn't even almost fallen off the mountain, like I had been afraid of doing to start with.<p>

I glanced at the clock, reminding myself where I was, to find it was about the time that someone was supposed to come and wake me. And just as I realized that, there was a knock at the door and a timid, questioning, "Miss Heart? Are you awake?"

"Yes, thank you!" I replied through the door, and the shy voice answered so softly I couldn't make her words out. I heard her footsteps leave, though, and got up, stretching. I pulled out a change of clothes from my suitcase that consisted of undergarments, a dark blue pleated skirt, and grey tank top. Then I made my way into my room's bathroom for a quick shower before indulging in a breakfast of some of Harrah's fruits and a few slices of bread with some honey. Then I did everything else that was necessary in the way of personal hygiene, like brushing my teeth and my real hair. Carefully, I clipped and pinned my black wig over my blond hair after running my fingers, almost longingly, through the golden strands. I missed being blonde.

My gloves today were just regular, fingerless gloves that ended at the wrist rather than the elbow. My last pair of long ones had been destroyed when I'd introduced Nara to the wonderfully painful world of Magical Overflow. Well, the gloves hadn't been completely destroyed, but they were reduced to pretty much useless rags so it amounted to pretty much the same thing.

A glance at the clock told me I had twenty minutes left to get to where the boat would leave from, and so I made sure my suitcase was packed and I lifted Harrah's knapsack of food onto my shoulders and took my other baggage in hand. I checked out of the inn, paying a nice tip to the elderly lady for their kindness, and headed off to the harbor. I'd pay for my passage, even if I was too late to get a cabin or room of my own, since there weren't very many of the private rooms in the first place. I didn't mind sleeping in the storage compartment if that's what it took to take this boat back.

I didn't have to worry though. There was still plenty of room on the vessel, because it was kind of out of season for tourists, so I just had to pay and they let me go ahead and board, taking me to the cabin that would be mine for the next twenty four or so hours. I thanked the sailor who had taken me to my room before I carefully stowed the suitcase and knapsack under the bed. I pulled an old, worn novel from my suitcase first, though, and laid it on the bed. I made sure my celestial keys were tucked safely into the pouch meant for them, and I kept that on my belt. I didn't want to chance the possibility of my spirits coming out, especially Loke. Leo the Lion would love to take advantage of a situation like that. After all, I was sure Team Natsu would be on this same boat, and it wouldn't do for them to recognize me because they saw one of my zodiac spirits wandering around on deck looking for me.

Once everything was out of sight, I picked up the book and made my way onto the deck, asking a passing crewman if it was fine that I sat on deck for a while. He kindly pointed me to a spot where I wouldn't be in the way, and I thanked him. I went to sit there, kind of leaning back against the railing, the balusters of which were spaced close enough together that I wouldn't slide through them and fall into the water.

If I did that, Aquarius might try to force her way out.

I settled into my spot quite easily before cracking on of my favorite books open and beginning to immerse myself in the wonderful fictional world portrayed in the pages. It was an escape that I had never been able to fully remove from my day to day life. The old Lucy Heartfilia had always loved to read, to lose herself in the stories she read so thoroughly that it took a lot for someone to pull her out. 'Layla Heart' had remained that way, no matter how much I tried to drop the habit. It was especially hard to leave that part of me behind when Harrah's sister, Rex's mom, was the librarian of Reason and I often went to deliver messages to her from Harrah.

* * *

><p>"<em>Layla! Could you do something for me?" called Harrah from downstairs. Knowing that the flat above the café was soundproofed by magic, I stepped out onto the landing before replying.<em>

"_Yeah, I'm on my way down."_

_When I reached the café level, the graying blonde rushed over with a bento in her hands._

"_Can you take this over to the library? My sister, Rex's mother, you know, is there and I was just told by Rex that she had a lot of organizing to do since she just got a new shipment in, so she was planning to skip lunch. It's just some chicken, noodles, and rice, with a slice of my strawberry cake, but at least it's something. It was the best I could put together in such a short time. So, could you take this to Nell?"_

"_Sure. Where's the library at?" I asked, taking the box she handed me._

"_Thank you! All you have to do is go to the mayor's house across the square from here and take the street that goes left. It's the third building to the right, you can't miss it!" Harrah said, patting my shoulder. "I'm sorry, we've got a few tourists in today, otherwise I'd go and give it to her myself."_

"_It's fine," I said, trying to keep from smiling at her. "I'll be back in a little while."_

_And sure enough, the library was quite easy to find. It was a nice little building, made of stone with pretty decent masonry. It was nothing like Magnolia's library, but it was just a small library for a small town, so it was probably all they needed. I went in without hesitation, looking around until I saw a brunette going through a box labeled, "Reason Town Library Shipment", and so I figured I'd found my target. The archive magic she was using helped her to speed through the process with relative ease, I noticed._

"_Excuse me, are you Nell?" I asked, stepping nearer to the information desk behind which she stood. She looked up quickly, and I could see the same piercing eyes that Harrah possessed._

"_That's who I am. You're…? Oh, never mind! You're that freelance mage staying at Harrah's café, aren't you? Layla, right? I'm sorry, I'm a little busy right now, but you're welcome to come back later."_

"_Actually, I'm not here for a book right now," I said, offering her the bento, "I brought you a lunch from Harrah."_

_The brunette woman, who seemed to be in her middle to upper thirties, looked at the box blankly for a minute, then sighed and smiled at me. "Thank you very much, Layla. That sister of mine is always such a mother hen, have you noticed? Taking care of everyone else before even considering doing something for herself."_

"_That's what makes her such a good person," I said before I could stop myself. It was a bit too nice for the persona I was trying to portray, but Nell didn't seem to pay much heed._

"_Yes, I suppose so. By the way, have you ever heard of the book Maya's Forest?"_

_My heart froze in my chest, and I looked at her. She held up the exact book that had popped into my head the minute she said that, and I couldn't breathe._

"_Somewhere," I said offhandedly, "what about it?"_

"_Well, there's nothing else by this author, and I find it a decent book. It didn't sell very well at first, because it's kind of a retelling of a few different fairytales put together, and because it's from an unknown author. However, the retellings are fresh and new, and I'd like to see more by this person. I'm so sure that this name is just a penname, though. Maybe she writes by several different names…?"_

"_Her name is Lucy," I said, then covered my mouth as Nell's blue eyes looked at me inquisitively. I quickly said, "Sorry, I've got to go. I'll drop by again sometime to see what kind of books you have!"_

_I had practically run from the library that day._

* * *

><p>I did stop by again to see what type of books that the small library had to offer. And then I frequented the library, dropping by once or twice a week for new reading material and to return the books I'd borrowed. I read anything from romance novels to historical fiction. I re-read Maya's Forest, even though I practically knew it by heart since I'd been the one who wrote it. And after a while I began to tell myself that keeping my old bookworm habit would be fine, because it wasn't really a big enough indicator that someone would go, 'Hey! Look over here! It's Lucy Heartfilia! It's got to be her, because she's reading a huge old book!'<p>

Shaking my head for what seemed like the hundredth time, I returned my attention to my book and started to read, letting the words engulf me. It was a nice feeling, to once more be in the comforting realm of a world not my own, even if it was only made of little markings on a page.

I only got to enjoy the blissful feeling of reading about the protagonist's adventures for about ten minutes, because that was when a ruckus sounded, footsteps approached, and then a voice called out.

"Hey! You! You're that girl from that café!"

I looked up, almost agitated, to see Natsu pointing accusingly at me from about five feet away, with Erza, Gray, and Happy nearby. Erza hit Natsu in the back of the head, mumbling something about minding his manners, and Gray remarked about how he thought Natsu would already be getting sick. I didn't let the grin show.

"Oh, it's you four," I said instead, closing my book and standing up. "I guess we'll be on the same boat back to the main continent, huh? And here I thought I would never see you guys again. I'm really starting to think that this is a small world."

Small world, indeed.

The fact that I'd planned to be on the same boat as them from the start didn't need to be mentioned.

* * *

><p><strong>Soooo…here's chapter five. Uneventful. A bit shorter than others. Maybe even, dare I say it, a bit boring. But you have to have chapters that lead into the rest of the story, and this happens to be one of those.<strong>

**I hope you guys like it anyway. XD**

**Reviews are very welcome and very much appreciated ^^**

**And Ari-chan, thank you for your work in editing yet another chapter! ****J**


	6. Erza's Anxiety

**I couldn't even begin to tell you how much I love you guys for reading. Seriously, y'all are amazing! Your support makes me really happy. Not even kidding. XD**

**I keep getting the question/comment in reviews that goes something like, "I hope they recognize Lucy soon" or "When will she go back to them?" or other things similar. And I usually kind of grin at it, and reply to the reviews with, "I can't have them recognize her too soon." or with "That's for me to know and you to find out xD". I'm such a geek. Haha. **

**I HAD this story written out on paper…until I started to make it longer and expand upon it. Now what would have ended about three chapters ago, I'm planning on making last for at least fifteen. I've got a LOT to add in mind, and you'll just have to stick around a while to see just what, right? :]**

**Now I can feel you screaming at me to shut up so you can read, so here's Until She's Home Again, chapter 6.**

* * *

><p>We stood facing each other on the deck of the boat, my old teammates and I, as I held my book down at my side. Natsu was turning green from the gentle rocking motions, but stood firm while pointing a finger at me, still in his accusatory position.<p>

"You know, if you're bothered by the boat's rocking," I said, stepping forward and using my gloved right hand to slowly push his hand down, "You should go below deck. It might not be as bad down there as it is up here."

"Ungh," Natsu groaned, holding his stomach, "don't' say 'boat' and 'rocking' in the same sentence…"

"Don't get sick just thinking about it!" Gray stepped back as the dragonslayer slumped down to the deck on his backside, looking even worse than he had a second ago. I let myself kind of grin at the familiar actions, but forced the expression to change to a smirk at the last minute because I could still feel Erza's eyes on me. I folded my arms across my chest and watched the two young men for a moment before turning to Erza. I nodded to her and started to walk past them, to head back down to my rooms, but the ex-quip mage placed an armor covered hand on my arm and stopped me in my tracks.

"Layla, isn't it?" she asked when I turned my attention to her.

"That's right. Layla Heart. I know who you guys are, but I don't think I caught your names back in town," I said, hinting that I wanted an introduction. An introduction I didn't really need, but when seeming to meet them for the first time, perhaps it was best to ask.

"I don't believe you did," Erza agreed, nodding. "I'm known as Erza Scarlet. The ice mage over there is called Gray Fullbuster. He's the dark haired one. The pathetic, sick one," she rolled her eyes, and I wanted to giggle at her but restrained myself, "is Natsu Dragneel. And the little blue cat flying over them is Happy. We are a team of mages from Fairy Tail."

"You're a very famous team," I remarked offhandedly as the scarlet haired beauty removed her hand from my arm. I turned to face her with my kind of feral grin in place as I said, "You're Titania, and this 'Natsu' fellow is Salamander, am I right?"

"Yes," the woman cocked an eyebrow at me.

"I'm so lucky to be in the company of one of the strongest teams in Fairy Tail," I let my feral grin fade into a bit of a real grin. "Maybe we'll keep meeting like this, and I'll learn a thing or two from you guys, eh?"

I winked at Erza and before she could counter anything that I had said, I was already heading below deck. I heard her call out to me, but acted as though I hadn't and made my way to my room, choosing to relax on the bed and read some more. Dryly, I wondered if this was all I was going to be doing for the entire trip back to the main continent. Just brushing my old nakama off, like it didn't hurt like hell even though it did, and keeping myself secluded in my cabin. Was that going to be all I got from this boat ride? It was only a short trip, maybe twenty-four to twenty-eight hours, if you give margin for storms or trouble on the sea, but it would still be tantamount to torturous.

My book landed with a muffled thump on the mattress beside me and I stared, subdued, at the ceiling.

"Have I really followed them back here only to run from them some more?" I asked myself, almost disgusted with the thought. I should have been up there, talking to them, convincing them that I was just a freelance mage looking to wander around and travel a bit more before I really settled down. I should be facing them without a fear in the world, with the confidence that my Layla Heart persona would hold and not waver in front of them. Yet here I was, running to a room and closing the door at the first chance I got, like a scared little girl in a thunderstorm.

The chuckle that escaped my lips then was wry, laughing at my own inner turmoil. Poking fun at the fact that I was still just as weak mentally as I used to be physically, in a way that had nothing to do with how book-smart I was but how much courage I had. I felt as though I didn't have a single brave bone in my body, thinking that my share of daring and valor had been given to Natsu, or Gray, or Erza, or maybe even Happy. Really, they all had such nerve in the face of danger, willingness to lay their lives on the line for anyone. For the guild, for their friends, and even though it had been almost three years since I left, they were still willing to do the same for me.

"Why are you guys still the same?" I muttered darkly to myself, rolling to my feet and running a hand through my wig. Their unchanging natures were just so alluring, having been away from them for longer than I cared to remember.

A knock came at the door.

"Yeah?" I made my tone sound bored, and I swung one leg across the other in case the door opened, which it did, though only a few inches.

"Miss Heart, there's a breakfast ready in our small dining area if you're hungry," the person who'd led me to my room earlier smiled at me. "And also, we're about to leave port." I opened my mouth to tell him that I wasn't interested, when I realized that Erza, Gray, and Happy might be there. I didn't add Natsu into the equation because Erza had probably knocked him out for his own good. So the words that left my lips changed.

"Sure. I'll find it in a minute. I just want to relax for a little while longer," I said. "Thanks." It was more like, 'I just need to steel myself before seeing them again', but the nice man didn't know about my current dilemma and I wasn't about to enlighten him. Not on a boat where certain people might somehow walk by and overhear, and definitely not to him, because he was little more than a nice stranger.

I shook my head, clearing it of my foolish thoughts, and looked briefly around the room. I took a few breaths to calm myself, a practice I seemed to be relying upon a lot more now that I'd kind of reunited with my dearest friends. I let my eyes flutter closed as I steadied my breathing, coolly pulling Layla Heart's kind of cold façade over my features yet again. Every time I was alone, she slipped away, and I had no idea why. Perhaps it was because I wasn't so focused on keeping myself hidden away from the rest of the world, and maybe I relaxed more when I was by myself. I couldn't let it continue if I was going to be around Team Natsu, though. They had this habit of bursting into a room without a care as to what lay on the other side. And what if I was caught off guard then? Maybe even without my wig on or my contacts in?

"Stop," my voice came out harshly. I had to voice it or my thoughts would have kept running rampant. And I really did need to stop those thoughts, because it was my feeble attempt to convince myself to deviate from the path that I had chosen during my conversation with Harrah back in Reason. That was a thing I could not allow myself to do, because it meant so much to the motherly woman that I reconnect with my old friends, even if it is in a different way than she may have imagined. And I knew she hoped for more than just Layla Heart connecting with the Fairy Tail mages; she desperately wished for me to reestablish my old bonds with them as Lucy Heartfilia. She knew that I wouldn't do that, not if it was within my power to prevent it, but still she dared dream on.

I wished, sometimes, that I had that kind of optimism left in me, but now there was only pessimism.

Before I could prevent myself from doing so, I swiftly stood and exited the room, heading down the hall to where the faint smells of sausage were coming from. I wondered if they had seriously cooked aboard the ship, or if they'd just ordered food at one of the restaurants in town and brought it on, but decided that it was the former. After all, they had to have a way to serve us a warm meal for lunch, because it was included in the ticket price. And still, the ticket price was a moderate, easy to pay affair, even with all the extras they offered.

"Layla?"

I turned to the voice, finding Erza studying me from just a few feet away almost immediately upon my entrance into the room.

"Hm?" I let a questioning sound escape as I raised an eyebrow. She was currently sitting alone at the table, a plate in front of her. There were very few other guests and travelers in the dining area, and they were probably just out of season tourists at best.

"Would you care to join me?" the Titania asked, gesturing to one of the empty seats around her. "My companions decided they weren't hungry, and so Gray and Happy escorted Natsu to the cabin they are sharing."

_Erza wants me to sit with her!_

I panicked for a few seconds before quirking one side of my lips up in my Layla smirk.

"Sure. I'll be right back, Erza."

I sauntered over to the serving area, getting only enough food to sate my hunger, before returning to the table where the redhead sat alone, idly picking at her food. She looked up when I sat my plate down across from her and took a seat there, grinning at her in the way that this persona had.

"You look upset about something," I commented flippantly, taking a bite of the eggs on the plate in front of me. I chewed and swallowed and then continued, "I'm not the mushy-gushy girl talk sort of person, but if you feel like you need to talk to someone I'm free to lend an ear. I may not look like much," I laughed and tugged on a lock of my black hair and motioned to my clothes, "but I'm a pretty good listener most of the time."

The ex-quip mage looked at me, a piercing gaze, and I just looked back. There had been a time where I would have flinched from such a searching gaze, but not any longer.

After a brief period of silence and examination, Erza Scarlet heaved a sigh.

"Sometimes I get the feeling," she said, almost dejectedly, "that you are much more than you seem, Layla Heart."

"Oh, really?" I looked at her over the glass of water she'd begun to sip at. "How so?"

"I'm not really sure yet," Titania said honestly. "There's something about you. I suppose it's got something to do with your good intuition. After just knowing us for a few brief minutes, during the battle with that dark guild's master, you managed to correctly interpret some of the things we might enjoy when dining. A very odd sort of deduction process would have brought you to those correct conclusions, but it just shows that you're much more than you let on. And even now you're proving it to me again, by noticing the unease, or upset, that no one else can see. I don't know what it is, but something tells me you're not just on a pleasure trip."

"Tell me when you think you've got me figured out," I winked at her, a playful grin stretching across my face to hide my worry and the frantic beating of my heart. "And no, I'm not just on a pleasure trip. I'm on a quest to see the world before I'm old and grey and can't do it…well, I can't even get old and grey anymore, but you get the idea."

"You're just…resigned to your fate…?"

"I can't do anything to help it," I shrugged a shoulder, trying to get out of this part of the conversation. "I'm just trying to do as much as I can before the last day comes. I want to see more of the world. It's not like I have anywhere else to go."

The expression that Erza wore showed that she didn't even remotely agree with my train of thought, but she didn't press the topic. Instead, she slowly started to eat some of her food, and I continued to eat my own. It was a pretty comfortable silence, considering that we were technically not much more than strangers in her eyes and despite how heavy the conversation had become. The little part of Layla that had become a permanent fixture in my personality, however, wouldn't rest until I knew what was making her wear such an expression of confusion, sadness, worry, and whatever other faces were akin to those, even before the brief discussion on my condition. Because, really, such faces didn't suit the brave, fearless Erza Scarlet.

"So…" I said, sitting my fork aside and looking at the intimidating woman. "Is there anything in particular you're upset about? That you feel the need to tell someone? If so, speak up now, before I go back to my room."

Erza didn't say anything, so I took my plate to the bin allotted for dirty dinnerware and left the small dining area, leaving her behind to stare at her mostly finished meal.

* * *

><p>The trip had been underway for about four hours when my quite time, which I had been spending reading the book I had with me, was interrupted by a knock at the door. I blinked, pulling myself away from the words, to look at the door blankly before the knob turned and it swung open to reveal someone I was slightly surprised to see. Standing boldly in the doorway, the woman looked at me with a calculating stare, then shut the door behind her and strode over to my bed, perching gingerly on the edge beside me.<p>

"You said I could talk to you," Erza said promptly, and a light flush crossed her cheeks as she pointedly looked away.

"I did," I said, letting my eyes return to the book in front of me, "but what if I only meant it at the time? You know, when you were picking at your food and acting like someone just took the world's last piece of strawberry cake right out from under your nose, and I was bored with no one to sit and talk to while I ate my own food?"

_Ouch_, I thought to myself as I turned my face slightly towards my book in an attempt to hide the fact that I had flinched at what I had said. It was painful to tell Erza Scarlet to her face that we weren't really friends now, and to insinuate that we had never been so. Especially when both of those statements had been nothing but blatant lies.

"I'm sorry," Erza said monotonously as she stood up to leave once more. "I wasn't aware that your offer had expired."

My heart heaved at the kind of angry, but more upset expression that she showed me and before I realized what I was saying, I started to speak again.

"You might as well sit back down, since you've piqued my interest now. And I guess it would have to be something important, for you to come all the way down here to talk to me. I'm a mage you hardly even know, if you didn't recall. And speaking of which, can't your teammates do something to help you?"

I already knew that the answer to my question would, of course, be 'no'. I was talking about Gray and Natsu and Happy, and out of the three she would probably be better off talking to the blue feline. None of them were particularly good at talking someone through a difficult situation, even Erza. It was as if the only way they could solve problems was to beat each other's heads against a wall to try to knock some sense into them.

"I wouldn't think so," Erza slowly said, "So if the offer has been reinstated, I would much rather speak with you."

"I suppose the offer stands," I said, marking the spot in my book and sitting it aside. "So tell me, Erza Scarlet. What's on your mind?"

The redhead fidgeted with her hands before heaving a sigh.

"When you saved us," Erza said finally, looking up at me, "you heard us talk about our nakama Lucy, didn't you?"

Cue my heart either frantically beating or freezing in place. I couldn't really tell which one it had chosen to do; I just felt numb.

"Yeah," I managed, reaching up to twirl a lock of my wig's black hair around a finger idly. "You said it had almost been three years since you'd last seen her, and all that. You must really miss this girl. After all, you're practically getting yourselves killed for her sake every time you go out on a job, if the last one was anything to go by."

"We don't usually have that much trouble," the Titania said, uncharacteristically running a hand through her long, scarlet hair and clearly showing her temporary nervousness. "If it weren't for you that time, I don't think we would have made it out, and for that we're forever in your debt. If we had died there, what good would all of this be? Our mission to find Lucy and bring her back, whatever the cost may be? It would come to nothing if all of us died at once, in our moment of weakness at the hands of some two-bit fire mage."

"That stuff didn't even _act_ like fire," I said, trying to lighten the mood just slightly by chuckling as I added, "I'm going to have bruises for a week!"

There was silence in the room for almost a full minute, and the creaking of the boat's timbers seemed unnaturally loud. I could feel the gentle rocking, and hear the soft sloshing of the ocean against the vessel. The quiet compressed upon my ears, and I spent the painfully hushed minute examining Erza's expressions.

"I don't understand you at all," she finally said, clenching a chain mail covered fist before turning to look at me. "You're cold and indifferent, but you seem to hate it when others are upset. Why else would you try to comfort me? You act as if nothing matters to you at all, and then you're kind and gentle. It's like you're hiding from something, but I can't figure out what!**"**

"Don't you know that it's not really polite to pry into other people's pasts? Particularly when they're strangers to you."

_There goes another piece of my heart_, I thought ruefully as the twinge of regret sent a pang through my chest.

"Really. You never know what kind of dark secrets they're hiding. I mean, for all you know I could have mercilessly slaughtered hundreds of innocent women and children as they slept at night. I can clearly remember just how peaceful and serene they looked before their faces were stained red with their own blood…"

I trailed off somberly, turning my head to face Erza. Her eyes had grown to the size of saucers, and she stared at me as though she'd never seen something, or someone, quite like me.

_Same old Erza_, I thought with a bit of glee but also trace amounts of sadness. _It seems as though I can still trick her to believe whatever I say, even when I'm not Lucy Heartfilia._

I reminisced, briefly, on all of the times I had jokingly said something around her, back when I was still known as their nakama, Lucy, and just how easily she had always believed me. I had often attributed her reactions to the fact that she never expected me, the seemingly goody-goody Lucy Heartfilia, to pull one over on her. Perhaps my acting skills were better than she, or I, had ever thought. She did still seem to think of me as just a freelance mage named Layla Heart, after all.

"Jeez, I'm just kidding, Titania, lighten up," I teased a little but had the sense to continue with, "Well, I was kidding about the last part, but not about the whole, 'you shouldn't pry into strangers' pasts' bit. I really honestly think you're reading too much into my personality. You say I seem 'cool and indifferent', but then again you say that I 'hate to see others upset', but have you ever considered that it just might give me some kind of vindictive pleasure, having random people spill their guts out to me and tell me about their feelings, blabbering about how screwed up their lives are? Or maybe I've got an inner child that's screaming out for help, or comfort, and the kid makes me feel vulnerable, and I mask whatever weaknesses I have with my icy exterior?" I made a kind of weak attempt at a joke, forcing myself to shut up before I revealed too much. The 'too much' was the exact little rant that was about to tumble out of my mouth.

_Or maybe I'm a really nice, caring girl, deep inside, who had really good friends in a great mage guild but then contracted this horrible magical disease. Because of my condition, I left all my friends behind because I didn't want to hurt them. And just so I didn't let anyone else get hurt, I turned myself into a badass delinquent so that no one would approach me._

If I had let that slip, it probably would have had the same result as taping a piece of paper that said, "I'm Lucy" to my chest as I threw off my black wig and took out my blue contacts right then and there. Thankfully, I was smart enough to do none of these, though some part of me wished that I had.

"I suppose you're right," Erza blushed, looking abashed. "Sorry. It's just that I feel some sort of…connection…with you. Somehow."

"Is that a pick-up line of yours?" I asked her dryly.

Really, it was almost too difficult, being so incredibly annoying and rude to the face of one of my best friends. Or_ former _best friends.

Erza just stared blankly at me for a moment or two, most likely trying to think of how to respond to that. If I were to judge by what she said next, it would definitely seem that she chose to dismiss it.

"…I'm not interested in you like that, Layla. But I _would_ like to know more about this condition of yours. You seem so unconcerned about it yourself, even though it's one of the most fatal magical afflictions in history. How long have you had to deal with all of this?"

"Th-" I managed to stop myself from saying my intended, 'three years', because that would almost be a dead giveaway, and altered my words quickly, "That's…don't you think that's a bit of a personal question, Erza?"

"It concerns your health, nothing personal like your past. I don't see why you should take offense that I ask."

I laughed and said, "I'm not taking offense, so don't get me wrong, I just don't like talking about it. It's enough to accept that I'm going to die from it sooner rather than later, right? So do I have to tell everyone I meet how long I've had it?"

"You've saved our lives," Erza said slowly, "and we would be very poor human beings if we didn't even try to repay the deed."

And there it was. The very reason I, as Lucy Heartfilia, had never told my nakama about my condition and had chosen, instead, to run away without even saying goodbye. Just the fact that she was willing to attempt to find a cure for 'Layla Heart' proved that my teammates probably would have worked themselves to death trying to find a cure for me as 'Lucy Heartfilia'. If I had known that helping them as Layla would have nearly the same outcome, I might have just stayed in Reason until the end of my life rolled around.

"Erza," I said slowly, flopping back on my bed with a sigh, "don't worry about it. It's taken me longer than it should have to come to terms with the fact that I'm going to die. I left all my old friends behind and created a new self, keeping only a letter addressed to them on me so that if I die unexpectedly, someone will find the message and send it. It will tell them why I left, and what happened. Other than that, the only thing you should know is that I've survived more than double the time that I should have. So really, I could go any day now. Don't fret about trying to help when there's not really anything that can be done, although I do appreciate the thought."

"Don't you think your friends would rather know from you, rather than from a letter sent to them after you're gone?" the scarlet haired woman questioned, her brows furrowed a little in what was, unless I was sorely mistaken, a bit of annoyance at my logic. "Don't you think that your nakama would rather spend your last days with you, instead of wondering where you are, or how you are?"

Oh, the irony. Erza, what will you think if you're the one to find my letter on me after I do die? Will you hate yourself for letting me fade away after having this confrontation? Jeez, I hope you won't hurt yourself when you realize that it's been me all along. Or will I somehow give myself away while trailing you guys? I don't think you're all capable of hating me, but I don't know that you'd trust me the same anymore.

I laughed a little dryly though, drawing myself from my thoughts as I replied to Erza, "You know something?"

She stared at me with her intense gaze, not amused by my reaction in the least.

"Harrah, the owner of the little café that had the strawberry cake?" I saw the flash of recognition in her eyes. "She said the exact same thing, pretty much. That's part of the reason I decided to go back to the main continent. Maybe watch over those friends of mine, even if I don't lose my nerve and tell them or work up the courage to do so. Whichever way you think takes more guts to do."

"You should tell them," Erza said instantly.

"Maybe someday soon," I mused offhandedly, then shot back, "but we weren't going to talk about me, Erza. We were talking about your unease."

"We already addressed that," the ex-quip mage said.

"Not completely. I made a joke of the 'two-bit fire mage' part," I used air quotations around 'two-bit fire mage' to show that I was using her words, "and then you started going on about me. Frankly, though, I think that your Lucy knows you care about her. And I'm sure she has a perfectly valid reason for not coming back to you. Maybe she's lost her memories, or something. Or maybe she's like me, and doesn't want to hurt you, even if she knows that being away will hurt you almost as much as knowing she's going to die."

_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ I berated myself mentally. I just_ had_ to compare myself to the me that Erza now knew.

And I didn't want to elicit the reaction that I did.

The redhead's eyes widened, and she practically toppled off of the bed in the second action in the last ten minutes that was highly uncharacteristic of her. She didn't fall into a heap on the floor like I would have undoubtedly done, but stumbled a few steps and regained her balance, halfway to the door. She remained doubled over slightly, standing rigidly and staring at the wooden floor. I had never seen her look quite this way, and I wanted to hurt myself for causing such a distressing scene.

_Oh, crap! Did I just practically tell her?_ I thought to myself, watching her. Something that I had said definitely struck a chord deep down inside of her, but I didn't know what type of chord it was. I just prayed to whoever would listen that it wasn't realization.

"Erza…?" I cooed.

She slowly turned her head to face me, and the stricken look on her face froze me to my seat.

"_What if you're right_?" the words were an almost choked sort of whisper. It was an unsettling sound for the intimidating woman to have made. "What if Lucy _did_ come down with something like this? What if she's…_no!_ Lucy's not dead!"

The tears swimming in her eyes but not falling due only to her determination made me want to scream out, '_Erza, look! Calm down, Erza, I'm alive! I'm right here! Please, please calm down!_' but I knew, of course, that I couldn't. I entangled my fingers in the sheets beneath me and grit my teeth, looking down at the floor and trying to find a way to remedy this wrong that I had created. I hadn't meant for the suggestion to make the strongest woman I had ever known turn into such a wreck, which just proved that I had a long way to go in learning how to handle this slightly different Erza Scarlet.

"Oh, I'm not so sure," the words that were coming to my lips would hurt me just as much as they would hurt her, I knew. "This Lucy hasn't contacted you all these past few years and if she did have my condition she'd be long gone by now. You and your friends ought to stop taking these ridiculously dangerous requests like a group of fools and let her poor soul start to rest in peace."

"No! You don't know what you're talking about! She is our nakama, one of my dearest friends! I refuse to believe that she is dead!" Erza cried, tears coming to the dark eyes that pleaded with me, begging me to agree with her words. The beginnings of regret were welling in my heart. Regret for not telling them about my affliction and then leaving them behind with hope. Because really, I didn't leave them with hope at all. I left them with a sense of desperation; lonely, miserable, and heart-gnawing desperation. A false hope, if any at all.

_Would it hurt to send my letter early_? I wondered. I had told Erza about the letter, but that shouldn't be enough to make her think that I was their Lucy. After all, if Layla Heart was still around when Team Natsu and the rest of Fairy Tail got the letter, how would they connect Lucy to me? The letter was only meant to be sent upon my death, so wouldn't it be difficult to trace the message to me, as Layla, if I was still alive to keep my true personality hidden?

_You're being a fool, Lucy_, I told myself shortly after. If I sent that letter earlier, before I really did perish, I would just become a witness to the suffering I had fled from.

The pure distraught that Erza showed made me want to choke back whatever I'd done, if only it were possible to take back words that had already been spoken. This deed was, unfortunately, far from my abilities, and I stewed in my inner turmoil. I was practically telling the redhead that _I_ was dead, and it was killing me a little more inside. Tears welled up in the Titania's eyes, and I turned my head. I couldn't stand this any longer.

"But I suppose that she has to be out there. She's probably a hundred times stronger than I am. I mean, she _was_ a member of the strongest team in Fairy Tail, which is arguably the greatest mage guild in the world, so she must be just as amazing as you guys. If she's even half as strong as you are, this girl is definitely still alive and fighting. If only because she knows that if she dies, you'll kill her."

"Y…you think so?"

_God_, Erza, how long have you been able to make such a pitiful face? Or make your voice sound so helpless?

"I know so," I said soothingly. "Besides, there are other conditions similar, and none of them are as irreversible as Magical Overflow. Chances are, if she did come down with something, it was one of the things that can be cured and she's just out there trying to deal with it before coming home. I don't know the girl, but I'll bet she's the type who cares so much about her nakama that she'll do anything to keep them from worrying about her, am I right?"

"Yes," Erza nodded, ex-quipping just her right hand so that she could wipe her eyes without the chain mail scratching at her skin or something, before returning the metal covering. "You're absolutely right. You still confuse me, Layla Heart. You confuse me, irritate me, but you also intrigue me. If I can do anything for your condition, I will. You have my word."

"I said don't worry about it," I rolled my eyes to show my persona's indifference, but Erza stood firm.

"I will do whatever I can," she repeated. Then she softly smiled before turning to stride to the door. Once on the threshold, she paused and looked over her shoulder just slightly. "Thank you."

The door closed behind her, and in a few minutes her footsteps had disappeared altogether.

When I knew that the bold, strong, redheaded Erza Scarlet, Fairy Queen Titania of Fairy Tail, was gone, I sank onto the bed, gripping the locks of the black wig tightly in both fists. My features were undoubtedly contorted in a pained grimace as I asked myself, "Why did you say so much, you idiot? Keep going this way and if you live for much longer, they'll figure you out before you die!"

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><p><strong>Hope you liked it! Sorry there's not much action yet, and there won't be for two or three more chapters, but I'm hoping to make it more interesting then, so bear with me! Okay? :)<strong>

**All Fairy Tail characters and places mentioned belong to Hiro Mashima! I'm just borrowing them for your entertainment (and mine xD)**


	7. Happy's Tears and Glasses with Gray

**Your support is what keeps me going, so give yourselves a pat on the back! EIGHTY PLUS REVIEWS. Yeah. You guys did that. **_**You**_**. Gosh, I love you guys. You're what keeps me updating!**

**And on the subject of updates, I regret to say that they may become slower after August 22****nd****, since I'm starting my senior year of high school. I'm taking two advanced English classes (well, I say advanced, but one of them is actually a college class being taken for college credit), and both of them are focused on writing for the first semester. SO I might have to take time out to do my English homework, but I shall still do what's within my power to give you guys at least two updates per month!**

**Bear with me, guys! You're the force behind my pen! (or fingers moving on the keyboard. XD)**

**I'm sure you're tired of my rambling now, so how about I give you what you're here for? Chapter 7 awaits. **

**DURP! I made an edit; thanks ShiningStellar for catching it! :)**

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><p>In the hour and a half since Titania had left me to my own devices, I had berated myself over all of the information I had given her in the short amount of time we shared together, but the majority of my time had been spent in front of the mirror that hung on the wall as I stared at my own image. My thoughts were troubled, and it showed in the face that returned my incessant gaze with false blue eyes from within the reflective piece of framed glass. I tried a smile, and subsequently grimaced. Such an expression was much too reminiscent of my old life, of a girl I was still desperately struggling to leave in the past, where I felt she belonged.<p>

A dejected sigh left my lips as I ran a hand through the hair that hid my real, naturally blonde hair from sight.

_I've given so much away!_ I groaned inwardly. I had told Erza of my condition, that I had been plagued by it for longer than should have been physically possible. I'd told her of the letter. With that in mind, I recalled my short-lived idea to send the letter early and was thankful that I had shot that idea down. Since the scarlet haired ex-quip mage was aware of the plans made by 'Layla Heart', how bit of a stretch would it be for her to connect 'Layla' to my mother's name, and 'Heart' to 'Heartfilia' upon receiving the letter, thus recognizing me as the girl they were so committed to finding?

"I knew I should have taken a more unique name," I grumbled, spying a stray strand of blonde hair and quickly tucking it back into hiding.

I took another glance at my reflection, frowning slightly. My features were more careworn than they had ever been while I was at Fairy Tail, and they had matured since I had left, but still…. If it weren't for the wig and maybe even the contacts, I would be willing to bet that my nakama would have long since recognized me. The soaps and shampoo I used that were different from the more fruity scented ones that I had constantly used when they knew me were probably part of what threw off the dragonslayer's usually unerring sense of smell. But be that as it may, even with the changes in appearance, Natsu had shown some sort of recognition in the Nara incident. Even Gray had said that I, as 'Layla', reminded him of their Lucy. Granted, it was by the size of my bust, but it was still one step closer to realization. And with all that Erza knew about me now, could it be that I was digging my own grave as 'Layla Heart' and having a reluctant rebirth, however brief it might be, as Lucy Heartfilia?

I had to put a hand over my heart, clutching my shirt tightly as though the action might dull the pain.

The girl in the mirror wore a tortured expression, eyes haunted and features twisted in distress at her internal woes. The distress was clear to see with the naked eye, and so I turned my head abruptly away from the reflection, trying to quash the memory of that single, fleeting glimpse of my own agony by sheer force of will.

For what felt like the hundredth time since the sort-of reunion with my old nakama, I calmed myself with several deep and even breaths.

_It won't do for me to keep wallowing like this,_ I decided, forcing myself to stand erect. My self-pity and self-loathing could and would do nothing to help me now, and I couldn't stew in those thoughts any longer. The only thing that had a chance of saving me was to keep my cool and try to flawlessly play the fool when it came to my old team and discussion about my old self. The latter I knew would be more difficult than I could have ever imagined prior to seeing the many new faces of Erza Scarlet. If her new expressions were anything to go by, if the others had such a new repertoire of tortured looks to make, I was in way over my head.

Stretching, I told myself that I had to move around and stop thinking, or at least thing about something else, so I turned and left the room, letting the door thud closed behind me. Anything to get my mind off of the heavy, hurtful things reeling around inside my head, even if it resulted in running into Erza again.

And so I found myself standing on the deck of the ship, looking out over the water as the wooden craft sliced through the waves at a decent speed. The sails billowed as the good wind filled them, helping to propel the vessel forward with relative ease. In the distance, I watched as a few dolphins playfully jumped out of the water and just frolicked together in general. Every time one of them took the leap from the water they knew best and into the air, the water was flung from its lithe, graceful form and glittered in the air before falling back into the water seconds after the dolphin landed.

"Those fish look really yummy, don't they?"

The voice made me nearly squeal in fright and surprise as the blue Exceed it belonged to landed on the railing, sitting there and swinging his little legs some. Soon, he turned his large eyes on me inquisitively.

"Are you okay, Layla?"

"Yes, I'm fine," I swatted at him, as if annoyed that he'd come up to me so suddenly. "You just came out of nowhere, ya damned cat!"

I almost froze at the familiar phrase that had slipped out. As Lucy, I'd always called the catlike creature a damned cat when he annoyed me and it had just fell from my lips with the ease that most familiar words did. Even though I hadn't seen him for almost three years, I guess I still had the muscle memory of my usual reactions, and besides that, it was a line that would be so _Layla_, if only I hadn't used it so often as Lucy!

"I do that," Happy said happily, and I started, pulling myself from my thoughts. But my worry was ungrounded. He didn't even seem to realize just how closely the words I'd just said had mimicked the usual response of the Lucy that he had known and that they were looking for. I could let myself breathe a little easier at his oversight, but then again, how closely would anyone remember someone's lines from almost three years ago? I could still feel the uncomfortable prickling sensation of unease on the back of my neck, which prompted me to look around for other members of my team-well, former team. Thankfully, none of them were in sight. I had a hard enough time dealing with one of them; two might just prove to be my undoing, causing a complete and utter mental breakdown. After a short silence, the blue feline piped up again, "So, do you think those really big fish look yummy?"

A blue, furry paw pointed out at the leaping dolphins, and I rolled my eyes when he wasn't looking. Of course Happy would be thinking about fish when on a boat.

"I'm not into eating dolphins," I said, taking a bored tone. "They seem too happy, I couldn't even think of hurting them, let alone killing them so I could eat them. I may be a coldhearted bitch sometimes, cat, but I wouldn't wanna ruin that kind of happiness."

His ears slowly tilted down in a sad manner, and I cursed myself in my head. I just had this way of making my dearest friends upset today, didn't I? Now all that the normally cheerful Happy was doing was wringing his paws in his lap and looking down at the waves beneath us rather than out at the playful dolphins. I wanted to hit myself, but refrained, waiting for him to make a quick comeback like he used to do, but it didn't happen, and I heaved a sigh.

"What is it?" I asked, groaning as I turned my back to the water and leaned against the rail. "What'd I say?"

"So even if you were hungry, you wouldn't eat those big fish because they look so happy?"

The wide eyes were killing me.

"I don't think so. I'd find a smaller fish," I said bluntly, "and if I couldn't find a smaller fish, I'd just make do without until I could find some food."

"You're so nice," the Exceed then sniffled, and I looked at him, alarmed. He wasn't going to cry, was he? "You're so nice about it! You're like Lucy! You wanna make sure they stay happy, just like she always did! Don't call yourself mean things, Layla! You're really nice…"

I wanted to strangle myself. Happy was crying beside me, and even _he_ had connected me to Lucy. I wasn't going to let myself snap back to the old me, like I had with Erza. I couldn't afford to act so nice when my politeness, which was minimal in this persona, reminded Happy of who I really was. Perhaps all it would take for full recognition by the team would be for the four of them to get together and talk it over, telling each other what they thought of me and how I reminded them of my former self. But when that cat was acting so _pitiful_ and so _helpless_…

I would shoot myself later, but I reached out a hand and scratched Happy's head, pointedly looking away.

"Calm down, stupid cat," I said roughly. "I'm not nice. Not nice at all. If you keep blubbering like this, I may decide to try and eat you next time I get hungry. After all, I said I wouldn't eat the dolphins because they were so happy but a depressed creature like you would be fair game."

When the cat peered up at me next, his eyes were wide and filled to the brim with unshed tears prepared to fall.

_Crap! I just couldn't resist that jab, now could I? _I cursed inwardly.

"UWAH! You're scary! Just like Lucy!" Happy cried as he flew away in a frightened frenzy.

_Double crap! I just made him compare me to Lucy-again!_ I groaned. Why, oh why did I always seem to revert back to my old self when I was around them? Why couldn't I just keep myself in check, and not lose my nerve at the sight of their tears?

_That's it, Lucy, _I thought sternly to myself. _Enough of this farce. From here on out, you've got to keep your cool. Keep your damn mouth shut when it comes to telling personal things to Erza, Gray, Happy, and especially Natsu. _Because, really, if I thought about it, Natsu was the one I was most worried about. He was the one I felt would recognize me if the others couldn't piece it all together first.

_If you can't keep things to yourself,_ I thought darkly, my heart feeling as though it was ripping itself apart, _you'll have to completely distance yourself from them for the last time, no matter how much you need them._

I pushed away from the rail and made the trek back to the stairs, going back below deck. As I did so, I reflected on my own statement that I wasn't nice. I found that I sincerely believed in those words. After all, I couldn't be nice if I reduced the poor creature to tears, or if I was so cold to he and Erza. No _nice_ person could sit by quietly and watch them suffer the way they were, desperately searching for me high and low, as I didn't even lift a finger to help or open my mouth to tell them they didn't have any farther to look. With all that I was doing to them, how could Happy call me a nice person, and how could Erza so honestly promise to me that she'd do whatever she could to help me? Of course, they didn't know what all I was causing them, because they hadn't figured it out… yet.

Not paying attention to where I was walking, other than having decided to go back to see if I could get something to drink from the small dining area, I bumped shoulders with someone and stumbled a little.

"Oh! Sorry," the voice came, and I wanted to slam my head against the wall.

Was it my luck, or what? Leaving Happy up on deck and running into Gray not even five minutes later, literally. Sometimes I wondered if some sort of celestial spirit beings were working together in an attempt to thwart my own plans. If Loke had enough contacts in the spirit world, it wasn't impossible.

"Wasn't watching where I was going," I said, by way of taking the blame. I didn't apologize, though, because my niceties had to come to an end, and soon, or I'd be recognized. I continued to walk then, brushing past the ice mage with a cool attitude, trying my best to be the Layla that I had been in Reason.

"Hey! You're that Layla person, right?"

There were no words to describe the sinking feeling or to express just how much I wanted to groan at that moment.

"And?" I asked, pausing for a moment and half turning to face him.

"What're you up to?" he asked conversationally, stepping up beside me. There was no way that anyone had ever had this much bad luck. Not in a hundred years could a single person have had to endure as much horribly cruel misfortune as this; having already upset two of their number, I run into the third. And he has to be so friendly and talkative when I run into him, so that I can't find it as hard as I wish I did to resist the urge to punch him and just keep going.

"I'm going to see if they have something strong to drink," I replied to his query, taking on an almost annoyed tone. There had to be some way to dismiss him!

"Oh, that's a good idea. I could use a drink. It's better than waiting in there-" here he jerked a thumb at the door next to us, "-for that dumbass to throw up on me."

I let out a snort before I could stop myself, but then reflected that snorting at the comment was better than giggling, which would have been the other reaction. And then I had a spark of inspiration; strike out at his pride to turn him away.

"So, what? You need someone to go with you, to hold your hand, tell you where to go? You're a big boy now, aren't you? Do whatever the hell you want."

The ice mage just snorted like I had done and he flashed one of his suave smirks as he said, "Fine, then. I'm going down to get a drink, too. Though you can hold my hand if you want to." Gray's smirk was still directed at me when I turned around abruptly, cursing my stupidity.

_Damn it all! If only I hadn't mentioned my true intentions–that I was going down for an alcoholic beverage–I could have made some sort of excuse to go back to my room, or back up on deck, or go anywhere as long as it wasn't here, with him. But I couldn't have done the smart thing. Oh, no, I had to go and admit what I was doing, and now, if I try to back out and go to my room, he'll get suspicious of me, won't he? And is he _hitting_ on me? Damn! _

"Not interested," I managed to say in a level tone, walking down the hall with quick, agitated steps, trying to distance myself from him. I left him behind only briefly though, because he caught up fairly quickly.

"Hey, you offered!" Gray called, and he had the audacity to chuckle at me and my reaction.

I kind of wanted to punch him now, but I resisted the urge, barely.

With my back to him, I grimaced at my foolishness. At least I hadn't said something nice to him in order to get him to come along, but this was almost as bad.

Gray stepped up beside me, hands in the pockets of pants I thought he would have discarded by now. He was still wearing the dark blue t-shirt that he'd had on when they boarded the boat a few hours earlier, which also surprised me. I could see that he felt uncomfortably warm, though, by the way he kept reaching up and tugging at his collar before returning his hand to his pocket. I cast a glance at him when he did this but quickly averted my eyes in the fear that I would grin at a memory of his exhibitionistic nature. I lengthened my strides a little in a vain effort to leave him behind, but he adjusted his pace accordingly, and I wanted to shout my frustration. I resisted, and we made our way into the small dining area.

"Yo," I said, getting the attention of one of the cooks. "You got anything stronger than water? I could really use some beer, or rum, or something. Anything, really."

"What kind of ship do you think this is?" the bearded man asked with a grin, motioning to a few stools by the serving area. "Sit yourselves down right there and I'll give you a sampler of our special ale, brewed by the captain and crew!"

I did as he said, and Gray took the stool beside me without a word, leaning on the counter with chin in hand as he idly watched the man disappear into a back room. I couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't sat farther down-did he just like tormenting me? Could he tell that his presence made me uneasy? It was then that the man reemerged with two mugs, though, and I focused on the liquid in front of me. He sat them in front of us and Gray immediately took a drink, but I took an experimental sniff before tipping it back. I was never one for drinking much, but things definitely changed and right now, I really needed it. The hint of honey flavor made the overall taste rather sweeter than I had thought it would be, and I liked it.

"How much would it cost me for another?" I slid the mug back to the man, who laughed.

"A lady with a thirst for the finer things, eh?" here he cast a wink at Gray, but Gray pretended not to see it, so I did the same. "And it won't cost you a bit, we include this as part of the fare. It doesn't cost too much to make, and we sell it elsewhere to get a little profit, so we can afford to lose a barrel or two on our trips. Though…would you like a larger mug?"

"The biggest one you've got," I agreed with his suggestion, letting a fully Layla, seductive sort of smirk grace my features. "Did you want more, Gray?" I nudged him, unable to resist my desire to become rather _chummy _with him, like we used to be. I wanted to blame the alcohol, but somehow I didn't think I could pull that off when he let a full blown roguish grin spread across his face whilst tipping back his mug and draining the contents.

"Same thing for me, if you can manage," he said, and the bearded man laughed at the two of us, but went back to do as we asked with a wave of his hand. When he disappeared into the back room, Gray turned to me and asked, "So, Layla, do you know where you're headed?"

_Damn it! _I cursed my luck. _What could I have possibly done to deserve this sort of torture? Am I really such a horrible person that I need to be punished? _Essentially, I also felt it boiling down to the ever-present and nagging question, _why me?_ In the midst of my inner battle, I thought about fidgeting with my fingers, but stilled my hands because that was something I would have done three years ago, in Fairy Tail.

"Nope," was the answer I gave instead, rolling my shoulders. "I told your friend the Titania earlier; I'm just looking to roam around and do some traveling. See the sights while I still can. When you guys showed up and gave me a glimpse of the outside world I'd left, I couldn't help but want to go out and see more of it. And it just so happened that we ended up on the same boat."

"Something like fate, huh?" the dark haired man laughed a little as our new, larger mugs of the honey ale was placed in front of us.

"Sure, whatever," I shrugged, taking the mug in hand and taking a more modest drink this time. "Call it what you want."

"I think you just wanted to follow us," Gray said, taking a swig of his ale. I shot a look at him, but he wasn't paying attention. "We're a famous team, like you said. I think you might have subconsciously wanted to tag along to see what we can do, or maybe even try to find out the reason we're taking so many jobs. And hard ones, at that." He turned and winked at me as he added, "That, or you're just interested in me. I know I'm sexy."

I snorted.

"I never took you to be the conceited sort," I said, looking away. "And I don't need to know why you're taking so many jobs. You guys have already made it plain. You're looking for this girl named Lucy, who left you guys about three years ago without a trace and without telling you where she went. Do I have that right?"

"Yeah," Gray said, turning back into his more subdued self.

_What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I keep making them more withdrawn with just the simplest comments? Not to mention, I seemed to keep brining myself up in conversation, the one topic I wanted to avoid more than anything else. I was just asking to be figured out!_

"Look," I said bluntly, "this Lucy girl is obviously important to all of you, but she probably had a reason for doing what she did. Think about it that way, Fullbuster. What if she was just trying to protect you from something, so she ran off? You guys are all desperate to find her, but what if she doesn't want to be found? At least for right now. Don't you think you might be wasting your time if she really doesn't want to come back with you just yet? Or what if she just doesn't care?"

_Ouch_. I really had to stop tearing my heart to shreds like this.

"You're wrong about that," Gray's voice was low, and it shook so he took a large draught of ale. "You're wrong. Lucy still cares. She's not the type of girl who can just up and forget about all of us like that and walk away without hurting. No matter how much it hurts us, I know that it has to hurt her more. And it's obvious that she must have had some sort of reason, but we're all strong, so why would she need to protect us from anything? If someone was after her or something, for any reason, the whole guild would be behind her, and Lucy should have known that! I'm sorry for being such a dickhead, Layla, but you're wrong. You don't know a damn thing about Lucy."

_Now _that_ really hurts_, I thought dryly.

"Maybe she was protecting your emotions or something? I dunno, do I? So you don't have to snap at me like that." I took a sip of my drink. "I can't say that I'm ignorant to how you feel, but neither can I tell you that I've been through that before. It hurts, though, doesn't it? Like you said, she must be feeling it worse than you guys. So just…I don't know. But maybe you should stop looking for her. She'll come back when she thinks the time is right, don't you think?"

"We'll never stop looking for her," Gray turned a fierce, loyal gaze on me. "Lucy's a part of Fairy Tail. An important part of our family. Even if she had ever wanted to let us go, to protect us or whatever it is you think, we couldn't let her go. We'll still search for her when we're old and grey, if we live that long and she's still not back. I don't think you understand just how much she means to us. You seem like a loner, a person who doesn't have people close to them to care about, or who cares about you. Don't pretend to know what this feels like."

"Don't presume to know so much about me, either!" my tone was sharp, snapping out at him before I realized the words were leaving my mouth. "I know how badly it hurts, but unlike you I wasn't the one left behind, I was the one who _left_! Don't act like I've never had close nakama who care for me, or that I haven't had to endure the feeling, like knives are stabbing into your heart and you can never get away!" I changed my voice to a low, almost menacing sound. "It hurts like _hell_, and no matter how I try to run from it, it just keeps coming back. And I know I should have told my old friends something, why I was leaving, but I just couldn't bring myself to. How would you feel if one of your 'family' told you that they would be dead within a year? That's what has awaited me from the moment I found out I had this…this _condition_. I didn't want to make them suffer, knowing that they were going to lose me soon, so I decided to run. So _don't_ say I don't understand! I might understand more than you do about how much it must have hurt your Lucy to leave!"

My chest heaved from the conviction my lowered tone had struggled to get across, and I realized I was glaring determinedly at a speechless Gray Fullbuster. I frowned and jerked my head roughly aside, chugging half of my ale in one go. And there it was; the feeling as though I was drowning in my memories, the pang of a thousand invisible needles driving into my heart. What a useless organ that was; day to day, it stubbornly kept beating, kept feeling such remorse that I felt as though I should rip it from my chest to end all of the pain. The sadness, the regrets, the roiling pit of despair. Why should I keep living like this, when all it did was cause me pain?

And then again, here I was losing my cool and snapping at Gray, giving him more information than it was necessary for him to have about me, and thus giving them more of a chance to identify me. I grit my teeth in frustration, just waiting for the ice mage to say something, anything, that would show that he had deduced who I was from what I'd said.

"I'm sorry."

My head turned toward him, and I frowned once more at the words. He continued.

"I'm sorry. It was presumptuous of me, and I shouldn't have said it." Gray's gaze was averted, so that I couldn't see his expression, but I could tell he was truly apologetic just by the sound of his voice. "You just don't know how scared I am that she did leave for a reason like you left. We just keep searching, day after day, month after month, for almost three years now. Relentlessly. Y'know what I mean? I don't want to keep doing all of this just to find out that Lucy ran away because she was sick, and was going to die. She can't die. She's too important to all of us, Layla. The thought of finding her alive is the one thing that's keeping Natsu going. Before we decided to start taking all of these requests, he wouldn't do anything but sit there at the guild. He hardly ate, and if he drank it was a beer, or a few shots of whiskey. I don't seem to like the guy much, I know, but when it gets down to it, he might just be one of the closest friends I've ever had."

Even though he said that, I knew he'd never admit as much to the dragonslayer in question. It would ruin their rival images far too much to admit that they were really good friends-except, of course, when Erza threatened them with her swords.

"Don't mention it," I finally said, in a tired sort of voice. "I'm sorry I snapped. At least I didn't make _you_ cry with my bitchy attitude, though."

"What?"

I chuckled dryly.

"She probably won't admit it, but your friend Erza almost cried earlier when she talked to me and I said offhandedly that Lucy was probably dead or something," I told him, and he started to bristle in anger and opened his mouth, but I quickly interceded, "I didn't intend to sound so heartless, you know. I just thought you should face the facts, know the possibilities. Though Titania didn't particularly like that suggestion, and I can see that you don't. And _then_ there's your flying blue cat, Happy, who burst into tears earlier because I threatened to eat him."

"Excuse me?" Gray cocked an eyebrow at me, almost comically, but I could tell he was still peeved about my remark that Lucy was probably dead.

I sighed, "Not literally. He said the dolphins looked tasty and asked if I thought the same thing. So I told him I'd never eat a dolphin because they seemed so happy, and he started blubbering for some odd reason about how _nice_ he thought I was being. That's when I told him that just because I wouldn't eat the dolphins because they were happy, it didn't mean that I wouldn't eat him because he was being so depressed. I scared the shit out of him, I'm afraid." Why was I telling him this? Omitting some of the details, of course. Mostly about how both Erza and Happy had compared me to Lucy at some point in our conversations. I forged on, drawing my statements to a close with, "So, I made two of your team cry today. Then if you count Erza and yourself, two of you snapped at me. I'm just _such_ a social butterfly today, aren't I?

This time, it was Gray who snorted. "You must just have a way with words, Layla. Though, I must admit, Erza has been a bit more prone to tears since Lucy left. She'd probably attack me for saying so, but it's true. I think Lucy might have been the best friend that Erza had there at Fairy Tail. Lucy never really ran from Erza when she was mad, like everyone else, and they got along really well. Almost like sisters."

"Really, now?" I asked, trying to sound indifferent. But really, Erza? Prone to tears because of me? I was such a horrible person, and yet they called me 'friend', even considered me a sister in regards to Erza.

Gray just nodded beside me. I wanted to sigh, to throw a fit or something, anything to get this feeling off of my chest. I watched as the dark haired man take another draught from his mug, and then turned away. All these conversations about me with my friends, who couldn't tell it was me under my meager disguise, was bad for my sanity. They just couldn't give up on me, could they? It would hurt if they did, for sure, but I'd have a bit more security. One reason being that they wouldn't be out trying to kill themselves to attract my attention, and the other being that they might not realize who I was.

I drained my drink and sat the mug back down, standing up.

"I'll see you later, ice mage," I said, waving a hand in the air. He looked up quickly, opening his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and turned back to his drink thoughtfully after raising a hand in farewell.

Once out of the room, I nearly fled to the cabin I was given to rest in during the trip. My head pounded and my stomach roiled, and it wasn't from the alcohol. I knew that much with a vivid certainty.

_Lucy, why are you such a fool? Why can't you just leave them be?_

Because I still need them, I realized. I need them so much it hurts, so badly that I can't even see the beauty of life, of the things around me, unless they're nearby. I didn't know that you could need your nakama so badly until I was reunited with them and it felt as though a void in my chest had been filled, like an empty hole had been repaired and healed. I knew it wasn't safe to heal these old wounds, but I couldn't help it when it just felt so _right_. I need them more than they need me, as my life winds down and I near my last days on earth. Their warmth, their smiles…_why couldn't they have changed more_?

I closed the door with a snap, leaning back against it and sliding to the floor, fist to my mouth to stifle any cries that may try to escape. Warm drips rolled down my cheeks, and I just wanted to openly sob but feared that one of my friends would hear, so I held it in. With the arm that wasn't stifling my sobs, I drew my knees to my chest.

This would be harder than I'd thought. So much harder than I could have ever imagined.

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><p><strong>Here we have chapter 7! Another confrontation; well, two of them. <strong>

**Jeez, Luce, having trouble hiding your attitude, aren't you? You weirdo.**

**Thanks so much to Ari-chan! You know who you are, and I don't say it enough. xD**


	8. Harbor Town Bookstore

**Jeez, you guys! You're so amazing, it's incomprehensible! Really, now. I've exceeded a hundred reviews on USHA! WHOA! And it's all you guys, so I'm really, really happy that I have you. You made that happen!**

**This chapter is dedicated to five people who caught a mistake that I missed. I accidentally left a paragraph that was meant to be entirely taken out in the last chapter; it was the original version and I had redone it, only leaving that part so that aphrodite931 (wonderful beta!) could see the changes I had made. So, to the five who pointed it out before I had corrected it, thank you so much! They know who they are, but I'll tell the rest of you; lovely ShiningStellar, AkumaNoKiseki, Fairytale Perception, mortalhelix, and an anonymous reviewer who left the name Just A Reviewer. You guys are such lifesavers! That was an embarrassing thing to have happen, and I'm so glad you caught it!**

**Anyway, I tried to make this chapter longer to make up for that colossal mistake, and just because I feel like I owe all of you guys something since updates will take me longer from here on out due to schoolwork...but for reasons listed at the end, I think it's just normal sized. So, the eighth installment of USHA is here at your disposal; read at your own risk! ^^**

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><p>The tears fell unbidden after my encounter with Gray. No matter how hard I'd tried to stop them, they coursed down my cheeks, so I just did what I could to ensure that no sound escaped. I wouldn't want my nakama hearing someone crying, because they were kind hearted and would want to know the reasons; reasons I couldn't tell them, for my own selfish reasons. So after those run-ins with Gray, Erza, and Happy, I kept myself confined to my room in an attempt to calm down and work my Layla personality more firmly into place. I tried to assemble my thoughts together in an orderly manner, to recall all that I had revealed in my conversations with the three I'd encountered within the last several hours. For such a relatively short amount of time, I was sure I'd given far too much information about myself to them. They knew the new me even more than Harrah ever had, and I had stayed in the flat above her café for a little over a year.<p>

_Lucy, you're such a fool_, I berated myself. But now I had my resolve, to leave once more if I let too many personal facts leave my lips. I'd be damned if I broke that resolution, even if keeping it hurt more than anything I'd ever faced before.

Just thinking about it caused me a sharp pain, but I _would_ go through with it. It didn't matter how much my heart cried out for Erza, or Gray, or Happy, or of course how it screamed for Natsu, nor did how much I need them matter. It was all inconsequential now; keeping my true identity a secret from those searching for me was my highest priority right now, and if leaving them behind yet again was the only thing that kept them from finding me out, then it would have to be done with all haste. But for now, I'd still trail them as closely as I could without their knowledge. I would still follow them to be sure that they didn't get themselves killed for my sake because that would hurt far worse. It would rip my heart more easily than leaving them behind ever could, or at least rival that pain.

For a moment, I listened closely to the sounds outside of my cabin, but when I could detect no approaching footsteps, I slid my right glove off to stare at the Fairy Tail marking that still resided there. I smiled softly at the memories that the symbol, emblazoned in pink, brought back to me, then quickly wiped my face of the expression and returned the glove.

I didn't just get rid of that reminder and I had several reasons. Firstly, I had never wanted to leave Fairy Tail-it _was_ the guild of my dreams, after all, and turned out to be just so much more than I could have ever imagined it to be. And second, I wanted it to invoke memories whenever I looked, which it did, and serve as a reminder of the days I'd spent there and those I'd met. But the last of my top three reasons could very well have been the most important.

If I died before working up the courage to go back, to tell my nakama that my real name was Lucy Heartfilia, the pink figure would serve as an easy way of identification. If kindred spirits were to find me after I had passed, and saw that marking, perhaps they would ensure the safe transportation of my body back _home_, to Fairy Tail, where I could be laid to rest perhaps beside fallen members of years past. And Fairy Tail really was my _home_, because, as cheesy as it was, my heart resided within all of them rather than within my own chest. The guild was the only thing that could have ever made Magnolia a home to me. Without that building, all the raucous fights and rambunctious mages, the city would have been just a town I passed through, a pointless visit to a worthless place in my unenlightened eyes. And so I was so irrevocably thankful for my days among all those people, and all that they had taught me about life and about living, about how your _family_ among the members was the one thing worth living that life for but also just as worth risking it for, so thankful.

I sighed and sat on my bed, staring at the palm of my gloved hand.

"Mama," I said softly, so softly that the sound didn't even rise above a whisper, "Mama, I'm sorry I haven't been writing to you. It's hard to find the time, but if you were here I could talk to you all the time. And it would be useful now, because your help would be the perfect cure right about now. Everything's getting so confusing and ever since my talk with Harrah back in Reason, I've been lost. I don't' know what's right or what's wrong in this situation! Should I let them know, Mama? Or should I just leave them be, spending their time looking for me in vain?"

I laughed dryly, stretching my hands out and falling back on my bed. The voice that came out was softer than Natsu could make out, even with his enhanced hearing, a fact that had been proven during my time at Fairy Tail. The low tone was already causing a slight scratchiness in my throat, but I chose to keep talking.

"I'm pretty sure I know what the right answer should be but I just can't bring myself to go with it. Aren't I such a coward, Mama? But I guess it doesn't really matter, or it won't for a whole lot longer. I'll be with you again soon, and we can talk about all of this. You can lecture me for making the wrong decisions here. Mama," I sighed again, the simple rushing of breath out seeming amplified tenfold compared to just how quietly I'd been talking. "Mama, I love you. I miss you, but I'll see you soon. I'm almost glad…"

The sad smile that graced my lips briefly was one I wiped just as quickly as it had come. And even if I was going to say more to my mother, the footsteps that had become perceptible out in the hallway would have been quite enough to silence me. The knock started, not at my door but a few down, and I heard, "Miss Scarlet and company, lunch is prepared. We apologize for the delay."

"We will be there momentarily," Erza's voice said, in a tone that left no room for argument.

The informant continued, stopping at the one room in between that of the Fairy Tail mages and mine and called for a Mr. Swarovski. I couldn't hear the man's answer over the sounds of the Fairy Tail mages, or at least Erza and Gray and probably Happy, too, almost stomping down the hall. The footsteps receded in the direction from which the man bringing news of lunch had come.

When the man reached my door, I told him a lame excuse for not going, but it was rational, so that was good. I claimed that I was feeling unwell and that I would just remain behind in my room. He then asked if I would need anything, and I chose to take on the rudest side of Layla for my reply.

"I just need to _rest_," I said forcefully, frowning and placing emphasis on the last of the words.

"O-Okay," he answered, turning meek and trying to make himself as small as possible while nodding politely before retreating from the room as quickly as he could without bolting. At least he closed the door behind him, so I was pleased. Besides, I was more than content to munch on some of the food that Harrah had packed for me, lathering a slice of her home baked bread with a good amount of the honey that the kindly woman had packed with it. Afterwards, to continue with the calming routine of mine, I picked up my novel and buried myself in it.

It was suppertime before I emerged from my room, and it was only for the briefest time; to make use of the only bathroom that was on the ship and to snag something from the supper laid out by the crew so I didn't so quickly demolish the supply from Harrah. And then I retreated back to my cabin, eating alone, reading a little more, and then falling into a restless sleep.

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><p><em>It was about two in the afternoon, and I looked around frantically, fighting back the surging that fought to break free of the barriers I currently was imposing upon it. It was hard, so much harder than it had ever been before, so I knew it wouldn't feel too good when I let it loose. But before I could even allow myself to succumb to the attacks, I had to make a break for the forest. I had to run deep into the forest in just a short span of time, where not even Natsu's hearing would catch my screams as the Magical Overflow ravaged my form.<em>

_There was no sign of the three Fairy Tail mages or Happy out back, behind the café, so I kicked my pace up to a wild sprint. I fairly flew, as though Hades himself was on my heels again, occasional shocks going up my arms or legs visibly, breaking free of my constraints. How I'd learned to suppress the explosions, even the minutest bit, I didn't know, but it was something that had come in handy a few times when I was busy as the feeling struck me. I could postpone the inevitable until I just couldn't bear it anymore and had to bolt into the forest. _

_Finally, after about five minutes of running non-stop, stabbing and scraping my arms and legs and cheeks and snagging my clothes an branches and bushes and undergrowth, I deemed myself far enough away and before even pausing to really catch my breath, I released the pent-up energy. It pretty much did explode around me, with a lot more force than my last attack had, and a high-pitched, blood-curdling scream escaped my lips. The force of the Magical Overflow this time stripped the trees around me of their bark, brought me to my knees, and started to create a crater around me. Dirt, sticks, leaves, rocks; all flew in a maelstrom around me, cutting me just as easily as the magic energy itself did._

_My eyes squeezed closed, I curled in on myself, digging my fingers into my hair and clutching my head so tightly it almost hurt. Almost. Everything else was too overwhelming for me to really even notice the pain of my own fingernails biting into my scalp, or to notice that my wig was losing strands of black hair._

_The attack was my longest by far, rendering me hoarse by the time it was over, leaving me gasping, almost weeping, in the crater I was laying in. I had to use my breathing exercise, struggling to bring calm to myself in order to pick myself back up. It took fifteen minutes to gather strength enough to stand, and I stumbled immediately upon gaining my feet. I reached out, catching hold of a bare tree branch that was partially splintered, and I winced. But this? It was nothing compared to the aching of my body. My clothes hung in tatters, barely covering me where it was decent to be covered. I stood anyway and began to stumblingly make my way back to the village, where I slipped in the café's back door, caught a glance of Harrah's which was filled with shock and pity and the desire to help, but I weakly waved her toward the front room and used the kitchen's steps up to my room so that I wouldn't catch attention of whoever was in the restaurant. Especially if one of them would be Erza._

_I hurried to rub my magic salve onto my wounds and drank a herbal concoction to bring my voice back before donning fresh clothes and tossing the others and then taking a few minutes to get my strength back. And then I returned to the café portion of the building to help Harrah._

_It was that night I learned that Team Natsu was leaving the next day._

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><p>I woke, frowning at the dream that was merely a memory of my most recent attack, the day before yesterday. They tended to be about five days apart up until this point, and the others had merely been three. I hoped it was enough time to get off the boat, and if not I would run and jump off of the vessel even if it would make Aquarius attempt to come out. But the possibility of an attack was unlikely for now so I wouldn't dwell on it.<p>

Looking at a clock, I saw that it was still the middle of the night, so I rolled over and went back to sleep, dreamless this time.

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><p>When I woke for the second time, it was an hour before we were due to make port in the largest harbor town in all of northern Fiore. I was able to make myself somewhat presentable, even if it didn't matter as much as it used to; if I went back to Fairy Tail, I'd probably revert to caring more about how I looked. The way things were, I doubted I'd be going back unless I was in a casket or a body bag, as dreary as that outlook was. But it was the truth, or so I hoped fervently.<p>

I read some more of my novel after my very short morning ritual of getting ready, waiting for the knock at my door that would tell me we were nearing shore. And, as usual, that tapping of wood came when the book is getting the most interesting, so it was with regret that I shoved the book into my single suitcase and carried it with me to the door. I felt the need to glance around the room, so as I reached the door, nodding to the crewmember (who was different from the one I frightened yesterday, I noted), I turned and cast a quick glance around the cabin. I spied nothing of mine and promptly turned and left it and my crewmember guide behind.

At the other end of the deck, I spotted the group of Fairy Tail mages, with the pink haired one dangling over the side and looking rather green in the face. I was proud of myself when I managed to keep my lips from even twitching into a grin. I would allow few slipups from here on out and one way of slipping up would be to let that small sign of a smile show.

I averted my gaze from the group of four (Happy was on Gray's head, watching Natsu with big, frowning eyes) and turned my eyes toward the town we were nearing. From then on, I wouldn't let myself glance back at my former nakama, not until we were all off the boat. There was a bookstore in town that I wanted to visit, since last time I'd been there had been a good year and a half ago, and it had seemed like a really good store. It had even had some rare books, which is why I found it easy to focus on thinking about the bookshop rather than my friends. Although the group of four was always on my mind, I could, just barely, keep myself from casting longing looks in their direction.

Miraculously, the last five minutes on the vessel passed with no mishaps, and I was the first one bolting down the ramp to the docks, making myself melt into the bustling crowds as quickly as it was possible to disappear. I heard a shout of "Layla!" from somewhere behind me, but I acted as if I had heard nothing, dodging deeper into the throngs. I rounded a corner into the city proper and paused only briefly to shake the strange feeling I got from ignoring Erza's call before I continued up the street I'd turned onto. A few glances told me I was actually near the store I had liked on my last visit, and so I adjusted my feet so I was walking toward it. I turned right on one street and walked about four buildings down before turning left. It was the last building on the end of this short street, on the far curve of the cul-de-sac. It was an awesome and fairly old three story house, the third floor of which was home to the owners. The bottom two floors were for all of their vast stock for sale, and I could easily say I loved it.

The bell rang as I stepped inside the well-lit entry room. At a desk by the door sat a girl who looked about seventeen, and I recognized her as the girl who'd been there the last time I'd visited the shop.

"Welcome!" she beamed at me, then looked closely, and then said, "Hey, you're that girl from like, almost two years ago! Aren't you? The one who paid a hundred thousand jewel for the rare first edition of…I forget the book, actually. But it is you, right? L…L…Ugh! I can't remember your name!"

_How does she remember me_? I found myself wandering, looking at the girl. I hadn't caused a ruckus, or done really anything to attract attention at that point in time. I'd come in, found the book I wanted, and flinched at the price tag. It was actually 107,364 J for that book, but it was a first edition of a classic that was fast becoming impossible to find. I couldn't pass it up. So I'd pulled out my wallet and the then fourteen year old girl and gaped as I sat the money in front of her.

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><p>"<em>What?" I asked the person staring at me. She was around fourteen, if my guess was on the money. "Do I have something on my face?"<em>

_I wanted her to _stop_ that look, because it was kind of creepy. Her bright eyes trailed down to the book, then back up, and she asked, "A-are you sure you want this? It's more than Dad pays for our _house_!"_

"_Are you supposed to try to talk paying customers out of making a purchase?" I asked her, pretending to put my wallet back. I was trying out a persona that I called 'Layla Heart'. Layla, in my mind, was a badass delinquent chick who was practically unapproachable. If I succeeded in making people think I was like that, then wouldn't I be safe from discovery? I had to admit, though, that acting like a bad person really did hurt. I felt like I was tearing myself apart, virtue by virtue._

"_No, no, no, no, _no!_" she placed emphasis on the last no. "I didn't mean-don't let me stop you! I was just…uh, stating my opinion! I wouldn't be able to afford something like that…so, yeah. B-by all means, buy it, Miss…?"_

"_Layla," I said shortly, dropping the money on the counter and picking up the book. "Remember it or forget it, doesn't really matter to me, anyway."_

_With those words, I walked out of the door._

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><p>Between that visit to the store and this one, I had changed my look numerous times. At that time, I'd also been sporting a black wig, although it was a little longer than my current do and was in a more outlandish style, with green and purple streaks. After that, I'd gone to a brunette wig in a punk style that just didn't get my delinquent desire across well enough. When that didn't work, I tried white-blonde with pink and red streaks, and I liked that one more, but then I got the drug addicts after me, so I ditched that look. From there, I went to six or seven different styles, but then reverted to the black punk wig, this time shorter than before, and donned the attitude and style of Layla and stayed with it.<p>

But _damn it_, I thought. She'd actually recognized me.

"Is it important?" I tried to look bored and unconcerned. I'd acted pretty uninterested last time I'd visited the shop, but I hadn't been able to resist stopping by. One of my favorite books had come from this shop, way back when I was with my nakama still. In fact, I hadn't even bought it here. It had been bought for me.

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><p>"<em>Luce," Natsu whined, trailing behind me. "Where are you going? We should go back home! I'm bored and our job's over! Luce!"<em>

"_There's a really nice bookstore around here," I said, my excitement leaking out. If excitement had been a tangible thing, like a liquid substance, it would have been oozing from every orifice of my body. "It's the third best in the entire kingdom! I would be a fool if I didn't visit it at least _once_, and since we're here, why not?"_

_My gaze suddenly darkened then, and I rounded on the pink haired guy behind me._

"_W-what is it, Luce…?" Natsu shrank back at the Erza-esque glare that I was directing at him. His magical prowess had just reminded me that _fire _and_ paper_ were not a good combination, and I thought I would give him a sound warning._

"_If you so much as even _think_ about starting a fire while we're in that store, you will rue the day you were born," I hissed darkly, leaning closer and pulling him with his scarf. "I swear if I see so much as a spark come from your mouth, your fingers, or _any_ part of your body, I will drag you outside and you will _stay_ there until I'm done, do you understand? And I promise you that I won't go on any jobs with you for three months if you screw this up! Wait, never mind that-I'll tell Erza! Or maybe you can just stay out here and wait for me, to eliminate any chances of you being an idiot and burning the whole place down."_

"_No! I'm coming!" Natsu cried, trying to loosen my grip on his scarf. "I understand! No fire! N-not Erza! Luce, c-can't breathe-"_

_I let him go quickly, angry for letting my emotions get away from me like that. I tugged his scarf for him, loosening it (because it had tightened when I'd grabbed the end to pull him closer for my threat) so that it didn't constrict his windpipes so badly. I felt guilty, but hey; maybe this way he'll take my warning seriously. He seems to understand lessons that involve the infliction of physical pain._

_A nearly exasperated sigh escaped my lips, and I haphazardly threw my hands up. I don't know whether I was more irritated with the pink haired guy or with myself. Looking down at him, at the pitiable lump he made on the ground, I couldn't really help myself. _

"_C'mon, flame boy," I said, reaching out a hand. He looked up and blinked innocently, like a child, but grasped my outstretched hand anyway. I helped him to his feet and, almost apologetically, smoothed out the wrinkles of his scarf that my grip had caused. An apology rose to my lips, but on pausing to think about it, I realized that it just didn't need to be said. Natsu could read me like I read books, so he must already know I was sorry for it. There was just this bond between the two of us that rendered verbal admissions of remorse completely inconsequential. So I retracted my hands and turned my back on the dragon-slayer. A few steps later, I turned and looked at him, asking (in a much nicer tone than I would have used a few minutes earlier), "Are you coming?"_

_He coughed once, but turned an expression with a raised eyebrow on me and said, "Are you all right, Luce? Weirdo."_

_I sighed and stopped freaking out about it. Obviously he was already back to normal, so I needn't have been so worried about accidentally almost choking him. Even if I did still feel bad about it._

"_Whatever," I said in defeat, waving my hand dismissively in the air, "let's just go in. And remember what I said, or you'll regret it!"_

_I heard him gulp, and both he and the so far silent Happy said, "Aye!"_

_I felt like Erza for a moment, and was pleased that I could get them to be as frightened as Erza could. Perhaps it was a bit demented to be pleased of that fact, but I was. After all, how many people can affect Natsu Dragneel, Salamander, like the Titania can? Or affect Gray the same, for that matter. It was kind of…okay, really awesome! Maybe if I could scare the guys as much as she did, I could get as strong as her?_

…_Okay, that one was wishful thinking. But to be even half as strong as her would be cool, too._

_The bell above the door chimed as I pushed it open, and a wide grin spread across my face. A girl of about thirteen sat behind a counter, and grinned._

"_Welcome! Is there anything I can help with, or are you just here to look around?"_

"_I…we'll just look around for a while…" I said, awestruck as I roamed farther into the book strewn building. Natsu and Happy trailed behind, not fully appreciating the tomes as I was, not understanding how enthralled I could be by all the tales that were all around me. The two remained silent, however, as I browsed leisurely through the magnificent collection available for the purchaser to own._

_A half an hour had passed and I meandered up the stairs, with the two still following silently behind. I glanced occasionally at them, even in my ink and paper induced high, to ensure that they were keeping their word and not starting any fires. _

_What do I find on the second level, though, but a collection of stories written by mages for mages? I was instantly in love. I turned and gushed facts to Natsu that he probably didn't understand, but I couldn't help it. I pointed out the section of novels by Kemu Zaleon, A.K.A. Zekua Melon, and told him all about the books I'd read by him and how amazing they were. I also mentioned that it was the guy whose son had made us go to Duke Everlue's mansion all that time ago. Then I pointed out the autobiography of another mage and explained all about him and what he'd done, and how I found his particular branch of magic interesting. And then I found the folk tales, rewritten for the enjoyment of mages. All the princess stories, with even more magic involved than usual! It was a fairytale lover's dream. I told Natsu as much as I fingered the binding of a book I'd wanted for a while. It was an anthology most of the best princess stories that had been written by mages. Levy had told me all about it. I desperately wanted a copy of my own but was too proud to ask Levy to borrow her copy. After looking at the price however, I cut off my gushing to Natsu and pulled my hand away._

"_Well, let's get going," I said softly, and turned to leave the shop, smiling at the preteen clerk as I stepped out. I was at the other side of the cul-de-sac before I started to turn to tell Natsu that he didn't have to be quiet anymore. I couldn't even turn around before I heard him call out._

"_Hey, Luce, wait!" _

_I looked to see him _just_ exiting the store, and at first the worst came to mind; had he caught something on fire at the last possible minute? But the thought was dashed when no flames licked around the wood and the young clerk didn't come running out, screaming. It didn't take long for Natsu to reach me, hardly breathing heavily from his exertion._

"_What took you so long?" I asked, seriously confused. "You were right behind me a minute ago."_

"_H-here," he said, an uncharacteristic hitch in his voice as he avoided looking at me. He held out a paper package with a stamp from the bookstore on it, and my eyes widened._

"_You _bought_ something?" I asked incredulously. "What for?"_

"_W-what _for_? Didn't I just say, 'here'?" he flailed like I had done earlier. "It's for you!"_

_I blinked once, twice, then felt my face heat up and I asked, just to reiterate, "You bought a book for me?"_

"_Yes!" he said, throwing his hands up as Happy flew over with a fish-where did he get that?-and agreed with his traditional, _

"_Aye!"_

_Noticing the light pink on his cheeks, I giggled and threw my arms around the dragon-slayer in gratitude, thanking him. I hadn't even looked at what book it was yet, but it was sure to be one of my favorites since _Natsu_ of all people had been the one to buy it. And whenever something had him involved, I found that something extremely hard to dislike. The book was probably uncomfortable on the back of his neck and head, where it was clutched because of my hug, but he could deal with it for a few seconds. I couldn't help but let my arms linger around him a few moments longer than was necessary._

"_L-Luce!" he protested weakly._

"_Thank you," I said, letting him go and smiling at him, a little bit shyly. I felt like a grade school kid again, but for some reason the thought didn't bother me. I stepped back from Natsu a little bit and held the book to my chest, looking away. "Anyway, let's go home now, 'kay?"_

"_Y-yeah."_

"_Aye!" said Happy, before I heard him say in a softer voice to Natsu, "She li~kes you!"_

_I didn't even have the heart to deny the statement, and settled for pretending that I hadn't even heard it. I heard Natsu say something, but he had the sense to say it in a more quiet tone, and I was almost sad I couldn't hear._

_Later that same night, back in my apartment, I sat staring at the book that lay in the midst of the brown paper wrappings in awe. It was the one I'd wanted for a long time, with the princess stories, the one that was a higher price than I could bring myself to pay. It was as much as my apartment's rent was, and even exceeding that price, so I had forced myself to be practical and bypass the tome. Yet here it lay, bought and paid for by Natsu of all people, and I thought I was about to cry._

"_Hey, Luce!"_

_Speak of the devil and he shall appear, I recalled and I looked up as he jumped in through the window, sitting cross-legged on my bed, the book between us._

"_Whatcha up to?"_

_I looked up at him and probably shocked him or scared him from the tears in my eyes, if the look on his face was anything to judge by. But I smiled at him, and he relaxed a little, though he remained confused. I hadn't moved an inch when he'd arrived, but now I lunged forward and clasped him tightly around the waist, my cheek pressed up against his warm chest._

"_Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I repeated almost like a mantra, squeezing him tighter each time I said the words. His arms reached around me to hug me back after a while, and it was a good five minutes or so before I realized that I was practically in his lap and got embarrassed at the position. I leapt back and apologized profusely, but he just scratched the back of his neck and dismissed it, cheeks oddly pink...again._

_It was the next week that we went on that fateful mission and the next month I found out I was fated to die._

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><p><strong>You want the good news or the bad news first? I'll go ahead and give you the good news; this chapter was <strong>_**originally**_** a **_**lot**_** longer than usual!**

**The **_**bad**_** news? (Not that it's really, **_**really**_** bad or anything). The bad news is; The original version of this chapter was longer, but it was suggested that I split it into two. I hope to have the second part up by Wednesday, but I want to make a few tweaks first. Haha.**

**So, thanks for reading, and I hope it tides you over for a while xD**

**R&R because two days ago was my 18th**** birthday? Pretty pweeeeese? **


	9. Do Fairies Have Tales?

**The second part of the bookstore chapter! BWAHAHA!**

**So, I've made some edits to make it just a little longer, but it still ended up falling short of the length of my usual chapters. It comes really close, though, so I hope you'll be satisfied with it! Hehe.**

**I want to say thanks to all of you guys for still reading! You're the driving force! So, again, THANK YOU. So much.**

**I think I'm going to dedicate this chapter to aphrodite931 (again) because you have been a marvelous beta, putting up with me since what, chapter three? So thanks goes to you!**

**Now, here's chapter nine of USHA. Sorry for the delay :)**

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><p>My reaction to Natsu's gift had been a bit strong, but I really had never expected him to buy it for me. I might have been staring at it longingly, but I didn't think he'd pick up on that. I had taken for granted the fact that Natsu was sometimes dense, and I had let my guard down.<p>

I think that was when I fully accepted the fact that I might, just _might_, have pretty much fallen for him.

Wasn't I just such a lovestruck fool?

The thought that crossed my mind made my eyes widen, but I didn't rebut myself. Because really, what else had I been in that happy moment but a girl who was too shy to tell the guy she liked the truth, too shy to confess? And was I really any different from that Lucy now, three years later? I was still too afraid to tell them the truth, and definitely too afraid to confess to Natsu the feelings that coursed through me. So really, I hadn't changed much at all, for all the strength that I had attained.

With a small frown, I glanced at all the books around me, and was hit with my usual urge to browse.

I had finally given into my reading fetish when in Reason for a little over a year. In the past, while under the influence of my various personas, I had let myself look at books and meander just outside of bookstores, but I had never let myself indulge in my obsession. But somehow, when I became Layla and found myself in such an out-of-the-way place, I'd come to terms with the fact that, no matter who I was on the outside, I was still Lucy Heartfilia on the inside. The girl who loved to read, and even to write, so much that it was draining to pretend I didn't. I had given in and returned to my bookish self, and that side of me was once more taking over.

Before I walked into the shop, however, I pulled a small object from a magically protected pouch at my side and gazed at it for a moment, not letting the tender smile I wanted to show come to my lips. In my hand, shrunk by a charm that was attached to it by a string, was the book that _he_ had bought me.

For a moment, the most fleeting of seconds, I wanted to turn, to run and find them, but then I shoved the miniature book back in my pouch and nodded to the clerk who was watching me, before dropping my suitcase near her desk and telling her, "I'm going to look around. Watch my things for a while, would you?"

"Yes!" she piped up as I walked away, making my way toward the shelves upon shelves of reading material.

In my exploration of the shop, I followed the same path I had the first time I'd visited here, when I'd had Natsu in tow. I did so less leisurely on this instance, but did pause on occasion to look at a few books I'd heard of. There were many new titles than the last time, but that was to be expected. It was over a year and a half ago that I'd been here on my own.

Despite not being as leisurely as I had the first time I'd been to the bookstore, it was still a good thirty minutes before I was done browsing in the lower section of the shop. And even then, I spent a few minutes more, looking closely at the books I passed for the second time as I returned to the set of stairs that would take me up.

Finally, though, I made my way up the stairs and through the first few areas, to the corner that had held my interest so well on my first visit here. The first thing that I saw was the Kemu Zaleon display, and then I went to looking around the section. My eyes ghosted across the numerous titles or displays rather quickly, not lingering, until they passed a certain one and my eyes snapped back to it without even a second's hesitation. A few quick steps across the room brought me to stand in front of the book that had caught my eye, and I stared at the blown-up portion of the front cover above the display. I knew, without a doubt in my mind, that this person so boldly painted on the front cover was the author herself.

I had completely missed the gentle footsteps ascending the stairs in a place somewhere behind me, so focused was I on the enlarged portion of the front cover of the book that had caught my eye.

"It's a good book," I heard a voice behind me that damn near made me jump out of my skin. I resisted the urge to wheel around to face him, because I felt like I already knew who it was. Instead, I stared at the image in front of me and my companion continued, "That's the one we told you about, Layla. That's Luce."

_I already knew that, _I wanted to say. _And why does it have to be you? _I silently added, silently _screamed_. Instead, I opted for reflecting on the words he had just said. The dragonslayer had unknowingly just shown me a picture of _me. _His voice held such strong undertones of desperation that I could feel my heart rip from my chest as I wondered, _Natsu, what would you do if I could tell you that I'm right here? _

I really wanted to say it. I wanted it so much that there was, in fact, nothing more at that moment that could defeat that desire. It was so strong that my hands were shaking, so I clasped them to temporarily stop it. With much effort on my behalf, I controlled my voice so I could speak.

"What are _you_ doing in a bookshop? You don't seem the type."

_Dammit, Lucy, are you becoming almost masochistic? It might not be physical pain, but it sure as hell is the emotional equivalent!_

"I visit this store every time we're in town and have for about three years," came the reply. "I've only been back here four times since Luce left us, but I came to this shop every time."

_Does he come here because of that one time I dragged him here…?_ I couldn't help but wonder. And if he did, perhaps it was in the hope of finding me again, or even just to feel a little closer to me…? Whatever the case, it would prove what I'd said to Happy; _I'm not nice_.

"You didn't really answer my question, Dragneel," I said, kind of stiffly. The words hurt to say, even if they weren't particularly vindictive. "You're not exactly the bookish sort, if I've labeled you right. So what's the deal?"

"Why are you so nosy?" he retorted, but I heard him shift his weight and he said, "I'll tell you, though. It's because I came here once with Lucy. She dragged me here, really. But anyway, there was this one book she _really _wanted, and I could tell that she did. That she wanted it, I mean. You should have heard the way she was talking about it and you'd know that she was really excited to have found it. All of the sudden, though, she just stopped talking about it, and she put it back on the shelf, and said that we should leave. It cost about as much as her rent…or maybe more? I can't exactly remember. But the thing is, I bought it for her."

"Nice of you," I remarked dryly. "What, pray tell, was the reason you went ahead and told me this?"

I was growing to loathe the almost contemptuous, or condescending tone that Layla used with him. But at least I, so far, had kept to my façade. The fact that my Layla persona was surviving was of little consequence at the moment, though, when what I really needed to worry about was getting the hell out of there, away from Natsu. So _why can't I make my feet move_?

"I trust you for some reason," was the answer that I was given, and I could tell he was shrugging by the tone of his voice. "And besides, this is the last place I bought her something before she left. I dunno why I still come, really. But it makes me feel closer to her, somehow."

_Damn it all, Natsu!_

So part of it _was_ because it made him feel closer to me, really. And knowing that just made my chest hurt worse. Really, why did he make this all so hard on me?

Biting my lower lip to keep my wandering mind in check, I let my eyes turn to the figure on the front cover of the book that _I _had written. The novel that I had slavishly penned for a year and a half of my time in Fairy Tail, going back and revising things often to incorporate the stories of all of my nakama. I caught the blonde hair first, but then focused on it closer.

It was _me_, a fact that I had already noticed prior to the dragonslayer's appearance. I was painted like a fairy, with a crown of leaves and gorgeous blue and purple wings that would look like a butterfly's wings if only they weren't pretty transparent. The fairy me sat on a gorgeous throne of flowers and vines, and from under the floral patterned skirt behind her came a delicate sort of tail, almost like I had always imagined a dragon's tail but much cuter. It was the same color as the wings. And there beside me, a hand on my shoulder, was a fairy version of Natsu with wings that looked almost like flames, and a tail that really did look more like a dragon's did. Two short, twisted horns poked out of his unruly pink hair at the corners of his forehead, making him seem even more like a dragon than the tail and the fiery wings did. He was dressed elegantly, so much different from the kind of ragged Natsu I was used to seeing. The binding was embossed with gold and silver designs that looked a lot like vines. The border on the front was much the same. Across the top of the cover ran the title in silver; _Do Fairies Have Tales?_

My play on the question _do fairies have tails? _That ever-present question that the members of the guild had asked, the question that made Fairy Tail an everlasting adventure in the search for the elusive answer.

On the bottom of the cover, in gold, ran the legend; _by Lucy, of Fairy Tail._

My novel. My novel, the one I'd given to Levy, was sitting right there on the shelf in front of me, ten or twenty copies of it, an adorable purple-blue hue covering where the cover image and the silver and gold of the vines and the title and my name did not. And they hadn't put my last name! They still called me Lucy _of _Fairy Tail, so did that mean that I was still accepted among them?

_Of course that's what it means,_ I told myself. It almost hurt that they could still have faith in me.

I reached forward with shaking hands to pick up the book in order to have something to do with them. This way, maybe the dragonslayer behind me wouldn't realize the twitching that was all too obvious.

"That's you, isn't it?" I gestured to the front cover, trailing my fingers over the vines on the border. "Beside her on the cover."

"Yeah," he said from his spot at the entrance to the section. He still hadn't moved from there.

"What are you doing on the cover of her book?"

_You insensitive moron!_ the side of me that was still wholly in Lucy mode wailed at me, but I did my best to control her. The way I'd asked the question was cold, but I really wanted to know. The Lucy in me wanted to know.

"Mirajane's idea," he said, almost bluntly. I heard his footsteps come just a little nearer. "She told Reedus to paint me in there with Lucy. Mira thought-well, she still thinks that seeing me right beside her will bring Luce back to her senses and get her to come back to us. Basically, she said that if Lucy saw one of her closest nakama next to her, it would 'pull at her heart' or something, and she'd come back. Levy agreed, and so did Cana and Bisca and Lisanna and Wendy…and after that, the whole guild was in on it. So Reedus painted it that way."

Natsu never really had a way with words, or good descriptions, but the explanation was good enough for me. And it did just as Mira said; it pulled at my heartstrings, trying to tug me back to my _home_. The only true home that I'd ever really had.

In order to get my mind off of those thoughts, I flipped to the _About the Author_ and read as I felt the pink haired man's eyes on the back of my head.

"_Lucy of Fairy Tail, perhaps better known as the ex-heiress Lucy Heartfilia, is a cheerful girl. The blonde is a proud 'master' and friend to at least ten of the golden Zodiac keys, and a powerful Celestial mage. Lucy came to us at Fairy Tail four years ago after being rescued from the false Salamander by the real Salamander. She wrote 'Do Fairies Have Tales?' at age eighteen and gave it into the care of her friend, Levy McGarden of Fairy Tail, before mysteriously disappearing. Two years have passed since that day, and we of the guild still look forward to her return and still look for her whenever we are out. In the hopes that she might see this, we would all like to say just this; please come home, Lucy. We love you!_

_That being said, if anyone has any information on the whereabouts of Lucy Heartfilia, we at Fairy Tail in Magnolia, Fiore, would greatly appreciate it! Please help us find our nakama!_

_The Entire Fairy Tail Guild Thanks You For Your Support._"

I nearly choked myself trying not to cry.

"You guys really want her back," I remarked, my voice not betraying my true feelings for a change. It took so much self control not to turn and run into his arms, sobbing and apologizing. So much more than I had thought it was possible to have, but it was possible, somehow.

"It's more than that," I felt, rather than saw, him step up beside me and take the book from my hands to flip to the pages preceding the About the Author (which hadn't been so much about me as about their search for me) before handing me the book back. My eyes widened even further than before at the section called, "Hey Lucy".

The entire section was composed of letters of varying lengths addressed me, from everyone. It took up about ten pages, the shorter letters in the beginning and the longer ones later. I read quickly, feeling Natsu's eyes lingering on me. It still took seven or eight minutes before I reached the last one. I hesitated at reading it, glancing over at the dragonslayer to see what he did. I turned my eyes back to the last letter, the only one that really did start off, "Hey Lucy" rather than "Dear Lucy" or just plain old "Lucy" or in Levy's case, "Lu-chan".

_Hey Lucy,_

_If you're reading this, I guess you know that we got your book published. It was Levy's idea, and Gramps agreed to it without a hitch, and so we all decided to say something to you. I never read books, 'cause I think they're boring, but I read this one 'cause it's yours. Why did you keep something as awesome as this from all of us, Luce? You told everyone's story all in one. And it's not _bad_, you weirdo. If you had such a cool book, why didn't you tell me sooner? What about your other stories? Are you going to ever finish them? If no one else told you in their letters, I'll tell you and you can get mad at me, but we read all of them that you left with your stuff. Even me. You could almost make me like to read, Luce, _almost_._

_You know everybody misses you by now, but I really do. Miss you, that is. Who else is supposed to yell at me for climbing in their window at night just 'cause I'm bored at home? Who else would complain about it but just groan and fix Happy and me a midnight snack anyway? And who would finally just sit up with us the rest of the night, laughing and playing Happy's Fishland?_

Fishland. I remembered that game. In order to appease the annoying blue feline, I had found an old Candyland game board and asked Reedus to redesign it according to my suggestions. In the end, we had a masterfully painted piece of art…dedicated to fish. The game was played like Candyland, so it was simple enough, and the fish theme really pleased Happy. He wanted to play it every single day, but I had somehow talked him down to once a week-Fishland Friday.

I shook my head to wipe the memory, if only temporarily, and let my gaze fall back to the letter that had prompted the flashback. I found my place momentarily and continued to read.

_I know you probably had some sort of reason for what you did, Luce, but we miss you. More than words could ever say, even though you always seemed to have words to describe things when you were writing. Really, I don't know how you knew what to say! But that's not really what this letter is about._

_What I mean, Luce, is that we all want you to come back. Please. _

_I miss you._

_Damn it, Luce, I'm not good with this sort of sentimental stuff, okay? So just please come back already so I can give you a hug, or something, all right? I'll even pay your rent for the rest of my life!_

_Your partner,_

_Natsu_

I hadn't noticed that my expressions had changed as I'd read this particular letter, but I did feel my eyes filling up with tears. I reached up, surprised to find the moisture running down my cheeks, and hastened to stop them before they dripped on the pages of the book in my hands. I had choked out a laugh at the rent part, because only someone like him would bring it up in a 'please come back' sort of letter. I couldn't stop crying, though. It was a stupid thing. So stupid, to stand in front of Natsu Dragneel, the one I was most scared of, scared because I was afraid that he of all people would figure out my secret and yet here I was bawling at his letter. This was giving away more of my true self than I had to the others. I closed my–_the_ novel–and put it aside, turning away from the dragonslayer and secretly placing the back of my hand to my mouth in a vain attempt to stifle my sobs. A warm hand descended on my shoulder.

"You're a lot like Lucy, aren't you?" Natsu asked gently, in a friendly manner. "Erza and Gray and Happy told me some of the things you guys talked about while on that…that stupid boat. You left your nakama behind because of your Overflow thing, right?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to attempt to speak. I was being such a crybaby lately. Not to mention, here Natsu was, comparing me to Lucy. Not only Erza, and Gray, and Happy, but _Natsu_, too. If I was most worried about him figuring me out, then _why couldn't I stop crying_?

"You said some pretty mean things to them," Natsu continued, and I cringed, "but we don't blame you. Gray's sorry for making you mad, even just a little. You remind them all of Lucy a bit because you cared more about your friends' feelings than about yours, you know that?"

"Y-yeah, I know," I said, stepping away but still not looking at him. Wouldn't he realize who I was if he got a good look at my face right now, when we were so close to a blown up image of the front cover of that book? That image of _me_? "Y-you guys must…r-really miss her. I can tell you c-care a lot about her."

"Yeah," came the reply. At the wistful sound, I forced myself to glance at him, and he was gazing at the large fairy image of the book's display. "Yeah…care about her…"

My heart thudded painfully in my chest and I looked away again, unable to take the look of utter heartbreak that showed on the indestructible Salamander's features at that moment. Really, his face was worse than the heart-wrenching expression Erza had showed me previously, and if he had more faces like that in his repertoire, I was doomed to failure in my endeavor to keep who I was a secret. I feared that I'd blurt it out if I just looked at him…but I looked anyway. His eyes were closed tightly, and he was taking a few deep breaths. It was a painful sight for me to witness, as the girl he was searching for, but I had to bear it. This was a burden I'd have to shoulder, some sort of cruel atonement for the wrongs I had dealt my friends by leaving them.

"Was there anything more than that?" I managed not to choke, turning away and wiping my eyes with the dark blue handkerchief that dangled from my back pocket. My contacts were irritating my eyes, but I would have to deal with it. I'd done so before, and if these few days were any indication, I'd have to do it again, so why not get used to it? I struggled to find more words to say to Natsu but the next thing I said seemed to flow naturally from my mouth, almost as if it was my heart finally speaking for me without my stubborn brain getting in the way, "I mean, you seem really attached to her. 'Care' almost seems weak."

My face, my tears, did not fit my Layla personality, and neither did the words, but the way I said them did. I had spoken in a colder manner than one normally would, and in such a way that if the listener was quick to anger, he or she might think I was teasing them. The words themselves were reminiscent of something I might have said as Lucy, but the absolute ice in the tone was Layla's, and hers alone.

_Ouch. My heart_, I thought. It hurt to talk to Natsu like that. It hurt so much, but I had to use that tone. If I didn't, I would have sounded too much like Lucy. Being right by a giant blown-up picture of the front cover of _Do Fairies Have Tales?_ and talking like the author would be close to a dead giveaway. And so I couldn't say comforting things, or even nice things, which was really hard when just being _around_ the dragonslayer, or any of my other nakama, made my tongue loosen and words spill out.

I wanted to hit myself for all of my failures at keeping myself inconspicuous, and so intent was I on thoughts of self-loathing that I wasn't really expecting his answer to my inquiry when it came.

"Yeah."

The word was so soft that I almost didn't catch it, but I did, and I went rigid. I let it hang in the air for a few minutes until I thought that I had perhaps imagined that one word. And it would have been so much better for me, for the sake of my secret identity, if it really had been some sort of fluke, a trick my imagination had played on my hearing.

"There's more," Natsu's voice came, dashing the idea that his response might have been imaginary and almost sounding strangled. "So much more it hurts. Sure, Luce is important to us, to _all _of us, but sometimes I'm so sure that she's most important to _me_. That's why I can't stop until we find her. I want to tell her about it, about all of it. I know she had some sort of reason! She just _had to_ have! And I know I sound like a kid and just really selfish, but I want her back. I _need_ her back."

_Need. _I know the feeling, Natsu. I do. So much more than you should ever know.

"You might never see her again," I told him, taking the discarded book and bringing it tight against my chest. I closed my eyes and took a breath to prepare myself for the words I was going to say. The words that wouldn't just hurt the pink haired man standing nearby, but me as well. "I told at least Erza as much, and she didn't like it, so I know you won't, but you have to accept it. She could be dead out there somewhere and you'd never know. Maybe you should just stop searching before you get killed by an enemy, or worse; get yourself hurt by finding that she _is_ dead. Get your head out of the clouds and face the reality, Salamander. She's dead. _Dead_. She ran off and got herself _killed_. _You will never see her again_! Face the facts!"

I sprinted off, the book in my arms and chest feeling as though it was going to rip into shreds. I stopped at the counter only long enough to drop fifty thousand jewel on the counter and show her the book, the cost of which was only thirty thousand, before taking up my suitcase and fleeing.

It all hurt so much that I wanted to stop when Natsu's shouts rang out behind me, heartbroken and furious, but I tuned them out and darted down the next street. I took various turns, to throw him off if he was trying to pursue me, and thus zigzagged throughout the town until I came to a bathhouse. I slipped inside, paid for some lavender scented soap and shampoo, which was different from the orchid ones I'd been using, and hurriedly rushed to bathe. Anything to keep him from finding me while I was still in town.

I left out the back door when I was done, just in case. I peered around each corner as I made my way to the kind of run down side of town. That's where I'd find the cheapest places to stay, I knew. They might not be the best hotels out there, but maybe being there would completely throw off the dragonslayer if he had it in mind to follow me.

I'd been looking for an hour before I found lodging in the cleanest dirt-cheap hotel in town and barricaded myself in the room for a good long cry.

In the course of the last two hours, I'd learned that Natsu was missing me as much as I was missing him. Or, heaven forbid, _more_ than I was missing him. Now I knew that he felt almost as deeply for me as I did for him, and that knowledge could be harmful. Yet even as I cried, and mentally berated myself and whispered that I wouldn't stick to my plan to follow them, I knew that they were empty words. Now, more than ever, I felt the need to trail them, or maybe more specifically _him_, in order to ensure their safety.

And I couldn't help but wonder…

_What was I getting myself into?_

* * *

><p><strong>Confrontation with Natsu? Check. Lucy being painfully obvious…<strong>_**again**_**? Check.**

**I own nothing but the plot! The wonderful characters mentioned belong to Hiro Mashima! (except for my OC's from Reason, and the girl in the bookshop, and any random people like that). **

**Thanks for reading! Review if you feel like it ;)**


	10. Her Stars

**I really had no idea how to start this chapter…so to start, I'm doing this author's note BEFORE the whole chapter. I'm going to sit down and just type the chapter, and hope something interesting comes out, and then I'm going to send it to aphrodite931 for her beta-ing, and…that's probably when the chapter will get good. Haha. Really, at the moment…little inspiration. Very little. But I'm going to try!**

**So, I'll start typing that now…**

**OKAY. So a week later, I end up with this; none of it completely beta'd and the biggest part of the chapter based on a suggestion by my lovely beta (mentioned above). If she has a few minutes at some point in time, maybe she can make some more magic happen, and I'll ask you to re-read the chapter…but if not, this is what you get. I hope it will work!**

**USHA chapter 10 is here.**

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><p>I woke up before the sun even came up, my eyes swollen from the previous night's tears. The sheets were tangled around me, twisted so badly that it took several long minutes to extricate myself from their hold. When that was done, I sidled into the bathroom and took a quick shower, taking care to wash my face well, to rid my features of the red, blotchy remnants of crying. My daily routines then were honored; I had to put in my contacts and secure my wig over the blonde locks I so missed. Once done with those, I went through the other boring motions of the morning, which included ensuring that the style of my wig was as I liked it and brushing my teeth.<p>

I was trying to restore my sense of normalcy as Layla Heart, attempting in vain to push aside the hurt I'd heard in Natsu's voice last night as I fled from him.

_Why can't I forget?_

Even taking several deep, calming breaths wasn't enough, but moving around and _doing_ something seemed to help. Just a little. I couldn't really remember a time where I'd had this much trouble calling my Layla persona back, but I continued the struggle. I made the bed, even though I knew that the staff would change them as soon as I left in a few hours, and I caved to an impulse and straightened the painting on the wall. My mind was momentarily suspended, and I was doing my best to keep it blank for a little while.

After nearly an hour of this restlessness, I forced myself to stop and sit down. And then I forced myself to remember the events of yesterday, and to embrace them. I had to do it, or I'd completely shatter next time I saw my old nakama. It didn't matter how much it hurt me _right now_; what mattered was that I try to _get over it_ so I didn't completely unveil myself next time I ran into them. I had no doubt that I'd run into them again. It was a perk_or was it a downside?_of choosing to follow them.

I chose to see it as a perk after such a long time without having my friends nearby.

_Calm down, Lucy Heartfilia_, I scolded myself silently. _You've just insulted the intelligence of your friends, basically told two of them that you're dead, and you can't help yourself around them. Get a hold on yourself!_

Easier said than done…but it was manageable.

After two painstaking hours of drilling myself into numbness at the memory of those events, I was ready. Ready even for an encounter with the whole group, and a confrontation about the horrible things that I'd said to them. Or as ready as I was ever going to be, feeling numb and empty at the realizations I'd forced upon myself. The notion that even if they _were_ looking for me, they'd never find out that it was me they were trying to find, and that I couldn't slip up because, if I did, the last three years of painstakingly changing my attitude and demeanor would be for nothing. It hurt so badly to keep secrets from them, but I wasn't going to let them find out who I was now. Not after I'd said such hurtful things to all of them.

Why did it hurt them so much to be protected from the pain?

I sighed and packed my few belongings into my one bag. It didn't take very long, and I hiked it up over my shoulder and headed out after casting one more cursory glance in the mirror that hung on the wall. Everything was in order, and so I left, checking out and making the trek towards the edge of town. There was a prickling at the back of my neck, and I took it as a bad sign, so I had to get out of earshot, and quick.

Maybe it was a little paranoid to peek around corners, or pause and listen for shouting and rioting, before turning onto a new street…but I couldn't help myself. I steeled myself against the pain of seeing them again (and the pain that their eyes would probably show upon seeing me), but I still wanted to postpone that particular encounter for a while. Maybe until I…I don't know anymore. Perhaps I'll throw myself in front of an attack that will kill them, and they find out it's me right as I breathe my dying breaths? Unlikely. I'm still a coward at heart.

_Ouch_. Admitting that I was a coward was a low blow. And I'd dealt it to myself.

A sound akin to an electric shock sounded, and I jumped when a spark of yellow magical energy jumped from my shoulder to my elbow before fading. In pure disbelief, I stood rooted to the spot whilst staring at the place that the spark had been. Never before now had I actually seen evidence of a soon-to-be attack like this, and I was perplexed. A tingling sensation on the whole side of my body jerked my numbed mind into awareness, and I ripped myself out of my thoughts and looked around. The bustling of the harbor town was normal, and in my quick glance I spied none of those I was wary about, so I bolted.

I didn't apologize to the fruit vendor whose booth lost a few apples as I ran by; nor to the fraud jeweler; nor the fish vendor. I just ran. I could hear the rush of my blood in my ears, and the sounds of indignant shouts as I shoved people aside in my dash for the outskirts of town sounded as though they were far away. I was forced onward by adrenaline; nothing was capable of stopping me at the moment. I _had_ to get away from innocent citizens before the explosion racked my form, or who knew how many of them would be hurt or, heaven forbid, _killed_?

It seemed to take forever, but the crowds thinned and I stopped barreling over or through people to get away, merely occasionally bumping a shoulder. A few streets later, and I ran into no one as I fled. The city limit passed beneath my feet, and another spark passed from hip to collarbone, and I kept running. As I leapt a small creek, nothing more than a trickle of water, a spark kind of spiraled up my left arm. I was spurred to a greater speed.

Finally, after about ten minutes of sprinting, I deemed myself far enough out of town. I dropped my bag and rushed away from it, nearly stumbling. Once I was a good thirty yards away from where I'd dropped my bag, I let the rapidly building energy out in a powerful burst that knocked me to my knees much quicker than most of them did. A strangled shout escaped my lips and I curled over and forced my forehead against the ground in the fetal position, or very near to it. I heard some clothing somewhere rip, but I was too focused on the pain to really notice where. I wanted to scream, yet I wanted to stay silent. I bit my lip, but tasted coppery blood and released it.

The power flickered, and nearly died, so I forced myself to my feet. I thought the worst part was past, but I had no idea that it was yet to come.

I took three or four pained steps before the power released once again, not even knocking me to my knees but knocking me flat out on the ground. I sprawled on my front, unable to stifle the scream that emitted, high-pitched and bloodcurdling. It seemed to have no end; ceaselessly, the golden magic pummeled me, cut me, and suffocated me. For what seemed like a frightening eternity, I thought I was going to die. This attack was the end of me, I was sure of it.

I was even more sure of it when everything started to go dark around me.

* * *

><p><em>The energetic boy in front of me was impatiently waving me forward, but I ignored him in favor of examining my surroundings. This city…so <em>this_ was what Magnolia looked like? It was more than I could have dreamed! The smell of the bakery around the corner was tantalizing and mouth-watering, but I turned my eyes to the windows of a nearby flower store, where all of my favorite flowers were displayed in vast array of colors and sizes. _

"_Keep staring like that, and something will fly in your mouth!" the pink-haired Salamander said, tugging at my arm relentlessly. "C'mon, you wanted to join the guild, didn't you?"_

"_Yes!" _

_Perhaps I was overenthusiastic with my agreement, but he didn't even seem to notice. Or maybe he was just as enthusiastic as I was, because that grin was almost as wide as his entire face._

_It was kind of cute._

_I shook my head, finally giving in and letting myself be dragged along the street. I complained to the famous Fairy Tail mage as he sped up and I nearly tumbled head over heels, but he just laughed at me. He got impatient once more when I stopped outside of a fair sized book store and stared up at it, asking me what was so interesting. I slapped a hand over his mouth as I let my eyes take in the sight. I memorized the number and the street name, so I could come back later, and then removed my hand from the irritated guy's mouth._

"_Sorry, Natsu. You wouldn't understand," I said, shrugging._

"_Whatever!" he said, brushing aside my halfhearted insult and grabbing my wrist again. "C'mon!"_

"_Aye!"_

_I let him pull me along a while longer with Happy the flying blue cat flying above us while also stifling my giggle. For some reason, even though I had just met them, I was already strongly attached to this cheerful guy and his strange pet. It was a strange sort of bond that I couldn't quite explain, even in my own mind. We were like kindred spirits, though I knew nothing of his past except for his claim that he'd been raised by a fire dragon named Igneel, and he knew nothing of mine except that I didn't want to go back and I'd had a fascination with his guild for quite a while. _

_Maybe I'd never know why, I told myself, but I hadn't even seen the guild and I never wanted to leave it. Even if it didn't meet all the expectations I had of it, my dream guild, I never wanted to abandon this happy-go-lucky duo._

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><p><em>After all that had happened to Fairy Tail because of me, because of my stupid father, they still wanted me there? It had to be a joke! I'd barely been there for any amount of time, and yet they already considered me a part of their close-knit family. I felt like an intruder in their midst, a bad egg just bringing misfortune upon them. But they didn't see me that way. But isn't that what I was?<em>

_Yet I couldn't bear to leave them–was that selfish of me?_

_Yes. Yes, it was undeniably selfish. But how could anyone bring themselves to leave a place that had become a home to them? I didn't think I'd ever understand it. I could leave my childhood 'home', because without my mother it was no home at all, but how could anyone leave a home like this while they still thought of it as such? _

_Perhaps the guild of my dreams had let me down at first. It was nothing but a huge group of brawling, drinking, shouting, stripping, name-calling, violence-oriented idiots…but I loved them all. I never wanted to see them hurt because of me. Which is why I went back to my father's house and told him that I was Lucy of Fairy Tail and would not turn back. The only reason I'd gone to see my father was to tell him as much, and yet my new nakama had misinterpreted my intentions._

_I found them running towards the mansion as I said goodbye to my mother one more time. Happy said Natsu had cried, and he denied it, and I couldn't help it. I laughed and cried all at once, and it was then that I promised to myself I wouldn't leave them if I could help it. I wouldn't cause them the same pain that so many others had. I knew they all had some sort of issues with abandonment, and I knew that deep down, I did too. I just didn't show it quite as much._

_No. I wouldn't leave them._

* * *

><p><em>Gray's past…worse than I had expected. He didn't just feel abandoned somewhere deep inside–he felt as though he'd been the one to kill his teacher, even if she wasn't truly dead. He blamed himself. And I couldn't reach out and tell him that it wasn't his fault at all, that he had almost been like a son to Ur, and I didn't know why. But it wasn't is fault.<em>

_And Erza. Sweet, intimidating, and gorgeous Erza. Betrayed and cast out by her dearest of friends, though at the time she didn't know their leader was possessed. Those who called her 'sister' had cast her away without a second thought, and she had been broken. Fairy Tail helped her through that._

_Natsu. Of course it always comes back to Natsu, and his foster father Igneel. For the dragonslayer had, indeed, been raised by a dragon, because so had Gajeel and Wendy, and if three people said as much then it must be true…right? All of them had fears of being left, but Natsu's were the easiest for me to see. He grew attached to his nakama within just a short amount of time. Sure, he and Gray would bite each other's heads off and fight, but they were the best of friends. Only someone in Fairy Tail could see as much. He seemed so happy, yet I knew he wasn't. he was brooding often, and I just wanted to reach out to him. I didn't know how._

_Then there was me. I didn't know what it was about these people that made my heart ache so. Their bravery? Their undying loyalty to each other and the guild in the face of any danger? Whatever it was, I knew it would be hard for me to ever leave them. Not that I thought I'd ever want to, but if there was something that forced me to leave, I wasn't sure I could do it._

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><p><em>Collapsed in a heap, I sobbed brokenly into the carpeted floor of my apartment. This condition, this 'Magical Overflow'…it had ruined me. My life. Did my entire existence really mean so little, that just tapping into my full potential would eventually take my life? When I finally could be the strong mage I had wanted to be, and help my teammates out on missions…I would be killing myself every time I used my magic. I would tear myself from my nakama in the worst and most permanent way possible, and I didn't want that. But the alternative…it hurt too, yet right now it seemed the only option.<em>

_I would flee. I had to. It would hurt them, I knew, but wouldn't it hurt me more?_

_Gray–I'd be sorry to leave him behind. Really, I would, but what if he found a way to blame himself for my death, just as he had blamed himself for Ur's use of Iced Shell and subsequent near death existence._

_Erza. She would blame herself, I was sure. She'd beat herself up for not finding something she could do to help. My sweet but highly vicious female comrade…I would miss her so, even if she sometimes scared the living daylights out of me._

_Happy would probably cry, and if I could see those tears I would cry, too._

_Everyone…would they feel I'd betrayed them, or would they feel that they just weren't good enough to keep me there? Would they hate me for the rest of their lives? Or would they eventually find forgiveness and tell themselves that I had to have had some kind of reason to leave them without even a goodbye?_

_But then there was Natsu. There was always Natsu, and in my heart I knew there would always be a Natsu. Even when I was on the verge of dying, of breaking down, there would always be a pink-haired dragonslayer in the back of my mind. I knew he'd blame himself, even more than the others. He would feel abandoned; would he hate me for a while, or forever? I never wanted to bring the pain of abandonment on him again, but wouldn't that be better than the nagging though of, _How long does Luce have left now_? or something like that. I didn't want him, or any of them, to feel that. To have to watch me waste away and be unable to help. _

_It would hurt so much. Too much._

_I tried to tell myself it would hurt me more, and I did for the next year or two. But deep down, no matter how I changed, I would never grow to believe it._

* * *

><p>Waking up was hard. Like swimming through a pool filled with mud and trying to reach the other side before the sludge pulled me under and suffocated me. There was pain beating down on me from everywhere, making breathing difficult. Grass prickled against the back of my neck, and slowly I realized that there were wet streaks on my face. In the throes of the darkness, in my dreams that were memories, I had been crying. The salty taste on my lips proved it. Even more slowly came the realization that I was laying on my back.<p>

_Didn't I black out after falling _forward_?_ was the question that entered my groggy mind. After some thought, I decided that _yes_, I had fallen forward. So then the next logical question would be _how did I end up on my back_?

I didn't know.

My senses were slow to return to me. The only thing that was constant was the screaming of every muscle of my body. Every limb cried out in agony, sending frantic messages to my brain, trying to overpower me with their endless cacophony of anguished wails. My head ached from the sensation, but I struggled to find some form of cognizance. I became aware of a warmth draped over me, like a blanket or a jacket or something, and a soft cushion beneath me. Had someone found me in my pitiful state? Had it been _them_?

I desperately hoped not; but then again, I hoped it had been.

Unbidden, a groan rose from my lips. It was soft, and I had heard it, and so I focused on my sense of hearing next. I could feel things again; could I hear everything? There was a breeze, rustling through the leaves of the trees. So I was still in the woods. A warmth caressed me from the left, and I heard crackling, like a fire. A wet cloth on my forehead attempted to soothe me, but it was not much help.

_Who found me?_ I wanted to ask. But I kind of didn't want to know, either.

"…so weak. Will she wake up?" a woman's voice came.

"She should. I think she's stable for now," a second feminine voice announced softly.

"She's lucky that we could get out before she was killed," said a fierce male voice. "If Horologium hadn't been able to shelter her from that last…"

He trailed off.

_Voices_! But whose? They were familiar, but sounded as though they were coming from far, far away. As if from a distant memory, but I knew it wasn't the case. I knew, with a strange certainty, that the voices were talking about me.

"She's been a fool," a sharp voice said, and a sloshing sound was heard. Water?

"Do not be so quick to judge," another voice snapped. Why did it make me think of white fur and sunglasses?

"I agree with her," said another.

_Oh, no_.

How were they here? I thought they were gone from me for good, yet there they were, somewhere beyond the fire, and talking about me! Had they come and made me comfortable? Tended my wounds? Did their best to make me comfortable and quicken the healing process, even after what I had done to them all? I had been such a cruel person, and yet…

"Puu-puun," an almost childish voice came, sadly.

_Plue_.

"She'll be fine!" the second voice snapped, then sighed and said, "I'm sorry for being mean, Plue. Don't look at me like that."

"Leo–"

"You know it's Loke now, Aries," he scolded gently. "I got used to it at the guild, and being called 'Leo' right now still reminds me of things I don't want to remember. Not yet."

"We're not talking about your stupid name preferences, you stupid lion," snorted the condescending feminine voice, and I recognized my dear, violent Aquarius. "We're talking about Lucy and how she's been such an idiot!"

"There's nothing we can do about it when she doesn't want to summon us now!" Loke retorted, a twinge of pain, regret, and sadness in his tone as well as a little bit of irritation with the water bearer. "She can hold us all back when she's in her right mind, without even consciously thinking about it! Even when we all try to summon ourselves at the same time. What do you propose we do?"

"Threaten her," came the answer I had almost expected.

"You already tried that!" came one voice, either Gemi or Mini.

And the other, "It didn't work!"

_My spirits_, I inwardly groaned. In my weakened state, they had all been able to come out. What was I going to do? I couldn't pretend to be asleep forever. I needed food, and I needed water, and I needed to contain them once more.

"Princess is very brave in ways, I think," said Virgo's voice, and she was closer to me. I felt the cloth lift from my forehead, and knew then that she was tending me. "But can be foolish in others. I know I should be punished for saying such things, but it is what I think."

"She would cause herself pain to save her comrades from it," came Capricorn's voice again. "Of course she is very brave."

"But foolish," came Scorpio's tones, agreeing with Aquarius as he had when I first began to understand the words, "in many ways. She knows that they would rather be with her in her last days than lose her without even knowing it, and yet…"

I became aware of a song. Heart-wrenching, painful…exactly what I was feeling inside of me at every waking minute of every day since I had left my nakama at Fairy Tail behind me.

Lyra.

_I can't take this anymore!_

"I'm…sorry…" my voice was a hoarse sound. Tears were once more pouring, warm and salty, down my cheeks. "I'm…sorry…I'm such a fool!"

"_Lucy_!"

"_Princess_!"

I heard the wet cloth land with a squelch on the ground beside me as footsteps pounded the ground. They all were rushing to me, and I fought with my eyelids for a moment before I could actually open my eyes and look upon the celestial spirits I had long missed. Being parted from them hurt almost as much as being apart from my comrades at Fairy Tail, but still I deprived myself of their company. My attacks could hurt even their celestial selves; what would I do if they had ended up dead because of me?

"Lucy!"

The one who should be mad at me the most out of those present crouched down beside me, vibrant orange hair blocking out the trees above. He wore no glasses, and I didn't know if he just hadn't replaced the last pair or if he left them in their world.

"Horologium…how is he? You said he saved me?" I managed to say, wincing at the scratchiness of my throat and squeezing my eyes closed for a few moments. A bit of cool water was trickled down my throat and I opened my eyes to see the enraged water bearer glaring down at me. Despite her anger, I could tell she was worried. It was she who answered.

"He's recovering in our world."

"Is he hurt badly?" I dreaded the answer. Was it nearly fatal to him? I hoped not; Horologium was such a brave, brave spirit for doing such a thing. And when he saved Wendy from Hades all that time ago…he had such a kind heart.

"Not too badly," Aries' shy voice came as she brushed some of my hair–my real blonde hair–from my face. "He'll be fine with a few days of rest. You should rest too."

"I can't," I said, closing my eyes against their worried faces. Why did they have to turn such expressions on me? They were as bad as my old teammates, showing me their new repertoire of emotions and actions. "Please don't do this to me, not now…"

"Lucy," came Capricorn's voice, sternly. I turned my head aside.

"Princess, you must rest or you will not heal," said Virgo firmly, turning my head back so that I opened my eyes. "Punish me later if you will, but you must rest."

"Loke, you're on duty first," said Aquarius, rolling her shoulders. "We'll be draining on her magic power even though we summoned ourselves, so we'll take turns making sure she rests."

"Don't–" I began to protest, trying to sit up. Several pairs of hands pushed me back down within a span of a few seconds, and many stern looks and headshakes were directed at me. My heart was breaking into a million pieces. Seeing them here with me for the first time in so long had really begun to take a toll on me, and I was still in tears. The emotional strain was just as bad as seeing my team and being cruel to my team had been.

"Rest," ordered Aquarius as she stood tall above me–sort of. Her tail was within her vase, a telltale slosh emitting from the vessel. Scorpio stood up beside her, a stern expression on his features as he nodded in agreement with his girlfriend. Gemi and Mini voiced their agreement, much like Bixlow's little dolls would have done. They disappeared with a 'poof' shortly after, though the others went back more slowly. Aries was the last to leave, brushing my blonde locks from my forehead again as she repeated Aquarius' instruction.

It left me there with Loke. One of those that had been hurt most by this condition that I was victim of, aside from my teammates. The one who was a friend, not an enemy, who had actually felt the force behind my attacks. And that had been when they were weaker–much weaker–than they were now.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered to him, staring up at the sky. How long had the stars been twinkling above me? Stars that included my celestial spirits as well as those in the heavens, perhaps even including my Mama. "I really am. For everything."

"You can't help the condition you have, Lucy," said the lion, "but you can change how you treat it. How you act. You can stop hiding who you are."

"I can't," my voice was even softer than before.

"You should," he retorted, then sighed. "Everyone cares about you, Lucy. Everyone. Erza, Gray, Happy, Natsu…" he paused, examining my face for the reaction I gave at hearing their names. He was not disappointed, as I winced and tears rolled even more freely down my cheeks. "It's getting harder for you to hide behind all of your façades. You should just tell them, Lucy."

"I told you that I can't!" I cried in a low voice. "What more do you want from me, Loke?"

"I don't want anything from you, Lucy. I just want you to tell the people who mean the most to you who you really are behind those blue eyes and that black wig. Explain to them why you ran away. They will understand."

"Of course they'll understand," I closed my eyes, my tone wistful. "They're always understanding. Too understanding. They always have been. Whatever I do, whatever the consequences, they'll always forgive. Everyone will. They trust too much."

"Lucy."

"Don't _you_ understand why I don't want to tell them? It's the exact same reason you never told anyone who and what you really are. If you told, they would have gone to any lengths in order to save you. You didn't want that. It's the same with me! I didn't want them to waste months of their lives away–years, even!–in a vain attempt to save me. It won't work! I'm on Death's doorstep now, can't you see? Telling them would only hurt them more now than it would have then. I can't do it."

"You're being a selfish coward!"

His voice was annoyed, but also had an edge to it. And edge of anger and regret, and I knew I'd touched a nerve. Now he was just trying to goad me into a confession, and I could not succumb to that. Not now.

"I don't want to hurt them," was the insistent answer that I gave him.

A sigh on his behalf was the last sound of our conversation, and it hung in the still night hair for long minutes on end. The silence remained for the half hour it took for my exhaustion to creep in and lull me to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>So, I apologize for the lateness, and I also apologize if this isn't up to snuff. I bypassed sending this to my beta for final edits due to some difficulties on her side, so I may have to, once again, tell you to go back and re-read this chapter at the beginning of the next one. I haven't done that since like, chapter 2, so please bear with me!<strong>

**Again, sorry for the lateness, and I hope this will at least suffice, if not fully satisfy.**


	11. Disappearing

**WAAAAAAAAAAAAH.**

**Just, WAAAAAAAAAAH.**

**You guys have waited two months (tomorrow it will be two months) and I never meant for it to take so long! You have no idea how severe my writer's block for this chapter was. It got to where I was sick of looking at the chapter because of how stuck I was and even my lovely beta (who is amazing despite the fact she probably halfway blames herself for the lateness when it's not her fault) - as I was saying, even my lovely beta couldn't even think of ideas.**

**When I finally sat down and reread it, I realized there were places I could add a few things. It makes me feel like I've grown as a writer in the last two months. Haha.**

**Aside from that, everything that's happened in the last few chapters of the manga has really taken a toll on my sanity. BUT…I'll survive. So let's move on to the newest chapter, yes? Because we all know you've been waiting **_**way**_** too long.**

**Here is Until She's Home Again chapter 11; enjoy. Maybe.**

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><p>Gemi and Mini…I hope you guys aren't mad at me for this. But I <em>have<em> to do it, so I hope you understand.

It had been roughly twelve hours since I had woken to find my celestial spirits around me for the first time in months. My caretakers had switched from initially being Loke to being Virgo, and from her it had changed to Scorpio. After that, Capricorn watched over me and then Lyra, and finally it was Gemi and Mini. It was during their watch over me that I decided I had to make my move. I had gotten the better part of my strength back and knew, although it would be hurtful to all of us, that I'd be able to control all of them. I was strong enough now that I'd be able to force the gates closed and hold them there like I'd been doing for so long now. And I knew I'd have to follow through with the plan before I completely lost my nerve, so I gingerly sat up as Gemi and Mini bounced ever so energetically around me.

Experimentally, I flexed my fingers just to test my ability to do so. The grainy earth fell through my phalanges with relative ease and did the action once more, this time clenching my fist tightly upon the earthy soil and opening my hand to show the results. The dirt was just moist enough to clump haphazardly together but dry enough that it crumbled apart as soon as I shook it back to the ground. I then dug my toes into the dirt, testing that ability before choosing to do anything else.

I hated what I was about to do. I'd purposely waited until Gemi and Mini had been rotated in as my watchers. It was cruel and perhaps even selfish, but I knew they'd be less likely to resist until after it was too late and they were already forced back into the spirit realm. But I couldn't let my celestial spirits continue to stay around me now that I was constantly in contact with Team Natsu. I couldn't have them recognize me so easily.

It was then I noticed that Gemi and Mini had been scolding me for a few minutes and tuned in.

"You need to lay down!"

"You won't get better if you don't!"

"I'm fine," I said, not looking up at them. I already knew what I was going to do, and I already knew that Loke and Aquarius were going to be pissed, but I couldn't help it. Just the thought of my plan was making my chest sear with agony.

_Am I masochistic_? I wondered, not for the first time. Such pain…and all self-imposed. Did I honestly have no other way to keep from hurting them (worse) than to hurt myself like this in the process? I simply _had_ to be masochistic, at least to some degree, to keep doing this to myself. All those chances I had to just let it all off my shoulders and let them do with me as they willed, and I kept it locked inside because I didn't want to hurt them. And no matter how much I tell myself that letting them know I was going to die would hurt _worse_ than my disappearance…I find it harder and harder to believe. When I see those faces…

But I knew the excuse of masochism was all that was keeping me sane.

_No, _I forced myself to finally acknowledge. _I'm not masochistic_.

I'd told myself I was masochistic so many times that it was getting old. Telling myself that was just a way of rationalizing my actions, and such rationalizations were really just excuses. It was time that I sat and faced the truth of the matter, and the real reasons I was doing this, even though it hurt. It hurt me and it hurt them, and it was hard to tell who hurt worse in the long run, but I knew why I was putting us through all of this. I knew exactly what I was doing to them. It was the same thing I was doing to my beloved teammates, and all for the same reason.

_I'm going to die_.

There isn't any simpler way to put it. The thought made my heart do a frantic flip-flop sort of thing, because even if I had known the end was near I hadn't really forced myself to face the facts just yet. Every now and then, I thought about it…but I pushed it out of my head as soon as possible, because every time I thought of my inescapable fate I thought of my old Fairy Tail teammates and how this was hurting them. And every single time I thought about it, I realized with an uncomfortable lurch in the pit of my stomach that _this is it_. I wake up every day wondering, _Is this the last sunrise I'll ever see?_ or even, _Will I live long enough to even eat my breakfast today? _and to have questions like that, every morning for over two years, was stressful and it just _hurt_.

It's horrible to wake up _knowing_ that you're going to die, or that you're _supposed_ to be dead but you're not, and then you can never shake the question of _when?_. It's awful. It's hard to believe that it took me over three years to finally realize that no matter how brave a façade I wore, I still wasn't ready to just…_die_.

Wasn't I still…wasn't I still in my prime? The alleged best years of my life had trickled through my fingers while I was away from my 'family', but I was still young and I should have many more days ahead of me. Days and years and even _decades_ through which I could _live_, time to make new memories with those that meant the most to me and to meet new people and make new memories with them, too. Didn't I have the right to live, to fall in love, to start and raise a family? Because I finally understood that I _wanted_ all of those things…and much more.

And just knowing that I should be dead and that I will die soon was killing me.

For the first time, I understood that I was frightened.

It took me a few long minutes to realize that Gemi and Mini were still telling me that I needed to rest, the concern clearly written on their faces. When I did the opposite of their instructions and stood, they suddenly joined together and took on the last form I had ever had them imitate.

"If you don't lay down, I'll have to make you!" they said in his voice, and I turned my head away, taking a deep breath.

Of all the people to keep as one of their forms for three years, why did it have to be _Natsu_'s form?

"I'm sorry, Gemini," I said softly, brushing their key lightly with my fingers. They started to dissolve slowly, fading back into their realm. Gemi and Mini popped apart and cried out my name in two separate voices, but it was too late. The Forced Gate Closure had already done what it was meant to do. I covered my face with my hands and let out a dry sob, mentally blocking the angry Leo and Aquarius from breaking free. Capricorn and Virgo joined in soon after, followed by the rest. I could tell which ones were trying to materialize…but my technique was working. I was holding them back.

Loke's angry and dismayed shouts tore and ripped at my heart much like a lion would tear at the flesh of his downed prey. Just by hearing a few words I knew, without a doubt, that he felt betrayed by my actions. All of them would, but it was worse somehow when it came from the lion spirit because of the deeper connection we shared. His power was surging against my barrier but failing to break through. Next to Loke, I could sense Aquarius, riddled with rage and fury. Her anger was mostly fueled by the sensation of being betrayed and I feared that she may never forgive me for any of this. The power I felt coming from her was almost as ferocious as Loke's and it was breaking me. Capricorn bellowed and I felt him pounding against my barrier with the same intensity as Taurus in addition with Loke and Aquarius. I knew what Virgo was thinking, or I assumed that I was right. She was probably considering this as a punishment for the transgressions she never made but even so, her power joined with the others to make it more difficult on me. Cancer…he actually liked to help me with my hair and hadn't been able to for the longest time, felt betrayed because he'd almost gotten that chance again but had been denied it so suddenly. Sagittarius was most likely making conjectures about why I was doing this. Some of his ideas would be close and others would be so far off the mark that it would probably make me laugh if I heard them. Gemi and Mini were crying; _why could I still hear them crying?_ And even through it all, they tried their hardest to help the others break the barrier.

Loke, Aquarius, Taurus, Capricorn, Virgo, Cancer, Sagittarius, Gemini, Pisces, Scorpio, Libra, Aries…all of them were fighting. Even Lyra and Horologium and _Plue_ and every other lesser spirit I had at my disposal were fighting. I had betrayed them all but I knew they weren't fighting out of anger. They wanted to try to help in any way they could. Their dismayed calls still pierced my ears, but I continued vigilantly holding them back.

Tears fell unchecked down my cheeks.

Into the still air, I choked out, "I'm so sorry…"

The noon sun bore down on the clearing, and I realized that I should move. Laying down, I had been out of the streaming sunlight, but sitting or standing let the rays beat down on me. I definitely didn't want to deal with a sunburn on top of the hell I'd been through already. So I packed up my sleeping bag and all of my other supplies that Loke must have retrieved from the place I'd dropped them prior to my Overflow attack.

I retreated into the trees a little ways and sat with my back to one of them, huddled forward with my forehead on my knees. Attempting to hold the tears back did nothing, so I let them flow, dampening my cheeks and the denim of my jeans. I held the keys tightly to my chest, and my silent sobs were occasionally punctuated with "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" or other little apologies that Aquarius probably wouldn't pay heed to if she ever got back out.

Part of me wished that they would never get back out until someone else got control of their keys…but then another part of me desperately wanted to have contact with them again. They were some of my closest comrades. We fought together just as much as Natsu and Gray and Erza and Happy and I did- probably _more_! My celestial spirits had been my lifeline in the first months of my self-imposed exile, but I didn't let that persist. I shoved them away and found ways to keep them from materializing in Earthland. I felt excessively cruel. I wanted to abandon all of my reasons but I couldn't bring myself to. Not yet.

But…didn't my nakama deserve to know who I really was and why I left?

_Stop it, Lucy! You can't tell them. You just can't._

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><p>"<em>Whenever things get hard, Lucy, don't give up. Don't ever give up!"<em>

Mama's words. Words that Mama had said, not even three days before…

"Stop it," I groused to myself, standing up and wiping my eyes. "You've been moping for an hour. It's time to get a move on."

I brushed myself off then, wishing that I had something to take down the redness of my face around my eyes, but I didn't. One perk about being the cold-hearted bitchy Layla Heart was that I rarely cried__never_, almost_but now I was caught between Layla and Lucy and I seemed to be an emotional wreck. I suppose I had expected this day to come sometime if I persisted so much longer but I hadn't ever expected all the other complications that had come along with it. And so to get my mind of off these thoughts, I retrieved my back-up wig from my bag and adjusted it over my hair almost haphazardly. I was careful enough to make sure that every single one of my blonde locks were completely covered up. I'd come so far and I didn't want a mistake now.

"It's only a matter of time…" I sighed, looking up through the leafy foliage at the blue, blue sky. "Only a matter of time until you recognize me, or until you put everything together because I've definitely given you enough information if you'd talk to each other, or…or until I die and you find out that way…"

The last of those possibilities made me shudder, the shiver of fear running up my spine.

_Mama…I'm so scared!_

"Hey!"

I jumped at the unexpected voice and whirled around, one hand curled into a fist around my keys and the other balled up with gold energy forming a halo around it. My eyes scanned the trees wildly but I didn't see anything for the first few frantic seconds.

"Layla! I didn't expect to see you here," came the voice again, slightly to the left of where I was looking, but my heart was sinking. My eyes followed the sound of the voice but my heart fled away from it. After all the things that I had told him in that bookstore…they find me _here_? For there was Erza, pulling a cart loaded with so much stuff I was surprised she could get it through the forest and Gray, without a shirt on and hand straying dangerously near the button on his pants and Happy, flying above and smiling at me even though he shouldn't and of course, there was Natsu. The one hailing me, waving and talking although I've been tuning him out.

The one I really didn't want to see.

Or rather, the one I didn't want to see _me_.

"I didn't expect to see _anyone_ in the middle of a forest," I said coldly, trying to get a point across. I had turned away from them in an attempt to hide my face from them. I found a second to be thankful that I hadn't called myself by name when I had talked to myself, but it was soon outweighed by the horrible sinking feeling in my gut. The sinking feeling that was reminding me with every passing second that they should all be pissed at me, but are still talking to me as if I'm their friend. Fairy Tail's legendary trust was at work again, wasn't it? When I don't want it to be, when it's least beneficial to me…they still trust me. After all I've said or done.

There was a sick, guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Well, then, you're lucky you ran into us!" Natsu said cheerfully, either not understanding or pretending not to as his footsteps came closer to where I stood.

"The more, the merrier!" Happy piped, flying in front of me. I raised my eyes to look at the flying blue Exceed and his eyes widened slightly and he reeled back. Natsu was almost right behind me and must have noticed because his footsteps slowed slightly.

"What is it, Happy?"

"I thought your eyes were _blue_, Layla!"

I blinked and then wanted to hurt myself. My spirits must have removed my contacts while I was out of it, and I hadn't even bothered to check once I'd sealed them.

I didn't notice that Natsu was already in front of me and peering at my face until I looked back up. His eyes widened a little with some sort of recognition, but I could tell that he didn't fully recognize me yet. That was a fact for which I was exceedingly thankful.

"Contacts," I supplied reluctantly, and then realized I could work it to my advantage. "I don't think they look very good with my black hair, though…I might have to dye it."

_That hurt. _

Why did lying to them always hurt worse than lying to anyone else? Although lying in general hurt me, being the honest person that I really am at heart. But it was true that it always affected me worse when I was around this group. Of course I realized it had to have something to do with how close I'd been to them, before all of _this_ had come around. To be this close to them but to be _lying_ about who I was just wasn't who I wanted to be or who I wanted them to remember me as…but I couldn't help it anymore.

Sometimes I compulsively lied to them while at other times I accidentally let details slip about who I really am.

It was spiraling out of my control faster than I could reel it in.

"They…you…I…what?"

I was brought back to the present for a few moments by how amazingly inarticulate Natsu was with his words, but I then I caught myself and turned away.

"I guess they don't look good. Let me go find my contact case and fix it, shall I?"

As I said that, I bent to rummage through my pack, hoping and praying that Virgo or whoever had taken my contacts out had placed them back in the solution in their case. if not, I didn't know what I'd do if Team Natsu refused to leave me alone here…

"N-no, you don't have to worry about it," I saw Natsu shake his head in my peripheral vision, as though he was shaking off absurd thoughts. "It just…just made me think about some things is all."

I straightened and shrugged, secretly glad that I didn't have to pull out my contact case, because I feared that it would be empty and I wouldn't be able to hide my eyes. I'd just check later, when none of them were paying attention, perhaps after I scared them away, and I'd fix it then. Hopefully Erza and Gray wouldn't pay too much attention to me and my brown eyes before then.

To hide my relief, I shrugged and then, trying to hitch a cold tone back into my voice, I spoke again, "Whatever. So…mind if I ask _why_ you guys are in the middle of this damn forest?"

"Flame-brain decided to refuse to take the train back to Magnolia," Gray said, not noticing that he'd dropped his pants on the ground three feet behind him. He shrugged but still seemed rather annoyed with the dragonslayer's aversion to transportation, even if he should have been used to it by now. It wasn't as if it was anything new, if I was being honest. Gray then continued his original statement with a pretty much unnecessary, "So we're cutting through the forest to get to the guild."

My heart throbbed painfully in my chest at the mention of the guild and Magnolia. This was the forest between the last town and Magnolia? Between that last town and the one place I had ever felt comfortable calling _home_ after my mother's untimely death? Of all the places for me to run to, of all the forests for me to hide in for the duration of one of my episodes…it just _had_ to be this one, didn't it?

"Fairy Tail?" I said the only thing I could think of. My brain was so muddled from everything that had already happened today that it was hard to form coherent statements after learning that I was so close to my 'family'. Those who would publish _Do Fairies Have Tales?_ in an effort to get me back were just a few miles away through this wooded expanse and I hadn't even realized the proximity. I felt completely and utterly _stupid_. How could I possibly have forgotten something as important as how close to _home_ I was? Why didn't I recognize the trees before now? Because when I really look I notice that all the trees around me have leaves that the forest around Magnolia is famous for…

_I'm such a fool_.

"Aye!" Happy chimed, eyes wide and cheerful. They seemed pleased to be going home. They were completely unaware of the turmoil that I was facing on the inside.

If only I could go back 'home' with them this time, just like old times.

"We need a new job anyway," Erza said, dropping the handle of her laden cart of luggage. "We've finished the three we had taken and need to report that. Everyone likes to know that we're doing well, and so that's another reason we have to check in every once in a while."

Was Erza this talkative before…?

She wasn't, was she? And if she was…somehow I couldn't picture it being in her current tone of voice. It was as if she was putting on a show so the others wouldn't notice how she really felt inside. I realized then that it quite possibly _could_ be a show, an attempt to convince Gray and Natsu and Happy that she wasn't very affected at all by their cause. But I knew she was, and I knew it was my fault, and I hated myself for that. But I had to keep talking, trying to turn them away from me while keeping this encounter as short as possible.

I didn't want to give them too much time to look at me, analyze me, and try to figure out why I was how I was. I feared that if they looked too long they'd have the answer to the question, _where has Lucy been all these years_? And I didn't imagine they'd like the idea that I'd been right under their nose recently and hadn't revealed myself to them.

"Sounds kinda boring," I leaned against a tree nearby, letting a bored expression take over my features.

"It's not!" Natsu's voice was sharp, and I unconsciously sucked in a breath in surprise. I didn't want to see him so angry, even if I did want to kind of drive them away. But then, practicing patience exercises I'd never seen him use, Natsu took a deep breath and continued, "It's not boring. You should come along with us and see, Layla."

_Shit, Natsu! Don't invite me along like that!_

"Sorry," I waved my hand in a rather flippant, dismissive manner, avoiding their eyes. "I'm headed to Acalypha to check out some of the merchant guilds there. I've got some things I'm looking for."

"Magnolia isn't that far out of the way," Gray said, looking to be deep in thought.

"No, it's actually on the way," Erza nodded her agreement. "You could come with us. You would be welcome in Fairy Tail for all that you've helped us with in the recent past."

"Tight schedule," I tapped an imaginary watch on my wrist. "I'm behind as it is."

"But haven't you been on that island for a while?" asked Happy, and I mentally cursed. I needed to keep my time frames straight or it would be even easier for them to learn who I really am. I didn't want that…I wouldn't be able to handle that now! Would I?

"Yeah!" Natsu agreed with the Exceed. "If you needed to buy stuff, why didn't you leave Reason earlier to go get it? You can't have had many merchant guilds on that island, anyway, so if you were looking for something you should have come back to the main continent earlier. So you can come with us! You can meet Mirajane_for some reason, everyone wants to meet Mira_and even Master Makarov!"

"I really need to get a few things from the merchant guilds," I waved them off. "But I want to enjoy the scenery around here for a little longer. Don't let me hold you up."

I spoke in a cold, uncaring tone that basically said, _I wouldn't mind, but I just really don't want to deal with you, so just go your own way and leave me the hell alone, okay?_ and then I looked up.

The effect was immediate. I wished I could go back and make sure I _didn't_ look up at them in that instant, because they all looked so dejected. It wasn't how I liked to see them, not when Natsu looked entirely crestfallen, Gray frowned at the ground, Happy's ears drooped, and Erza just stood there stoically, acting as though it didn't affect her at all. This…definitely not how I liked to see them, and I couldn't stand it. I turned my eyes away from them because I knew that if I looked much longer, I'd give in to them and their request and those _damn_ expressions.

_Do they have any idea just what they do to me?_

"By the way, Fullbuster," I said, turning my back on them and picking my bag up, "you lost your clothes again."

I heard Gray curse and then scramble to collect his clothes and on that note, I walked a little ways into the forest, dropped my back again, and sat down with my back against a tree to pull out the book that I had written. In a very brief perusal of it, I'd already discovered that at the end of each chapter, the guild member or members whose back story was first revealed during the chapter had written a little bit to me. Kind of like the letters in the back, but hardly as sentimental. It was still touching, though, and Levy's, in the second chapter, had made me want to cry. Most of all, though, I wanted to skip to the fourth-to-last chapter, where I clearly recalled the fact that I'd mentioned one of my main characters reuniting with his foster father after fourteen years apart. I wanted to see if Natsu had said anything about it…but I forced myself to wait because seeing anything about Natsu might make me turn and run back to him.

My resolve had definitely begun to weaken since I'd reunited with them.

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><p>Their footsteps faded into the distance shortly, but I listened for a time longer before sighing softly to myself and muttering, "Get a hold of yourself!" for perhaps the hundredth time since our reunion. I decided to sit there for a while more to be entirely sure that they had left and so I continued re-reading the words I'd wrote. It seemed so long ago that I'd penned this novel and mailed it to Levy as I left. It was…nostalgic. Nostalgia made me weaker, I knew, but…I couldn't help it. I needed to hold something of them close to me. Especially since I knew the end was a lot closer than it had been on the day I'd left reason to follow my former teammates.<p>

After about half an hour I heaved another sigh and forced myself to my feet wearily to stretch. I paced a little, thinking then sat and returned to looking at _Do Fairies Have Tales?_

It took a bit of time, but I finally acknowledged that my claim that I had to go to Acalypha for something was purely an excuse to get away from them. It was the rudest way I could think of to shun them, but after telling them I was headed for Acalypha I decided to actually go there. After all, I needed to visit my parents' graves (which were both located near Love & Lucky now). I needed to make up for the years I'd missed visiting them while I was away and maybe even tell them that I would see them soon. I 'talked' to Mama sometimes, but it really wasn't the same as writing to her, or even the same as talking to her while sitting in the grass by her grave.

_Yeah_, I decided more firmly. _Mama, Papa…I'm coming to talk to you soon. And then I'll see you soon after that, so just wait for me!_

But oh, how scared my imminent death still made me. All of the things I had left unfinished in my life would haunt me, I knew.

It was probably already an hour since the sounds of my old team had disappeared into the forest somewhere to my right and so I stood, put my book away, dusted myself off, and began to head in the direction of Magnolia. From there, I'd take the most obscure route I could find to the train station and buy myself a ticket to Acalypha. I checked on my financial status quickly and assured myself I had enough money, even with possibly inflated prices. It had been a while since I'd purchased a train ticket from the Magnolia station…but the train station was closer to this side of town anyway, and if I took a train I wouldn't have to walk all the way through the city and have that pang of nostalgia that had been occurring all too often since Team Natsu had showed up and barged into my quiet, comfortable life in Reason.

I wouldn't have to walk by Fairy Tail if I took the train.

And almost before I knew it, I was sitting safely in the seat by the window and staring out at the scenery flashing past me. I felt terrible. Horrible. Completely and utterly despicable. To have taken a train just to avoid even _walking by_ Fairy Tail, the home of most of my 'family' was practically the height of cowardice, wasn't it? Taking a train just to avoid the chance that someone, perhaps one of the dragonslayers, might recognize my scent as _Lucy_, despite the new soaps and shampoos I'd used in an attempt to disguise that part of me. I was avoiding walking by my 'home' because I didn't want them to realize it was me.

And, not for the first time since leaving, I wondered whether I was being selfless or selfish by leaving them. Brave or cowardly?

"You're such a coward, Lucy," I answered a portion of my thoughts softly and almost venomously, watching as the lips of my reflection moved with the words. The girl I looked at didn't even look like me. Even though I saw the same reflection every time I looked in the mirror, I couldn't see myself behind the black wig and the recently replaced blue contacts. It seemed almost as if my reflection was some awful parody in which someone else's image was shown instead of my own. Almost as if the Lucy that had been me no longer existed or never had. Or, as my worst thought went, it was like Lucy was already dead, and had been replaced by some strange black haired girl who looked oddly like her but oddly not.

I was already disappearing.

I didn't want to…not yet.

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><p><strong>Well...what do you guys think of the new developments?<strong>

**And WONDERBANGx3, I thought I'd tell you I found it mildly ironic that you left a review saying that you hoped the reviews would help me update when I was planning to update tonight anyway if Ari had gotten the chapter back to me with corrections. Hehe XD. But if you didn't read the top notice, the delay wasn't because I was neglecting it, but because I really couldn't think of anything. So I thought leaving it alone for a little while would help. And it did. :)**

**If you guys are still reading, thank you and thank you for being patient with me! I didn't mean to take so long!**


	12. Flowers and Gravestones

**WARNING:**

**This is unedited. Meaning, since I haven't talked to lovely aphrodite931 in over a month, this is my rough copy of it. (Actually, I did a little self-editing for once). I figured it had been so long that I should get it out to you guys, anyway.**

**SO. Here's chapter 12. I hope you enjoy at least a little.**

**EDIT: Minor edits were made according to AkumaNoKiseki's feedback. Thanks, Kuma :)**

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><p>Just making myself step off of the train once I had reached Acalypha was harder for me to do than I had expected it to be. I had only chosen Acalypha as an excuse to get away from my former nakama and teammates; an excuse that was at least plausible. I was beginning to realize that I was just running away like the coward I had become, but I had rationalized my actions with the new purpose I had in mind for proceeding with my excuse to come here. I was determined now to visit the graves of my parents…but as soon as the train arrived at the depot a cold feeling stole over me, erasing rational thoughts. Coming to see the graves of my mother and father now seemed like a very bad idea. What if my nakama somehow quickly pieced together the fact that 'Layla Heart' was really 'Lucy Heartfilia', their Lucy? They already knew that I was coming here, and I'd be willing to bet that they'd know exactly where I'd be. And then there were other factors causing the horrible roiling of emotions in the pit of my stomach. Was it disrespectful to my parents? Was it disrespectful that I was coming to see my parents since I wasn't even myself and was lying to everyone I cared about?<p>

Would Mama and Papa be disappointed in the coward that I had let myself become?

The thought scared me, because I never wanted to be a disappointment to Mama and Papa. It had taken me a long time, but I had finally realized that being a failure was one of my biggest fears and I had been fighting it all of my life. I was still fighting it, but it wasn't working at all.

It hurt to realize it…but it dawned on me that I was living in the middle of the biggest failure of my entire life.

I was caught off guard then by the push of Loke's power against my reinstated barrier. My spirits hadn't caused any problems during the entire train ride from Magnolia to Acalypha, so I wasn't prepared for one of them to act up now. Loke's distraction helped me to gather my wits together and step off of the train before the conductor or other passengers could get mad at me for my inactivity. My choice was made in a split-second decision I knew I might regret later, but I hardened my resolve anyway. I wouldn't change my mind because I had finally had enough of being so indecisive and cowardly in the last several weeks. I realized that I had become a despicable excuse for a human being and I wanted to stop being the person he hurt everyone around her even if it was just a vain attempt to save them even more pain in the long run. I wanted to make whatever amends I could before my life drew to the inevitable and looming end that I felt coming. Every amendment, that is, except for revealing myself. It might make me even more of a coward, even more despicable, but I didn't want to steal away whatever hope that my friends might have left.

Hope…

The hope that they'd find me alive was probably all they had left aside from their memories of the old Lucy…but it would just have to suffice.

Even for me, the memories of all the good times shared with my precious Fairy Tail family would never be enough, but I made do with what I had. I'd forced myself to accept it long ago and my friends would just have to do the same. It was a lot for me to rely upon, the fact that they'd be content when they were _Fairy Tail_, of all guilds and I had the sneaking suspicion that they would _never_ be sated, but just like them I was relying upon nothing but a slim chance. The slim hope that they would find me alive was theirs, and the hope that they'd stop trying to find me was mine.

I was beginning to think they had a better chance of succeeding than I did in that aspect.

"Excuse me, ma'am, are you waiting for someone?"

I blinked, knocked out of my thoughts again, to look at one of the guards of the train station. He probably wasn't much older than I was, and he looked kind of nervous. Was it his first day at the job?

I smiled kindly at him and said, "No, just lost in thought. I'll go, now."

And I turned and walked away, swinging my duffel bag over my shoulder. It wasn't until I was about ten steps away from him that I abruptly noticed the smile on my features and forced myself to drop the expression like a hot potato. I was appalled at how easily I'd let such an expression come out, such a…_Lucy-like_ expression. Without a doubt, if Natsu and the others had been there, I would have just given myself away. So it was definitely a _good_ thing that they weren't right there at that moment.

"I have to make this pretty quick," I told myself, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to rush this. It had been so long since I had visited Mama's and Papa's graves, so I would have to stay and talk to them a while. It was the least I could do for not writing to them very often for fear of being found out by someone…the very least I could do before I joined them. Perhaps, I figured, talking to them would help me come to terms with my impending death a little more easily.

I stopped by a flower shop I remembered from my visits here before I'd left Fairy Tail behind, looking around. The same elderly woman that always ran the shop prior to my departure was bustling around, oblivious to the fact that the bell had rung, and was watering the plants. I made my way back to where I usually picked out a few flowers and found a little wreath and a bouquet of Mama's favorite white roses. She always told me they were her favorite because the white was indicative of innocence, and even though I was more for the combination of red and white roses, I finally understood her reasoning. And…I think she also liked them because they implied honesty, which, frankly, I was currently lacking.

The cold feeling came back, and I shook my head, staring at the white roses I held. Maybe they could serve as an apology to Mama, then, for the lack of honesty in my life.

Carrying the items in my arms, I made my way back to the front desk, where a cash register stood. I was patient enough, so I just sat the soon-to-be purchases on the counter and sat my duffel bag down to wait for the owner to finish watering the other products. I let my eyes ghost around the room, examining briefly all of the other flowers that were available and admiring the gorgeous, large, and vibrantly red roses that were not even three paces away. Glancing around and not seeing the owner, I went over and gently pulled one out, lifting it to my nose and delicately sniffing it.

It had been a long time, I mused, since I had seen such a gorgeous red rose. In fact…the last red rose that I'd seen that was even half as beautiful as the ones for sale in this small shop was the one that I had been anonymously given not even a week before I stole away from Magnolia after learning about the Magical Overflow and the hopelessness of my plight.

"Oh, dear, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting!"

The voice made me jump a little, and I turned my attention to the little old woman who owned the shop as she bustled toward the counter from where she'd been watering some of the flowers. I placed the rose gently back where it was from and made my way to the counter, too.

"It's no problem, ma'am," I said, choosing to be polite even though I knew it would make it harder to bring my Layla façade back. "I've got time. I was just admiring your roses…how did you manage to get them to grow so big? They're beautiful."

"It's a charm that my great-nephew made me. He's a wizard and he just joined Blue Pegasus. He's so handy with these little fertility and growth charms of his!"

She beamed with pride at her nephew's power and accomplishments, and I smiled back at her even though it hurt.

"Blue Pegasus is a good guild," I said absently, digging my money out. "I mean, Hibiki and Eve and Ren are a little flirtatious, and their teacher Ichiya is a bit creepy sometimes, but they're all great people at heart. And the guild master is a bit strange, but he's really kind…"

"You know them?" the old woman beamed. "Mr. Hibiki acts like an older brother to my nephew. He's really made Gene's integration into the guild so much easier!"

"Has he?" I asked, suddenly eager to hear a little more about Blue Pegasus and those I knew from that guild. I knew I couldn't dawdle too much longer in the flower shop, but as I handed over the money and listened to the woman talk happily about what a great effect the mage guild was having on her nephew, I let myself reminisce.

"You seem to know about mage guilds yourself, though," said the old woman as an afterthought as she handed me my change. "Are you part of one of them? Of Blue Pegasus?"

I laughed a little.

"No, I'm not a member of Blue Pegasus. I was once in Fairy Tail, but…" I gasped and covered my mouth then, wide-eyed. I'd just told her I'd once been a member of Fairy Tail…and I'd said it kind of wistfully.

"You were _once_ in the guild?" she had caught it. "What happened?"

I lowered my hands slowly and sighed, deciding to explain, just a little. So I said, "Something…bad happened, and I realized that if I stayed it could hurt other people. The members of Fairy Tail are the closest I've had to a family in a long time, and I just couldn't hurt them like that. I…"

_Why did I have to get so choked up at a time like this?_

"I…I know I'm just running from the truth. That they'd rather I was with them. But I just _can't_ go back…not after all I've put them through and after the lies I've told them. It's…I'm sorry. I shouldn't be dumping all of this on you," I laughed a little, furiously wiping my eyes. They itched from being watery with my contacts in, but said, "Thank you…for listening. And for the flowers. I've got to go now!"

I took the wreath and bouquet in one arm, swinging my duffel bag onto my shoulder with one smooth motion, and then I turned and bolted for the door even though the nice lady had asked me to wait.

"You can talk to me if you need to, dear!" she called, rushing out from behind the counter and reaching out.

"I'm really, really sorry," I paused at the door long enough to turn and give her a pained smile. "I've already said way too much about it. But really…thank you. For everything."

* * *

><p>I hated myself. Again.<p>

Not only had I run away from a nice old lady who just wanted to help me however she could, but I had poured out too much information to her. If my teammates came trying to find me and somehow ended up talking to her, she'd probably remember me and tell them everything she knew. Because she would see Natsu's Fairy Tail marking immediately, as well as Erza's on her armor and probably Gray's because he would have already lost his shirt. And I would be completely revealed, my identity no longer secret and my façade completely useless.

I knelt in front of the cold, solid stone that marked the resting place of my parents, letting the tears fall in front of those I knew wouldn't judge me too harshly. My duffel bag fell with a thump but I didn't care about anything in it right now. Even with the tears coursing down my cheeks, I took the time to arrange my flowery gifts on the stone before folding my arms tightly against myself and trying to hold the sobs back. I was quickly becoming an emotional wreck, and even I knew as much, but I couldn't stop it. The only people who could even possibly help me were probably the ones that I was avoiding like the plague. Actually, I knew they were the only ones who could pull me out of this funk, but I wasn't going to give them the chance to if there was anything I could do to help it.

"I…I'm sorry I'm just sitting here…and blubbering," I finally managed to choke out after five or ten minutes of hugging myself tightly. I felt like everything I was, who I was, would just fall apart at the seams if I didn't hold myself together physically, but I knew what I needed was to hold myself together mentally. And I couldn't get what I needed by secluding myself from the rest of the world, but I couldn't bring myself to integrate myself back into the world I missed. Not when the end of my life was so close.

I got no answer for my apology, but I hadn't really expected one, so I took a few more minutes to calm down. Once I thought I'd be able to talk, I took a deep breath.

"Mama…Papa. It's been so long since I came to see you. I'm sorry. You might not even recognize me right now…but I'll fix that."

Carefully, and only after looking around to make sure no one else was in the cemetery, I took my wig off and my contacts out. I blinked to try to get rid of how my eyes itched, a little unsuccessfully, and focused on the names carved into the stones before me. I knew my hair must be slightly messy, but I didn't care anymore.

"It's me, Lucy," I said softly, laying my hand gently on their names in turn. "A lot has happened in the last three and a half years. I think it's about time I told you about it, isn't it?"

I laughed softly to myself, but then slowly began to talk to the headstones, telling them first about contracting that magical disease and then about leaving Magnolia and my Fairy Tail family. I talked about my travels, about how I found the two zodiac keys I'd been missing and a few more keys to add to my collection. I told my parents how I'd gotten stronger over the years and how I felt more proud of my power than I ever had before. But then I got to the parts I least wanted to talk about. For instance, about six months after I'd left, I was still in denial about the hopelessness of my case and was still trying to find some sort of cure. My words spilled out, about how I was afraid to find that my case really was as hopeless as it had seemed and how devastated I'd felt when I realized that my searching was futile. It seemed like I poured my heart out for hours until I got to the most recent weeks, or months, in which I'd been reunited with my nakama.

The last few weeks were the most difficult to talk about. It was hard to express in words all the feelings that had been running through my head and tormenting me since it had all begun, but I did my best. My parents deserved at least that much. And to be honest, I always felt better about my problems after telling my mother about them, even if she couldn't reach out and comfort me like she used to do. It still felt like she was right here beside me if I sat and talked to her about the events of my life and the problems that I had. It made me feel closer to her. And so I poured my heart out to her; to both of them. All the jumbled-up messes inside of my mind had tumbled out in an even more jumbled-up mess, and I paused to make sense out of them before moving on.

"And they haven't changed very much _at all_ and it just makes everything so much _harder_," I blurted out before I even realized what I was saying, but I quickly acknowledged the truth in my statement. I could accept at least that much, even if I didn't want to. Erza, Gray, and Happy, but most of all Natsu…they were exactly the same as they had always been. It made everything I was trying to do and thought I needed to do just that much harder to actually accomplish.

But then I continued talking, letting something I hadn't even let myself think about tumble from my mouth in words I didn't think I'd ever say aloud.

I was talking about Natsu. But not just about how he was now or about his joint quest with Erza, Gray, and Happy to find me. No…I was talking about things like how his slightly longer hair looked good on him and how he seemed more mature and then I started talking about how handsome he was. I broke off in the middle of the next sentence, staring blankly at the gravestone in front of me and thinking about what I'd just said. I replayed the words in my mind and at a lurch in the general region of my heart, dread started filling me. My words were exactly what I thought and it had taken me this long to realize it all. Then I decided to think about what my next sentence was going to be and my heart could have stopped beating.

_I think I like him more than a friend_.

"Shit," I cursed under my breath, then quickly mumbled an apology to my parents as I rubbed my temple. "I can't _believe_ myself. Of all times to notice…to fall for…ugh!" I threw my hands in the air, feeling like the stupidest woman in the world.

How had I not noticed these feelings? Because nothing had changed since before I'd left them all behind. Our friendship was better than that of mine with Erza _or_ Gray. I always knew that much but to really be _this_…I was flabbergasted. The whole time, Natsu had been the hardest to leave, and he was still the hardest to do without, so was _this_ the reason why? Because I liked him? Because I, the girl who always had guy problems and who always told him about them, had actually had one of the best guys ever right beside me as a best friend and hadn't ever noticed it?

"I'm such an _idiot_!" I growled, standing up in one swift movement and regretting it for the sharp pains that shot up my legs from being cramped up under me for the last few hours. I stumbled a few steps but gained my balance quickly, my hands on my head as I started to pace in front of my parents' graves, mumbling to myself as I did so. Of all the time for me to realize that I'd fallen for Natsu Dragneel, the _best friend_ I had ever had. I had to notice it _now_, when I couldn't go back to them.

"No, Lucy," I stopped myself, freezing in place. "It's not that you can't go back. It's that you're afraid."

And it was true that I was afraid. It wasn't really something that I had acknowledged until now and I still didn't want to do so. But the fear…it was overwhelming me. So many parts of my life just seemed so incomplete and unfinished and I didn't want to leave it behind yet. I was only in my lower twenties! I shouldn't be standing so close to Death's door, waiting to raise my hand and knock and welcome him as a friend. To me, it was still an enemy. Death, I mean. Because I wanted to spend more time with my Fairy Tail family and my friends and dammit, I wanted to find out why I was so attracted to my best friend.

More than anything, I wanted to be able to tell Natsu who I was and why I'd been hiding from them and I wanted to tell him about how I felt. But I was much too afraid to do anything of the sort. Fairy Tail had hardened my ability to stick to my resolve, and even though I had been away from the guild for over three years I still remembered some of my lessons in determination. And yet they were beginning to fade, my stance wavering. There was nothing I wanted more than I wanted to go back to them. Nothing would make me happier than to throw myself at them, at _him_, and let them smother me in their embraces. I wanted to hear them say they missed me even after they knew why I was gone. I wanted to hear that they would forgive me for all that I'd been doing and all that I'd done to them. Even if I didn't expect the forgiveness, I wanted it more than anything.

I finally dropped back down in front of the graves of my parents, staring blankly at the stones for a few moments. I didn't want to disappear into a grayish nothingness that was just like the gravestones. I didn't want to leave behind all this regret.

"Why can't it be the way it was before?" I asked softly, my face descending into my hands as my eyes began to burn.

* * *

><p>"<em>Lucy!" <em>

_It seemed like the hundredth time that he'd bugged me today. Sometimes I wish he'd just stop._

"_What is it this time, Natsu?" I answered exasperatedly, my kindness outweighing my annoyance. Natsu Dragneel was, after all, the best friend I had ever had. Nothing would or could _ever_ change that. He may be annoying sometimes, but it was something I'd kind of grown accustomed to._

"_I found us another job!"_

_And to my chagrin, he held up a ridiculously hard, dangerous, and rewarding job. I knew he liked a challenge; how could I not? But seeing the paper in his hand, I had to look at him like he was crazy. It was supposed to be a solo mission, just the two of us, because we hadn't done one in a long while. But when I left Natsu with the decision, he ended up picking out jobs like this. He was completely and utterly ridiculous. His grin fell as I gave him 'that' look._

"_What?"_

"_Natsu," I said slowly, "that one would probably be okay it we were going with Erza and Gray but if it's just you, me, and Happy…"_

_I trailed off, trying to get my point across without actually saying it. I didn't want to be rude or seem to be rude by telling him that the mission he wanted to do was way too far out of our range, so I hoped he'd understand my insinuation. He wasn't as dumb as some people made him out to be, after all. As his best friend aside from Happy, I knew that fact well._

"_You don't like it?" he gave me a pouting expression and I sighed._

"_It would be fine if everyone was coming. If you want to do it, just ask Erza and Gray along and we can do a job together when we all get back, okay?"_

"_But…this was supposed to be me and you…" Natsu gave me those eyes, and I looked away. I hated when he gave me those eyes because they were always hard to ignore or withstand. "Are you sure it's okay to wait?"_

"_It's fine with me if you really want to do this one, Natsu," I assured him. I'd do anything to make him happy again, because I couldn't stand it when he was down. "Besides, don't they always say 'the more, the merrier'? And we'll be together anyway, just with more people along."_

"_If you're sure…" he said uncertainly._

"_I'm sure," I rolled my eyes. He was too adorable for his own good sometimes, acting like an innocent little kid when I knew that he wasn't one._

"_Thanks, Luce!" _

_Natsu surprised me when he flung himself at me, crushing me tightly against him in a hug. I felt myself grow warmer in the face, attributing it to his heat, and pushed futilely against him. A few seconds later, I just let myself hug him back. It was a quick, friendly squeeze._

"_Now let go and go talk to Gray and Erza," I said, my voice muffled by the young pink-haired man's well-defined chest. _

_When he let go, I felt like there was something missing. In order to cure that, I went to register the mission with Mirajane._

* * *

><p>I had never understood just what I had been missing that day. Not until now.<p>

_Shit_.

"Mama…" I said slowly, choosing to address her rather than my father because I felt she might understand me just a little more. "Mama, I think I love him."

I didn't notice the little old lady from the flower shop slowly enter the cemetery, so I didn't see how her eyes widened when she saw the black wig and the wreath and roses that the black-haired woman had bought at her shop. I didn't see how she reacted when she spotted the duffel that the black-haired woman had been carrying. I didn't know that she saw the pink guild marking on my right hand and instantly recognized who I was.

I didn't know she heard what I said next.

"Mama, I think I love Natsu Dragneel, of Fairy Tail…"

Only after I said those words did she make a noise, softly saying, "Excuse me?" but that was enough to make me spin, stare at her like a deer in the headlights for a moment, and then climb to my feet, grab my duffel, and flee. There wasn't time for me to pause for my wig, or the letter that slipped out of my jacket's pocket and fell to the ground. I managed a quick, frantic farewell to my parents and bolted, and that was it.

I didn't heed the elderly woman's wishes for me to wait, or to come back. I just kept running, rushing past the lion statues that marked the entrance to the cemetery and fleeing down the main street of Acalypha.

The voice in my head told me I was a coward.

And I replied that it was right.

* * *

><p><strong>WHOA. Lucy, dear, what have you <em>done<em>?**

**Well...that's for ME to know and everyone else to find out! (Wooo, let's go back to the third grade comebacks like the one before this and 'Talk to the hand!' xD)**

**Anyway, yeah. Forum buddies, if you're reading, I would appreciated if you pointed out any mistakes or anything so I can correct it :)**

**Anyway, thank you guys so much for being patient with me!**

**Until next time!**


	13. The Source

**Yo. It's been a bit longer than I intended, but I've explained why to most of those who reviewed: The end of chapter twelve was MUCH different than I had originally planned, so everything else has to change, too, and I've been having trouble figuring out how to make it work.**

**SO. Here's USHA chapter the thirteenth.**

* * *

><p>Something felt wrong as he stepped off the train in Magnolia, but Natsu couldn't decide exactly what it was. He just didn't feel right, leaving Layla behind like that. For some reason, he felt as if she should have been with them and become a part of Fairy Tail. She came off as rude as Gajeel at times, with her fiery attitude and sarcastic comments that were meant to hurt. Sometimes he could see a flicker of pain in her own eyes after she had said something particularly vindictive or harsh before she could mask the emotion. It was all part of some sort of façade she put up, and Natsu didn't quite understand it. What did she have to hide?<p>

_It's none of my business_, Natsu told himself. And yet, he still wanted to know. He wanted to know so badly that he didn't realize he'd been off the train for five minutes until Erza barked at him to get a move on or they'd leave him behind. Erza then proceeded to mumble something about wasting time under her breath, but Natsu knew that she didn't mean it to be as harsh as it sounded and so he took it rather lightly. He picked up his bag and swung it across his shoulders, watching as Happy turned in excited little circles above his head.

Even if they didn't show it very well, they were all happy to be back in Magnolia. The only thing that would make being home better would be _her_.

Lucy.

Natsu rubbed his forehead in frustration. His thoughts were a jumbled mess, his feelings going haywire. Everything Layla had said or done since they had first met her just kept coming back to Natsu, and he felt that something was significant. The worst part was that he couldn't decide _which_ parts were significant. Even more confusing than that, when he thought of Layla he tended to think of Lucy, too. Had Layla somehow subtly hinted that she knew where Lucy was?

He barely realized where he was going until he was standing in front of Fairy Tail, staring at the door with Erza, Gray, and Happy behind him. When he'd moved to the lead of their pack, he had no idea, but he _had_, and so he'd be the one to push open the door.

And so he did what was expected of him, pushing the door open with less vigor than he might have had it been four years earlier.

"We're back, everyone!" the dragonslayer said to the guild at large, putting on his happy face. It was an abysmal attempt, because everyone already knew what he was really feeling. They were family, after all, even if they weren't blood related. But the lack of any real familial ties did not dampen the bonds they made with each other. In fact, it could be argued that the lack of blood relations is what made their bond even better and stronger than that of a normal family. That was one part of Fairy Tail that Natsu had been sure Lucy liked. Everyone was like one huge family, and he couldn't see why Luce, who didn't have her biological family anymore, would ever have wanted to leave them.

He thought like that, but deep down he wondered if she'd been kidnapped. And then he'd remind himself that she was _his_ Lucy. She was strong and brave and so she probably wasn't kidnapped. And since it was Luce, who was smarter than even Levy sometimes, she must have had a really good reason to leave like that and she just hadn't told anyone beforehand. Even if that were the case, Natsu still felt that she should have told one of them. Leaving without a word even to Levy just wasn't like his nakama.

"Welcome back!" Mirajane's familiar cheerful voice broke across his thoughts as he wandered in and sat down at the bar. He could feel the excitement at being _home_ running through his veins, though it was slightly dampened by the lack of his important blonde haired partner and also by his confusion over why he felt that Layla should be here with them all. "How were the jobs?"

"We had a little trouble with some of them," Natsu told her as she sat his usual drink down in front of him. "But we met this one girl, Layla, and she pretty much saved our asses on her own."

"Wow! You had to be saved?" Levy asked him, eyes wide and curious. Natsu hadn't realized he'd sat down beside her until she looked up from her book. "What's this _Layla_ like?"

"I think everyone would like her. She's got really short black hair and blue eyes, though she was wearing brown contacts last time we saw her," Natsu thought back on the girl who for some reason made him think of Lucy. "And she acts like Gajeel, but you can tell that she's not nearly as bad as she tries to make herself seem. It's almost like she's running from something but won't say what."

"But she does have Magical Overflow," Erza said, sliding into a stool on the other side of Gray, who was next to Natsu. "She told us that much. And that she should have already died from it. She's had it for over double the time she was supposed to survive, apparently."

"Magical Overflow?" Levy's eyes were wide. "No way! That's a really, really deadly disease! Almost all mages with it die within the first couple of years! And it's worse for rune and celestial mages because they're not used to having so much magic ready to burst out at any time. And there isn't a cure yet, at least not that any of my books have…"

"We will find one," Erza said firmly. "I told Layla that I would help her if I could. We haven't known her long, but she's helped us so much…"

"She reminds me of Lucy," Happy piped up, lying on the bar in front of Gray. "She's really nice, even if she doesn't show it. Layla's still nice even though she threatened to eat me if I ever told her that she was nice again."

"Reminds me of Lucy, too," Gray contributed to the conversation.

"Yeah! Especially when she hit you pretty hard for telling her she had huge boobs!" Natsu snorted. Gray groaned, letting his forehead strike the wooden countertop with a loud thud. And then Natsu remembered something else about Layla, and spoke up. "And she likes to read, too. She bought a copy of Luce's book. She read the letters…and I think she started crying before she ran off."

Mirajane and Levy went slightly wide-eyed at the news that Layla was even a little reminiscent of Lucy.

Finally, Levy sighed.

"Sitting around here and talking about Layla won't help me meet her, even though I want to," Levy said, "And thinking about her made me realize that we should all go visit Layla and Judo Heartfilia's grave. It's that time of year, and we all go together every year. Did you remember?"

"Actually, no," Natsu said, "I forgot."

Erza, Gray, and Happy voiced their agreement. It was weird that they'd all forgotten, because it had never happened like that before.

"Ah!" Natsu said, grinning, "You could meet her anyway! Layla, that is! She said she had to go to Acalypha to get something from the merchant guilds there! If we get there soon, she might not have left yet."

Levy grinned, clapping her hands excitedly.

"Let's go!" she said, she and Mira proceeding to gather the guild and tell them all to meet up at the train station in half an hour. It was sudden, but everyone was used to happenings like that because it _was_ Fairy Tail, after all. In all their years together, they had learned to expect things that most normal citizens of Fiore wouldn't even _dream_ of accepting as daily occurrences.

And just as was expected of them, every single member of Fairy Tail turned up at the station on time, many with time to spare. For the last three years, they had made a big deal of going to the graves of Lucy's parents together. Natsu had actually gone alone on the first year since Lucy had left, but soon after had been followed by Erza and Gray and Happy, and the others had followed them. They all went to say their apologies to Lucy's parents, but Natsu went for more than that. He went to apologize for not only letting her disappear, or for any time he'd ever let her get hurt, but also for the fact that he hadn't found her yet. He promised them he'd find her, and so far he hadn't been successful.

The guild had made visiting those two graves a group trip because they all knew Natsu would wallow in depression if they let him alone. They all knew he thought it was his fault, and they all knew that it couldn't possibly be so.

All the mages of Fairy Tail boarded the train to Acalypha.

* * *

><p>The brown, curly wig I wore over my blonde hair was almost uncomfortable after wearing the short wig of the Layla personality for so long, but I dealt with it. It felt kind of nice to have long hair again, even if it wasn't my real hair. I felt like a fool for dropping my Layla wig and my blue contacts at the graves of my parents, and the brown wig and green contacts made me feel like I needed a new persona. It would be hard after so long, though.<p>

I groaned, leaning my forehead against the cool window.

How much of my blathering had the lovely old lady from the flower shop heard? All of it? It didn't really matter, though. I bet she heard enough to effectively give me away if anyone came asking around. So I'd just have to do my best to stay away from the rest of my nakama, even if it was going to hurt worse than ever before.

_Who am I kidding_? I asked myself with a dry laugh, watching the trees flashing by outside of the window. I knew that it would be harder to stay away now that I had already come into contact with them again. And if I saw them, there was a possibility that I'd fling myself into Natsu's arms and babble apologies before they realized who I was. They'd think I was crazy, but I was getting to the point where I didn't care.

Keeping them in the dark was beginning to seem to hurt worse than facing them would.

I pushed myself out of my seat, heading toward the ladies' room of the train car. Perhaps I'd stop at the minibar they had in the car on the way back and try to drown out some of my thoughts? Drinking was never the answer, but sometimes it could be used as an excuse, or even just a highly temporary fix. But, alas, I knew it wouldn't help me, so I passed by the minibar and made my way back toward my seat once I had finished in the restroom.

I didn't get there, instead bumping shoulders with a man who was a full head and a half taller than me. I jumped, jogged out of my thoughts, and turned to apologize before just staring blankly at him.

He was a good ten years older than me, a suave grin on his features. He was really tan and had black hair that looked purposely—and attractively—untidy. Slate grey eyes stared back into my own currently green eyes, but the smile on his face didn't reach that far. Instead, they were cold and calculating and just so _empty_. And the worst thing about it all was that I recognized the man in front of me.

* * *

><p>"<em>I'll catch up to you," I told Natsu and Happy, waving them on. We'd already lost Erza and Gray to other battles on the way to the main target of our mission, and we couldn't waste any more time. "You'll have a better chance against him, anyway, and you know it! So just go. I'll be there soon to back you up, with Erza and Gray."<em>

"_But—" Natsu protested, hesitating as the enemy laughed at the indecision._

"_We don't have time, Natsu!" I said desperately, throwing a glance at the waiting man as he examined his fingernails, giving us time to sort this out. "If we both stop here it will take up too much time and then Wallace or whatever his name is will get away! I can take this guy. Just go!"_

"_Promise me, Luce," Natsu said lowly, casting a wary glance at the person standing to the side. "Promise me you'll be fine."_

"_I promise," I said softly, then grinned and tugged his scarf as if I wasn't at all worried. "Now just go and finish this job up! My rent's a day late!"_

_It made Natsu force a laugh and he uncharacteristically hugged me briefly, pressing my head against his chest where I could hear his heart beating. It was comforting, in a way, and I vowed right then that I would do whatever I could to buy him time. Because, really, I didn't think I had much of a chance against the guy I was about to fight. All I knew is that I had to try._

"_I'll see you later then," he finally said when he pulled away from me. He pulled my hair gently, almost like I had done to his scarf, before turning and continuing down the path. I watched until Happy picked him up and they began to fly, and then until they were out of sight, before my new enemy cleared his throat. I jumped, caught off guard and cursing myself, as I turned to look at the person I was going to fight. _

_The first thing that struck me about him was that he was older than me, probably by anywhere from seven to ten years. And next, I realized that he was incredibly handsome. He had messy black hair that kind of curled toward the base of his neck. He was tanned, and for a brief second reminded me of a version of Ren from Blue Pegasus…only more evil looking. Because there was a sort of coldness in his eyes that I could see even from a distance. The way he was grinning at me was disarming, disconcerting, and put me on edge almost instantly._

"_Lucy Heartfilia, of Fairy Tail," he said in a deep, honeyed voice. As an aspiring author, I could quickly spot the hidden malice in his tone._

"_That's me," I responded, putting on my brave face. "Now who are you?"_

"_My fellows call me Narcissus," he shrugged, as if he accepted the name. "That's all you need to know about me. I'd like to know more about you. For instance, what is your favorite color? Or maybe, what is your favorite food? Since you have to die, even the question of _how_ you'd like to die…so? Do you have a few answers for me?"_

"_Why would I tell you anything?" I retorted, scowling._

"_Very well, Lucy. We'll just have to use my traditional fall-back. The good news is that you'll live past this meeting…but the bad news is that you'll probably be dead within a year. Considering, I think I'm being quite generous."_

_I didn't understand what he was talking about. It sounded like Narcissus was spouting a lot of nonsense, but the calm and collected way he said it made me wary. My fingers itched to pull Loke's key from my key ring and let him out, but I waited. I wanted to see if this strange man would say any more about his plans. Sure, it was a long shot, but I had to try. The more I knew about what he was doing, the better chance I might have, right?_

_He pulled on a pair of black gloves._

"_Tell me, Lucy," he asked, flexing his fingers, "are you sure you wouldn't like to pick your way to die?" _

_I hated how cocky this man was. It didn't matter that he was devilishly handsome, because with just a glance I could see his corrupted heart. He was standing between our team from Fairy Tail and completion of this job—which would pay my rent for two months if we didn't damage anything—and I was anxious to catch up to Natsu, so I pulled not Loke's key first, but Capricorn's. I held it firmly between my thumb and forefinger, watching Narcissus closely for any movement. I think he took my scowl as an answer, because he started talking again._

"_So you're still going to leave it all up to me? You're going to let me choose how to deal with you, even though I'm threatening you with a long, painful death?" he laughed. "Why, Lucy, you're much braver than I would have expected! This is going to be fun." _

_He attacked then, and it was all I could do to bring Capricorn's key across my body and open his gate before my enemy was upon me._

* * *

><p><em>I didn't expect to have any side effects of that fight. He had trapped me with his magic, binding me to a tree, and had forced a small cube, like a lachrima, into my body in the center of my chest. It hurt, and it bled, but soon after he had disappeared and Erza and Gray showed up. Nothing seemed amiss until I motioned the two stronger mages ahead, saying that I'd watch our backs.<em>

_When the two were out of sight, I had my first attack._

_Narcissus's words didn't even register in my mind. His talk of a slow and painful death never registered. Not even when I searched through all the books I had to find that my symptoms matched those of the extremely fatal Magical Overflow. My heart had dropped in my chest, and suddenly I could see my life flashing before my eyes, as cliché as it may sound. All the books said I wouldn't survive for much longer than a year. And my chances were exceptionally low because I was a celestial mage, and they weren't known to last much longer than seven months. _

* * *

><p>I had never forgotten his face.<p>

Since contracting Magical Overflow, I had visited a few mage doctors in secret, only to be told that there wasn't anything that they could do. After a while, I finally stopped somewhere and asked them to remove the small lachrima that had been embedded in my chest. Perhaps, I thought, the lachrima could have been the cause.

I was told that there wasn't a lachrima in my chest.

After that startling discovery, I searched for Narcissus for a few months. It had already been over a year since I had fought the man, though, and whatever trail he might have left was cold. I couldn't find him with magic, or by rumors, so I left the main continent. It wasn't very long after that I found myself in the town of Reason and consequently gave up the search entirely. I had reached the bottom, finally believing for certain that there was nothing I could do. I stayed there because being so far away meant that it would be harder for my nakama to find me and so I wouldn't have to tell them about my 'disease'.

I had given up.

It was different then, though. I knew that I was hurting them more by not telling them than I would have if I had just had the courage to tell them from the start. I was still too afraid to tell them, though. And now here I was, far away from them on a train, and the person who might have caused it all was _standing right next to me. _He was exactly as I had remembered, just a few years older. Like me. I wondered for a second if he recognized me.

"Shy, are we?" he asked conversationally. I still recognized the underlying malice in his tone. "What's your name, if you don't mind me asking?"

"It's none of your business," I said the words harshly, forgetting that my new persona was truly meant to be shy, like he had accused me of being.

"You know something interesting?" his smile made me want to throw up all over him. I shook my head at him, inwardly grimacing as he continued, "You positively reek of Magical Overflow. I get the feeling you're nearing the end of the tether as far as Overflow goes. So what are you doing on a train with no one around you? Are you running from the truth? Because listen to it from someone who knows: you haven't got a chance."

"I appreciate your concern," I said stiffly, not hiding the malice in my own tone.

"Oh?" he raised an eyebrow at the coldness in my voice. "So you _do_ have some bite?"

"What do you care? Just leave me alone before you regret it."

His eyebrow went even higher as I glared at him.

"You have the look of someone who just might hate me," he said, not seeming at all worried by my implied threat. "But I really don't see why. You can't be one of the people I've forced Magical Overflow upon. All of them are confirmed dead except for the most recent. It was Lucy of Fairy Tail, you know?" he laughed. "Her guild is searching for her everywhere, when she's probably dead and decaying somewhere. I like to have closure about my victims, though, so I've held off on afflicting someone until I hear about Lucy."

I clenched my fists at my sides, slowly letting my leaking energy concentrate into my right fist. This bastard had the nerve to talk to me like this? And the nerve to admit that he had somehow been the cause of my Magical Overflow?

He was going to pay.

"It's been three years and seven months," he said, leaning closer and whispering to me. "She's dead, wouldn't you say?"

I didn't answer, but he was apparently expecting that, because he leaned back with a grin.

"So, since it's been more than triple the time that a celestial mage could have survived, I'm itching to make another beautiful mage suffer. And seeing as you're already suffering from Magical Overflow, I can't afflict you. There are several other candidates on this train, I'm sure."

He started laughing and began to walk away, and on impulse I snatched his wrist. He paused and turned back to me, his eyebrow once more disappearing into his hair.

"Don't even think about it," I said darkly, frowning at him. "You don't even have closure yet."

His grin was patronizing. I hated it.

"Well, dear, since it's been so long, I find it safe to assume…"

I stepped back and raised my right fist, slinging it forward across his face with as much force as I could muster. I released the built-up energy at the same time, which caused him to hit the table that was in front of my seat. The table cracked, but didn't break, and I sneered at him. I'd give myself away if it would save any other woman from Narcissus, at least for a little while…

I'd be damned if I hid any longer.

"Hello, _Narcissus_," I put emphasis on the only name he had ever given me, using the most spiteful tone I could muster. "You look surprised that I know that name. Why? Do you go by something different now? After all, that _was_ three and a half years ago now, wasn't it? You said so yourself."

To say that he looked surprised was definitely an understatement. He looked completely flabbergasted to hear those words from me, and he looked between my face and my gloved hand a few times before he actually closed his mouth. I was pleased to know that it had come as such a severe shock to him that I was still alive, still breathing, and actually sitting at the same table as he was.

The golden spark of an oncoming attack then leapt from my pinky across the rest of the fingers of my right hand, and his eyes widened further. I could feel the attack coming on, and I wanted to curse and find a way to stop the train and run out into one of the fields coming up, but I didn't. If I did that, how was I to know that Narcissus wouldn't go after another mage anyway?

That's when I noticed Sherri and Lyon, of Lamia Scale, on their feet and staring at us warily. I knew instantly that she'd probably be the first one that Narcissus went after if I let him go. After spotting those two, I glanced around the rest of the train car briefly. The other passengers of the car were still seated, but many of them were looking at us with trepidation. None of them wanted to be involved in a mage's fight.

"Lucy Heartfilia," he breathed, finally regaining his voice. And then he began to laugh loudly. "Lucy Heartfilia! I never thought I'd see this day. This is absolutely astounding! I guess I'll have to deal with you in person now, won't I?"

I saw the two Lamia Scale mages freeze at hearing my name, sharing glances with each other. I pulled my gaze away from them and turned an icy glare on Narcissus instead.

"I guess so."

The table he'd crashed into was wrenched from the train by his magic, and I leapt back a bit as he threw it at me. Focusing some of my overflowing magic into my hand once more, I punched the table and it shattered. Regular citizens in the train car began to scream, fleeing from our immediate vicinity. Narcissus then paused, staring at me. I took this time to take my contacts out as quickly as possible, and I dashed them to the floor. I probably wouldn't need them after this. I did the exact same thing with the brown wig I wore, never taking my eyes from the man in front of me lest he should make a move while I was distracted.

"How have you hidden so long, Lucy?" he asked, grinning at me. "The wig and the contacts, sure, but you had to have gone by another name!"

"My most recent name was Layla Heart," I said coldly, another spark leaping from my shoulder to my ear, stinging me. I didn't know why I was telling him, but Lyon and Sherri had not fled the area and I knew that if I died fighting this man, they would be able to tell my nakama. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if they jumped in the fight to help me.

"Lucy," I saw Sherri's lips move.

"Why aren't you dead yet?" Narcissus didn't bother keeping his voice down. "That lachrima that I injected you with dissolved and with it, the barrier holding back the excess magic you couldn't control yet was disintegrated. The disintegration of that barrier is what causes Magical Overflow. Celestial mages usually don't last a year with that condition though, and it's been three and a half years since I forced it onto you. What's so special about you?"

"I've got things to fight for," I said, my voice louder and more emotional than I wanted it to be. "Because of you, I left! I didn't want to hurt any of them by up and dying, so I left! I've missed out on over three years with my nakama, my _family_, and it's because of you. It's time for you to make some reparations for what you've done!"

"Plus, she's Lucy of Fairy Tail," just as I had expected, Lyon stood behind Narcissus, prepared to use his Ice Make magic. "If you know anything about Fairy Tail, you should know that they never give up, even when the odds are against them. But I'm sure they'd be interested in learning that you're the one who led to Lucy leaving them."

"It was because of her love for them that she left!" Sherri piped up. "She didn't want to hurt them because she was going to die. And it's your fault! Their love for each other has caused only pain because of you!"

It had been a while since I'd heard Sherri's talk of love. It made me grin a little, but I couldn't dwell on that.

"A mage of Fairy Tail never gives up," I agreed with Lyon, clenching my fist more tightly as more of my magical energy sparked from my hip down my leg in a spiral. And I realized that I had been giving up, letting myself believe there was no cure for me when I should have been trying my best to find one so I could go back to my nakama and continue to live happily with everyone. I had to keep trying. I couldn't make up for the time I'd lost, but I could sure as hell do my best to make amends with the time I had left and, if possible, find a cure.

Narcissus sneered at me.

"Then I suppose we should get this over with, _Layla_. It's the best course of action, since you won't just give up."

"I couldn't agree more," I scowled at him. The group from Lamia Scale was ready to fight, too, but I raised a hand at them. "I appreciate your concern, guys, but this is my fight. If it doesn't go well for me, you can tell Fairy Tail what happened."

Once more, Narcissus started to laugh.

One of the civilians from our train car must have reached the conductor, because the train began to screech on the tracks, sliding to a halt. I figured that they'd attempt to eject us, but if none of their staff were mages, they wouldn't stand a chance. I glanced around and spotted a fairly large window. The idea started to form in my head from there, and I charged at Narcissus. I caught him unawares and we flew through the window in a shower of glass, landing hard on the ground in a field. I flung myself away from him as soon as we hit, tumbling head over heels a few times before standing. I saw the Lamia Scale mages following through the hole I'd created.

Spitting out a globule of blood, Narcissus stood. He was glaring now, all of his false cheerfulness gone. And then he smirked, raising his hand in the direction of the train.

Before any of the Lamia Scale mages or I could intervene, he'd blasted our train car off the tracks. The motion caused the rest of the cars to derail too and screams came from the rocking cars. It was probably a miracle that none of them overturned. It was my turn to scowl at him once more. I could hear my blood rushing in my ears, and I was more than ready to take him down.

And so I charged again.

* * *

><p>The rest of the guild had already said what they wanted to at the graves of Layla and Judo Heartfilia. They were all standing in a huge semicircle around the graves, though, as Natsu knelt in front of them with his head down. They all knew that he was saying so much more than they had, and they respected it with their silence. Everyone knew he blamed himself, but no one knew why.<p>

Natsu thought he should have realized something was wrong. Lucy was his best friend, and shouldn't he have realized that something was amiss? He had never quite forgiven himself for not noticing that something was wrong, and no matter how many times his friends had told him that it wasn't his fault, he never believed them. And he was worse off without Lucy than any of them were, because he was closest. The fire dragonslayer had been even closer to Luce than Levy had, which was saying something.

Even if he didn't say it, everyone knew that he felt more for her.

He felt doubly responsible for everything because Natsu Dragneel loved Lucy Heartfilia, and the entire guild knew it.

And so every year when the guild went to the graves of Lucy's parents, he spent a long time in silence, running through everything he felt he needed to apologize for. Natsu often spent the better part of an hour there, on his knees with his head bowed. Even Happy didn't go near him, or try to speak to him. Everyone knew how much this time meant and what it meant.

The entire guild noticed when tears began to run down Natsu's cheeks, but none of them commented on it. They never did. Everyone had shed tears since Lucy left, except for perhaps Gajeel and Laxus, and so no one would blame Natsu or tease him for his moment of weakness. He didn't make a move, not even to wipe the liquid sadness away.

When Natsu lifted his head and finally wiped his cheeks, he sat there staring for just a few moments more. He then stood and brushed his knees off, bowing respectfully to the gravestone.

It was when he turned that he noticed an old lady standing at the entrance to the graveyard and he recognized her as the owner of the flower shop that they had stopped at, like usual. She was staring at them all with sad eyes.

"There was another person here, just a few hours ago," said the lady. Natsu noticed that she was holding a few items in her hands. "She jumped and ran when she saw me and left a few things behind. I thought you might like to see them…?"

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13 is over. Finite. What's going to happen next?<strong>

**You'll have to wait and see, haha.**

**Okay, that was needlessly cruel to say. But it's _true_. And you know it!**

**Anyway, thanks for reading! And thank the lovely aphrodite931 (Ari-chan!) for helping to make this chapter a bazillion times better than it was going to be! I had a few poor plot choices and she set me straight XD THANK YOU ARI-CHAN.**

**And happy early birthday, you know who you are! (I believe someone has a birthday on the 9th and there might be another with a birthday on the 13th of this month...XD)**


	14. Lucy, of Fairy Tail

**FIRST: When I don't update, it's not because I just want to torture you. So please, _please_, don't message me and ask when the next chapter is going to be, okay? I'm not going to abandon this story. It's so close to the end, so why would I? I'm sorry that you guys sometimes have to wait a while, but I promise you that it's not because I'm trying to be cruel. It's just because my time runs short and I get busy sometimes. Please be patient with me, okay?**

**Now.**

**Oh, dear, what's going to happen? I guess you're ready to find out, eh? Here you go: chapter 14 of **_**Until She's Home Again**_** is here!**

* * *

><p>I could feel my fury mounting as Narcissus smirked at me. Innocent civilians began to stream off of the derailed train and Lyon and Sherri busied themselves for a few short minutes by turning them away from where a fight was brewing. I was thankful for that much; I didn't want any innocents to be hurt in the blast I felt was coming, or by the cruel man I was facing off against.<p>

"You intrigue me, Lucy," Narcissus admitted, taking a step closer to me. Despite the fact that this man's mere presence disgusted me to my very core, I refused to shrink back from his advance. I stood firm, staring him down just as he was inspecting me. "How is it you've survived so long? It's clear you haven't found a cure, so how…?"

"I thought we'd already answered that for you," I said, glancing at Lyon and Sherri as they faced the two of us once more. "A mage of Fairy Tail never gives up."

"I beg to differ," the dark-haired man said as he took a step nearer to me. "When I first sat near you on the train, you had the look of someone who had given up on everything."

"You reminded me that there are other things worth living for," I cast a mocking grin at him, knowing it would anger him. "My friends are still out there, still hoping to find me. If they can still believe in me after all this time, why shouldn't I believe that there's still hope, too?"

"Because there _isn't_ any hope for you," his tone was meant to make me feel a fool, and it made my blood boil even more than before. This revolting man had caused everything, knowing that there wasn't a cure and knowing he was signing me away to my death, as he had done to other women before me. How many women had he done this to? How many women had died because of him, leaving behind their family and friends? The thought made my anger grow, but I knew that if I got too angry it would do more harm than help in the fight that was rapidly approaching.

"There's hope as long as I believe there is," I snapped back, not even flinching as golden magic leapt from my left ankle to my opposite shoulder. I even heard it crackle in the air. I couldn't suppress this attack much longer.

"You're an arrogant fool, aren't you?" Narcissus asked me as an eyebrow rose so high that it was disappearing into his hair. His accusation made me bristle.

"I think you've mistaken me for yourself," I said coldly. "I don't know anyone else so arrogant."

I wasn't ready for the blast of his magic that caught me right across the stomach, forcing me backwards and knocking me to one knee. It hurt more since I hadn't expected it, and I had a small coughing fit. The only thing I could hear over my own ragged breaths was his laughter.

"Look here!" he had finally stopped laughing and began to speak. "You're just as weak as you've always been! I thought there was more to you than that, but I guess I was wrong. Your first hit was just a lucky shot, wasn't it, Lucy? If this is all you've got, then there definitely isn't any hope for you. You're trying your hardest to suppress an attack…but that attack will get the best of you soon, won't it?"

I grit my teeth, forcing myself to my feet.

"Say that again!" I shouted, my voice sounding much more confident than I felt. I shifted my feet and used my new position to get a boost as I charged toward Narcissus. Golden energy—my magic—was swirling around my hand furiously. It took a lot of concentration to focus this extremely volatile energy, and I hoped I could hit my target.

* * *

><p>"What's this…?" Mirajane mused as the guild crowded into the flower shop around the objects that the kind owner had shown them. The white-haired woman was picking up a folded up piece of paper while Erza, Gray, Happy, and Natsu were too busy staring at the black wig and talking in hushed voices.<p>

"This…it's the exact same style that Layla has, isn't it?" Gray asked, holding the wig up and straightening some of the hair.

"Aye," Happy said, staring at it and lost in thought from his perch on the check-out counter.

"But…what reason did she have to lie to us about what she really looked like?" Erza mused, touching the wig hesitantly. "Why did she say all those horrible things about Lucy when she was just going to come visit the Heartfilias' graves anyway? Did she know Lucy? Does she know where she is?"

Natsu remained silent, unable to bring himself to say the only thought that was in his head: _Maybe Layla _is_ Lucy, guys._

He didn't have any clue how right he was until Mira let out a strangled gasp and the folded paper slipped from her hand.

"Sis!" Elfman caught Mirajane before she could fall and Lisanna caught the letter, looking down to read it with Bixlow peering over her shoulder. All of the guild members were focused on the letter, though they couldn't see it, and everyone knew something was odd when Lisanna gasped, a hand coming up to cover her mouth, and Bixlow murmured, "_Shit_."

"What is it?" Levy took the note from Lisanna's hand worriedly, Gajeel hovering over her shoulder as she read it. Her eyes grew wider and wider as she went down the letter, and her eyes were watery at the end as she turned to look at Gajeel. The tall dragonslayer took the paper from the bookworm's limp grasp before someone else could and handed it straight to Natsu, who was standing extremely close.

"I think you'll want to see that," he grunted before the small blue-haired solid script mage tackled him around the waist, her nose buried in his chest. In other circumstances, it might have surprised the guild that Gajeel didn't push Levy away but instead took it in stride, putting a hand somewhat comfortingly on her back. All eyes were drawn now toward Natsu, who was reading the letter with a serious expression, brows furrowed.

He reached the end of the letter and cursed vehemently under his breath, shoving the note into Gray's chest and turning to the flower shop lady.

"Which way did she run?"

"She went to the train station; I followed her far enough to see her get on a train heading north."

"Thanks," the dragonslayer forced out, before he and Happy disappeared out of the doors with all due haste. No one was talking to anyone else, and Levy was still silently crying into the intimidating dragonslayer's chest.

Gray's reaction was similar to Natsu's and he shoved the note at Erza, turning and following in Natsu's footsteps. Juvia had no idea what this was all about, but she followed instantly after Gray, and after recovering, Mirajane rushed out followed by her siblings and the Raijinshuu. Cana soon followed, in between her father and Laxus. Erza finished reading, shoved the note at anyone who was nearby, and nearly broke the door off of its hinges in her rush. There was nothing on Erza's mind but the desire to catch up to Natsu, Gray, and Juvia as she rushed blindly after her guild mates. She quickly overtook Cana, Gildartz, and Laxus in her frenzied dash.

It had not taken very long for the flower shop to clear out after the letter circulated. Alone in her shop once more, the older woman bowed her head slightly and let out a small sigh. She couldn't help but wonder if she had done the right thing, telling the mages of Fairy Tail what she had found, and yet she couldn't think of doing anything differently even if she had the chance to. Whatever that girl was going through, didn't she need her friends at her side? And reasoning with herself in that manner made the betrayal she'd somewhat orchestrated seem inconsequential. Surely the blonde girl would see that the woman had only done what she thought to be right, wouldn't she? After all, the blonde girl was definitely _the_ Lucy of Fairy Tail—the girl that the infamous guild had been searching for since her disappearance three and a half years ago—and she probably needed her friends back just as much as her friends needed her.

Natsu and Happy were already in the air, following the train tracks that headed north.

* * *

><p>A blast sounded in the air and sent both combatants backwards. I stood up straight, frowning at the staggering enemy. He had managed to get a shield of his weird wind-like magic up in time to block the brunt of my punch. It had still had some impact, though, so I wouldn't give up. As long as I was fighting for something, I would never let him get the better of me. Not now. Not ever again.<p>

I charged in again, not even waiting to catch my own breath fully. My left fist flew forward when I neared Narcissus, but again he got some of his magic up to block it. Once the newest blast was over, he leapt away and landed behind me. Before I could turn, wind sliced into my back and I fell forward. I winced, but my reflexes were good and I managed to turn my collapse into a flip. I turned in midair, once more facing the dark-haired man even as he was charging me. I leapt out of his way and when I landed I was already turning to meet him, striking at him with a fist that was alight with my magical energy.

The backlash of the punch and of his hasty wind shield made us both slide back once more.

"Tell me I'm weak one more time," I spat, flexing my fists.

"I'll tell you a hundred times if it pleases you," Narcissus quipped back, lashing out with wind once more. I side-stepped most of it, but a slice still appeared on my cheek, stinging. "Weakling."

Instead of charging him out of anger, to his chagrin I simply let out a laugh. His next blast of wind caught me at my left hip even as I tried to dodge. This blow had torn open the pouch I kept on my belt and caused my shrunken novel to fall to the ground. I didn't pause to pick it up, partially because it would cause an unneeded distraction and also because the shrinking charm had fallen from it, restoring the volume to its original, more cumbersome size. I nearly tripped over it as I avoided the next attack but I paid it no heed, leaping forward to lash out at Narcissus with my fists once more. In return, the cruel mage tried to bat me away. I didn't let the battering faze me in the least, instead forcing my way through all the wind attacks until I reached him and could attempt to hit him.

Finally, one of my punches landed on his jaw, sending him back against a tree at the edge of the field. I hadn't noticed how far away from the train our battle had ranged, but I was glad we were at least a hundred yards away. He stood, staggering, and glowered at me. I just cheekily smirked back.

A spark went from the fingertips of my left hand up to my ear, and I flinched.

Another spark went from my right knee to my left hip, stinging all the while.

I couldn't let it overcome me now, not when I had the upper hand. So I did my best to focus my increasingly volatile magic to my fists and charged once more at the man who had caused everything. My first fist practically pulverized the trunk of the tree that Narcissus had slammed against and my second punch was deflected, forcing both of us back. Now we were among the trees but neither of us lessened our resolve. If it was the last thing I did, I would make this man pay for everything he had done.

My next punch was purposely directed at the ground, blasting the earth up around Narcissus and causing him to stumble.

I flew into him while he was still off-balance in a flying tackle that sent both of us out of the trees once more. Rolling a few times and landing farther from the trees than Narcissus had, I quickly climbed to my feet. It took my opponent a few minutes longer to stand.

"You've…got a little more bite than last time, I suppose," Narcissus grunted, dusting off his once immaculate clothes.

"I wonder why," I said dryly, ignoring the mounting dread of the next attack. I knew that it would be worse than the others, especially since I was suppressing it for so long and giving it time to build. It didn't matter that I was using some of the energy, because there was so much more building up that I couldn't possibly use before it was replenished.

It was flattering to know I had that much magical potential, but knowing that it could cause my death soured that opinion.

* * *

><p>Natsu examined the ground for as far as he could see, cursing himself for being so stupid. He'd had suspicions the whole time, but he'd never connected Layla to Lucy completely. Now that he knew they were one in the same, he thought himself to be the biggest fool in the world. He wondered if his ignorance made Lucy feel lonelier, and if it had, he wanted to make it up to her.<p>

Happy was holding up well over the distance they'd already covered and Natsu wondered how much longer the Exceed could keep it up.

"Lucy, where are you?" the dragonslayer muttered lowly. A glint of metal met the corner of his eye, and he turned his gaze to it, trying to make it out.

* * *

><p>I couldn't hold in the grunt of pain as Narcissus blasted me backwards again. I felt the bile rise in my throat but I held it back, forcing myself to stand straight once more. This man would not get the pleasure of seeing me give up.<p>

I was Lucy of Fairy Tail, and it was high time I proved that.

A primal sort of battle cry flew from my lips as Narcissus charged toward me and I charged back. I dodged the wind he sent my way and planted my glowing fist firmly in his stomach. The explosion as I released the energy sent us both backwards, but my enemy received most of the force. He tumbled head over heels a few times before landing on his back. I started toward him again, watching as he climbed laboriously to his feet with a glare on his handsome features.

"You won't hold up for much longer, Lucy," he taunted as three separate sparks leapt around my body.

"I won't need to in order to beat you," I said with more courage than I was currently feeling. In my heart I knew he was right, and it was just a matter of time before the power burst forth in the worst attack I'd yet been faced with. There was no doubt in my mind that this blast would be strong enough to kill me, but I'd be damned if Narcissus was still standing when it happened.

Another gust of wind was directed my way and I didn't even flinch when it sliced open my left shoulder. I did wince, however, when wind directly behind it sliced open my right side. The second cut was deeper and bled a little more and would probably inhibit my movement to some degree. And it was then that I decided it was time to use my trump cards. I just hoped beyond hope that they weren't still angry at me for what I had previously done.

My fingers found the ring of keys on my right hip and pulled it out of the pouch I'd been carrying it in. There the golden keys that had been so useful to me when I wasn't too stubborn to use them during my 'illness'. Alongside them were the silver keys of those who weren't necessarily useful in a fight, but were still good to have at my side nonetheless.

"Open, Gate of the Virgin, Virgo!" I dragged her key down through the air and there she appeared next to me, just as always.

"Am I to be punished, Princess?"

A small smile crossed my face at this response. I had expected it—or I would have, if I hadn't been so cruel to my spirits when last we'd met.

"Of course not, Virgo," the words came out softly, almost tenderly. "Do you have a whip stored away somewhere that I could use?"

"Would you like me to go get one from the Spirit Realm, Princess?"

"If it's not too much trouble," I nodded, grasping another key and dragging it sideways through the air even as Narcissus noticed what I was doing and leapt toward me with a feral growl. "Open, Gate of the Bull, Taurus!"

The perverted celestial spirit I had called landed squarely in front of my opponent, mooing. I would have laughed at this if I wasn't in my current situation. I still grinned at the look that Narcissus wore on his face. I realized that I hadn't had the chance to call out Taurus last time I'd faced this man, so he hadn't seen the half-bull half-man celestial spirit that wielded a giant axe.

"Here you go, Princess," Virgo's voice said beside me at that moment, and I turned and looked at the maid of the spirit world. In her hands was one of the whips that would use my magical energy as the flail. It was just what I needed.

"Thank you," I took the handle and immediately a tail of golden energy burst from the designated area. Another smile spread across my face at the familiar feeling of a whip in my hand and my spirits beside me. But I was missing one of the most important spirits. I knew he'd be angry with me, but I would have to chance it. I didn't think he'd refuse me, though. And so I took his key firmly in my hand and took a deep breath, slashing diagonally through the air in front of me.

"Open! Gate of the Lion, Loke!"

"It's about damn time, Lucy," his voice growled to me, though not entirely in anger. And _now_ the feeling of fighting with a few of my spirits felt right again.

"I was thinking the same thing," I admitted to him, my eyes on Narcissus as he tried to batter the giant bull-man with wind and failed because of the flailing axe. "Taurus! To me!"

Taurus perked his head up and then bounded back to me. I guess he could sense the gravity of the situation, because he didn't dare make any of his perverted comments right at that moment. He had an expression of utmost seriousness on his features and I nodded to him.

"Do you guys know who this is?" I asked lowly, facing the glaring enemy.

"Do we need to?" Loke asked, clenching his fist. "He's your enemy, Lucy, and that's all that we need to know."

"He's the one who forced me to have Magical Overflow."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the lion stiffen and Taurus nearly dropped his axe in surprise. Virgo also stiffened, but it was less noticeable than her glare at the man responsible.

"Lucy—" Taurus began.

"We're going to take him out," I flicked my whip at the oncoming wind magic and effectively stopped it from hitting us. "We're going to take him out," I repeated, "but we need to do it pretty quick. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't have any clue how to cure me, and I doubt that we could force it out of him soon enough even if he did. Do you guys understand?"

"Princess, you sound as though you're not going to make it much longer…" Virgo trailed off.

"Dammit, Lucy, you're about to have an attack!" Loke cursed a few times under his breath. "C'mon—we have to get started if we're going to take him down soon. Lucy?"

"Loke?"

"Don't die on us."

With those wonderful words of encouragement, my arguably strongest spirit sprinted at my enemy, his own fist glowing with what I knew to be his Regulus Impact. Taurus bellowed and ran—more like lumbered—behind, swinging his axe back and forth in arcs. Virgo disappeared into the soil at my feet, deep enough that the earth didn't move as she traversed underground. And I flicked my whip experimentally one more time before letting out a battle cry and running forward, sidestepping a blast of wind in the process.

Loke's Regulus Impact didn't land where he'd intended, as Narcissus stepped out of the way just in time. The earth three feet to the right of the enemy blew up, scattering dust and dirt and grasses everywhere. Taurus roared—or, rather, mooed furiously—as he neared the dark-haired mage. Wind buffeted him back, sending his axe spinning away and landing not even a foot away from me. It was actually Virgo's 'attack' that mattered most, because rather than trying to damage Narcissus herself, I saw her hands come up out of the ground and grasp his ankles firmly. I leapt as soon as I saw this, lashing out at him with my whip and sending a surge of energy into the spirit world's weapon.

My whip caught Narcussus across the chest and at that moment Virgo let go, so he tumbled backwards again. Loke leapt on him, getting a few regular punches in before he had to leap away to avoid a blast of wind. Narcissus managed to climb to his feet, holding himself off the ground on a cushion of air, and scowled at us.

"Lucy. Are you so weak you have to count on these riffraff to help you?"

"They're not riffraff," my response was shaky with barely contained anger. How _dare_ he talk about my spirits like that? "They're my friends."

The laugh that was his retort made my blood boil once more. The odd wish to have the king of the spirit world as a celestial spirit I could summon ran through my head. But he was not a spirit I could summon, and I'd have to make do with beating the hell out of this man on my own. Except I wasn't alone anymore—I had my other spirits beside me.

"Virgo," I said as the spirit reappeared next to me from below ground. "Can you give me a boost to his height from underground?"

"You want me to…push you up, from underground? Is that right, Princess?"

I just nodded once in affirmation.

"Lucy, what are you thinking?" Loke asked, not in disbelief but because he truly didn't understand what I was getting at.

"You'll see."

Virgo had disappeared beneath the ground again, and as Taurus, with his retrieved axe, defended Loke and I from another blast of wind, I cried, "Now, Virgo!"

* * *

><p>Almost the entire guild was running now, following the train tracks north. Those who hadn't read the letter had now been enlightened by those who had, and everyone was determined. Even in her slight hysteria, Levy had been sensible enough to stop at the train station and ask when the train north had left and it was thanks to her that they knew the train had derailed for unknown reasons. It only increased the need to find Lucy.<p>

Pantherlily had already transformed, as he could now hold his bigger form for an indefinite amount of time, and Levy was actually upon the shoulders of Gajeel, her face tear-free and determined. She was keeping an eye out for what was farther ahead of the main body of the guild, warning them about any bridges that were coming up that they couldn't see. Mirajane was in cheetah form, far ahead of many, and Lisanna was right with her as a small finch.

Master Makarov was upon Elfman's shoulders much like Levy was on Gajeel's, though he wasn't quite as high so he didn't call the warnings out. Jet, although he had speed, chose to stay with the majority of the guild, sprinting forward out of sight occasionally only to come back and tell everyone how far ahead team Natsu and Juvia were.

The water mage, for her part, was keeping pace with Erza and Gray, and Natsu was far ahead of them in the air. Wendy was being carried by Charle right alongside Juvia and had been the one to tell the oblivious water mage why everyone was running. It had only increased the determination running through the former Element Four member—Lucy's absence from Fairy Tail had caused everyone pain, so now that she was so close, they had only to find her in time. She didn't know what they could do, but she would do anything to bring a smile not only to Gray's face, but to everyone else's faces, too.

Gray's face was full of determination. He was so focused on the task at hand that he still had every single article of clothing on. The jean jacket he wore flapped around him, but he didn't care, nor did he care about how the rest of his clothing tugged at him. What he cared about right now was reaching Lucy. He knew that he had already forgiven her for everything she'd said to them as Layla Heart.

Erza was much the same. Her armor was hot and heavy and her hair stuck annoyingly to her skin from her sweat, but she didn't care. Her precious nakama was so close now—had been so close for weeks—and she would do anything she could to get Lucy back. Lucy had already been forgiven by Erza, as well, because the redhead knew that the blonde had been trying to protect them.

Erza, Gray, and Juvia had learned about the derailed train from Wendy and Charle.

Ahead, in the air, a certain pink-haired dragonslayer was descending toward the gleaming metal he had earlier spotted. He hadn't known that the train had derailed and if he wasn't being so watchful, he might not have seen it despite its size. His eyes were skimming over the scene frantically and he heard a collective gasp from the crowds of people huddled near the train. He spotted the mage floating in the air, and even as he watched, something flew up toward that mage at a rapid speed. His heart nearly skipped a beat.

"Lucy?"

* * *

><p>"Narcissus!" I shouted, ramming into the mage forcefully. Virgo had done exactly as I had asked and even if I had originally intended to just knock him out of the air with my whip, this could be better. I wrapped my arms around him in a parody of an embrace as my momentum knocked both of us off of his little cushion of air. We were fifteen feet up and when we hit the ground, with Narcissus on the bottom, it knocked the wind out of him. I grasped his collar tightly, crouched over him, and yanked his head up to my height.<p>

"Are you feeling lucky?" I asked him darkly. His eyes widened at the swirling magic that was surrounding us.

"Lucy!" Loke's voice sounded frantic and the shout of "Princess!" from Virgo and "Luuucy!" from Taurus were not much different. I hated to leave them like this, but if it was how it had to be, I would do it.

"What—you don't have to do this—" Narcissus tried, and I could tell he was frightened. It was a welcome change of attitude from him.

"So you're not feeling lucky?" a sickening sort of grin was spreading across my face. I could feel it twisting my normally cheerful visage into a grotesque parody. And still I held him, not willing to let him go just yet. "I think you deserve a little taste of your own medicine, don't you?"

"No—please!"

I couldn't keep the attack in check any longer even had I wanted to, so it burst out in waves of golden energy, stronger than any I had ever faced before. And yet I bit my screams back, forcing myself to accept the pain as it came. Instead of my screams, the piercing shrieks of the man who had never felt what he had caused rent the air. And despite everything, I couldn't help but pity him because he really was pathetic.

When he went limp, unconscious in my grasp, I used all the force I could muster to throw him away from my agonizing fire of magical energy. And still, I did not cry out or fall to the ground just yet. I closed my eyes and tilted my head up, my blonde hair whipping wildly around my face. I missed seeing my blonde hair every time I looked into the mirror, and now I wouldn't get to see it anymore. But, I mused, wasn't it worth every minute? Maybe Narcissus would learn, after this, not to do it again. Or maybe he'd be even more determined, but I was positive that Sherri and Lyon would make sure he went to jail for a while.

The gashes I'd received earlier from my enemy's wind attacks began to sting and to widen and suddenly, I was even more acutely aware of everything.

It was more agonizing than I had realized and my knees buckled. I hit the ground hard, hugging myself tightly as I fought against the shriek that wanted so desperately to rip from my throat. How had I not noticed this before? How had I been seemingly immune to the feeling of being ripped apart from the inside out, by my own magic?

I could hold it no longer, and the shriek ripped from my throat. The pain was more than I had expected, or had even experienced in any other attack. It was just like I had assumed it would be, and ten times worse. The torment I was going through—what had I done to deserve it all? And yet, not for the first time, I realized that I would never wish this pain on anyone else. Not like Narcissus had done before he actually felt it for himself.

"Lucy!" the shout came again, Loke's voice seeming louder than before. Once more, the shouts of Virgo and Taurus followed, and even Sherri and Lyon called out to me this time. I heard a sharp cry from Sherri and knew instinctively that she'd gotten close enough to be injured by the maelstrom of energy surrounding me. I felt like a horrible person for causing her pain. And the pain I had once caused Loke because of this.

"I'm sorry," I choked out when one of my screams came to an end. My voice was hoarse, my throat raw from the screams that had ripped through it, but I still said it again while I could fight back the next shrieks. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

A crackle sounded, and an explosion inside my little tornado of energy sent me down to my elbows, a loud cry escaping my lips, but I forced myself back up soon after. I felt blood on my face, my hair sticking to it, but I was still alive and still in agony.

Why did everything have to end like this?

"Lucy!"

That was a different voice. I almost dared to hope it was _him_, but not quite.

"Lucy!"

And there it was again. A shriek was once more ripping from my lips, so I couldn't clearly hear the voice anymore. I didn't think it could be him—I'd only left them a short while ago, so they couldn't have found out so quickly!

My scream sputtered into a gasp as arms encircled me.

"Lucy! Luce…"

My voice was hoarse, but I still said again, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

The arms around me only tightened, and in the swirling vortex of golden magic, I saw the tell-tale pink hair I had been both hoping to see and dreading to see. I wanted to push him away, but my arms were too weak and his were too strong. Besides, it was _Natsu_ and I knew he wouldn't give up when he put his mind to something. Even when I heard him hiss in pain, I knew he wouldn't give up on me.

I really didn't want things to end this way.

* * *

><p><strong>NOPE. This is not the end just yet. But what will happen in the last chapter?<strong>

**You'll have to wait and see.**

**OH. And since I'm tired of typing this in every reply to your marvelous reviews (haha) I'm going to say right now: I'll try to have the next chapter by the end of March, but I can't promise anything right now because, once again, school is getting hectic. So please be patient with me!**

**Haha. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading.**


	15. It's All About Control

**Oh, no. Lucy! What's happened to you? What's **_**going**_** to happen? And what will Natsu do about it?**

**Ladies and gentlemen, I now introduce to you the elusive beast called a **_**Final Chapter**_**. Oh my.**

**Enjoy.**

**Also, if this does not live up to the usual standards, I apologize. This chapter is self-edited.**

* * *

><p>Natsu held me tightly against his chest, hands protecting my head from as much of the swirling magical energy as he possibly could. It didn't matter if I pushed against his chest to force him away, because his elbows were locked and no separation was created between us. The attempts I made to push him back were very few, and my head fell to his shoulder as I tried futilely to hole back a shriek. It had to be murder on his ears, but he didn't say anything and he didn't let a sound of pain escape his lips.<p>

He was my rock. Natsu was my rock and always had been. I was just too dense to realize how much I needed him and now that I had, it was too late.

I clutched his vest tightly in my shaking hands as the realization hit me.

Maybe if I was with all of my nakama at Fairy Tail, I would have succumbed to Magical Overflow when I was supposed to as a celestial mage. Perhaps spending my last days with all of my closest friends, those who meant the most to me, would have helped me to accept my impending end more completely than I already had. But there was also the chance that I would have fought harder to win out against the odds and searched incessantly for a cure. I could have found a cure because I would have had my loved ones helping me and urging me on—they would never have accepted my inevitable death. I could have had more time with Erza and Gray and Mira and Levy and most of all, Natsu…but I had run like a coward at the first signs of the condition and hadn't even given them a chance to help me.

_I'm such a coward_.

My eyes slid closed on a memory that reminded me just how much I've always needed the pink-haired dragonslayer that held me in his arms.

* * *

><p><em>The forest around me was eerily silent and the light seemed to be leaking away as darkness encroached upon where I stood. My ragged breathing met the air and sounded like a foghorn in the silence. I could feel my heart beating painfully in my chest—<em>ba-bump, ba-bump—_and I couldn't hear anything other than my racing pulse. Where was he? The enemy that I had been fighting…who knew he wasn't just an exquip mage like Erza—though not nearly so talented as she—and who knew that his second branch of magic was _darkness_, of all things? If I could remember rightly, darkness mages weren't a very common type of mage. What were the chances?_

"_What's the matter, Blondie?" the nickname reminded me of Flare, the woman I'd fought in the tournament that occurred when we'd first returned from Tenrou Island. "Can't see anything?"_

_The laugh that filtered through the air around me was infuriating. This man…he had the nerve to say such things? He knew very well that I was effectively blinded by his magic, and I knew that I was pretty much screwed in this fight. There was no way I could win against this kind of magic. Especially not when my keys were laying on the ground somewhere in the darkness, along with the belt they were attached to._

_I cursed myself for letting him get so close with that knife of his before I'd even summoned one of my spirits out to help me._

"_Cat got your tongue?"_

_The little half-shriek that escaped my mouth at the proximity of his voice was cut off when an arm wrapped around both of mine—which effectively trapped them to my sides— and something that felt suspiciously metallic and was ice cold pressed against the skin of my throat._

"_Get off," the words escaped my lips before I could think better of it. And I knew I couldn't take it back once it had fallen from my mouth, so I bit down on my tongue lightly to keep myself from saying anything more._

_I needn't have worried about angering him. My retort had just amused him, and he laughed at me._

"_So the little girl has some spunk, eh?" he said, his lips disgustingly close to my ear. His tone turned darker and sent a shiver up my spine. "I love spunk. It makes breaking them so much more…_fun_."_

_An involuntary twitch made his blade dig into my flesh and I felt a single drip roll down my neck, resting for an instant in the hollow of my throat. And the fear mounted—what was I thinking, going up against a man like this? I let the others go on and told them I'd catch up, but I _wouldn't_ be catching up and they'd get worried…but how could they find me in the middle of darkness magic? Even fire mages have trouble against darkness magic!_

_My mouth was growing drier by the second and my racing pulse had yet to slow._

"_Don't get all shy now," he dropped his voice to a revolting whisper that held a hint of amusement. "It was just getting fun!"_

Natsu_, I wanted to call out. Where was he when I needed him most? He was always, always there to save me…but where was he now? He would come if I called—he just _had_ to!_

_I opened my mouth and before I could second guess my own actions again, I shouted as loudly as I could for the one person I knew would hear no matter how far away he was. As the cry of "Natsu!" escaped my lips, the man holding me cursed and removed his blade, shoving me to the ground. I fell with a small outcry of pain as my ankle twisted awkwardly. I could sense my enemy rather than see him—he was crouched above me, and I could feel the tip of his blade hovering right over my heart. No doubt he could see me, since this was his magic, so he was probably relishing the abject fear that probably shined in my eyes. My heart was beating painfully in my chest and I couldn't move because of my opponent's other hand firmly pinning me down by the shoulder. _

"_You little bitch," he growled, all playfulness gone, "you've taken 'spunk' just a step too far."_

_This was it—he was going to kill me. I clenched my eyes closed and tried to think of anything but whether or not dying like this would hurt, but to no avail._

Natsu_, I called out futilely in my mind. It was of no use, though—he wouldn't hear me if I didn't say it out loud. And even if I called again, he wouldn't get here in time. Calling again would just antagonize my soon-to-be murderer even further. He wouldn't hesitate any longer if I let myself shout for the pink-haired dragonslayer again._

_As the blade seemed to press just a little harder against my chest, an unwanted whimper escaped._

_But then I heard something over my rough breathing and frantic heartbeat that the darkness mage hovering over me must have heard, too. His grip on me loosened just slightly and the pressure of his blade in the area over my heart lessened a fraction. His attention was on whatever was crashing through the woods. The sounds seemed to come from some raving creature—a creature just as frantic as my heartbeat._

_And then the creature roared._

"_Lucy!"_

_Relief flooded through me. That roar wasn't harmful to me at all—it was Natsu! He'd heard me, and he was coming. It sounded as though he was running as fast as he could; which, I amended my thoughts, was quite plausible. Natsu would do absolutely anything for one of his nakama, especially if it meant saving a life. _

"_You little—" I had the strong suspicion he would have called me a bitch again as he prepared to stab me, had it not been for the furious dragonslayer that barreled into him._

"_Get off of her!" was the battlecry as Natsu's flames lit up the darkness and I could finally see once more. The mage who surely would have killed me if it weren't for Natsu was out in an instant and I was clinging to my best friend as though my life depended on it—and my life had depended on him more times than I could count. He was so dependable that I feared I might depend on him for help forever._

"_Are you all right, Luce?"_

"_Thanks to you," I answered his worried, shaky inquiry with as much courage as I could muster. I don't think he bought it, but he offered me a smile anyway as the last wisps of the darkness magic faded away. And from then on, we didn't need to say anything. Natsu stood up and then helped me up, which reminded me of my twisted ankle. Natsu wrapped a strong, warm arm around my waist and drew my arm around his shoulders to help me along even more._

"_Let's catch up to Erza and Gray, okay?" he asked me, not urgently or forcefully. _

"_That sounds like a plan," I agreed, wincing as I tried and failed to put weight on my injured ankle. Natsu supported me and we made our way onward. And once again, I found myself depending on him to be my support._

_And that was fine by me._

* * *

><p>Yes, it was fine by me that I needed Natsu and depended on him—what wasn't fine was that he was going to die here because of me. And if he didn't die, he still wouldn't leave unscathed. And if something happened to him, it meant that the entirety of Fairy Tail was going to be effected because Natsu was one of the most integral parts of the entire guild. And I hated myself for what this would cause, but I couldn't do anything about it now.<p>

With a valiant effort, I choked back my scream. It took much more effort than I had ever had to exercise before, but it was barely enough.

If Natsu was going to be this strong, I would be, too.

_I love you, Natsu. You might never know…but I love you._

Oh, how it hurt for me to acknowledge that he might never know, but I couldn't open my mouth to tell him for the fear of letting out another scream. So instead, I disentangled my hands from his vest with difficulty and wrapped my arms around his waist. To my relief, Natsu held me tighter and his ragged breathing was right by my ear.

"Lucy," he somehow managed, "Luce, you'll…be okay…"

I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the statement, but I also wanted to believe that he was right and that I would come out of this just fine. With his arms encircling me as they were, it wasn't too hard to believe even though I knew deep down that I shouldn't be so hopeful.

But then again, I realized that it was the concept of Pandora's Box—humankind would be nothing if we didn't have hope. It was how my nakama had survived those long seven years when some of us had been lost on Tenrou Island, and it was how my team had been able to survive my absence and had continued to search for me even when their despair threatened to take over. It was what had kept _me_ going when I wanted to give up in the very beginning and it was what caused others to believe in me even when they knew what Magical Overflow was capable of.

Yet somehow…I still couldn't let myself succumb. It would only be a letdown if I didn't survive…not that I would be alive to feel the disappointment.

"Lucy!"

I jumped at the voice that wasn't Natsu's—it came from outside the swirling vortex of golden magical energy yet wasn't Lyon or Sherri or even Happy. It sounded like—

"Erza," Natsu's voice was raised, "Erza! Do something!"

What there was to do, I had no idea, but apparently Natsu felt like something could be done and I wasn't willing to contradict him. He must be feeling the hope I refused to allow into my heart. The next words I heard the redheaded exquip mage say were indistinct, but Natsu must have heard them because he leaned down and said to me, his voice kind of hoarse, "They're…gonna do…everything…they can, Luce. We just have…to wait for them."

Black spots swam before my eyes, but I didn't want to dampen his spirits by letting him know I didn't know how long I could hold on. So I nodded my head as firmly as I could against his shoulder. I didn't trust myself to open my mouth. I could taste the bitter blood from my bitten tongue—it was the only thing keeping my mouth closed and my scream bottled up inside.

"Natsu! Lucy!"

Was that…it couldn't be! But it _was_, because he spoke again.

"Just hang on!"

Gray's voice was louder than Erza's and easier for me to hear.

"What should Juvia do?" the blue-haired mage's voice came, barely distinguishable as a few small explosions sounded around me and Natsu. And I knew then that it wouldn't be long before the entire guild was here if the five of them—Natsu, Happy, Gray, Juvia, and Erza—were already here. I wouldn't have been surprised if Levy wasn't too far behind.

But those black specks were persistent, and it took almost more energy than I had to keep myself awake.

_I'm not going to last much longer…_

My heart started racing and it _hurt_. It hurt because I was no longer resigned to my once inevitable end—the hope I tried to smother had nonetheless bloomed within my chest and now I wanted nothing more than to survive this. I was back with my friends and not only did I _not_ want things to end this way…I didn't want them to end at all! Not yet, at any rate. But it seemed as though the choice of whether to live or die was slipping away from me.

I had unconsciously dug my fingers into Natsu's back and alerted him to my plight. He didn't know exactly what was wrong but he knew that it was something and that it couldn't be good.

"Erza! Gray! _Hurry_!"

My fingers relaxed and my grip on him loosened slightly as my consciousness continued to ebb. Natsu leaned closer, holding me tighter for the lack of my grip and all the while continued to protect my head. "Hold on, Luce!" his voice was higher from pain and worry. "You can…do it! I'm right…here with ya, Luce…so just…stay with me!"

As cliché as it might have been, I wanted to speak my next thought aloud but couldn't get my mouth to open even though I should have been screaming.

_I'll always be with you, Natsu. I promise._

The tears leaking from my eyes disappeared almost instantly in the maelstrom of slicing, painful magical energy. I wanted to tell him I was sorry again, or to hug him back, or even tell him how much I cared for him, but my voice wouldn't work and my vision was growing dark. Unconsciousness wasn't far away and after that…

"Luce…Lucy!"

My world went black.

* * *

><p>Lucy had slumped in Natsu's arms and he could get no response from her, but the attack of her Magical Overflow continued around them.<p>

_Hasn't this tortured her enough?_ He wondered angrily, gritting his teeth against the cry that wanted to come out. He wouldn't scream—he'd be strong for Lucy because she'd forced herself to stop screaming for him. Lucy was unconscious, though, and so Natsu tucked her head under his chin and held the blonde tightly against him. If he could somehow shield her with his own body, it would all be worth it.

"Where is Lu-chan? Is she…is she in _that_?"

Finally! Levy was here! If anyone could come up with a quick solution before they could consult Porlyusica, it was her! Natsu was thankful that his sensitive hearing could pick up on the solid script mage's words so that he knew she was present—she would think of something…wouldn't she?

Lucy groaned then in the midst of her involuntary slumber and slowly, ever so slowly, Natsu perceived that the strength of the magical energy converging upon them from all sides was lessening in strength. Natsu clutched Lucy against him as if their lives depended on it, not willing to let any of this dwindling power hurt her now. If it wasn't just a lull, the attack was ending and he could get help for Lucy! Hope made his heart flutter painfully in his chest.

_We can still save her!_

He wouldn't have to lose her yet. He might still get the chance to tell her all that he felt.

"Look, it's slowing down!" Sherri's voice broke through Natsu's hopeful bubble of excitement, and he turned his head up just slightly to realize that he could now faintly see shapes outside the vortex whereas before all he could see was Lucy's magic. Natsu tucked his chin back above the blonde's head then, wincing as a wound seared across his shoulder—but as long as it was him and not Lucy, he could deal with it. After all, it wasn't as if there weren't numerous little gashes and lacerations all over him from this explosion of magic; but this was for Lucy, so it was okay. She'd been dealing with this alone for three and a half years now—wasn't it time she shared the burden?

"I've got you, Luce," he said, and he realized that he wasn't forced to breathe as harshly anymore. Another glance showed that he could now distinctly make out Happy and Wendy and Charle, waiting just a few inches beyond the wall of magical energy. Natsu breathed a sigh of relief and whispered in the unconscious woman's ear, "Just hang on a little longer, Luce. The cavalry has arrived!"

If she'd been awake, she probably would have thought that the cavalry had arrived when just Natsu, Happy, Erza, Gray, and Juvia had been present.

* * *

><p>Erza never even noticed that she'd been holding her breath until the swirling, angry energy had finally slowed, merely sparking in spasms that grew farther and farther apart. Her breath rushed out in a hurry, leaving her lightheaded as she and Gray bolted towards the duo that had been in the midst of everything. Happy was already there and Wendy and Charle were not too far behind.<p>

"Lucy!" Erza cried out, looking down at the bloody and beaten blonde that the pink-haired dragonslayer clutched to his chest.

"She's unconscious," Natsu hated to say it, but it was true. "Wendy, can you help her?"

The smaller dragonslayer knelt down by Natsu as Levy rushed forward and helped them to lay her blonde friend out, head resting in Natsu's lap. Tears were falling unchecked from every eye as the entirety of the guild began to gather around. Wendy knelt down by Lucy's left side and reached her hands over her.

"I'll do whatever I can," she vowed, her long navy hair tied back in a braid that fell most of the way down her back. Romeo came up to kneel next to Wendy, placing a hand on Natsu's shoulder.

"Are you going to be okay, Natsu-nii?"

The dragonslayer nodded mutely, but whereas the younger Romeo might have been offended, the seventeen-year-old Romeo completely understood. After all, he'd be just as distracted if it was Wendy lying on the ground unconscious. If anything were to ever happen to his girlfriend, he might just go crazy. So yes, Romeo knew exactly what was wrong with Natsu and would just sit there with him as Wendy worked her magic.

Levy sat on her heels about three feet away, Gajeel standing close by, as she frantically paged through a book she'd found a bit of Magical Overflow information in. Cana dropped beside Juvia, who sat just slightly removed from the group of Natsu, Lucy, Wendy, Charle, Romeo, Erza, Gray, and Happy, and the two white-haired takeover women fell, exhausted, next to them.

Laxus and Elfman had decided they needed _something_ to do with their hands, so Narcissus was now tied up and attached to both of them by ropes securely knotted around their wrists.

"She should be fine for now," Wendy said softly, beginning to heal a few cuts with just a simple touch. "She'll wake up within a day or a day and a half and be exhausted, but we won't be able to wait very long after she wakes. We'll have to get her to Porlyusica to see if she can do anything about the condition. I…I don't have any knowledge of what to do with Magical Overflow…"

"That's fine, Wendy," Master Makarov said, placing a hand on her elbow. "You've done what you can. Everyone should just go home for now. Laxus, Elfman, and I will take this man to the council's prison cells—may he rot there!"

"I'll come with you, Master," Erza said, standing up.

"You should stay with Lucy," Makarov told his redheaded daughter softly. She shouldn't let her sense of duty get in the way.

"No," the exquip mage surprised him by defying him. "I need to be there to make sure he gets put away for the crimes he's committed. I'm sure Lucy would agree if she was awake right now."

And Natsu thought that Erza was probably right about it. If Lucy was awake, she would probably want Erza by her side, but she would understand that Erza felt this had to be done. It wasn't like Lucy to make anyone shirk what they thought was the right thing to do…just for her. Lucy wasn't that needy.

He could remember times when he had truly needed _her_ more than she'd needed _him_.

* * *

><p><em>That day had come again. Of course it had—it came and went year after year and every single time, it tormented him more than he let on. And yet Lucy had realized his pain. For years, he'd dealt with this all alone, but then he met her and she saw straight through him. She was the first one to ever see through his façade comletely...and if he was being honest, he wouldn't have wanted anyone else to see through him.<em>

"_Natsu…?" _

_The blonde girl had come across the guild to him and laid her hand gently on his shoulder, leaning over him with a concerned look in her eyes. She had blatantly ignored Gray's warnings to stay away from Natsu today because he'd be depressing—and yes, Natsu was sure that Gray had said that. Just because he was depressed didn't mean that he couldn't hear. She had ignored that Popsicle and decided to approach the fire dragonslayer anyway._

"_Natsu, are you okay?"_

No_, he wanted to tell her. _I'm not okay.

_Instead, what came out of his mouth was, "I'm fine, Luce."_

_He didn't look very closely at her, but he heard the sigh that escaped from her lips, and then was surprised when she sat down right beside him, close enough that their shoulders brushed. She didn't look at him, but she spoke._

"_Don't lie to me, Natsu. It's because it's July 7__th__. It's _always_ because it's July 7__th__."_

_He didn't know what she could base 'always' off of. He'd only known her through two of the days he called 'that' day._

_The dragonslayer made a noncommittal sound in his throat._

"_You're forgetting I lost someone that day too," her voice was soft and her hand was on his shoulder. And then he turned to really look at her—her blonde hair was up as usual, her outfit was immaculate, her boots were freshly polished, her nails…black…and her eyes were lacking their usual luster. Her makeup disguised much of the evidence of recent tears, but not all of it._

"_I…I'm sorry, Luce," Natsu looked down, ashamed at himself. _

"_I understand what you're going through," she told him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "So you can talk to me, okay?"_

_And he did._

* * *

><p>The others helped put the train back on its track and then were allowed onboard free of charge because of it—and, Natsu suspected, because the unconscious blonde in his arms had saved their asses. And even when they had boarded the train, he didn't let Lucy out of his sight. Wendy cast her Troia on him so that he didn't get ill, and Natsu stayed in a compartment with Lucy, her head in his lap, while Gray, Happy, Wendy, Charle, and Erza occupied the other bench—or, in the case of the Exceeds, the luggage rack.<p>

"When we get to the station," Erza said softly, "Elfman, Laxus, Master, and I will take that mage on another train towards Era. The rest of you will go back to Magnolia. Send someone for Porlyusica as soon as you get off the train."

"Got it," Natsu said, brushing the blonde's sweaty bangs away from her eyes as she grimaced in her troubled sleep.

He was the only one aside from Charle who heard what Happy said to the white Exceed then.

"He really does like her, you know?"

The blue feline said it without the trademark rolling of his tongue, without his usual gusto. He merely said it as he would state a fact—which, in this case, was exactly what he was doing. His eyes were watery and large and Natsu couldn't bring himself to look at his 'son' for the fear that he, too, would break down.

"I know," Charle's voice whispered back to Happy, and Natsu took just one quick glance to see her rubbing the distraught Exceed's back.

"I'll go for Porlyusica when we get back," Gray suddenly volunteered. His reasons didn't need to be said; they all knew. He would go because he knew Natsu wouldn't leave Lucy's side for a moment and because, next to Natsu, he had the right to do it more than the others. She was their beloved teammate. Levy was her best female friend, perhaps, but that meant she'd want to stay with Luce, too. And Erza wouldn't be there to go for Porlyusica, because she'd be dealing with the bastard that had begun all of this nearly four years ago.

And so it was decided, and as Lucy twitched in her sleep and Natsu brushed her hair away again, Charle spoke up.

"I'll carry you there and carry her back. It'll be faster that way."

And that was that.

* * *

><p>When they finally reached Magnolia a few hours later, Gray and Charle didn't waste a second in winging for Porlyusica's home and Natsu hefted Lucy in his arms bridal style. She stirred but didn't wake up, and so he carried her to the guild as their nakama circled around them as an honor guard of sorts. Mirajane led them swiftly to a bed in the infirmary and the dragonslayer gently let the celestial mage out of his arms and onto the soft mattress.<p>

"Wendy?" Lisanna asked, and the blue-haired dragonslayer needed no more urging. She stepped up beside the bed and began to examine Lucy again, brow furrowed in concentration.

"She should wake up pretty soon," she finally said. "It's already been eight hours since we found her…she's recovered quickly, all things considered."

The others agreed with her, and Mira laid her hand gently on Natsu's shoulder for a brief instant as she made her way out. She was going to undoubtedly whip up some sort of small meal that barely anyone would be able to stomach at the moment even though they knew that Lucy was going to be okay. And that's just how Mirajane worked—she made sure her hands were busy so her mind wouldn't torment her. It was how she got through those years when she'd thought Lisanna was dead. And Lisanna, for her part, followed her older sister without a word, mind set on the same purpose.

"I'll go wait for Porlyusica," Wendy stepped away from Lucy slowly. "I'll bring her in when she gets here and explain the situation. Happy, would you come tell me if she wakes up before then?"

She knew better than to ask Natsu to leave Lucy's side.

Happy nodded to her request, and she took her leave after bestowing a light, comforting hug on the older, pink-haired dragonslayer. He was surprised at the action but didn't react other than to nod to her—but she knew how much it meant.

Somehow, everyone could read him like a book when it came to things concerning Lucy.

* * *

><p>The sheets rustled slightly as I shifted my leg. The pounding in my head was enough to assure me that I was alive still…somehow. And the softness I felt…I was in a bed somewhere. A groan escaped my lips as I shifted my arms and soreness permeated my entire body.<p>

"Luce?" a familiar voice entered my ears. "Lucy, are you awake?"

Squeezing my eyes shut tight for a second, I said, "Yeah," in a croaky voice. I then proceeded to open my eyes back up and was temporarily blinded by the light that shined in them. I blinked a few times in rapid succession before a face came into view above me, blocking out most of the light. I squinted and made out the strong jawline and fluffy pink locks of my favorite dragonslayer in the world.

"I'm going to tell Wendy!" another voice came, and from the corner of my eye I spotted a blue blur.

"How do you feel?" Natsu asked, and I was pleasantly surprised when he reached his hand up to feel my forehead. I didn't know what he would accomplish by doing that when his body temperature was abnormally high anyway, but it was a cute gesture and I appreciated it.

"Sore," I responded, and then decided that I wanted to sit up—now. But I knew I wouldn't be able to succeed on my own, so I added, "Help me sit up?"

"Are you sure?"

I just nodded, and started to push myself up. My arms were a little weak but Natsu's hands were on my shoulders soon, helping me just as I had asked him to. When I was sitting up he even put his arm around behind me so I wouldn't fall as he somehow simultaneously adjusted my pillows and then helped me to lean back against them. I was lightheaded from the act of sitting up, but the sensation was soon gone and I could once more focus on my 'nurse'.

"I'm sorry."

They were the first words out of my mouth.

"Don't say that, Luce," he responded almost instantly, still perched beside me on the bed. "I understand. I just don't want you to run off again…okay?"

"That's a promise," I said, chuckling weakly. "It doesn't seem to end well for any of us."

He cracked a grin, but it was nothing near the grins I loved seeing on his face. The childlike grin that made him look just a little idiotic was gone, replaced by this mature, subdued grin that made me wonder if it was my fault he wasn't quite as cheerful. It probably was, and I felt terrible for it, but there was nothing I could do to change it all now.

"Lucy, I—"

"She's here!" Happy burst in through the door, a familiar elderly woman not far behind. They must really want me to be okay if they called in Porlyusica. And not far behind the healing woman was the now sixteen-year-old Wendy, carrying a sweaty and exhausted Charle in her arms. Charle must have carried her all the way back here.

"You're lucky to be alive," were the first words out of the blunt woman's mouth.

"I know," I replied, placing my hands in my lap.

"I should hope so," Porlyusica snorted. "I don't know what to do with Magical Overflow, you know."

"No one does," I said softly, my worst fears confirmed—even Porlyusica didn't know what to do.

"You do," the woman said unexpectedly, and I raised my eyes to look at her incredulously. "Or you at least know how to slow the effects. I think it's all about learning how to control all of that excess energy. The more you work with it, the better you'll be at controlling it."

"How am I supposed to figure out how to work with all of it at once?" I asked her, avoiding Natsu's avid gaze as I spotted Wendy treating Charle. "There's so much magic—I never thought I could have so much magical potential."

"It's true that Magical Overflow occurs when the true potential is released before one is ready," Porlyusica huffed, "but that's _before one is ready_. It doesn't mean that you can't adapt to it once it's already begun. If you had that much magical potential to begin with, then you have the capacity to control it. All we need to do is make sure you practice."

"'_We_'?"

"What, you think you can figure it out on your own now?"

I flushed at Porlyusica's tone, averting my gaze. When the healer next spoke up, it was just a touch gentler.

"With Makarov's permission, I'm going to take you back with me," I was astounded at this little piece of news. "There's a small cottage near my own that you can use while you're there, and each day we'll go out and you will train. I'll just observe for the first few days and then I will make suggestions. Remember that this is only an experimental technique, though. You could still die."

"She'll do it," someone spoke for me before I could even open my mouth. I turned to Natsu, eyes wide in surprise. He then continued, "Whatever it takes. But I'm coming, too."

I was surprised that the self-proclaimed hater of humans didn't protest.

"We leave as soon as Makarov is back," the healer said simply, turning and striding out the door.

And this, I realized, was all just a new beginning. It would be difficult, certainly, but if I worked hard enough I could eventually be all but cured of Magical Overflow. It no longer seemed to matter that it was experimental or that the possibility of death still hung over my head—I had a hope again, and the sooner I completed this _training_ of sorts, I would be able to come home…for good. I would be able to tell Natsu how I felt about him and not have to worry about hurting him in the long run because of the death that would come sooner rather than later…maybe I could make him feel the same!

And then I realized I'd temporarily forgotten something important. I looked at Natsu, eyes wide. It seemed to worry him for a moment, and he looked like he was preparing to ask what was wrong when I finally spoke up.

"I need to pack!"

* * *

><p><strong>BWAHAHAHAHAHA. What a lovely place to end, don't you think?<strong>

**Can you guess where the epilogue's going to pick up? I think it might be a little bit obvious…but oh, well. I hope you guys have enjoyed this so far! Stay tuned for the final five chapters; the epilogue. **

**And just a note: urging me to update faster does **_**not**_** help. I'm sorry if I'm going too slow, but there are a few other things that get in the way. Like **_**The Hunger Games**_**—I read the first two books two weeks ago and the third one last week. And then I read _Pride and Prejudice_ on Thursday night...and then there's even school—that can **_**really**_** get in the way. Not to mention I almost failed my last math test. **

**Anyway, thanks for reading!**

_**ALSO.**_** The epilogue will _not_ be uploaded separately - I'll be putting it on the end of this. Just so you know. Haha.**


	16. Epilogue 1: Overheard

**BEWARE: This is more fluffy than the main story. You have been warned.**

**Sorry for the wait! Forgive me, please. I was trying to get over the idea that I'm not going back to high school next year…and I had to get thoughts for this in order. But, without further ado, I give you **_**Until She's Home Again**_**: The Epilogue. Chapter 1.**

**And yes, this chapter (and probably the other epilogue chapters) will be shorter than the individual chapters of USHA.**

* * *

><p>"What are you doing?" the harsh feminine voice barked. "Stand up."<p>

I couldn't retort because my breaths were coming in huge, ragged gasps and I hadn't had time to regulate them yet. My sweat dampened hair cascaded down around my face in shorter locks than my nakama had remembered, and it stuck to my face. My shirt was clinging in the most embarrassing ways and my denim shorts were plastered to my legs. I had my hands on my knees to catch my breath, and I could feel the sweat beneath my fingers. I didn't know whether it was coming from my palms or my legs, but I really didn't care.

"Just…a minute…!" I rasped out in response to Porlyusica's order. As I did so, I pictured her face scrunching up in displeasure, but I paid it no mind. It was just as well, I supposed.

"You can do it, Luce!" Natsu's voice came from a tree to my right, encouraging me. To be honest, just his presence made me more comfortable and more confident, but it was nice that he felt like verbally supporting me, too. I still couldn't believe that Porlyusica hadn't protested when he met us at the doors to the Fairy Hills apartments (in which I now rented a room, since my apartment was sold a few years ago) with his own bags.

Maybe she didn't hate us all as much as she tried to make us believe.

"You won't survive if you don't learn control!" Porlyusica's voice was sharp and made me flinch. "It's been two weeks and you've only improved by a miniscule amount. Are you even trying? Do you _want_ to die from this? Are you—"

"_Shut up_!" I shouted, my fingernails digging into my knees, stinging. "Just _shut up_."

Wasn't I here now because I decided I was going to _live_? Just because I wasn't improving very much…well, it didn't mean I wasn't trying!

"Try again."

The order from Porlyusica was not something to be ignored this time, so I spread my feet into a fighting stance and began to go through the moves we'd already established. They were just simple exercises with my whip, meant to improve dexterity and control over my magical energy.

Truthfully, I didn't believe the results were as miniscule as Porlyusica implied. There wasn't any grand achievement in control, of course, but I had only had two attacks since I had arrived and neither was as serious as the one beside the derailed train. I was improving, although slowly. I just couldn't quite place how far Porlyusica had expected me to come in such a short span of times with techniques that I felt weren't really designed for using as much energy as I needed to.

"Stop. That's enough for now," the healing woman's voice broke my concentration about a half an hour later. I paused and looked to her, raising my eyebrow in an unspoken question. In response, Porlyusica raised an eyebrow at me and on her, it created a cynical expression. I flushed and immediately felt like I should know what was coming next, but I couldn't think of anything. My mind was buzzing with my whip practice and the crackling sound of the energy still racing up and down the whip.

Finally, I just asked, "What next, then?"

The older woman sat down on tree stump, linking her fingers together and examining me with her critical eye.

"Concentration," she finally said simply, and then ordered, "Look at the whip. See how the magical energy is just going down to the tip on two sides?"

I furrowed my brows, looking down to confirm Porlyusica's words. When I saw that her observation was correct, I nodded mutely.

"Now concentrate on it and try to get your energy to go down the length of the whip in tight spirals. That will cover the entire surface area of the whip in your excess magical energy and help to deplete it faster. Do you understand?"

"I think so," I nodded, trying to concentrate as she had told me to even with a lone drip of sweat trailing down the back of my neck. It was tickling me as it slid, so it took a lot of effort to concentrate on what Porlyusica was telling me. I closed my eyes, imagining the whip and the spiraling magical energy in my mind first. I took a deep breath in and let it out—still trying to ignore that pesky drip of sweat—and looked down at the whip. Slowly, the energy already racing along the edges merged together and began to spiral just as Porlyusica had instructed.

"Not tight enough," the woman barked suddenly, causing my concentration to waver slightly and making the energy fluctuate. A stray tendril nicked the back of my hand but I put the stinging aside for the time being, focusing on making the energy spiral closer and tighter.

Just as I willed it, my magical power began to scrunch up, kind of like a slinky, and when I had the coils little more than a quarter of an inch apart, I realized that I had just been manipulating the energy I was already using rather than using more. There was three feet of my whip left uncovered now. I bit my lip and focused on extending the sheath of spiraling energy and within the next minute, I had succeeded.

"Is this—"

"Yes, that's what I meant," Porlyusica cut me off quickly. She then proceeded to add another order, "Make the energy spiral quicker. That will deplete it faster and also be more dangerous to any enemy you might have to face."

"Ah…okay."

It took a little longer for me to succeed at this feat, and if I lost my concentration the energy slowed again. Porlyusica wasn't a nice teacher, though, as I had discovered on the third day, when she first started to give me commands. She worked me until I was physically exhausted, though we had yet to discover how to exhaust me magically.

* * *

><p>"That's enough for today," was finally called about an hour after darkness had begun to fall, and I immediately dropped my whip and collapsed to my backside, gasping for breath and shivering in the chilly night air. My body was still completely covered in sweat and it felt disgusting, but I was too tired to move at the moment, so I sprawled out on my back, closing my eyes and trying to regulate my breathing.<p>

"Luce!" Natsu, who had learned that staying quiet, for the most part, was the best course of action during Porlyusica's intense training, leapt to my side. I felt him land beside me after jumping from his tree, but I hadn't seen him.

"Rest a few minutes, bathe, eat, and get some sleep," the harsh woman's voice sounded. "We start again first thing in the morning."

I couldn't help but groan at her words. Natsu kind of chuckled and then I felt his hands brushing my sweaty hair away from my face. At first, I stiffened slightly, but I let him continue. It was comfortable being like this with Natsu. He hadn't changed in the last several years—he still cared about his nakama and still had the capacity to do the occasional nice thing. But then again, he _had _changed in a few small ways. He was more gently with me now than I remembered and, when I stopped lying to myself, I thought I loved him even more now.

"You should go get a bath," Natsu said after about ten minutes of our comfortable silence, his hand still running through my damp hair occasionally. "I'll make something to eat."

The first time he had told me that, on about the fifth day out here in the woods, I had been too exhausted to protest and then, when his culinary creation was sat in front of me, I was almost too afraid to eat it. I remembered a few failed attempts at cooking in the past, where he'd nearly burnt down my kitchen…but my fears were inconsequential. The simple stew he'd made—with meat from a boar he'd hunted during my training—had actually been pretty good. So this time, I had no qualms.

"All right," I agreed with him, slowly sitting up to feel my muscles screaming at me. "Will you light the fire, first?"

The thing about being out in these woods with the healing woman Porlyusica was that she didn't exactly have running water—at least in the little cabin that Natsu and I used, which was a little ways off from her own home. There was _running water_ so far as a hand-pump in the separate little building that housed the bath, so we didn't have to lug water in from the stream, but that was about it. It was one of the traditional bath houses where a fire was lit beneath. Natsu was the perfect companion when it came to being able to start the fires, and I was really thankful for it.

"I'll fill the tub with water, too. Just go get your clothes."

I flushed and said, "Thanks, Natsu."

Being able to relax and not have to manually pump the water in would be a lifesaver. Actually, he'd been doing this much for me since that first day he offered to cook and it really helped. It was…sweet of him.

"No problem, Luce!" he said easily, and a quick glance showed that trademark toothy grin that I'd missed so much. He stood and offered me his hand, helping me up, and we walked back toward the cabin together. We split up just a little early so he could slip over to the bath house and I continued on to the cabin to get clothes and a towel.

Once the door closed behind me, I leaned back against it for a moment, letting a soft sigh escape my lips. Everything was sore, and everything had _been_ sore since the day Porlyusica had taken over my exercises and began telling me what to do, but I still wasn't used to it. After being apart from everyone for so long, it hurt to be so close to them now but unable to go see them. I wanted to talk with Levy about new books I'd missed over the last few years and I wanted to talk with Erza about perhaps going shopping with me to get some new clothes. I wanted to tease Gray about his obvious newfound affections for Juvia and I wanted to give Juvia a nudge to confess to Gray up front. There were so many things I wanted to do, but I just couldn't right now.

It was weird to be able to be this close to Natsu after so long, too. He was the same crazy fire-spewing dragonslayer I'd remembered, but he was slightly more subdued. I think he tried to hide it from me, but it just didn't work very well. His new maturity wasn't a bad thing, though. It made me realize, every single time I thought about it, how much I liked both sides of Natsu.

"You don't have the right to like him, Lucy," I told myself softly, pushing away from the door to actually gather my sleepwear together. "After everything I've done to all of them, I don't have the right…"

"Luuuuucy!" the playful voice came from a little ways off outside, probably near the bath house. "Your water will be perfect in about a minute! I'm starting dinner now."

"Ah, okay! Thank you, Natsu!"

"Like I said, no problem!"

As I put my hand on the doorknob, checking to make sure I had a towel, undergarments, and a t-shirt and shorts, I realized what Natsu had reminded me of. I took my hand off the knob almost like it had shocked me just so I could cover my mouth. A giggle escaped despite my precaution. And it was useless to try to banish the images from my mind.

Natsu was acting like a _housewife_.

And it was so _cute_.

I covered my eyes with my free hand, a wide grin stretched across my features. It had been years since I'd been able to be so relaxed that I could freely think about things like that. It felt kind of refreshing to be able to breathe a bit easier now. I didn't have to feel guilty about leading my friends on a wild goose chase anymore—but even if I didn't have to, I still felt like a horrible person. My survival wasn't guaranteed now, granted, but with Porlyusica's help, my intense training, and with Natsu by my side, I felt confident that I would live to see several more years.

I could never make up for the days I'd missed with my nakama—my family—but I could always make new memories.

"Luce?"

"Yes, I'm coming!" I called back, caught by surprise. I replaced my hand on the knob and pushed the door open. Natsu stood there, looking almost as if he was about to open the door. I flashed him a grin and said, "Thanks again, Natsu."

"No—"

"Nope!" I put my finger to his lips in a hushing motion, and his confused look made me laugh a little. "Don't say it again. I know—it's _no problem_, right?"

"A-ah, yeah," Natsu beamed back at me, and it was one of his new, mature, subdued smiles that made it seem like he was contemplating someone. There was a lurch in the region of my stomach, and I quickly raised a hand.

"I'm going now! You'd better cook something good, okay?"

"Yeah!"

* * *

><p>As Lucy disappeared into the bath house, steam already rising through the high window, Natsu looked blankly at the wooden walls of the building. The back of his neck felt awfully hot—hotter than normal—and he wondered if there was something wrong with Lucy. It was the first time since she'd left the guild all those years ago that he'd seen her smile like that. It was disconcerting for it to suddenly appear like that, but he had to admit that he felt…relieved. He'd been afraid that he'd never see that cheerful grin again.<p>

Natsu covered the lower half of his face with a hand as the burning sensation spread across his cheeks and nose and he abruptly turned his back on the bath house. His heart was beating a rapid rhythm in his chest and he knew. He just _knew_.

His free hand reached up to clutch the t-shirt he wore, right above his heart.

"I've got to cook dinner…" he told himself, straightening and running his hands through his hair. "I've got to…cook dinner."

It was as if repeating himself would help him get into motion and do what he was supposed to, but Lucy's carefree smile was all he could see at the moment. The dragonslayer managed to make his way over to the fire he was going to cook on and sat down a few feet away with one foot flat on the ground, his elbow resting on his knee, and the other leg flat on the ground and bent at the knee. Staring at the fire calmed him down a little and within a few minutes, Natsu was able to take a deep breath and get back up, fetching the ingredients he needed for what he'd chosen to cook.

In about fifteen minutes, he was adding a few spices to his creation, and then he sat back, wiping the back of his hand across his brow. All that was left now was for the soup to simmer for a while and when it got closer to done, Natsu could slice off a few pieces of the loaf of bread Porlyusica had given them and toast them lightly over the fire. It would be the perfect touch.

"To think…last year I was afraid I'd never get to show Luce my new cooking skills," he said aloud, laughing a little. After another five or so minutes, he stood and headed toward the bath house to tell Lucy that their meal was close to being done.

* * *

><p>"Aaah, this bath was <em>just<em> what I needed after a long day of exercise!" I sighed, rinsing the last few soap suds off my skin. I let myself sink a little deeper into the water as my thoughts turned back to the dragonslayer who had made this all possible for me. Natsu was really caring now…almost as if he was afraid I'd disappear again if he wasn't nice. He was more mature, too.

I wondered how long it would take for everything to go back to normal.

Where was the hyper, easily excited dragonslayer that I had first met in Hargeon, when he'd saved me from the false Salamander, Bora? Where was the pink-haired idiot who loved getting into fights with Gray and endlessly annoying me? Where was the Natsu with the cute, childish grin? The answers were pretty simple: he grew up just a bit. I knew that part of him was still in there somewhere, and I fully expected him to have lapses back into that crazy, immature boy I'd known for a few years—before I'd fled because I didn't want to hurt he and all my other friends.

But there wasn't anything wrong with Natsu as he was now. It was just proof that events can change the people involved, sometimes for the better. I really liked the gentle sides the fire mage had been showing me ever since I ran into him as Layla, and those he continued to show me when he found out that it was _me_. I really liked _him_—all of him.

Another sigh passed my lips, this one now kind of melancholic or nostalgic rather than relaxed.

"As I thought," I murmured to myself, sinking down to my chin, "I _am_ in love with Natsu."

* * *

><p>As Natsu neared the bath house, he heard Lucy mumble something to herself. He paid it no heed and continued. A few steps later he heard her speak again.<p>

"As I thought," her voice was really soft and, if it weren't for his enhanced hearing, he wouldn't have caught it. He was six feet away from the bath house and was in the midst of taking another step. His foot had just touched the ground when she finished her thought, "I _am_ in love with Natsu."

The dragonslayer froze where he stood, his heart thumping painfully against his chest.

Had he just heard what he thought he'd heard…?

* * *

><p><strong>HAHAHAHAHA.<strong>

**Did you expect that?**

**Don't worry. I didn't either. I came up with it about fifteen minutes ago and decided that it would be the perfect way to end the chapter. **

**I hope you liked, and please be patient for the next one! (You noticed how long it took me to get THIS one out, didn't you? XD)**

**Oh yeah, also...I don't own Fairy Tail or Natsu or Lucy or Porlyusica or any other person mentioned. I just own the random extra cabin near Porlyusica's house and the small bath house there, too. Haha.**


	17. Epilogue 2: Throwbacks

**Was I perhaps a bit too mean to leave you where I did…? Or was it a perfect place to leave you hanging? Personally, I thought it was a good place. I love leaving things at places like that! Have you noticed, maybe? Hahaha!**

**Yes, I realize this is just a senseless ramble and I apologize. I'm just purposely dragging it out a little bit for you guys. Not that I need to drag it out anymore because I put the chapter off a little because I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.**

**I'm afraid this chapter might not be very good, and for that I apologize. I really didn't have much inspiration for this one. I kept thinking about what I wanted to happen in the next three epilogue chapters…but I couldn't think of anything for this one. I'm so sorry.**

**Well, I guess I'll let you actually have the chapter now…haha. I hope you like it at least a little.**

**Also, I shouldn't have to say as much, but I don't own the characters or places.**

**And also, this is even shorter than the last one because of my lack of inspiration. Please forgive me!**

* * *

><p>The pink-haired dragonslayer stared numbly at the door to the bathhouse, his heartbeat sounding loudly in his ears. Natsu brought his hand up to clutch the t-shirt he wore in the area above his racing heart. For the second time that evening, he put his hand to his face, covering the lower half and the redness that was spreading. The Fairy Tail mage literally couldn't move from the shock and so he stood there, staring straight ahead.<p>

He just _couldn't_ have heard what he'd thought he did, right?

But what could he trust, if he couldn't trust his own ears?

_Calm down, Natsu_, he mentally scolded himself. With effort, he straightened and released his shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles he had created by making his hand hot and using it like an iron. He took a few deep breaths and told himself to calm down again, and then he stepped forward once more to knock on the bathhouse door.

"Luce," he said after he'd rapped on the wood three times in quick succession, "the food's almost done. If you want more time, I can keep it warm."

Natsu almost wanted her to take more time, but he also kind of wanted her to come out and confess to him in person so he'd know it wasn't all a dream. There was also a part of him that didn't want her to do either—the part that wanted to stay her best friend forever and not try anything more. But he would be kidding himself if he said he didn't feel the same. The time they'd spent apart didn't mean anything, because he was still Natsu and she was still Lucy…right?

"All right! I'll just take a tiny bit longer, okay?" Lucy's voice sounded and Natsu heard the water slosh a bit.

"Take your time, Luce," he called back, stepping away and heading back toward the fire. "The food will still be out here."

A light laugh came from the bathhouse and Natsu couldn't hold back the small grin that crept across his features. Maybe he had misheard her and maybe he hadn't, but for right now, he'd let things stay as they were. Lucy was back, her training was beginning to show greater signs of success, and she was going to live. Lucy Heartfilia wasn't weak and now that Natsu knew she had her heart set on survival, he didn't have anything to worry about. There would be plenty of time to tell her later, when things were settled down.

And so, for the time being, he just said it in his head: _I love you too, Luce._

* * *

><p>I sank a few inches deeper into the hot bath, my face turning red at the thought that Natsu had probably been within fifteen feet of the bathhouse when I had admitted my feelings out loud. If he had been any closer than that…<p>

_Deep breaths, Lucy_, I told myself, trying to calm down. The act of regulating my breathing combined with the warm, soothing feel of the bath made it easier than I had expected it to be. If I was honest with myself, I had anticipated more mortification on my own behalf…but Natsu's voice had been calm and he had sounded like himself. So it was safe to assume he hadn't overheard me…right?

I rolled my shoulders a little, taking one more deep breath and slowly allowing my tense muscles to once again relax. It felt good to have a nice soak after a hard day's training, and for the time being I wouldn't let my own stupid insecurities get in the way. He hadn't heard me…and if he had heard then it was obvious that he had misunderstood. He'd probably think that I meant it in a 'best friends' kind of way and that was fine for right now.

"It would be awkward anyway, if I confessed to him the way things are now," I murmured, cupping my hands and lifting them as I watched the water trickling through my fingers. "I'm not the same girl anymore. I've changed…and so has he. But even so…Natsu is still Natsu."

Laughter bubbled from my throat as another thought occurred to me.

"I wonder if, to him, 'Lucy is still Lucy'…?" I dipped my hair in the water once more, staring at the ceiling. "Knowing him, that's probably the way he's thinking. To him…and to Erza and Gray and Happy and everyone else…I'm just Lucy, right? It doesn't matter to them that I left; in fact, it's almost like I never left at all."

For the last few minutes, as I'd been talking to myself after sitting back up straight, I'd been sitting reasonably still. The sudden ripples that went through the water, then, puzzled me for a moment before I realized their cause.

Another salty droplet slid down my cheek and dripped from my chin, sending out little ripples in the water. I lifted my hand up, disturbing the reasonably smooth surface and breaking up the small waves from the falling tear, and touched my face. Not for the first time, a shaky laugh escaped me. I reached my other hand up to cover my face, working to regulate my breathing.

_Why am I crying_? I asked myself silently. _I'm not sad…in fact, I'm happier than I've ever been in the last few years. So…why?_

"Oh, that's it…" I sniffled, running a hand through my wet hair. "It's not because I'm sad, or even because I'm happy…it's because I'm just so grateful to them for being so accepting…man, I'm acting like such a baby."

And even though I acknowledged that shortcoming aloud, I let a few more tears silently course down my face before wiping them away and washing my face. I looked out at the twilit sky through the high window and smiled to myself.

"Well, it's time to eat!" I pushed myself up out of the bath and reached for my towel, wrapping it around myself as I grabbed the smaller towel to dry my hair with.

As I dried off and dressed, I made myself a promise: I wouldn't let anything they'd done for me go to waste.

Porlyusica was taking every day to help me learn to control the excess magical power that would have killed me, and Natsu was spending all his time with me when he could have easily been back at the guild or taking jobs and blowing stuff up. From what Gray had told us when he'd visited a few days ago, Erza was constantly traveling to Era to ensure that Narcissus was still in custody and checking to see how the case against him was forming. Master Makarov constantly came out with word that Levy had started a new campaign related to _Do Fairies Have Tails?_, asking fans of the book to keep posted and come visit the guild in Magnolia when I was 'recovered'. Apparently it was going so well that even Lisanna, Cana, Bixlow, Fried, Elfman, Evergreen, Wendy, Romeo, and Mirajane were pitching in. From what the master said, it was a huge success.

Everyone was doing something, so I couldn't let it go to waste.

"I'm going to do my best to get control over my magic and I'm going to repay them for never giving up on me," I said, clenching my fist in front of me in determination. And as a start, I ripped a strip off the bottom of my pajama tank top and pulled the top part of my hair back.

It wasn't the half-up-and-to-the-side hairstyle that they recognized, but it was a step closer to that. It was just the more mature way to have a half-up half-down 'do. With that done, I squared my shoulders and took a breath, repeating the mantra _he didn't hear me, he didn't hear me_ silently to myself.

In a very Natsu-ish manner, I threw open the bathhouse door and called, "Natsu—! Is the food ready?"

"Yeah! Are you done in the bath, Luce?"

"Yup!" I started walking toward the campfire, discerning that the fire dragonslayer's back was to me. So he hadn't seen my throwback hairstyle yet, and I was hoping to surprise him. Maybe it would work, maybe it wouldn't, but I was aiming to show him that I was still me if he wasn't already thinking along those lines.

_I'm the same, but different,_ I thought as I walked closer to him. The smell of his newest culinary creation assaulted my nostrils and made me realize the insane hunger that fourteen hours of grueling practice at controlling magic caused me. _I'm the same, only with a few more years on me._

* * *

><p>Natsu could hear every step she took crunching in the gravel path from the bathhouse to the site of the fire. It took a lot not to turn to face her or even jump and run. He'd been calm at first after hearing her, but now that he had admitted his own feelings to himself it was harder to maintain his composure.<p>

_Calm down_, he told himself.

The dragonslayer took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders, picking up a bowl and the ladle to start serving up some of his stew.

_I love her,_ he repeated silently, on purpose, _but I'll keep it to myself for a while_.

"I hope you're hungry, Luce," Natsu said, sitting the bowl to the side and reaching for the gently toasted bread to slice a few pieces off for her. "I think I made more than I did yesterday."

"You've been doing that _every_ day," Lucy laughed, and he could hear her much, much closer now. "And somehow you've been keeping your portions down to two or three servings and we're still getting through it all. So don't even pretend. You _know_ I'm hungry. I'm starving! _Ravenous_! I could eat a horse!"

"I don't think horse would taste very good," Natsu wrinkled his nose, then started to turn around to face her. "But I'll try anything if you're up for it!"

There—that was what he needed. They were playfully bantering like old times, although less hostilely than they might have back then. And now he was smiling again—a genuine smile, the current incarnation of his old toothy grin. And Lucy's giggle fell upon his ears, just like he remembered it. Lucy had been returning to her old self little by little in the last few weeks, and Natsu wouldn't trade it for anything. He'd put aside their feelings for each other for now—what was most important was that she was finally back and for the time being, he would respect her privacy and pretend he hadn't heard her admit her feelings.

At least, those were his thoughts before he got a good look at her.

A few wisps of golden hair fell in front of her forehead and her hair framed her face, but the most significant part was that half of it was pulled back. At first, Natsu thought he was seeing the Lucy he'd first met and become friends with, but after a few seconds he realized that her hair wasn't up to the side, but really pulled back.

"Luce—your hair—"

Well, _that_ was very intelligent. Natsu mentally cursed himself, but tried to focus on the blonde girl in front of him. She seemed a little uneasy, standing there with her weight off-center as she twirled a golden lock around her finger.

"I—ah—thought it was kind of nostalgic…" she falteringly began, then whipped her hand down as though her hair had burned it and her cheeks turned pink. "It's not the same, or anything, but—"

"It suits you, Luce," Natsu smiled gently at her, not even realizing what he'd said.

* * *

><p><em>It suits you<em>.

Had Natsu really just—?

And that smile…it was the more subdued one, the matured one that I had never thought he could possess and it still made my heart leap into my throat.

I could feel my face heating up faster and faster and I needed to do something—anything—to make sure Natsu didn't realize it. I started walking again and let a small laugh escape my lips. It seemed to have an effect on Natsu because he jerked a bit and went a little wide-eyed—perhaps he'd said that without thinking about it? That was just like him.

"Does it really?" I asked as I drew level with him, sitting a few feet away from him. "I'm glad!"

"Y-yeah," Natsu said absently, averting his gaze from me. He reached out and offered me a bowl of stew and a plate with a few slices of bread on it.

"It smells really good," I told him, accepting the meal. "Thanks!"

"I hope it tastes as good as it smells," he groaned, "because I'm starving."

I tried to stifle my giggle and it turned out as a snort. I covered my mouth then, Natsu looked at me in mock hurt…before he started laughing. He sat his own hardly touched bowl down and clutched his stomach, a tear in the corner of one of his eyes.

"The look on your face, Luce—haha, it was priceless!"

My cheeks burned red from embarrassment.

"H-hey, don't make fun of me!" I protested, ripping a piece of bread off of one of my slices and starting to eat it.

"You were making fun of me first, weren't you?" Natsu shot back, breathlessly as another chuckle came out.

"Why are you laughing so hard about it?" I asked in a mumble, flushing and looking away. "It wasn't that funny. I was about to laugh and I held it in, so I snorted."

"Yeah, but you looked like you might _die_, you were so embarrassed," Natsu pointed out, grinning widely.

And there it was. Finally. After so long, I finally got to see the true toothy grin I'd missed all those years. It was the trademark of the Salamander of Fairy Tail, a throwback like my hairstyle, and I didn't expect to see it again. Every time I'd seen a toothy grin from the usually cheerful dragonslayer since I returned to them, it had always been a little lackluster…but now…

I couldn't help it. A smile formed across my lips and I started chuckling, covering my mouth with my hand in a halfhearted attempt to stifle it again.

"L-let's just eat," I giggled, picking up my spoon. "Okay? Weren't you _starving_ a few minutes ago?"

"I'm still starving!" the pink-haired young man declared proudly.

"Then eat!" I practically ordered, my spoon sticking out of my mouth as I dipped a bit of bread into the savory broth. As soon as I had tasted the stew, I knew I wouldn't be able to resist more. My mouth opened seemingly of its own accord and I said, "Your food is gonna make me fat…"

"Huh?"

When I looked up at him, he had a piece of bread hanging out of his mouth. It was kind of _really_ cute.

"I-it's nothing," I covered quickly, looking back to my food. "It's just that this is really good. Again."

"Oh, really?" Natsu sighed, almost as if in relief. "I'm glad! Thanks."

Someday, I'll ask him why he got so good at cooking. I'll ask him when he decided he wanted to learn to cook better and even how he did it. But for the time being, I was perfectly fine with sitting around the campfire with him whilst enjoying the meal he cooked while bustling about like a doting housewife.

Someday, maybe I'd tell him that I loved him, like I had admitted to myself in the bath.

But for now…this was enough.

* * *

><p><strong>Again, I'm really sorry. Please, please, <strong>_**please**_** give me some feedback. What can I do to make this chapter better? Or is it actually alright as it is?**

**I've never been so nervous about a chapter in my **_**life**_**.**

**I'm so sorry if it's not up to snuff. Please forgive me!**

**Anyway, thank you guys so much for reading. I appreciate it.**


	18. Epilogue 3: Celestial Spirits

**Guys…USHA is coming so close to ending that I seriously wanna cry whenever I think about working on it.**

**Is this what J. K. Rowling felt like when she put the final flourish on her Harry Potter manuscript? This bitter feeling of losing a child that you've put so much of your heart and soul into that you just don't know what will happen after you're done? **

**Okay. A little overdramatic, but I'm half-serious. Just thinking that USHA is almost over…wow. Just…wow.**

**ANYWAY. Can anyone guess what today is? July 24, 2012, of course, but also…exactly one year since the beginning of this story. And so I want to use this moment to say a huge, emotional **_**thank you so freaking much**_** to everyone who's been with me and Lucy from the start of this story and to those of you who joined us for the ride! And for anyone who's reading this after it's done…thanks for giving us a chance. **

**Without any further ado, before I make myself turn into a mass of emotional goo at the thought that **_**oh my gosh USHA is going to end in three chapters and I don't wanna let it go!**_**, let's just get on with chapter 18, or the third installment of the Epilogue.**

**Enjoy. **

* * *

><p>I thought it would be hard to sleep after the brief scare I'd had. Had Natsu heard me, or had he not? Had he misunderstood it if he had heard it, or was he hiding it so things didn't grow awkward between us? The thoughts, though, didn't bother me much once I had pushed them out of my head. Natsu was halfway back to the old Natsu I remembered and I felt I was one step closer to being the Lucy that he remembered. And maybe somewhere, Gray and Erza were closer to their old selves, too. The thought cheered me somewhat, and so I calmed down considerably.<p>

Natsu and I chatted amiably about this and that around the fire. I heard several stories about Romeo and how strong he'd become and the little crush he'd told Natsu about. I wasn't exactly surprised to hear that the young fire mage had a crush on the youngest dragonslayer Fairy Tail had to offer—they were about the same age and I had always imagined they'd be cute together. I also heard an interesting story about Laki and Warren, which made my jaw drop. Natsu had to repeat himself four or five times before I could fully comprehend the fact that the two were _married_. How in Earthland _that_ couple had come to be, I didn't know, but finally I started laughing and Natsu joined in.

It seemed like hard times for the guild brought people together. It was just like Bisca and Alzack…and it was the same with my departure. Gray wouldn't tell me much about his new relationship with Juvia, but Natsu was all too happy to oblige and explain that they had been practically dating for two years now, although it had only really become official in the last eight months. And that was how I'd learned that my planned attempt at matchmaking for that particular duo wouldn't be needed. I was happy for the two of them, because I had seen it coming for a while and also simply because they made an absolutely adorable couple.

Learning these little tidbits about my former nakama made me feel like I knew them again; it was almost like I had never left.

And since our conversations had been so lighthearted and easygoing, I didn't have any fears about what Natsu may or may not overheard me say. As soon as I turned in for the night, my eyelids drooped and I fell into a comfortable, restful sleep.

* * *

><p>Natsu was glad no complications had arisen in their campfire talk that night…especially when he brought up Romeo's crush and Laki and Warren's marriage and Gray and Juvia's relationship. It was kind of stupid of him to bring that up when he'd heard her confess to herself just two hours ago that she loved him, but thankfully nothing came of that.<p>

Or was it unfortunate that nothing had come from his explanations of relationships in the guild during her absence?

_Dammit, Natsu, you're supposed to be happy with being friends for now_, he scolded himself, casually reaching into the fire and picking up a burning log as he saw the blonde celestial mage through the window of the cabin, settling into her comfortable bed to rest up. He watched as her chest rose and fell and he knew the instant she was truly asleep by how her breathing grew slow and even.

Diverting his gaze, the dragonslayer munched on the fire at the end of his log. Since he'd made the fire with flint rather than his own abilities, it was perfectly safe for him to eat it and it wouldn't make him sick. Not that he would have cared that he would get sick if he had really wanted to eat some fire…and besides that, nothing could make him feel worse than eating Etherion that one time. He shuddered at the memory before his eyes once more found their way to the peacefully sleeping blonde girl in the cottage.

With a sigh, he discarded his still burning morsel halfheartedly. When he felt like this, he couldn't concentrate on anything and it didn't even make him feel better to eat his favorite fire. His mind was a roiling mass of what ifs and maybes that he couldn't sort out just yet for fear of what he'd do if he did.

"This is gonna be hard," he whined a little to himself, kicking the kindling in the fire to spread it out and make the flames die down a little. Natsu really didn't know how long he'd be able to keep himself in check, even though he knew it was too soon to show her how he felt. They had barely been reacquainted for half a year, if he included when they'd first met her as Layla Heart, so it was far too early for him to decide he was head over heels for her. _Even if I know it's true_, he added silently with another wistful little sigh.

When he was satisfied that the fire would go out shortly, he made his way back to the cabin he and Lucy were sharing—oh, how some of the grannies in the city would look down on them right now for being unmarried young adults of opposite genders and already living together!—and quietly slipped inside through the open window. He was used to sneaking in that way. Once in, he simply stripped off his vest and sandals, hung his scarf on the head of his bed, and slid under the covers.

Even with his back to Lucy, he wondered if he'd be able to sleep nearly as easily as she.

And as it turned out, his fears were absolutely groundless because it wasn't ten minutes before the pink-haired dragonslayer also drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>When I woke up in the morning it was too Natsu's voice calling from just outside the window nearest my head.<p>

"Luce! You'd better get up now if you want breakfast before that dragon woman comes and forces you to start training!"

I blinked, and the first thought that came to mind was a vague curiosity about when Natsu had started using the term 'dragon lady'. It made me grin a little before I yawned so widely my jaw popped. I winced, rubbing the affected area as I slowly sat up. A quick glance around the meager furnishings in the cabin reassured me that I was still in the little building near Porlyusica's house in the forest outside Magnolia.

"All right," I said to him, motioning for him to shoo away from the window sill he was leaning on with a silly grin splashed across his features. "Now go away so I can get changed, you pervert!"

"I'm not a pervert," Natsu huffed, playing the insulted one.

"Yeah, yeah. Just go make me something yummy for breakfast…pretty please?" teasingly, I batted my eyelashes at my favorite pink-haired nakama. He turned a little more quickly than I expected him to, and I was about to ask if something was wrong when he spoke in his normal voice.

"All right! I'll make sure it's extra delicious!" he pumped a fist in the air and his next line made me cover my mouth quickly to stifle the giggle. "I'm all fired up!"

After letting myself giggle it all out, I continued to grin as I shook my head. Even at twenty-two, the dragonslayer was just as childish as he'd ever been once we got over the initial awkwardness between us. And even though I call it awkwardness, there really wasn't much wrong at all. For the first two days or so, while I was still recovering a little, we hadn't known how to talk to each other. But then somehow we'd just _clicked_ again, just like that first time in Hargeon. And I was so glad for how easy it was to get along with him.

Shaking my head, I rooted through my drawers to find a pair of denim shorts and a tank top for the day. I stepped into a corner, mostly out of the sight of all the windows save one, and quickly changed. I hooked the keys of my celestial spirits to one side of my belt and my lovely whip to the other side. My attire for the day was set—now I just needed to spend two or three minutes on fixing my hair, and I'd be set for another day of torture at the hands of the fiercest slave driver I've ever come in contact with.

_That's unfair, Lucy_! I mentally scolded myself. Porlyusica was just helping me, so it wasn't right of me to think so rudely of her. Perhaps I'd also reprimand Natsu for referring to her as a 'dragon lady'…?

Nah, it was simply too amusing to bother correcting his manners.

Raising my arms above my head to stretch as I stepped out of the door, I called to Natsu, "So what's for breakfast, hotshot?"

The words slipped out, and as soon as I had let them slip I realized that they might have had a flirtatious undertone. I proceeded to strangle myself mentally as I plastered a grin on my face, waving at the pink-haired man when he turned to look at me.

_Why on earth did I call him 'hotshot'?_ I asked myself furiously, feeling the back of my neck grow exceedingly warm. Thankfully it wasn't spreading to my cheeks…but still. I was partially mortified that I'd let myself slip so badly. It was early in the morning, granted, and I'd only just been woken up by Natsu, but that still didn't give me the leeway to make such a huge mistake! I'd been doing so well at keeping my feelings locked inside and I didn't need to inadvertently let them slip through careless little comments like that!

"Eggs and bacon and toast," he replied easily, and his voice drew me out of my little self-loathing session.

"Sounds good," I said, flopping down on the ground next to the fire pit.

"You're gonna get all dirty, Luce, and it's just six-thirty in the morning."

"The only people I'm gonna see are you and Porlyusica," I mumbled, stretching out on the grass. "It doesn't matter if I've got some grass or dirt on my butt if I'm only going to be around you guys."

Natsu chuckled a bit, and then said something I wasn't sure I wanted him to say…but I also wasn't sure if it was a bad thing, either.

"You've changed, Luce."

"H-how so?" I asked, slightly nervous. Did he not like how I'd changed; that is to say, had I changed for the worst? Would our friendship start to crumble, just as I'd feared from the very moment of our reunion? Was there something I had said or done to offend him and make him lose trust in me? Was he going to tell me that I wasn't the same Lucy he remembered, after all?

"You…you used to be so concerned about your appearance, no matter where you were," Natsu seemed like he was choosing his words carefully. "It didn't matter where you were going, either. You just had to look your best. But now…now you don't seem to care as much. It's…different. But it's really nice. You don't have to dress up for anyone, Luce. Isn't it better to just be yourself?"

Groundless. My fears had been stupid and completely and utterly groundless. I beamed at him.

"You're exactly right, Natsu," I said, turning my eyes back to the leafy foliage above me. "But that's just something about us girls you haven't figured out yet. Even if guys say they don't care what we look like, or that it's better for us to be ourselves…we still like to show off a little by looking our best. But…I guess you're right. I don't care as much about that as I used to."

"You're fine just like you are," Natsu said, almost childishly, and I couldn't help but grin.

"If you say so," I consented, sitting up slowly as the smell of almost done bacon reached my nostrils.

"I do," he nodded firmly, passing a plate of bacon towards me and keeping another for himself. He cast a little half-grin in my direction that made my chest feel all fluttery again, but I forced myself to just smile back. It really wouldn't do for me to let him know I liked him so soon after I'd come back.

And with that, we tucked into our breakfast, the eggs deposited on the plates by Natsu a few short moments into the meal.

* * *

><p>"Call out your spirits."<p>

"What?" I looked up at the woman. She was wearing the calculating stare that she had always worn. It wasn't softened by pity or remorse—maybe it was even hardened by determination…or disgust. And it's not that I hadn't heard what Porlyusica had said. It was just that she had surprised me by saying something like that so suddenly for the first time in the several weeks I had been in her care.

"You heard what I said," her voice had a no-nonsense edge to it. "Call out your spirits. All of them."

"_All_ of them...?"

"Are you _trying_ to kill her, you crazy old hag?" the fire dragonslayer who had watched our exchange silently—although I knew he must have been fuming at Porlyusica's insinuations that I _wanted_ to die—finally spoke again, leaping from his perch in the branches of his tree. It was the first time in a few weeks that Natsu had dared to speak up against the older woman during one of my training sessions with her. He knew she was doing all this in my best interest, but he and I both knew that calling so many spirits out would surely spell suicide for any normal mage…but then I realized that I wasn't exactly 'normal', having survived Magical Overflow for so long…

"No."

The simple answer made the dragonslayer bristle a little, but he was close enough that I could place my hand on his arm and I did just that, shaking my head at him. He stared at me for a minute with a more mature gaze than the Natsu I had known almost four years ago and it made my heart flutter in ways completely unrelated to the excessive heat and the exhaustion I felt. My face burned and I just motioned for him to back up while taking my hand off his arm.

Natsu did as I had gestured for him to, and I was secretly thankful. In the two weeks since he'd been very close to hearing my confession, I'd been getting flustered around him a bit too often. This was one of those instances, so I was happy that he trusted my judgment enough to back up when I had motioned for him to do so.

"Just call them all out, right?" I asked, reaching to the loop at my belt.

"Yes."

"Zodiac, or silver, too?"

"Start with the silver keys and work your way up."

"Yes, ma'am," I obediently reached for the key that would summon Plue. Since returning to Magnolia in the last few months, I had called each of my spirits out separately to apologize for what I had done, and Plue had been one of the hardest. He had probably become accustomed to being summoned to walk to the guild or back from the guild almost every day, so when I just suddenly stopped summoning him it must have been hard for him. I never knew what he was thinking…but I liked to think I had some kind of bond with him just like I had with all the others.

Before I was even aware of what I had done, Plue was standing at my feet, cocking his head at me.

"Pu-puuuun?"

I knelt down and patted his head for a moment, smiling and greeting him, before standing and calling out Horologium.

It took no time at all for me to have all of my silver spirits gathered around me and, to my surprise, there weren't any adverse effects. I didn't feel lightheaded or queasy and I didn't even feel like my magic was depleting at all.

"Keep going," Porlyusica spoke up for the first time since right before I'd summoned Plue, and so I reached for Libra next.

I called out Libra, Pisces, Taurus, Capricorn, and Cancer out in quick succession before I realized that the flow of my magical power was ebbing just slightly. A quick glance at Porlyusica wasn't enough to determine whether she had noticed or not, but I paused after Cancer appeared to take a few deep breaths. If this was the long awaited solution to my problem, I would feel like such an idiot. If just calling my spirits out was enough to keep my magical power down to manageable levels, I should have attempted it long ago. Instead, I had feared that trying to call too many of my spirits out would make me weaker and would harm rather than help my condition.

"Open, Gate of the Virgin," I finally started, the gold key in my hand. I dragged it diagonally through the air in front of me, "Virgo!"

"What is my punishment, Princess?" the pink-haired maid bowed her head and I couldn't help but laugh.

"That's enough useless prattle. Stand aside for now, Virgo," the healing woman intervened and when Virgo looked to me, I nodded to show her my agreement. She bowed and stepped over to Capricorn's side as I called out Sagittarius, Gemini, Scorpio, Aquarius (who I was able to summon without a nearby source of water, which was pretty awesome), and Aries. Finally, there was only one left. He was the one I'd hurt the most but he was probably still my most loyal Zodiac spirit.

"What are you waiting for?" Porlyusica snapped, "Call the last one out."

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath before decisively dragging the little golden key through the air.

"Open, Gate of the Lion," I began, voice growing stronger as I got nearer to the end, until the final word came out in a confident, loud voice, "Leo!"

Before my eyes, which I had opened upon finishing the incantation, the orange-haired spirit materialized, bowing to me. When he lifted his head I realized that he still hadn't replaced the glasses that had been broken when he'd attempted to protect me from one of my Overflow attacks. I didn't know why I hadn't noticed that the last several times he'd been out, but I hadn't and it made me feel like a horrible celestial mage.

"At your service, Princess," he smiled toothily and I just sighed. He truly didn't hold any hard feelings toward me, after all.

"You did it, Lucy!" Lyra piped up, beaming at me. "You called all of us out!"

_Yeah_, I realized a bit belatedly, _I did, didn't I?_

I jumped at a touch on my shoulder, jerking my head to find that it was only Porlyusica. Her glare of concentration was fixed on her features and I deduced that she was examining the flow of my magic power. She nodded to herself and after a few moments, she stepped away.

"Well?" Natsu demanded, stepping back up beside me.

"Your magic levels are quite manageable now, I believe?" Porlyusica addressed me, and I nodded once, sharply. "Yes, it's as I thought. However, despite your immense magical power, they can't remain out of the spirit realm indefinitely. They need to rejuvenate themselves every now and then, you see."

"Yes…?" I trailed off, not quite certain what she was going to say next.

"Keep three of your zodiac spirits summoned at a time," Porlyusica pointed a finger at me threateningly. "Keep them out for one month rotations. If one gets hurt on a job, let another spirit come out and take their place for the remainder of the shift. Understand?"

"Yes," I nodded quickly this time. I was starting to like the direction she was taking this discussion.

"In a fight, do not rely solely upon them," the older woman continued, "but use the whip techniques you've practiced here in the last three months. And another thing I think is essential…" she trailed off briefly but spoke up again soon enough, "is that Leo should be out for three months at a time and rest for one month. He has much more stamina than the others and I'm sure this is how he would prefer it, too."

"You're quite insightful, granny," Loke said, smirking. I sighed—he was just as disrespectful as Natsu. It was no longer the two got along as well as Natsu and Gray did.

"Yes, I know," Porlyusica didn't take any offense to Loke's rudeness at all. Maybe it was because she had quite the rude streak of her own. "Also, Lucy, I want you to make sure you have every one of your spirits out at the same time at least once a month for a day or so. I believe that using this technique, you will be able to control the amount of magic you have and your attacks will cease."

I was still slightly in shock at the fact that she'd used my real first name rather than calling me "girl" or "human" or something similar.

"Do you understand?" the question was sharp.

"O-of course!" I piped up instantly, feeling like a child who had just been scolded. Loke looked at me with a knowing smirk and I scowled at him. I spotted another smirk on Aquarius' face and quickly concocted a plan to make sure that her first shift was on a separate one from her boyfriend's. That would teach her.

"Good. Then go rest and eat and bathe and whatnot, get a good night's sleep, and get out of my hair tomorrow morning."

My eyes widened in disbelief, and the hitch in Natsu's breath indicated that he was surprised, too.

"Wait, you mean we get to go home?" he asked incredulously.

"_You_ could have gone home at any time," Porlyusica sniffed, her nose in the air, "but yes, it means that you can go back to Makarov. Mavis knows he's been fretting constantly about when you would be free to go home."

"Yes!" Natsu cried, jumping in the air in triumph.

Before I really knew what was happening, I was spinning in a circle, held in the air by the pink-haired man. I squealed in protest for a moment before I burst out laughing. I laughed so hard that tears came to my eyes, and then some. Natsu had to set my feet back on the ground before he dropped me when his relieved laughter started, too. I flung my arms around his neck and he hugged me back. All the feelings running through me were further charged by the proximity of the dragonslayer, but I knew enough to know it still wasn't the time. I stepped back and took a deep breath, trying to recover from my laughter.

"Yes. Well. I will see you when you leave in the morning," said the elder woman as she strode back toward her house. I had the strangest urge to run up and hug her, but I decided to save that until tomorrow where I would have an excuse to run like hell as soon as I was done.

"You did it, Lucy," Loke's voice came from behind, and I sheepishly remembered the celestial spirits that stood behind me. The orange-haired man put a hand on my shoulder then, grinning down at me. "Great work."

"Has Princess decided upon Virgo's punishment yet?" the maid asked stoically. "As a gift for your accomplishment, you can punish me however you wish, Princess."

"No, no, no!" I waved my hands vigorously. "You're not getting any punishments, Virgo!"

"As you wish," she bowed her pink head and then stepped forward to hug me, which came as a surprise. "I suppose I shall just have to _tell_ you congratulations."

"Yeah!" Gemini's two parts chorused in unison, bouncing up and down happily.

Many of my spirits voiced their agreement, and I beamed proudly at them.

"It's all because of you guys," I said, "All of you, and Porlyusica, and Fairy Tail, and Natsu…thank you!"

And then the relieved laughter was back.

_I'm finally going home! For real, this time…and hopefully for good!_

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><p><strong>Oooh, I'm so mean. I get you just over 4000 words…and then I leave it here. HAHAHAHA.<strong>

**Anyway, I typed this from 11PM on July 23 to 1:40 AM on the 24****th****…so you guys better love me! If it's good, that is. XD And if there are any typos I would really love to be informed of them. Haha.**

**Happy Anniversary, USHA. I'm gonna miss you when I finally finish the next two chapters.**


	19. Epilogue 4: Home

**I can't believe I'm doing this.**

**I really can't.**

**I posted the third epilogue chapter on July 24, 2012 where I am…but the difference in the time zones made it where the site registers that it was posted on the 23****rd**** instead. UGGGGHHHH. But I really want it to say the twenty-fourth and I don't want to give anyone a false hope by taking down chapter 18 and reposting…so I'm working on 19. Let's see if my manic energy from last night/this morning will help me out again!**

**Here's USHA's fourth epilogue chapter. Enjoy!**

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><p>Natsu and I sat around the fire like any other night before, but this time the air was permeated with an almost tangible sense of anxiety.<p>

I was going home. I was really going to go back to Fairy Tail, and not just for a few days to recover—I was going _back_. My heart was beating wildly against my chest and I wasn't sure how I'd manage to cope with the nervousness I felt.

How…how would everyone receive me?

It was a stupid worry because my nakama had never really held grudges against their fellow members, especially when there was a good reason. Laxus, despite all he'd caused, had been easily accepted back into the guild after showing up to attempt an ill-fated rescue on Tenrou Island, so it was only plausible that I, who had left in an attempt to keep all my friends from being hurt more than necessary, would be accepted just as easily or even more so, right? And yet the worries still plagued my mind.

_It's going to be fine_, I told myself, taking a deep breath while Natsu played with some fire in a lull of conversation. _They'll accept me back. _

"You're quiet tonight, Luce," the pink-haired man nearby observed softly, resting an elbow on his knee. I ran a hand through my bangs with a sigh, looking up to offer him a weak smile that betrayed the nervousness in the pit of my stomach.

"Sorry," I apologized sheepishly, looking down at the ground. "It's just…"

"You don't have anything to worry about," he said, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him tilt his head up to look at the stars above us in the night sky. "You should know that, Luce. No one's gonna be angry at you, you know? They're just going to be happy that you're finally back…that you've come _home_. You shouldn't be nervous going _home_. Just walk in like you used to, because you know it's where you belong."

He didn't prompt me to say anything for the next few minutes and I sat in silence, thinking over everything I knew about my guild and myself and also about what Natsu had said. I knew he was right and that I shouldn't be so nervous, but it wasn't something I could shake so easily. I had pretty much abandoned them all, betrayed their trust, and just disappeared without leaving anything but a manuscript for Levy and furniture for Fairy Hills. I hadn't even said goodbye. I'd just uprooted and booked it out of there as if I was running away.

_As if…? No, I really was running away, wasn't I? _

"I know…" I finally answered Natsu, so softly that my voice cracked. "I know all that…but I can't help but worry anyway."

"Then…just remember that I'll be with you," Natsu suggested, smiling in a mature and comforting manner that still seemed foreign on his features. But it did the trick—knowing Natsu would be walking through the doors of Fairy Tail with me would make it a thousand times easier to keep my head held high.

A more confident, less nervous smile finally spread across my own features and, looking at my toes, I murmured, "Thanks, Natsu. That helps a lot."

I cast a quick glance up at him to see him smiling another one of his mature, soft smiles at me and I dropped my gaze quickly. For what seemed like the thousandth time since we'd been at Porlyusica's house, I felt my heart fluttering painfully in my chest.

"Glad to be of service," his voice had a light, joking lilt to it, and I chuckled, standing and brushing my butt off. "What, going to bed?"

"I need my beauty sleep if I'm going to be walking five miles to get back into town _and_ walking into Fairy Tail on my own two feet for the first time in over four years," I quipped playfully, stretching my arms above my head and feeling my shoulders rolling as I did so. "Remember what I told you about a girl's appearance? How it makes us feel better to show off a little?"

Natsu nodded and I could tell by his expression that he wasn't exactly sure where I was going with that.

"If a girl looks her best, it also helps give her confidence, too," I told him, then put a finger in front of my lips in the classic shushing pose. "But don't let anyone know that I told you that, 'kay? It's a very secret girl thing."

The pink-haired dragonslayer chuckled, playing with the fire.

"Got it," his grin was more childish this time, more _him_. "The secret's safe with me."

"Well, then, my job here is done!" I bowed to him with a teasing flourish and spun around to continue my trek toward the cabin. "So now I'm going to turn in. Don't you _dare_ wake me up a second before eight, though! If you do, the _beauty_ part of _beauty sleep_ will be meaningless and I won't forgive you!"

Behind me, I heard him chuckle again and I smiled softly at the sound.

I still found it a huge relief that our friendship had been so easy to rekindle; it was actually more like it had never faded in the first place. The only catch was the fact that I was falling faster and faster for him when I knew that I shouldn't. We'd been back together for about four and a half months now, stuck out at Porlyusica's house for my training…and four and a half months wasn't nearly enough time to fall for someone, was it?

I knew I was being foolish, but I couldn't help but futilely try to deny my feelings. It just felt so…so _wrong_ to still have these feelings for him after I'd been the cause for so much of his pain and so many injuries.

Lying there in bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to convince myself that it wasn't right to be in love with him after all that I'd done, it was only a matter of time before memories of my loving mother swam through my mind, clouding all other thoughts. I closed my eyes and let myself remember the advice she'd always told me to hold on to.

* * *

><p>"<em>Mama…?" I asked, clinging to my mother's slim, delicate fingers as we walked through the gardens behind our big house—no, Mama called it a 'mansion'. "Mama, can I ask you something? It's <em>really_ important!"_

_Layla Heartfilia laughed and stopped walking, kneeling down by me so she could be at my height. Mama always made a point of talking to me eye-to-eye, like I was already a grown-up. It made me really happy._

"_Of course you can, Lucy," Mama answered my first question, tucking a strand of my blonde hair behind my ear. "You know you can ask Mama anything!"_

_I let go of her fingers, sliding my hands behind my back. I started to fidget nervously, unsure of how to ask what I wanted to ask. One of the maids had seemed almost offended when I'd asked and another nicer maid had told me that sometimes it was a touchy subject. What was I going to do if Mama got mad at me for asking, too? _

No!_ I shook my head firmly, causing Mama to quirk an eyebrow at me. I couldn't give up now! This was the most important question I had _ever_ wanted to ask!_

"_Mama…" I started, taking a breath. "Mama, what's love? How do you fall in love? _When_ do you fall in love? Why does love hurt? And can people fall out of love just like they can fall in love? How long does it take to fall in love?"_

_All of the questions tumbled out one after another and finally I gasped and covered my mouth, aghast. I hadn't meant to ask so many questions at once, but after I had finally mustered the courage it was hard to stop myself from asking every single one. And I wanted to know the answers so bad! All my picture books had the pretty princesses and the handsome princes and always told about them falling in love with a happily ever after, but one of them didn't have the happily ever after part, so I got curious._

_Mama's eyes widened a little at all my questions, and I looked down and bit my lip sheepishly._

"_Well, that's a hard question, Sweetie," Mama said slowly, tilting my chin back up with a single, slender finger. "What made you think of it?"_

"_In my new book, it doesn't say that they lived happily ever after," I murmured embarrassedly, pointing my toes towards each other nervously. "I just wanted to know what happened to people who don't live happily ever after…"_

"_I see," Mama grinned at me. "Lucy's a smart girl, for seeing that. So I'm going to do my best to answer you, okay?"_

_I nodded quickly, a smile coming to my face. "Tell me, please!"_

"_Well, first off…'love' is a feeling people get. You have to decide what it is for yourself though, Lucy, because it isn't the exact same for everyone. But to start with, someday you'll meet a boy who makes you feel happy and laugh. You'll like to play with him all the time and he'll make your heart beat faster and faster. If he makes you mad, or even if he makes you cry, you'll want to be by his side. That's what falling in love is. And the reason it sometimes hurts is because he might not like you the same way. But that's why there are so many people in the world—so every little princess can find her prince."_

"_How do you know, though?" my curiosity was definitely peaked._

"_You just do," Mama replied simply, running a hand through my hair. "It's not always clear why or how…but you'll just know."_

_I giggled. "So I will find him? I'll find my prince someday?"_

"_Of course you will, Lucy," Mama tweaked my nose. "But until then, you'll always be my little princess."_

_With a giggle, I waved her hand away…but then I realized that she hadn't answered all my questions. I pouted a little bit, and she noticed._

"_What's wrong now, Sweetie?"_

"_But…when do you fall in love? And how long does it take?" I asked shyly, peeking up at her through my bangs._

_Mama sighed softly, then said, "No one knows when they're going to fall in love, Lucy. It just…happens. Sometimes it takes a long time to creep up on you and sometimes you fall in love at first sight. And sometimes you might only realize that you were in love when you can't see him anymore…his absence will hurt too much and you'll realize that you really wanted him to stay."_

"_T-that's so sad, Mama," I sniffled, backing away when Mama tried to wipe my eyes. "So…it _is_ possible for someone to fall out of love?"_

_Mama nodded solemnly and I let out a wail._

"_But t-that's not fair!" I cried. "W-what happens to the princesses whose princes fall out of love with them? Will they be all alone?"_

"_Didn't I say it earlier, Sweetheart?" Mama came forward and wrapped me in her arms. "That's why there are so many princes in the world. Sometimes, even if two people are in love, they're not right for each other, so they fall out of love. It's really sad, but it happens sometimes. The good thing about it is that when they go their separate ways, they can find the prince or princess that they're supposed to be with. Isn't that happy, in the end?"_

"_Y-yeah, I guess," I agreed reluctantly, still sad for all the girls who lost their princes to another princess._

"_You guess?" Mama prompted, knowing immediately that I was keeping something to myself._

"_Well…what if a princess never meets the prince she's meant to be with, or what if she misses her chance with him? What then?"_

"_Oh, Lucy," gentle hands stroked my hair, comforting me, "she just has to keep looking."_

_I sniffled again and said softly, "If my prince left me for someone else I'd give up on love…"_

_Mama really surprised me after I said that when she held me away from her and said, "Don't say that, Lucy! Don't _ever_ say that. I know that sometimes it will be hard, and sometimes you'll get hurt, but no one ever fell in love without trying. You can _never_ give up on love, because if you do you'll never be happy. Okay?"_

_My only response was a little sniffle._

"_You can never give up on love, Lucy," the older blonde woman said firmly, "no matter how hard it is. Promise me, okay? Promise me that you won't just let love slip through your fingers—fight for it and act on it even when you're scared of rejection. If you never even attempt it, you can never succeed. So make me a promise right now, Lucy…a promise that you won't give up on finding love even when life is a challenge."_

"_O-okay," I rubbed my hand across my snotty nose, not even caring about the grossness. "I promise, Mama. I won't ever give up on love and I'll find my prince someday and before another princess can steal him away, I'll tell him just how I feel and let him do the rest. And if he doesn't feel the same, I'll try again and again until I find him!"_

_Mama smiled at me again, a true, bright smile._

"_That's my girl."_

* * *

><p>" 'I'll find my prince someday…' " I repeated aloud, a small, wry grin on my lips.<p>

_I found him, Mama_, I thought, staring blankly at the ceiling above me. I lifted my hands up into my view, studying my unpainted nails thoughtfully. _I found him…but I'm too scared to tell him even though I promised you I would…_

The light from the fire outside was dimming, so I could only assume Natsu was either finishing it off by eating the flames or putting it out so he could come in to bed sooner. For a few moments I watched the flickering shadows on the cabin walls, thinking about what I had promised my mother and pondering my feelings. It was hard to keep myself from leaping out of bed and running to him now that I had remembered my mother's words for the first time in several months, but I held myself back on a new, devastating thought.

I had certainly been gone long enough for Natsu to find himself a girlfriend, right?

_Stop it, Lucy_! I scolded myself, rolling over and pulling my blankets up over my head. _Now is not the time to think about things like that. _

And so, with just a little bit of difficulty, I fell asleep.

* * *

><p>It seemed like just a few minutes ago when I woke up in Porlyusica's little cabin to the sunlight streaming in the windows.<p>

It seemed like mere seconds ago that I had wrapped my arms tightly around the older woman even though she vehemently protested the contact with a human and only seconds ago that I had bid her farewell.

It seemed like only an instant had passed since Natsu and I had started walking back toward Magnolia.

_Mavis, where did the time go?_

Looming above us in the midmorning sunlight was nothing less than the grand door to Fairy Tail. My home. The wood was a little more weatherworn than I remembered it and the paving stones we stood on were a little more trodden, but it was still the same building I had left behind a little over four years ago now. I glanced a little nervously at Natsu beside me, but he just flashed me a huge, toothy grin. The grin helped me gain courage and I stepped forward, palms on both doors, and shoved.

The doors groaned a little bit as they swung inwards, and silence reigned for a few long seconds after they had finally stopped moving. I spotted Levy squinting at us and finally a huge grin broke out across her face.

"Lu-chan! _You're back_!" the solid-script mage shrieked in delight, lunging forward. I couldn't help but step up and accept her embrace with a light laugh.

"I missed you, Levy-chan," I said softly, almost shyly.

"I missed you too!" she beamed at me, tears swimming in her eyes. "But you're back now! Are you just visiting or did Porlyusica kick you out or—"

"I got the okay to leave," the news felt so great to relay. "We worked out a plan that Porlyusica thinks can help keep my power under control and she let me leave. I don't have to go back anymore—I can stay here."

Everyone had been listening in, and as soon as the last word passed my lips an enormous cheer kicked up around me. Elfman barreled through the crowd that had begun to surround me and picked me up in the manliest of bear-hugs and Mirajane was right after her brother, commenting in quick succession on my hairstyle, how glad she was that I was home, how worn out I looked, and again how glad she was that I was back.

"Welcome back, bunny girl," the stoic iron dragonslayer had a large hand on my shoulder and nodded to me stiffly before melting back into the crowd. Levy simply glowed at his actions and I knew she was proud of her boyfriend—although, from what Natsu and Gray told me, the two kept their relationship mildly low-key.

"Where's the alcohol?" Cana's unmistakable voice lifted up above the tumultuous noise that permeated the room. "We've got a reason to celebrate, so bring on the whiskey! The wine! The gin! The _beer_!"

"Hear, hear!" a few voices chorused after Cana lifted her pint in the air from right next to me. Two of the voices were definitely Macao and Wakaba and sure enough, the older mages came into view with wolfish grins on their faces to welcome me back.

"Welcome back, Lucy," another unmistakable voice said, and all attention turned to the old man sitting cross-legged on his favorite portion of wooden countertop. Master Makarov beamed out at the scene before him, and I could tell he was almost in tears. Just the sight of that and the realization of just how many people were close to tears or crying made me want to break down.

"Lucy," I turned immediately at the sound of Erza's voice, and she smiled at me. "Would you mind sitting with me and talking for a while?"

Okay, that was close to the last straw. The tears welled up and I hurriedly wiped a few escapees away, nodding vigorously. It took me a few tried to get my voice to come out but when it finally started to work, the words that came out of my mouth were an instant agreement. "Of course, Erza! I would absolutely love to."

The two of us made our way to a table a little removed from the chaos that was unfolding because of my return and, although it didn't stop various guild members from coming up to me and welcoming me back or giving me a hug, it gave us a reasonable amount of privacy.

We didn't talk about much, but it was nice to talk to Erza for a while before Cana came and dragged me away to drink with her a little.

After Cana had monopolized a bit of my time, along with her drinking buddies and her father, Mirajane had to pull me up to a stool at the bar, insisting on feeding me. She talked happily about the few new couples that had popped up and I had a suspicion that she was part of the reason behind them although I didn't voice the thought aloud. And after Mirajane it was Wendy and Romeo—Wendy wanted to make sure my body was holding up fine and Romeo asked if I wanted to go on a mission with the two of them and Charle sometime. They passed me off to Nab and Reedus and Visitar, who didn't really say much at all except ask for me to sit still and smile so Reedus could paint a new picture of me. The two married couples and their kids grabbed a few moments then, Bisca and Alzack introducing me to their three year old son and Laki and Warren letting me hold their newborn baby boy.

I thought it was never going to end, and part of me never wanted it to. It was a bit exhausting to be the center of attention, but it was rewarding all the same.

The next person to monopolize a bit of my time was Juvia. She came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder, calling my name softly. When I turned around to see her I almost couldn't believe my eyes. Juvia had already been pretty—she'd _always_ been pretty—but now that her hair was even longer than before and she let it curl naturally…it made her utterly gorgeous. She gestured for us to walk outside for a few moments and I obliged.

"Juvia, I'm—"

I was going to tell her I wasn't interested in Gray at all, and so I wasn't going to try to take him from her. She had always seen me as her love rival for some reason, right? So I wanted to quell any misunderstanding right off the bat.

"Juvia is not worried about you stealing Gray away anymore," the rain-woman smiled gently and I realized with a start that she had dropped the 'sama' from the end of Gray's name. Even though the two were together, I had previously had a hard time imagining Juvia saying his name without any honorific attached.

"That's a relief," I sighed, relaxing a bit more. "What made you change your mind?"

"Gray is the one who confessed to Juvia," she admitted, and when I looked over she was blushing a nice shade of red. I hid my smile as she continued, "and besides…Lucy has eyes for only one person, isn't that right?"

At those words, I stiffened up a little.

"W-what do you mean?"

"Juvia noticed that, whenever you think no one is looking, you steal glances at Natsu. You've been doing it ever since the two of you got separated from the beginning."

I felt my cheeks burn.

"Well, I—"

Juvia's laugh made me stop, and I turned to look at her embarrassedly. She merely cast a sweet smile my way and said, "Juvia thinks it's really cute and also that Lucy should tell him how she feels before it's too late."

I sighed.

"I know…but it's easier said than done."

"Juvia agrees," the blue-haired woman giggled and I couldn't help but join in. The two of us turned to head back inside but she paused for a moment, looking around at me with a smile on her face. "Juvia also thinks that this could be the start of a great friendship. Don't you agree?"

"Of course," I couldn't help the smile that broke out across my face. And I would have been completely content with talking to Juvia some more if I hadn't been pulled aside by Gray as soon as we walked in, who smiled at his girlfriend before asking how I was and a little bit about Porlyusica's plan. Master Makarov motioned us over as soon as Gray asked about the plan, and so I explained it to the two of them in detail.

When I was finished explaining, Master asked, "If you're supposed to have three spirits out, then where exactly are they?"

"The rotation doesn't start until Wednesday," I said twirling a strand of hair around my finger thoughtfully. "The first of the month. Porlyusica also said she thought I needed a little bit of time to rest up, so I've got the next two days to do whatever I please before I have to call out my spirits and start the rotation."

"I see," Makarov nodded, and Gray excused himself after giving me a quick squeeze, and I watched him go to Juvia's side.

"Master, I'm sorry—"

"Don't apologize to me, child," the old man waved off my words. "You're back now, alive and well, and that's all that matters to anyone. Everyone was just waiting for you to come back home."

"Well, then," I smiled a little, "I'm home."

The master grinned at my words.

* * *

><p>"We'll set you up at Fairy Hills," Levy said as the partying died down a little. "But take your time coming so we can finish getting you a room ready, okay?"<p>

"You guys don't have to—" I began to protest, but to my surprise a hand covered my mouth from behind.

"Let them have their fun," the voice of the hand's owner whispered in my ear, and a chill went up my spine at the pink-haired man's proximity to me. Natsu then addressed the three girls—Erza, Juvia, and Levy—who were planning on getting a room ready for me. "You guys go on ahead. I'll keep her occupied for a while. Will half an hour be long enough?"

"If we leave now," Erza said, all business. She gave a curt nod and a thankful grin to Natsu before turning and striding out of the guild.

"Thanks, Natsu!" Levy piped up, and to my chagrin she sent a not-so-secret wink in my direction.

"Juvia is grateful, too," Juvia nodded her head to Natsu and directed a sweet, serene, all-knowing smile at me. The gestures of the two blue-haired women who had already noticed my feelings made my cheeks burn hotter than they had already been doing because of Natsu's closeness.

"Get going!" Natsu called, and they laughed as they left. I reached up and removed his hand from my mouth, turning around to face him.

"Natsu!" I started, frowning. "I can't let them do so much for me—"

"They missed you, Luce," Natsu cut in, and it was an effective way to shut me up. "They missed you, so let them do at least this much for you."

I sighed, and he knew he'd won.

Now I crossed my arms and stared him down, and he raised an eyebrow at me.

"You said you'd keep me occupied. How on Earthland do you expect to do that?" I pretty much demanded, staring him down. "You know very well that I could just follow after them and help them if I choose—"

"Nope. Because you're going to take a walk with me," Natsu turned me around with a single push on one shoulder and then he dropped his arm across both shoulders to steer me out of the guild building. I ducked out from under his arm pretty quickly, my face burning although I hoped that he hadn't yet noticed it.

"Excuse me?"

"C'mon, Luce," Natsu grinned toothily at me. "Let's take a walk along the canal, for old time's sake. You can even walk up on the ledge if you feel like it."

I stared at him for a moment and his grin softened a little bit. I thought about immediately refusing him and turning to just sit in the guild to wait the girls out, but then I realized that it would just be Natsu and I. We hadn't been able to talk very much since we'd come home because everyone else had been eager to talk to me and then to him. And Mama's advice came back to mind. I felt very tempted to tell him everything…but for now, he was offering to go on a walk and as a girl who was undeniably in love with him, I couldn't bring myself to refuse.

"Fine," I said, stepping up beside him. "But you're buying me a hot chocolate."

"Deal," Natsu's voice had a cheerful tone and that in itself was a relief to me.

* * *

><p>Lucy was walking along beside him but avoided walking along the edge of the canal like she used to do. Instead she chose to look around her, watching people pass by on the streets and slowing down whenever she passed a building or store that had changed since she'd last been home. Watching her expressions change made Natsu smile softly. He was truly happy that she was home again and watching her helped him to come to a conclusion.<p>

He simply couldn't live without her.

Everything that Lucy was, everything she had been, swam through his memory and he knew that the girl in front of him had all those parts and more. Her hair was a few inches shorter still, and she had four more years on her, but her chocolate eyes could still be just as expressive as ever and her scent, once he knew what to look for, was the exact same.

Lucy was Lucy, and Natsu couldn't help but fall in love with her all over again. And yes, he realized finally, he had loved her long before she left, and during her entire absence.

_God, Natsu, you sound like some wimpy, pathetic idiot_, he thought to himself.

But he couldn't deny it.

"Natsu!"

When Lucy grabbed his arm he was caught a bit off guard, but he looked down to her and noticed that she was pointing at the blooming rainbow sakura trees in the park. Her eyes lit up and she looked up at the dragonslayer with a grin.

"Remember when I was sick so you uprooted one of the trees and sent it floating down the canal for me?"

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," Natsu cursed the fact that he'd stuttered and diverted his attention. He had a nagging suspicion that he might have said something very similar on the day in question, too.

"Sure you don't," the blonde laughed, but instead of continuing to walk along the canal she dragged him over into the park.

Natsu wasn't really the most romantic of people, if his lack of experience in love was anything to go by, but he felt like under a rainbow sakura tree was just as convenient a place as any.

* * *

><p>I released Natsu as soon as I realized I was clinging to his arm and I bounced a few steps ahead. Right in front of us was the tree I'd mentioned—this was the rainbow sakura tree that Natsu and Happy had uprooted for me and then been forced to replant. I was pleased to see that it was still growing and flourishing and that it still bloomed out just as beautifully as it had that first time I'd ever seen it. I did a little twirl, feeling a bit childish, and turned to beam at Natsu.<p>

"Remember it now?" I teased.

"Maybe a little," Natsu finally admitted, grinning sheepishly. "Do you have any idea how long it took to pull that thing up? And it took twice as long to replant it and then we had to take care of it for months to make sure it was going to live!"

I couldn't help it. I stepped up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Thanks again for that," I told him. I was about to let go of him when I felt his arms snake around my waist and then he was hugging me back.

"You're welcome," his voice was low and made my heart skip a beat. Not only that, but our hug was lasting longer than was probably necessary...although I really didn't want to step out of it just yet. I decided I probably ought to, though, and I took a step back after letting him go.

Looking up at him, I admired for a few moments how the rainbow glow lit up the area and reflected in Natsu's dark eyes. My heart burned and I knew I was probably close to my breaking point. I thought Natsu would take a few steps back as well, but he remained where he was and so the gap between us was only about a foot.

_Promise me, Lucy_.

"I—" I opened my mouth to begin, but it came out so softly that Natsu's stronger voice had eclipsed it almost completely.

"Luce," he said, and I looked intently at him, urging him silently to continue with whatever he was going to say. My heart skipped a beat when he took a short step to close some of the space between us. "I want you to think back to Porlyusica's for a few minutes, okay?"

Slowly, I nodded, then asked, "Where are you going with this?"

"It was the first day of training with making your magical energy spiral up and down your whip. Do you remember?"

My curiosity was mounting. I really wanted to know what my favorite dragonslayer was getting at, but I'd have to wait while he finished beating around the bush. So I settled for nodding again, eyes widening slightly when Natsu leaned down just a little bit to continue.

"You said something while you were in the bath that night and I overheard," his voice was so soft I could hardly make out his words, but when I had finally comprehended what he said I had to stop and think about what I said in the bath. I'd talked to myself a lot—I'd wondered about Gray and Erza and Happy and how Levy was coping and how the guild would receive me, but what could he possibly take such a serious approach to…?

_Oh, Mavis, he didn't hear that, did he?_

My heart froze.

"Y-y-you heard me?" I asked him, my voice almost squeaking. "Why didn't you tell m-me?"

"It wasn't the right time," he said simply, and I couldn't help but to agree with him there. However, he leaned closer again and I tilted my head down in embarrassment, opening my mouth to say something—anything—to break the short silence, but he did so first. "But now I think it's time I said something about it."

_I'm sorry, Mama. I've failed you again. I—_

I stiffened for a brief moment, but then I relaxed against Natsu's chest and leaned into his kiss. My heart was thudding wildly now as opposed to being frozen as it had a few moments earlier. Beneath my fingers I could feel the pink-haired man's heart doing the exact same thing. So I hadn't been the only nervous person in this situation, then. That was a huge comfort.

The kiss was rather short, but my heart was still having a heyday and I wasn't sure if it could take much more. Natsu leaned forward and I felt his breath at my ear.

"I love you too, Lucy," he whispered softly, and it sent shivers down my spine.

I couldn't believe it. Even after everything I had done and all the pain that I had caused…Natsu accepted me. Just hearing those words out of his mouth made me want to faint, but instead I felt the warmth prickling at the corners of my eyes. When the first one fell, the pad of a callused thumb brushed it away.

A small laugh bubbled up from somewhere deep inside me. It was a giggle that made the tears start to roll and so I leaned forward and tucked my head into the crook of Natsu's neck. His arms wrapped firmly around me and it was an instant comfort.

"I love you, Natsu," I told him, laughing through my happy tears.

_I know I shouldn't,_ I wanted to add, _I shouldn't have the right to love you after all I've done and I certainly don't deserve you…but I do love you._

"I know," he laughed with me and for a while we just stood there, with me wrapped securely in his arms, under the blooming rainbow sakura trees. I couldn't have imagined a more picturesque place for my confession to take place in—no matter that it was actually Natsu who broke the ice on that subject. But really, what I couldn't believe most of all was the fact that my pink-haired nakama actually felt the same way for me.

We had been living together for months; he with full knowledge that I loved him and I with no knowledge of his feelings at all. It was kind of unfair, but I didn't mind so much anymore.

Another thing I didn't mind so much was that I never got that hot chocolate he promised me.

* * *

><p>Just hearing Lucy say she loved him again made Natsu's heartbeat quicken. But they didn't have very much time before the rest of the girls came looking for Lucy, so after a while the dragonslayer slowly pulled away from the blonde girl.<p>

"Levy and Erza might kill me if I don't get you over to Fairy Hills soon," Natsu said in a light, teasing manner. Lucy laughed, wiping her face of a few dried tears.

"We can't have that, can we?" Lucy smiled back, boldly reaching out to take the pink-haired man by the hand. Their fingers slid between each other easily and Natsu couldn't help but give her hand a reassuring squeeze as the two made their way out of the park and back onto the streets.

And so Natsu walked his new _girlfriend_—or was it _almost-_girlfriend?—to Fairy Hills, where the rest of the girls were waiting outside to greet Lucy, including Mirajane and Lisanna and even the married women. When the new couple came into their line of sight, Mira immediately locked onto their intertwined hands and nudged Juvia, who beamed.

"It's about time Lucy had a reason to be happy," Juvia said, starting forward with a boisterous wave and still wearing a grin at the sight of the two.

* * *

><p><strong>Well now…I'm not sure how that scene turned out. I had so much buildup that I'm not sure the actual confession was good enough…haha. At any rate, I hope you guys liked it. Another update for the anniversary! (Even though it's already the 25<strong>**th**** here…). **

**One more chapter, guys. What are we going to do then?**


	20. Epilogue 5: A Fairy Wedding

**Insert witty final top-of-chapter author's note here.**

_**Final chapter.**_

**Begin.**

* * *

><p>"Ah! I can't believe I'm running <em>late<em>!" I cried, smoothing wrinkles out of dress—which was ice blue with a darker blue trim—and hurriedly reaching up to mess with the dark blue sash under the bust. Once I was satisfied, I took my hair out of the messy ponytail it was in and reached for the zodiac keys on my bedside table. It took only seconds for me to locate the key for Cancer. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, focusing a little of my energy on the small golden key to let Cancer, who was staying with Elfman, know that I needed him for a minute.

A small _poof_ sounded a bit behind me to my left and was immediately followed by the spirit's recognizable voice when he said, "Did you need something from me, ebi?"

"Cancer!" I breathed a sigh of relief, turning to him. "I need you to do my hair pretty quickly today, okay?" I'll do my makeup while you do that."

"Got it. How do you want your hair styled today, ebi?" the Giant Crab spirit snipped his scissors in an anticipatory manner, but I was too rushed to care about it.

"It doesn't matter; quick, cute, and casually formal…if that makes sense? I don't want to stand out, though. It's not my day today!"

"Understood…ebi."

I rushed to grab my makeup bag and sat down in front of the vanity in my Fairy Hills room as Cancer got to work on my hair. He was so quick and efficient and gentle that I hardly realized he was messing with it until I finished the light makeup I was putting on and watched him finish styling the stylish messy bun. My usual two strips of hair that framed my face were left down and it took him only a few seconds to curl them.

"That's perfect, Cancer!" I stood, clipping a blue rose pin into my hair. "You can go find a good seat with Elfman and whoever else, now!"

"Don't be late, ebi!" he warned, disappearing with yet another _poof_. I snorted; of course my spirits would start to talk back when they got to stay out and live around me for months at a time. And today, all of the spirits would be out for the entire day, and probably for the rest of the weekend. The festivities probably wouldn't stop for a while.

_Shoes, Lucy,_ I scolded myself silently, _you've gotta find your shoes!_

I rushed out into the living room area of my Fairy Hills apartment and went immediately to the shoe box on the coffee table, opening it to reveal the dark blue heels I knew would be in it. I took them out quickly, strapping the two-and-a-half inch beasts to my feet with the dexterity of a woman who has worn heels far too many times in her life. Once that was done, I snatched up my matching blue handbag and took one last glance at the clock. I was back on time, although it was a little tight. With that knowledge, I turned off all the lights in my house as quickly as possible and headed for the door. I couldn't be late for this—she would _kill_ me!

Once I'd exited Fairy Hills after passing a few of the other girls who didn't have to hurry so badly to the event, I broke into a run. It was never fun to run in heels, but I had grown used to it since joining Fairy Tail all those years ago and especially since I had been able to come home a year and a half ago now. Heels were part of my daily ensemble once more, and it was much too often that I forgot to wear sensible shoes when I went on a job with Natsu or with the old team.

The canal flowed to my left but I ignored it completely, forgoing the thought of walking on the ledge because I was in a hurry and because I would probably fall into the water with my luck.

Finally, Magnolia's famous cathedral came into view and I kept running straight towards it. The clock tower on top indicated that it was now seven forty-seven. My heart beat painfully in my chest and although I knew I just had to be there by seven fifty to be safe, I would have preferred being earlier so I could talk to the bride more thoroughly and maybe make sure she didn't really have any of those pre-wedding jitters. Considering who the blushing bride was, I didn't think she'd _ever_ run away, but I still didn't want to risk it.

The side door of the cathedral opened as I drew nearer and a redheaded woman peered out, gazing up the streets with a stern look in her eyes. When she spotted me, she visibly relaxed a little.

"There you are, Lucy!" Erza said, mildly relieved as she held the door open for me. She wore a lovely dark blue number with ice blue trim, the opposite of my own dress. "We were starting to worry!"

"My alarm clock didn't go off!" I groaned, slipping inside as Erza let the door fall closed. I took this moment to put my hands on my knees and tried to catch my breath. I also found a few seconds to be extremely thankful for the new charm I'd bought in the last week—the anti-sweat charm. I ran all the way to the cathedral in the center of Magnolia from Fairy Hills, which took a good five minutes even when running the entire time, and I didn't sweat at all. Thankfully. "How's she doing?"

"A little nervous, but otherwise she's fine," Erza reported, motioning for me to follow her down the hall to the room where the bride-to-be and her bridesmaids and maid-of-honor were supposed to wait until the wedding.

When the two of us entered, the blue-haired Levy McGarden tackled me and cried, "Lu-chan! You made it! We were starting to worry! What happened?"

I laughed a bit sheepishly, scratching my ear as my best female friend stepped back. The dark blue dress she wore went with her hair nicely, while it contrasted oddly but almost stylishly with Erza's red hair. I didn't want to tell them about my alarm clock again because it almost sounded like an excuse. It may have been entirely true, but it still sounded like a very lame excuse.

"It doesn't matter, she's here now, ain't she?" the brunette from the other corner of the room said, winking at me. I was glad Cana chose to speak in my favor. And as was expected, she looked absolutely stunning in the dark blue bridesmaid dress, just like the other two women.

"I'm sorry I was running behind," I apologized to everyone, but mostly to the woman clad in white over by the mirrors. "Something happened in the breaker box for my room and the power surged…so my alarm decided not to go off this morning."

_It really does sound like a lame excuse. I knew it!_

"Juvia understands," the blue-haired beauty said, and I could hear the nervousness in her voice as she turned around to face me. Her wedding dress was a sleeveless number, with a lovely ruffle effect and a lengthy train. The veil was attached to a silver tiara with sapphires inlaid, and Juvia wore a pretty sapphire necklace to go with it. Along the edges, there were blue embroidered designs that reminded me of water. And _Mavis_, was it all gorgeous! Gray was one lucky bastard today—I was sure of that. "Juvia is fine as long as Lucy is here now."

"I'm here," I smiled at her, walking up to her to give her a hug. "Don't worry about a thing, Juvia. You look absolutely stunning!"

"T-thank you, Lucy," she stuttered cutely, and I couldn't help but giggle at little. I was so glad that Juvia and I had become so close in the last year and a half, and it was such an honor for her to have picked me as the bridesmaid in her wedding.

"Lucy, it's your turn," Levy suddenly piped up. "Juvia has been having us go check to see if Gray's standing at the altar yet. It's about five minutes 'til, so go take a peek! Please?"

"Yeah, I've got it," I smiled, gave Juvia's shoulder a comforting squeeze, and turned to head out of the room and upstairs for a little glimpse of the room where, in just a few short minutes, Gray and Juvia would become Mr. and Mrs. Fullbuster.

When I reached the top of the stairs, I didn't dare get completely within sight of the open door; I peered around the corner stealthily to see Gray just taking his place in front of the priest, straightening his jacket and looking just as nervous, if not more so, than his bride-to-be. And I had to admit that Gray had cleaned up well for the occasion. There was a white rose in his buttonhole—his boutonniere, to be more precise—and his tie, which he reached up to tug at anxiously, was the same dark blue as the bridesmaid's dresses. It matched well with the light blue shirt—the same light blue of my dress.

Next to him, talking to him rather calmly, was the pink-haired best man—my boyfriend. Natsu was dressed much like Gray, only the rose in his buttonhole was an icy blue—again, like my dress. The shirt and tie were the same as Gray's. It wasn't the first time I'd seen him in a suit, but it still got me just like every other time that Natsu could clean up so well.

A grin started to spread across my face; this was going to be a fantastic day.

I turned away from the sight of the groom fidgeting nervously as the late guests filed in to find seats. Most of Fairy Tail was already seated inside, plus a few of the townspeople and even a few people that Gray and Juvia had done jobs for, but there was still a small trickle of people walking in.

My smile was still in place when I stepped back into the girls' dressing room a few moments later. All three sets of eyes turned to me, shining with questions. Juvia's were perhaps asking the most questions at once; _is he there? Did he run? Does he look handsome? How much longer?_

"He's there," I assured them all with a smile. "He looks kind of nervous, but he's not running or anything, Juvia. You don't have anything to worry about, okay?"

Juvia flushed and nodded embarrassedly.

Just afterwards, there was a knock on the door.

"Ya decent in there?" a gruff voice called out, and Levy's face brightened considerably for a moment. It was unmistakably the voice of her boyfriend and the man who was going to walk Juvia down the aisle. He'd been her friend for the longest time, and even Master Makarov fully supported the idea—just as long as he got to walk one of his other 'daughters' down the aisle at a later date.

"Yeah!" Cana called back, rolling her shoulders a little. I could tell she was unused to wearing so much clothing, like Gray, but she would do it for them. After all, they didn't show it very often, but Cana and Gray had actually been really close friends since he'd joined the guild and so Juvia had insisted on having Cana as a bridesmaid. Anyone important to Gray was important to his girlfriend and soon to be wife.

The door clicked open and the iron dragonslayer leaned against the doorframe, eyeing the five women in the room. His eyes lingered briefly on Levy, who grinned and waved energetically at him to earn a nod in return, and then he let himself find Juvia.

"Ya look good there, squirt," he said, a wolfish grin stretching his lips. I watched as Juvia beamed—it must have been really nice to have her oldest friend be there to support her in the biggest moment of her life and even to walk her down the aisle. "We've got to line up outside the doors now. They're about ready to start."

"Already?!" Levy cried, glancing at the clock to ensure herself that time had indeed passed so quickly. I had to do the same, but I wasn't as surprised as Levy was because I'd been fully aware of the time since I had been running late since I woke up this morning.

"Let's go," Gajeel said, holding his arm out to Juvia. The water mage nodded, striding over and linking her arm with his. I watched her take a few preparatory breaths. Levy rushed forward to pick up the train of the dress. She would be carrying the train and Gajeel would be walking the bride down the aisle, but she was a bridesmaid and he was also a groomsman, so after the bride reached the dais they would each file to their respective sides.

When the group of women plus Gajeel made it to the top of the stairs, outside the now closed doors, it was to find the ring-bearer, Bisca and Alzack's four year old son, named Al after his father, and the now eleven year old Asuka as the slightly older-than-average flower girl waiting for us. Cana and Loke lined up together as the first bridesmaid and groomsman pair, followed by Erza linking arms with none other than her _boyfriend_ Jellal Fernandez. And after them is where the two younger members of the procession fell in, right before the woman who held the position of the Maid of Honor…which would be me. Behind us waited Juvia and Gajeel, with Levy ready to carry the train of the bride's dress. Everything was fairly traditional about the setup, save the fact that there were no parents involved in the whole affair and that a groomsman and a bridesmaid were both attending to the bride rather than preceding her. But I knew this would all turn out perfectly.

Just then, the doors swung open in the instant that the music for the bridal procession started, and the bridesmaids and groomsmen began to march in…well, they seemed to glide in smoothly. First walked Cana with Loke because they were the only two involved in the procession that weren't dating one of the others. Next, the redheaded Erza floated in beside her dashing beau. After a few beats, Asuka gave her younger brother a gentle push to get him started on walking towards the front while she stepped up beside him, showering the aisle in flower petals and a cheerful smile.

I beamed at everyone as I walked in between the pews before looking up as I drew nearer to the front. Natsu and I shared a smile before I mounted the dais and took my spot.

And then the bride glided up the aisle. It was like she was walking on air—she was so graceful and so fluid in her movements that it seemed like her feet didn't even touch the ground. I could barely look away, but I had to catch a glimpse of Gray. And, just as I'd expected, he couldn't take his eyes off of her. It was obvious that the bride and groom were madly in love, and it was so touching to see it.

"Who gives this woman in marriage?"

The voice of the priest somewhat startled me, and I turned my attention on the bride, who stood at Gajeel's side at the top of the stairs to the altar.

"I do," Gajeel sounded more solemn and serious than I'd heard him sound in a while, and it made me grin at the thought that he wanted to do his best to make Juvia's big day a pleasant and memorable one. He was doing the right thing, too.

And with his words, Juvia detached herself from his arm and stood across from Gray whilst Levy and Gajeel both took their spots among the bridesmaids and groomsmen, respectively.

* * *

><p>The entire room erupted into a huge cheer and round of applause as soon as the priest announced that Gray could 'kiss the bride'. And, as it was Fairy Tail, it was no simple, chaste little kiss for the sake of grandparents and parents. It was a fierce, passionate kiss that simply fell short on the French kiss front. At the end, the bride and groom were both flushed in the cheeks but grinning like a madman and madwoman. They weren't the only ones, either, because as I looked around I couldn't see a single person who wasn't smiling.<p>

"Congratulations," I turned to them, and Juvia was laughing and crying all at once as she threw her arms around me. Her left ring finger bore a glittering ice-colored diamond on an unorthodox white-gold band.

"Juvia is so happy!" the blue-haired water mage cried into my shoulder. I patted her on the back, grinning. It was still kind of surreal that Juvia was no longer Juvia Loxar…and that _Gray_ was actually _married_…but it would all be a lot easier to believe given some time. And it helped matters that I had seen this coming for a while now.

"That's fantastic!" I told her, squeezing back so she didn't choke me. "But if he doesn't treat you right, you know you've got all of us to knock sense into him!"

Levy giggled and agreed and Erza also agreed sternly. Cana laughed, clapped the bride on the back, and said, "I know some tricks to keep him in line, too, so if you need any help at all just come to one of us, okay?"

"Lucy! Erza! Cana!" Gray's voice whined from behind his wife, and we, the three girls who had somewhat insulted him, turned to look even as Natsu stepped forward and wrapped his best friend and rival in a headlock. Erza, for once, just smiled at their playful wrestling as the other groomsmen came up to Gray to tease him some more.

"Everyone, let Reedus get some pictures!" Mira's voice called over the noise that had broken out. We stepped out of the way and allowed the artist to quickly paint a picture of the bride and groom at the altar, and then he wanted a portrait of everyone who participated so we all climbed back up to array ourselves around and behind the bride and groom. It took only a few short minutes, and then the celebrations began to change venues.

When Juvia let out a shriek, I wasn't the only one who spun to look at her in concern. We needn't have worried because her new husband had just swept her into his arms bridal style.

"Let's go party!" Cana called, and the guild members whooped and cheered as Gray led the procession out of the church, a violently red-in-the-face Juvia clinging to his neck with a wide smile on her face. Laughing, I followed with Natsu at my side and the rest of the guild came after the wedding party. It didn't matter that the guild was halfway across town; Gray was determined to carry Juvia all the way to show off his lovely and effervescent new wife.

Mirajane rushed ahead with her siblings and the Raijinshuu Tribe in order to set up the guild for the party, Master Makarov tagging along by riding atop Elfman's shoulders. The whole scene attracted a lot of attention from everyone in Magnolia and upon seeing the two mages in the front in wedding garb, several citizens stopped to line the street and cheer.

For my part, the stupid grin stretched across my face just wouldn't leave. This was proof of how much our guild meant to the town in which it was formed and based, and just knowing that we had such an impact was flattering. When Fairy Tail was happy, it seemed like the entirety of Magnolia was happy.

* * *

><p>The guild was just as loud and noisy as usual as we all filed in to begin the reception. Reedus wanted a few more pictures, so the bride and groom posed by the cake that was ready for later and then there were pictures with the bride, bridesmaids, and I as well as pictures of Gray with Natsu and the guys. There were goofy pictures and serious pictures and I was surprised at how fun the whole thing was. But of course, this was Fairy Tail; I should have known it would be fun from the start.<p>

For about an hour, everyone just mingled. Everyone else wanted to give the bride and groom their congratulations and so the bridal party stepped back and chatted amongst ourselves while the rest of the guild monopolized the attention of the newlyweds. Shortly afterwards, though, Master Makarov announced that brunch was about to start and I made my way to the seat I had been assigned, just to the right of where Juvia sat beside Gray at the center of our table. The other bridesmaids sat to my right with Asuka on the end. The same set up was true for the men's side, although Alzack sat at the end with his son on his lap so that the younger Al didn't cause a ruckus.

Throughout dinner, I kept up a nice conversation with Juvia and Erza, those closest to me, with Gray occasionally pitching in from Juvia's other side and Cana and Levy from Erza's other side. With that happy atmosphere, the meal passed rather quickly.

In the lull before dancing started, Natsu stood up and the rest of the guild quieted to hear.

"I wanna make a toast to this idiot," he nudged Gray with a teasing smirk, "and to Juvia. We've all known Gray for _too_ long and it's kinda nice to see him settling down. It's also a little weird, though," a few people laughed at Natsu's entirely ineloquent approach to a best man's speech. "I guess it will take some getting used to. But if I've got to say something good about it all, it would have to be that Gray deserves it. He might be a stripper and an exhibitionist and a droopy-eyed ice bastard, but he's still one of us. That means he'll be loyal and a probably a good husband…so, let's all make a toast to their happy family!"

I rolled my eyes at the way Natsu phrased it all, but raised my glass of wine along with everyone else.

Natsu beamed, took a large drink, and sat back down. Gray rolled his eyes at Natsu and the dragonslayer maturely stuck his tongue out in return. I smiled softly to myself as I took my turn as the maid of honor to stand up and give a toast.

"This time I'd like to make a toast," I looked out at everyone, raising my glass in front of me. "I'd like to make a toast to the happiness of the Fullbuster family, as Natsu already said, and also to Juvia's persistence! Thanks to your refusal to give up on Gray, he's now sitting next to you, dressed in a tux, and you're wearing rings that bind you together for the rest of your lives. So…congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Gray Fullbuster."

I knew it wasn't as eloquent as I would have liked, but it was still a lot more literate than Natsu's. And besides, I knew that my feelings had reached the happy couple and that's all that really mattered to me.

I drank with the rest of the guild and sat back down.

Music started up barely ten minutes later and Juvia and Gray were ushered out onto the floor to have the first dance. I watched Reedus drawing quickly to preserve the moment and I couldn't help but smile again, watching him concentrate and watching the two people who were very much in love twirling together on the dance floor. Halfway through the song, though, Juvia motioned for us to join in. Erza stood and pulled me up with her, walking over to grab the men on our way to the floor. Cana and Loke got up, as well as Gajeel and Levy, and the bridal party minus the ring bearer and flower girl stepped out onto the floor with the dancing duo.

I let myself revel in these moments, and I thoroughly enjoyed watching Juvia's content expression change to ecstatic glee. She was bursting with happiness and seemed to glow, and it made her radiant. I wonder if all brides exuded the same delighted, excited aura. The lovely blue-haired Mrs. Fullbuster disappeared from my sight as my handsome pink-haired dancing partner twirled me around and a laugh bubbled up as he drew me back towards him.

The cutting of the cake, the cake itself, and the champagne to go with it was a scene that Reedus captured perfectly, but it was so charged with excitement and energy that it was hard to recall exactly in what order the events were in. No one could stay very calm for very long.

During the father/daughter and mother/son dances, it was Gajeel who danced with Juvia and Cana who danced with Gray. It was the same idea as before—their oldest friends of the opposite genders would serve as replacements, although one's true family could never be replaced. I couldn't help but wonder who I would dance with when I got married for this portion, and who would hand me off? It would probably be Master Makarov or even Capricorn…the thought made me grin. Everything made me grin today, but that was okay. It was supposed to be a happy day and so far it was shaping up perfectly.

The couples took the dance floor again, occasionally sipping at punch in brief pauses and watching others dance. It was fun to watch who danced with who and how Mirajane reacted, as well as amusing to see her dragged away from manning the bar by Fried Justine, who pulled her closer as they started to dance. Gray came over and asked for a dance since Loke had hijacked his new wife, and I laughed as I agreed.

_I love Fairy Tail_. I couldn't help but think about how much I loved the guild, especially at a time like this.

* * *

><p>"Everyone, gather around the stage!" Mirajane called, standing on the stage herself. She beamed and continued, "It's time for the bouquet and garter tosses!"<p>

Many of the men whooped at the fact about the garter toss, and I let myself grin at it as I held a hand out to Mira when she stepped towards the front of the stage to hop off as Gray and Juvia mounted the steps. The white-haired woman smiled her thanks and took my offered assistance, landing on the ground with relative ease. It was only a three foot drop, but I still didn't like the idea of that in heels like those that Mira wore.

"Juvia, toss the bouquet first," Gray said, smiling at her. She nodded in agreement and Gray raised his voice, "Hey, dumbasses! Move out of the way! She's throwin' the bouquet first!"

The men grumbled as they moved out, but the girls started to chatter excitedly as Gray stepped away from Juvia so she could throw it. She turned her back on everyone and someone squealed as the bouquet flipped up into the air.

I couldn't really tell much in the chaos that ensued. It was Fairy Tail, of course, but I still hadn't quite expected everyone to be so crazy when it came to catching to bouquet. I was jostled around, pushed forward and backward and nearly sprawled across the floor before the bouquet had even reached the top of its arc. The jumble of limbs and dresses became a mass of confusion and I barely knew what the next few minutes were all about. The clearest part of it all was looking up, spotting something falling, and holding out my hands, but that was still a blur in my mind.

People started cheering and Levy wrapped her arms around me.

"Oh, well! I wanted to catch it, but it's fine for you to, too!" the bookworm blue-haired mage beamed at me, and I blinked confusedly until I looked at what was actually in my hands.

"Congratulations, Lucy!" Juvia beamed from the stage, and I smiled back at her, waving a little.

"Oi, Natsu, y'hear that?" Gray called over the head of the women. "Lucy went and caught the bouquet!"

I joined in the laughter that followed the teasing statement as the rest of the girls and I moved out of the way for the guys and the garter toss. Cana slapped me on the back, smirking at me, and I pointedly rolled my eyes at her, to her amusement. She chuckled and squeezed my shoulder, gliding off to the bar where she picked up an entire bottle of champagne and started to drink it, making a face at the taste.

Before any of us girls knew what was happening, a loud cry rose up from the men at the garter toss, and a few guys wolf-whistled. Juvia was trying hard not to laugh and failing and Gray was leaning on her shoulder, unable to keep himself from laughing.

"Hey, what are you doing?!" Natsu's voice rose from the group as Macao and Wakaba came into view with the pink-haired dragonslayer between them. I raised my eyebrows at them in curiosity, and they promptly stopped in front of where Levy, Erza, Laki, Bisca, Alzack, the kids, and I were. The two older men wore huge grins that almost made me worry, but then they pushed Natsu forward.

"Hey, Natsu, show Lucy your present!"

It was at that moment that I saw Juvia's dark blue and icy blue garter in his left hand and I started to laugh. Levy was the next to notice, and soon there was more good-natured laughter ringing out in the guild. Gray and Juvia had descended from the stage and pushed Natsu closer to me. Levy in turn pushed me closer to Natsu and Lisanna ordered the music to start.

As the two recipients of the tosses, Natsu and I danced together as the final little section of dancing commenced.

It was another hour before the revelry started to draw to a close, and Gray and Juvia had everyone gather so they could say their sincere thanks and send everyone off. They were both glowing even though they looked completely exhausted and it was a great sight. I never thought attending the wedding of some of my nakama would be as fun as this, but it was and I was exceedingly proud to still be alive in order to be a part of it all.

"Thank you all for coming!" Juvia said, beaming at everyone and waving as she linked her arm with Gray's. "It's been a great day!"

"Yeah," Gray agreed, trying to be cool. The grin on his face was just a bit too exuberant. "Thanks for everything, guys."

Everyone bid the happy couple farewell and went on their way. Natsu and I were the last to leave the married couple behind, Juvia and I sharing another embrace and Gray and Natsu doing the weird man-hug-bump thing that I just couldn't figure out a good name for.

* * *

><p>Natsu and I went for a little walk, our arms linked together. I leaned my head on his shoulder gently and we just wandered around at our own pace, content with the day and with everything that had happened.<p>

We found our way to the park where we had confessed our feelings to each other and it was still one of my favorite places even though the rainbow sakura trees weren't in bloom. I hugged Natsu's arm more tightly, the bouquet held to my chest in the other arm. Natsu's free hand was in his pocket, where the garter he'd caught still rested. And it was nice that we could convey our feelings in this manner with no words necessary. Our relationship had only grown stronger and I was so thankful for that.

_I love you, Natsu_.

He already knew it, though, so I didn't need to tell him. And I knew that he loved me so I didn't need to hear him say it again.

We turned to leave the park after a few minutes of walking the various little paths throughout it and he began to walk me home. His arm slid out of mine, his right hand slipping down to link fingers with my left.

Glittering from our joined hands in the moonlight was a little silver ring on my ring finger that I had been wearing for a few months. Now that the hype over Gray and Juvia's wedding was over, I was sure someone else would finally notice, but I didn't really care anymore. It was nice that we weren't bombarded with questions like Gray and Juvia had been the minute their engagement had come around, but now that I knew just how fun it was to get married among this crazy family of ours, I knew that I wouldn't mind the ruckus in the end.

Natsu squeezed my hand tightly, beaming softly down at me as we stopped in front of Fairy Hills, and I smiled in return.

I leaned up as he leaned down into a quick farewell kiss, and I found myself anticipating the day that the two of us could do this in front of the whole guild at the altar, just like Gray and Juvia had done today.

But I still had a long life ahead of me to spend with Natsu; what was a few more months of waiting for him to put that diamond ring on my finger?

* * *

><p><strong>THE END.<strong>

**OH MY GOSH it's over.**

**Oh my gosh. I'm trembling and I'm worried that it isn't good enough and that you won't be satisfied but GRAY AND JUVIA GOT MARRIED OKAY isn't that good enough?! And I'm excited about their wedding and just…yeah. I'm so nervous about posting this and I want to cry because guys…THIS IS THE END. Of USHA. **_**Until She's Home Again**_** has now reached its official completion.**

**I want to thank every single person who has read this, reviewed this, but I want to especially thank the wonderful **_**aphrodite931**_** for being the marvelous beta she was throughout the regular story, and I want to thank everyone who stuck with this story through the delayed updates and the long waits and this whole year. To everyone who has been with me since chapter one, **_**thank you**_**. You have no idea how much it's meant to me and it's been a pleasure sharing this ride with all of you.**

**If you want to continue riding with me, the first chapter of my new story, **_**Fueling the Fire**_**, has already been posted.**

**Anyway, thank you so much for reading. I can't thank you guys enough for all the support you've given me and it's just so unreal to be finishing it with so many followers and reviews and faves and…I'm overwhelmed. Thanks again, everyone.**

**Until we meet again!**

**NOTE: I just thought about it...and considered trying to write _Do Fairies Have Tales?_. This is a steep request, but if I get twenty of you to review and ask me to write _Do Fairies Have Tales_? I will try to write Lucy's book _with_ the letters from her comrades. It will be a huge undertaking, and may not be updated as often as USHA was, but if 20 or more reviewers request it, I will try.**


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